It's all right to admit that it weirds you out a little. It just shows that you've been influenced heavily by your culture, which tells us women should be submissive in size and strength to their men.

If you talk to him about it, you should lead up to it jokingly, I think. Something casual like, "I love you, my hobbit!". Then hope he doesn't take offense to that.

But really, you could say that sometimes it feels weird that you're so tall, but remember that models and actresses are encouraged to be tall for a reason. You can gain weight and it will spread itself around much easier than if you were short! Believe me. I'm 5'3", and every pound shows.
I have to get rid of this ten. It's making me insane.

Anyway, maybe it's a sign you should take a more dominant role in the relationship? ;)
It can work out, no problem. Try kisses while sitting down if it really feels bizarre. And remember that odd couples usually make it.

The last thing you want is to be responsible for bringing pain and heartache into this woman's life. You seem to be rather mature and responsible, but it's always a mistake to be "the other man".

Right now, I'm sure you represent, to her, a beautiful fantasy of youth. When she's with you, she forgets that she's 6 years older than you and has adult responsibilities--including a child. Late, starlit nights and romantic settings have spun a beautiful poetic web around her.
The thing is, I doubt if you've seduced her as much as she's seduced herself. She sees, in you, her own youth and innocence.
Everyone wants to "get away", but it's dangerous to forsake your responsibilities and your life for a fantasy, however wonderful. You are her dream lover, but you can't enter her waking world.

As much as you feel you could be a part of that waking world, how well could she really integrate you into that life? You don't marry someone just because you're passionately romantically swept away by them--those marriages, ultimately, fail. A marriage is a partnership of business, trust, adoration and equals.
She may have married the wrong man. That's possible. But when you bring a child into the picture, that changes things. She should be focused on the welfare and care of her child, not living in fantasies of princess-like stature.

If you can't step out of the darkness and into her structured, adult, married life, then chances are you just don't belong there. This is more her fault than yours, it seems. Try to let her live her life and raise her child, and when she's really able to devote time to a different husband, pursue her then.

You've described, almost word-for-word, the symptoms of a classic sort of obsessive-compulsive disorder. You are probably under a great load of stress, and your recent pain and depression has not helped matters any. Picking at your skin is a manifestation of your very shattered emotions. Animals, too, are known to pick or bite at their skin (some parrots will pluck themselves bare and die) in an obsessive way.
OCD is simply a cycle: you are obsessed with something (perhaps something stressful in your life, or just a general anxiety), and when you do a certain thing, you stop thinking about it. Therefore you're compelled to do that thing over and over to stop the obsession, or fear, from returning.

This sort of problem, exactly because you can't stop, and because you feel the need to do it, should be reported to a professional. There are therapies to help you discover and get rid of the stress and pain in your life, and techniques to help you get things back in order so you feel you have an amount of control. If all else fails, there is drug therapy, which I don't necessarily love. But it does work for some people.

This is not "in your head" nor do I think it's some juvenile attention-getting scam. If what you've told me is for real, you need to make some serious changes in your life to stop the compulsion to tear at your own body. Professional assistance is your best bet.

Depends on what pump you're talking about, and what stone, but all the Airstones I've seen seem to work the same way. You should have a small air pump (they're usually blue, and come with the airstone), the stone itself, and a long bit of clear tubing. One end of the tube goes on the pump and the other end goes on the nozzle of the airstone. The pump, being plugged in, pushes air through the tube and into the airstone, where it comes out the porous stone and oxygenates the tank.
Considering that this pump is plugged into electricity, I would think it's a horrible idea to put it into the water. I hope you weren't thinking about doing that...?

Greetings Desperate Petfreak:

I am pleased with your choice in serpents--snakes can be excellent and calming animals, as I'm sure you know. I have a huge weakness for them. The large constrictors can be a handful, especially Rock Pythons, which are known to become aggressive when they're large--but small snakes, such as Corn Snakes, Rat snakes and Smooth Greensnakes are very even-tempered.

You have done your research and I commend you. Well done. There is, however a very difficult problem... overcoming your dad's fears. Snakes and spiders seem to be the worst for some reason.
It is NOT genetic for a human to be afraid of these animals, though there is a predisposition toward some animals more than others.
Tests in monkeys have proven that lab monkeys, who had never seen a snake, had no fear of them. When they were shown a video of wild monkeys showing fear of snakes, they THEN developed a fear of snakes.
Oddly enough, in the same study, when the lab-monkeys were shown a video that was edited so it looked like the wild ones were afraid of flowers, they did not develop a fear of flowers. It seems as though there are certain things that can become all-consuming fears, but if they are never triggered, they will never be a phobia.

