missbananafontana's advice column

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Q: How do you "google" people theres some people id really like to get some stuff on

Go to www.google.com. Then type in the name of the desired person and press "Google Search". There will only be dirt on the person if someone decided to write a page on them on a website. So if you google your friend Sally and type in "Sally Anne Smith", she is most likely going to have not many articles that are specifically about her.

Q: im about to start a catering job. can anyone tell me what itll be like? im not really sure what ill be doing, but its part time and illbe working with a lot of people at events..

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Catering

That will tell you a lot about it. I've heard it's fun, but time-consuming and you need good people skills.

Q: has anyone heard about this thing called the cor evolution if so do you know if it works?

I have no clue. Is that spelt right? I Yahooed it, and got this with the key words:
... therefore through Him, "the last Adam" (1 Cor. ... common ancestry (but not evolution) ... therefore not necessarily evolution, since as Dawkins ...

That's at http://creationevolutiondesign.blogspot.com/2006/11/what-i-believe-about-creation.html

If you find out that you didn't spell it right or something, contact me either in my inbox or at my email (on my page) and I'll be happy to research it again for you.

Q: So for the halloween party i am going to i'm wearing a striped black and white shirt it's with a zipper so i'm gonna zip it half way up and denim mini shorts and flats. What can this costume be?

you chose a costume w/o knowing what it was? i would say that it would be like a refree for soccer, y'know what i'm getting at? or when people ask, you can just say "well i dunno, i just sort of put it together" and give a cute smile. hope i helped a little.

Q: Ok so i am a procrastinator right? i have to lose 7 pounds by this sunday in order to fit into my uniform!! does anyone know any fast weight loss diets or exercises that are healthy??? PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE help!! thanks!!

Exercise, exercise, exercise. Jog in the morning, eat just 1500 cal per day, and do workouts. This is not going to be as healthy as it could be if you had not put this off until last minute. This is bad. Healthy weight loss is 1 to 2 lbs per WEEK. I'm not going to promise you that you're going to take it all off, it's hard enough to take off 5 lbs. Sorry.

Q: Are there any songs about a girl who is blonde, fun loving, and religious. that is a good song, my friend wants a song that describes her.

I don't know about religious and blonde in the same song but these are what I came up with:
"Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" -Cyndi Lauper
"Barbie Girl" -Aqua
"Hot Stuff" -Cher
"If You Wanna Have Some Fun" -Spice Girls
"Happy Boys Girls" -Aqua

Hope you like them. I personally like the Cyndi Lauper song best.

Q: hey everyone,
well I have a boyfriend and we have sex and all that and I'm always wet and stuff, but I don't know why but my pussy smells weird/bad and I don't like that smell, I always take a shower clean my self and all that, like what is causing that smell? how do I get rid of that smell, I get so embrassed, but he doesn't care, but I do it makes me seem dirty, but I clean myself and shower like everyday (I'm a neat freak) so please help! has it happened to you? help! how do I get rid of this smell?

thanks for the help =]

That's vaginal odor, you can go to your local drugstore and get some ointment for it; try Vagisil or something like that. Oh, and next time, put what your question is actually about on the title.

Q: I need to get away from my mom. I cant stand living with her anymore. Its like we use to get along so well.. but now, i just cant stand being around her. We fight ALL the time. About the stupidest things.. She's going away this weekend and im gonna be free for 3 days, but i still have to live with her this week. I just wanna have like a vacation from her because she's just ughh. So unbelievably non understanding.. any advice on how i can deal with this?

She's your mother. How old are you? She has you, and loves you. Don't say that she doesn't; all mothers love their children. Find things that you can agree on and do together. Friends betray you, guys fade away and are stupid, but your parents will always love you no matter what. Lighten up.

Q: hey there okay heres the thing I got talkin to this guy on Bebo and we were writing to each other every nite and stuff which was gd but then he asked for my msn so I gave it him knowin that wed get bored of each other anyway.
So after wed been talkin for like two weeks I posted a pic a me and he was like whos that I said me He said are you gonna change ur profile pic on bebo as well I said why dnt u want me to??
he said is that a trick q I said explain and he hurted me big style by sayin that he had learned not to say anythin bout a gals looks which i logged off at leadin to him basically blaming me sayin that I was over reactin and that he didnt wanna talk any more!!
wot do I do I cant get him outta ma mind still and this was weeks ago do I block him or simply js delete my bebo page it is when on this I think of him !!
help!!
xx

Get off the interactive Internet and get out there to met and make friends with real people you can see. Just forget whatever just happened in the last two weeks or whatever. Internet friends are not actually your friends. They're not real. You can't see the smiles that they give you, you can't feel their hugs, you can't smell their perfume, and you can't hear their voices. Met some ACTUAL people, and trust me, you're gonna be a whole lot happier.

Sorry if I seemed insulting. I don't just mean you, I mean EVERYBODY. Everyone understands each other better when you can see, hear and feel the person you're talking to.

Q: I got sexually used by a boy I believed I loved. And I am so upset! I'm freaking outraged. I'm a great girl, ok? I loved him with all of me, and would have done anything. I was so close to giving up my education for this guy who wasn't even willing to wait 24 hours for me to make up my mind on wether or not I wanted to have sex with him. And stupid me ended up doing it too! I AM A GOOD GIRL. I'm kind and compassionate and I try my very hardest to be good to people, to talk to the lonely, support the struggling, and feed the hungry. I'm not a saint.. but I'm not a bad person, ok? Why the hell couldn't he like me for me??

I can't breathe. It hurts so much. I alternate between crying and yelling at my reflection in the mirror.

I need an honest, brutal answer here - why won't guys just fall for girls? Why can't you just love us if we truly deserve it?

Despite what all of you may think now, the problem here is not me. I AM NOT THE PROBLEM. It has nothing to do with my unrealistic expectations on love, or age, or experience, or my choice of boys, or ANYTHING.

The problem here is boys, all of them. And I demand a freaking answer. PLEASE explain why we go through this, why boys cant just want us the same way we want them. Why we fall in love with the person while they fall in love iwth the body.

I'm so angry and so sick of being angry. And I'm hurt. Every second of every day I'm hurt, and I believe I deserve an answer to why I have to feel this. Someone out there should be able to explain WHY I have to feel this just because the male species are obssessed with sex. Its unfair.

And you know what else? Tell me how you can NOT love someone who loves you? If you find a girl who is willing to take a bullet for you, follow you anywhere you go, if you find a real keeper who CARES so much, how can you not care back? Cause personally, I have a real hard time not liking people who sacrafice things for me, people who call to make sure I'm doing fine when I'm sick, people who spend their nights praying for me, and mornings thinking about me.. How can you not love someone who loved you first? Who treated you right, and deserved you.

My main question, because I know I had many and they're hard to keep track of, is: How can you hurt someone, not care for someone, who loves you? Is that really something that is posible to do for someone with a heart?

Nobody is loved because they WANT to be loved. They just are. You can't tell yourself "This person loves me, and I want to love them, so I will." No. Love is just natural. You can makes someone love you as easily as you can tell an elephant to become a feather. Some people just won't love you, and it's not their fault. It's not your fault either. Some of these questions can only be answered by the people you're asking them to, and by nobody else. I'm not a mind-reader, contrary to popular belief. Not everything is going to be fair, and I'm sick of it too, but you're going to just have to pull yourself together, calm down, and keep moving. Nobody should keep you locked down in one place. Love is not and will never be about deservedness. Some people just won't feel the way you do. And there's nothing you can do about it. Try meditating, getting out there, move on. You're dwelling on the bad things that have happened to you, and therefore bad things will keep on coming. Believe in yourself, stay strong, and think positively. Do what you need to do, and you'll find happiness in most people, but sometimes not in other people. And just ignore it. Nothing should stop you. Eleanor Roosevelt said, "No one can make you feel inferior unless you let them." So don't let them.

Q: I'm writing a short story, and I need help picking names for my characters. These are my top 8 names for boys and girls. I'll have teenage girl and boy characters, adult male and female characters, and a 6 year old girl character.
Lettme know which name[s] you like best, and If you think a particular name would work best for a
character of a particular age. Thanks!
Girl Names:
Roxanne
Juliette
Isabelle
Natalia
Scarlett
Raegan
Annabelle
Jade
Boy Names:
Damien
Peter
Lukas
Blake
Aiden
Riley
Derek
Blaise/Blaze

I like the Scarlett and Peter. If you need anything else for your story, go to nine.frenchboys.net or seventhsanctum.com

Hope I helped.