You know as well as I do that your dad has nothing to fear from a grass snake. They can't even eat a good-sized mouse!
It's very difficult to overcome a phobia, but the subject must be willing to do it otherwise the fears will persist. It doesn't sound like your dad wants anything to do with snakes.

The best thing you can do is see exactly where the boundaries are. If he won't allow it in a public room (such as the living room), will he allow it in your room, in a closet or behind a wall where he doesn't have to see it? If he won't allow it in the house, do you live in a warm enough climate that you can keep it in the garage? In the worst case scenario, he might be completely horrified just by the thought of a snake. Can you take him to a pet store or enlist the help of a teacher, to show him firsthand that snakes are docile and peaceful? Coming from an adult, the information might be easier for him to handle. Try to work him over slowly, but be patient. It might be his worst fear come to life.

I love snakes myself, and am glad to see that you haven't given in to the very popular fear of them. Good luck. You might have to wait until you move out, but it's worth it.

I couldn't find anything relating the name Jimmy to Billie at all. Are you asking specifically about the lyrics to "American Idiot"? I did notice that he seems to invoke "St. Jimmy" quite a lot in that album, but it is both more political and more narrative than any of their previous albums. I am thinking it's just a name he chose, perhaps from some reference he hasn't told the public about (that I could find, anyway), but he decided to use the name as a character.
In much the same way he keeps referring to "What's-Her-Name" in the same album. I'm sure it's just a continuous story throughout the album and the name might have a significance, but it might not, as well.
That's not TOO much help, but it's the best I've got. ;)

Yeah, it's all right, but I'd let it rest a day or so before you start styling and ironing it. Keep it conditioned and you can treat it normally.

Boys, up to a certain age (usually college) are completely freaking clueless about how to converse with a girl. They have a lot of pressure to get one, but once they do, the very great majority don't have the self-esteem or social skills necessary to have a normal relationship. In fact, you'll be hard-pressed to have a normal, two-way relationship until the end of highschool. Girls mature first and their brains develop much faster than boys', and their social skills are pressed upon them by society--boys are encouraged to be physically active, not to learn how to make a damn conversation. Have you noticed?
Pretty much, this is just going to be an awkward and unsatisfying period in your life. It is for everyone. The best I can suggest is going somewhere with a group--boys are usually a little more relaxed if they don't think you're paying so much attention to them. Less pressure. Just be cool with it and don't expect much.

Tell her mother that school is something that will be on her shoulders for a few years--but if she doesn't get closure, and the ability to grieve in an appropriate place, she will be burdened by this sorrow for the rest of her life. Her mother has probably dealt with loss before, and may be afraid of death. That's pretty common. It's important, at any cost, to get her to the funeral so she can psychologically feel better. Are you allowed to go? Will your parents let you? Kidnap her from school if you have to, but tell her mom she needs to grieve for her friend.

He may be your brother, but you can't possess him forever. Girlfriends come and go but the lesson here is that you need to let him live his own life. He's 20--he should be moved out by now, or soon, and you shouldn't be clinging onto him. Don't you have your own friends or lovers?

watch cartoons!

I find it sincerely bizarre that all the parents you've told will believe her when she tells them she is eating, considering that she is known to be mentally unbalanced---and they don't believe you, who observe her and are aware of what she does.
The psychiatrist who prescribed her medication should know that side-effects of the drugs could cause her to lose her desire to eat. Or, if it's not the drugs but another part of her mental process (or illness) that makes her unwilling to eat, her psychiatrist should be aware of that too.
Too many people are put on drugs that either don't need to be or without complete evaluation. Right now in America there's a rash of doctors prescribing drugs at the drop of a hat because people LOVE a quick solution--such as a pill. She may not have been properly observed and taken care of, and her drugs could have been prescribed before finding out whether that's the best course of action for her.
Do you have any persuasion over her? Could you get her to eat anything at all? You're doing the right thing, trying to involve adults, but if they refuse to see the incredibly fucking obvious problem in front of them (according to the way you've described it), they're behaving in a way that's actually illegal.
Keep bothering people about this. You are concerned about your friend, and that's the most important thing you could do. This is the sort of thing you will remember for the rest of your life. If her parents aren't believing or listening to you, tell a teacher you trust--or any doctor, a policeman, SOMEONE. The police are there to help, and are trained in psychological and sociological problems as well as law and force. Whatever happens, you are the one who is around her every day and can see her getting sicker. Use that phrase, in fact. Point out to people that you are the one who sees her for most of the day and know what she's REALLY like. Adults like to forget that, and pretend they know what's going on, but how much time do parents really spend with 14-year old kids?
In my experience, not a whole lot.
Talk to people about this, and tell them what you've been seeing; write it down if you aren't sure how to present it. Make a list of things--how she behaves, what she looks like, what she says. I think a police officer could be a good bet on this. They can take steps to make sure her parents wake up and someone will take care of your friend.
Good luck... if you need more help keep asking around.