Q: 15/f. I dislike my dad and mom. I have nothing for them, nothing against them. I don't feel anything for them. They're like nobody to me. They don't ignore me or abuse me or anything. But I can't bring myself to say "I love you guys." Because I know I'll be bullshitting everyone. I also dislike my sister. My parents get me stuff I want, and they treat me like other parents treat their daughter. But I strongly dislike them. I love being alone, untouched, in my own room. Or instead, out of the house and away from them. I hate being involved with them. And my other relatives live in another country. I don't talk with my parents, and I don't need their advice. I don't confide in them. What can I do?
Any advice? :/

You're just antisocial and unappreciative. Your parents and siblings love you, and you just don't love them. Have you read the book "The Miraculous Journey of Edward Tulane"? If you haven't,... well, read it. Think about the kids in Africa, who've lost their parents to AIDS, and would do anything to just have a warm home with someone who loves them. Warm up, unappreciative wench.

Q: how can i get my hair thicker, and longer like miley cyrus'??
someone please help me, i need some advice i want my hair to be longer faster! my hair grows hecka slow..
i rate!!!
please and thanks!!!!

x's and o's
hilary

PLEASE. I must have answered this question like 5 times in the last month. USE HAIR-THICKENING CREAMS. Go to your local Sephora, or order online, and get some product. It's really simple. If you don't want to do that, go to Target. Get some Sunsilk hair thickening shampoo/conditioner/product. Okay? (P.S. Miley Cyrus isn't so great. She's just a talentless wreak with a famous father. My chihuahua sings as well as her.)

Q: okay i want everyone to be completely honest.
so me and this guy went out for like little more than half a year and then we broke up. but i found out like a week before we broke up he did stuff with this girl who happens to be related to me. and i understand why he did what he like we had a big fight because something stupid i did i didnt cheat but i made a mistake in listening to someone i barley knew over believing the guy that i loved with all my heart but any ways now this guy like talks to me every night and talks about how he wants to hookup and crap and i would definitely even though he has a new girlfriend(the girl he cheated on me with) and im still in love with him and i know he still loves me its a really hard situation, and most of you will probably think "if he cheated he doesnt love you" but it isnt like that. so i just want to know like would that make me like a slut or whore because of what im doing? like do you think that makes me a bad person?

None of that makes you a ho or a bad person. The girl he's dating is probably not such a good person though. I have no idea why on earth he's dating her though, if he loves you. If he's with this other girl, but loves you, he's most likely going to go back to you. But if he doesn't... well, I don't know. I am not a mind-reader.

Q: What is satanism all about?
What is the point etc.

Can someone explain to me, or give me some GOOD slinks about it?

Thanks!

And something about satanic methods and sacrifices?

Thankyou!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Satanism

I know a lot of people say Wikipedia isn't correct, but a lot of it actually is. Basically, you worship Satan, so... it is probably not such a good idea.

Q: do you think this guy actually has a chance of winning? and will you vote for him? lol just curious.. i mean cause there are so many other good people running this year.. i wish Al Gore ran again.. but theres also Hillary Clinton and that Obama guy who are good IMO. but the colbert guy is pretty funny so i also want him to win. whats your opinion? btw i cant vote now.. im not american and im just 13, ahha.

What? Isn't Stephen Colbert that guy on "The Daily Show" on Comedy Central? And he's running for prez? I wish Al Gore would run again too, but he's not. : ( I believe with all my heart that Hillary is going to win. I didn't even know that Colbert is running for president. I know he made some serious fun of George Bush, but... Anyway, I hope I answered... um, your "question"... lol.

Q: I have been hanging out with this guy. The first night we hung out it made the moves on me and we hooked up. I didn't plan on that happening cuz that is kind of whoreish but whatever.. anyway we kept hanging out and it seems like every time we hang out we have sex. He says that he really likes me i had a feeling he was just using me but he says that he really likes me so whatever. He said that we would date but I'm too young.. we are like 7 years apart. I really like him but if we cant date for 3 years idk if i should stop messing around with him and just be friends i've tried that but i can never stick it out. I get jealous when he talks to other girls like he talks to a lot of girls he lives in a college town and goes to parties. He has pictures of him and hot chicks all over his walls. I don't know what i should do.. what do you think?

He's a man whore who always is looking for friends with benefits. He is an ass, and therefore you should not have anymore contact with him, and because you are SEVEN years apart. I don't know how old you are, but you sound young, so leave this guy, who only lives for hot girls, and find another (ie, someone who is sweet down-to-earth and likes you for who you are and only you.)

Q: I met my boyfriend about a year and 5 months ago.
I needed a place to stay as my family is 5000 km's away from me and i have no friends or family here.
So i moved in as a roomate.Then we started to have sex and after a while we were a couple.
Lasy year in Novembe i was raped, and at this time i was such a mess from the rape and still am.
My boyfriend, was careing and helped me do everything as i was to afraid to even let my dogs out for the longest time.
Now that i am getting better as this rape happend 11 1/2 months ago, I have cleared my head AND I CAN NOT BELIVE THAT I WAS So STUOID TO HAVE NOT HAVE SEEN WHAT HE WAS AND IS DOING TO ME.
Before he used to tell me nice things hug me.
Now all he does is call the cops on my form no reason and themn calls them back and says he was trying to call 411 and they come here.
YESTERDAY we moved and cops came to our door the first night we moved here. And if i try to leave my house when he is like this, he blocks me and pushes me or slams my to the ground pulls the phone out of the wall, so i cant use it, And then calls 911 on me.
He yells at me in walmart because he think i do not need conditioner and i shouldnt by it with my own money.
When he figtsh with me he hurts me and then when move at all he cowards down and pretends to shake like i am going to hit him.
He does not ever touch me or talk to me, but i have to do everthing for him dirve him to work pick him up. And if i say no he will get so angry and repetativly for up to 7 houser he will yell at me threaten, push me and i am forced to drive him or i will go crazy and i am scared i am going to kill myself.
Nothing psitive comes out of his mouth towards me.
HE HAS made me so empty inside that i didnt think this kind of coldnes could live in any soul.
The other day i broke down as he forced me to drive him into town. I told him he has been making me scared and crazy since i met him.
He said he was sorry and he didnt see it, But he called the cops lasnihgt and threw me around.
He now says that i deserved to have been raped.
And because i live so far from my family and i have no friends here and am off work from this rape problem. I HAVE NO WHERE TO TURN OR GO.
As dumb as this sounds I LOVE MY DOG TO DEATH and if i went to a shealter i can only stay there from a month and then i would be homless.
I am 26 and he is 21.

Do you have a job? First of all, if you have a job, leave (if you don't get one, even one at McDonald's or anything). If he won't let you, lock yourself in the bathroom and call 911. Get an apartment for you and your dog, and I would suggest getting a restraining order. Get counseling, and if you can't afford it, I would suggest to join your local congregation and the priests and ministers are usually always able to give helpful advice. Do not come into contact with what will be your ex, and never go back to him, no matter how hard it is. It's not too late to get your life on track. It shouldn't be up to your boyfriend what you do, when you do it or whatever. Best of luck.

Q: I need some pros and cons on the emancipation of slaves

http://www.people.vcu.edu/~bwooldri/pdf_docs/social_equity_pdf/sep_education.pdf

That's on the Emancipation Proclamation, and for me, I have thousands of pros, and one con: Southern plantations depended on slaves, and the their freedom put empty jobs of picking corn or whatever. Good luck~

Q: my friend said that if i use like baby shampoo like johnson&johnson that would strip yur hair color, is that true ?

No.

bio

Happy 2008! My name is Dana for those of you who don't know, and I obviously love to give advice, because if I didn't, I wouldn't be here. I will pick at anyone who doesn't bother to capitalize their "I"'s or the beginnings of sentences. Proper grammar and spelling is very important to me. bcuz it Just loooks soooo sloppie when u type lyke this. So a word to the wise, and for the majority of you that it doesn't apply to, think about it, and watch yourself. Second of all, I will never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever write something that is not true. So therefore I am always right. So stand down and accept it. (Note: that also means that my "opinions" are actual facts. At least the ones I bother to write.)

Never ask me anything about how fat you are or love life. Cliched, I know, but I am heartless when it comes to the truth. If you don't know what to do with your cheating boyfriend that you still love, go ask someone else since I could not care less. Seriously.

Have a nice day!
Love,
missbananafontana

Favorite artist so far: Bob Marley
Favorite movie ever: "Breakfast at Tiffany's"
Favorite actress: Grace Kelly (as you can tell)
Favorite brand: Vineyard Vines (as you can tell)
Favorite song: "No Woman, No Cry"

WARNING:
My answers will be based on a preppy lifestyle. I am the clean, preppy sort, like the person who looks clean and classy and doesn't really notice anyone who isn't, regardless that some weirdos think that preppy people hate them. Also, if you wonder about the corrections on the answers I give, no worries; they're just simple corrections to those who don't know where to put a period, or that they have to capitalize the beginnings of sentences. Please don't be offended.