Because you aren't really angry at them and having a verbal fight on purpose, I wonder if you've put yourself into a sort of mental rut where you just respond this way automatically?
You don't mean to cause hurt, and you know what you're saying is hurtful. That's a very important point. You regret what you say but your brain just supplies hostile answers to every stimulus.

I'd say this suggests your mind, in general, is just plain agitated. Aggression stems from threat. This threat could be anything, internal or external. If you're stressed, your mind would percieve any distraction as more stress--a threat to your well-being. If it's an unconscious personal space issue, you might feel physically threatened by proximity.
My suggestion is steps to slow your response. In effect, to curb your snappish temper.
You should start by simplifying your thoughts. You might find your thoughts are going a hundred miles an hour, or that you feel overloaded or irritable. Spend a little time alone and just listen to your thoughts. How does a sentence of your internal monologue run?
For example, right now I'm thinking, "I have so much stuff to do once I go to class have to finish that damn project by Thursday good thing he gave us extra time because I have those three other projects to do by Friday but I don't have a single idea for them and it's supposed to rain tomorrow I don't want to have to wear my long coat and I thought spring was supposed to be warmer..."
Listen to what you're thinking, and then slowly simplify it.
For my thoughts, I would make a list of the actual subjects I'm thinking about.
Class. Project for this class. Friday's projects. Rain. Warm spring.
Then look at what you're pondering. Mostly, I'm thinking about things that I'm worried about, or aggravating me. So the theme of this list, or this thought, is Worry.
Once you know what you're doing in your mind, start to replace these items with more positive ones. For mine, I'd write:
I have a good idea for a project. I'll have time in class to finish my work. I have enough groceries right now.

See, those are the things I SHOULD be thinking about.
Go through your thoughts and start to simplify those long sentences. Break them down into single words.
Once you can do this, start doing it with your speech. This is a technique used for people who talk compulsively, but it is one that gives you control over your speech.
When you know your thoughts are on Angry, or Worry, or Guilty, or whatever theme they're on, just hold that single word in your mind.
After this, when someone talks to you, and you want to snap at them, remember that word. Think of that single word that you've been using. By concentrating on that word, you'll give yourself time to respond how you should. If you're still upset, you can say something like, "I'm Angry right now... give me ten minutes," or "I'm Worried about stuff, can we talk in a while?"

Later, after doing this for a while, hold that word in your mind, and then replace it with a word like Calm or Quiet or Control--whichever holds the most power for you. You'll find yourself replying in the way you command yourself to.
In fact, the whole thing is a case of keeping a tight hold on your mind and tongue instead of letting it snap.
I know this has been a long answer, but I hope at least some of it helps. If you try it and it doesn't work, try something else. You can control your outbursts--I have a temper myself, and I always think of horrible things to say, but most of the time I can manage to hold it back.
Good luck.

Please remember that tanning in a bed is extremely bad for your skin, and the more you microwave yourself the more disgusting your skin will become. A girl at work showed me her calf, and the skin was coming off in scaly chunks. She just said "eew, isn't this gross?" and I said "Actually, that's skin cancer in about ten years."
Keep bed-tanning to a minimum. The sex you get now won't make up for thousands of dollars in corrective surgery and oil-of-olay age-defying creams and washes and lip reconstruction and facelifts when you're 40 and still bleaching your hair.

You count the weeks, not the date on the calendar.

She does need to go to a doctor, and she's probably nervous about it herself and doing the typical male "if I ignore it, it'll go away." Missing a period can be a hormonal imbalance due to many things--diabetes, non-functioning ovaries, or cysts on the ovaries or fallopian tube walls. If she's definitely not pregnant (and by the third month she should know, i think?) then she has a medical problem to worry about. Tell her that most likely they will put her on a hormone-based birth control which will regulate her cycle with the hormones. In fact I have three friends who do this for various problems. It is very common not to have a regular period but a gyno IS the person to ask.
If she won't do anything, I suggest you talk to her mother about it, and bring up your concerns. You could mention some of the problems I put down here if you want, but it's better to get this regulated sooner rather than later, especially if she's interested in having children later.
Even if she isn't, it's healthier to have a regular period, because women are built to have the cycle of hormones and energy, and not having that can be detrimental. Go ahead and bring it up gently to her mom.

"Nothing that happens is ever forgotten, even if you can't remember it."
-Miyazaki's 'Chihiro's Adventure'

On Memory: "The past should not be followed after,
and the future not desired.
What is past is dead and gone,
And the future is yet to come.
But whoever gains insight into things
Presently arisen in the here and now,
Knowing them, unmoved, unshaken--
let him cultivate that insight."

On Humanity: "These two types of people are difficult to find in the world. What two? One who will do a favor fast, and one who is grateful for a favor done."

On Anger: "This anger which you embrace eats away at the very roots of all the virtues you strive to develop. Who would be such a fool?
Someone else does evil deeds and you get angry. Why? Do you wish to copy him and act as he does?
If you get angry then maybe he will suffer, maybe not. But by feeling anger yourself you certainly do suffer.
If a foe provokes you to hurt yourself by getting angry, let that anger subside. Do not harm yourself unnecessarily."

On the mind: "Whatever one thinks about and ponders over often, one's mind gets a leaning in that way."
--all from the words of the Buddha

and, of course,
"I've decided gelatin is, like, puberty for solids."
-my friend Crystal

Try http://www.buddhanet.net for more wonderful, short, concise quotes from the buddha and various great practitioners of buddhism. Even if you are not Buddhist, you will find a great well of peace and guidance in the words--I certainly did.

I don't think she will, but she will absolutely not be in good health. Please get her some medical attention--serotonin levels in the mind are nothing to mess around with, and it is proven that antidepression medication can cause severe mental disturbances. She will make herself incredibly ill this way. If she is trying to kill herself, there are much less painful and more efficient ways. Overdosing on any sort of drug is the most unpredictable and miserable way to die.

The concept of a trinity of deity is one of the oldest of human literature and belief, dating much farther back than christianity, farther back than the gnostic teachings of the jewish fathers, farther back than the evolution of white skin from the pool of humanity. The idea that deity has different faces--long ago the god was the great Earth woman, and she was the beautiful maiden, the bountiful mother, and the aged wise-woman-- was adopted into every religion that sprang from the ancient ones. Egyptian gods and goddesses changed form, Mesopotamian gods were dragons and women of the sea, and Indian gods were literally depicted with multiple faces. The western religions, such as the ancient British ones, wrote the "modern" concept of the triple goddess (maiden, mother and wisewoman) that is still used today by those who follow their ancient wisdom. And, of course, Christianity, which formed from the teachings of the Jewish fathers, which formed from the ancient religions of that area, was ruled by men--so their triple goddess became a triple god, and the female part was made into a sexless "holy spirit" that did magical and unexplainable things.
If you would like more information about how religions developed, I'm not necessarily the person to ask, but I would be glad to do the research for you and tell you. There are college classes devoted to the subject, by the way--they are proven facts by the literatures and arts of the time.

There is a wonderfully popular site at the address http://www.witchvox.com that contains many articles about how to address the problem of explaining yourself to others. There is a whole section for teens and people new to the religion.
Read up on some of these ways to explain yourself--for example you can start by saying that you don't call yourself a witch, but a pagan who practices wicca. Then you'll probably have to explain that wicca is an earth-based religion that recognizes god in both a male and female aspect and the cycles of the earth. You could also throw in something about it being life-based, the study of life and spirituality from the earth, and the law of wicca is love. If she's still hanging around, I'd be surprised. Most people want to hear how you pull fire out of your palms and make pencils float.

No, you don't have to tell her to look it up online, because who knows what she'll read. But you can do the research and tell her what you want her to know. If she doesn't believe her, don't pursue it. There are many people who just won't accept any thought patterns other than their own. Believe me, I know.

People have been coming to me for advice so long, I might as well do this all in one spot. I watch a lot of unfathomable Japanese TV and drink a lot of coffee. I'm a freshly-hatched Illustration major, formerly trapped & dying in the American South, now busily teaching phrases to all of Nagoya Japan. I'm always on the lookout for more video games and sushi.
I have lots of interesting pets. Wanna see my beetle?

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