kooka-burra's advice column

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Q: Okay, I've almost always been like this, but now I want to know if its just me, or if its a common isue. I have a hard time with grammar. I don't know when to use correct words, tenses, etc. I used to be very smart as a child but ever since... 5th-6th grade maybe? I've had difficulties. Like, yesterday... I said "I got to drove them home" and it didn't sound right... but I was thinking to myself, I don't think thats right... if its not, how do you correctly say it (Then I realized it was "I got to drive them home"). But its little stuff like that. And I often mess up on sentences. If I'm talking about a girl and a guy, and I'm quoting the girl, I'll say "He was like..." and then I quickly say "She was like...". Its like my brain isn't messing up on little things. Is this a common problem? I'm 16/f.

with the "hewas like" i meen "she was like". Thats totaly common. Just a little mix up.

but thinking about the "i got to drove them home". That is a little more.... uncommon. All I can say is that If this happens to you everyday then yes i think there might be something wrong there. But most likely it's just stupid little misshaps.

It you are really feeling like this is affecting everyday life then talking to your mom or doctor about it is a good idea.

~kooka

Q: I am an 18 year old girl who has been with the same boyfriend for 2 years and things haven't been great from the start.Now things are really boring and we do the same things week after week and we have no sex life at all.A couple of months ago I met a guy that works at the local pub and sing with him all the time and we get on really well.He is leaving the job now to free up his weekends and agreed to come out on a night out with me and swapped numbers.Now I can get him out of my head and don't know whether to make a go with my current boyfriend or try and get to know this other guy. What should I do?

Well to years with your current boyfriend has got to take a toll on the relationship.

try spicing things up (wow that sounded corny) with your boyfriend but if things don't improve maybe there is just nothing left there.

I know it sounds like bad advice but really try telling your boyfriend that your not getting much from the relationship.
Does he feel the same way?

work it out. You have been with him for two years you should be able to talk to him.

Don't rule the other guy out as a friend. He seems like some one fun. I wouldn't make any move towards him though. No matter how tempting.

love
~kooka

Q: my gf Sandy and I are close..in her point of veiw. I dont like Sandy at all. But Sandy REALLY likes me. People want me to kiss her..but i dont want to.I just want to be friends. Besides..my friend Jack likes Sandy i think..so Jack gets mad at me. and if i break up with Sandy people might get mad at me. But i really want to break up with Sandy. Its hard to break up with her to.. because we talk on the phone all day and stuff. I really dont like her.

Your leading her on my calling and talking everyday. And thats not good for you or Sandy.

Who the hell cares what other people think. I'm sorry but this doesn't seem like a relationship that you can end being friends.

So just break it off right now and when people ask you say "i have my own reasons and you people really need to get your OWN love life". Hopefully that will keep there mouths shut for awhile.

In Sandy's case tell her why. You kpt going out with her out of peer pressure but you didn't want to keep leading her on, I'm sorry but this just can't work." or something like that .

Oh and don't do it over the phone. face to face no matter how hard it is.

hope i helped and good luck
~kooka

Q: i feel like im the only person my age that doesnt have a boyfriend. im 14/f and it feels like everyone around me is together. because all year this year ive heard oh my gosh my boyfriend this and oh my gosh my boyfriend that and i was lookin' around and everyone was like holding hands and stuff. i have a few friends who dont have bf's and we feel like we are the only ones.... IT SUCKS! is there anyway i can get a guys attention or should i just wait. is this a thing that everyone is just trying out? ITS SO SCARY ITS ANNOYING! and any guy that likes me is a nerdy guy! its gross...
PLEASE HELP I RATE 5'S IF YOUR ADVICE IS GOOD!
thanks alot

Oh god you are NOT alone.

And I would think not having a boyfriend is such a bad thing. Yes there are times when I would loooove a boyfriend to hold hands with and o walk down the halls with. But really there are quite alot of work. there is the working to be together, beaking up etc.

So don't guys at this age are pretty immature anyways. I swear one day he'll come along and that day is not that far away.

single and (kinda) proud
~kooka

Q: I'm so confused!! Alot of guys like me but the thing is I think I'm ugly!! Do guys usually get with ugly girls just for sex? Why do they like me? It dosen't seem right to me!! Help!!

I think you need to calm down and think about this.

Most likely you are really pretty. Just because YOU think you are ugly doesn't meen you are.

And did you every think of this. Maybe some guys like you for you? Just a thought.

Stop asking too much from yourself when it comes to being pretty.

~kooka

Q: Latelty I've put on a bit of weight.
And too much weight for my liking.

I think I'm becoming somewhat obsessed with the way I look, I've started dressing in dark clothes and baggy jeans to hide what I've put on although I know that you can see it anyway.

It's too hot to wear what I'm wearing when walking home from school and I sometimes feel faint from the heat but if I wear something else, it feels like people are staring at me.

I have thought about not eating but I've heard it can just make matters worse so I just kept excersizing and dieting but it's not working! I've been at it at a month and it isn't working!
I don't want to go to a doctor because they'll send me home saying I'm not overweight which I'm not but I don't like the way I look.

I want to skip meals but then I'm scared it's accidently going to get into my head and it's going to become a regular thing and I don't want that. I'm trying hard not to make myself sick after every meal and I'm trying even harder to actually eat.

I just need advice on how to cope.
I don't want to tell my mom, so please don't suggest it. I honestly don't want to tell anyone I just know I need some help.

-- I am NOT doing this to get attention, the only reason I'm asking on advicenators is because it's the only place I know that lets me stay anonymous so it is not for attention and please, if you have nothing helpfull to say please do not say it.

.... first thing i want to say is that i am happy that you are not trying to skip meals or not eat at all.

I think you need to feel better about your body before you can change anything. I'm talking about your body now.

I really think you should just tell a friend. You have no idea how much they can help make you feel better about yourself.

Have you tried different kinds if dieting? One big tip.

EAT BREAKFAST! eating a nice healthy breakfasts like yogurt will nuts or fruit will help with cravings for snaks in the middle of the day. And when you don't eat in the morrining your motablism slows down.

so just say to yourself everyday how gooood you look and eat heathly.

my love
~kooka

Q: hey!
i'm asain and have like really dark brown hair..but i want to go a little bit lighter i was thinking like a copper or something...and i already have highlights..sooo...help plzzz...and one more thing my hair is always wavy or straight i want it to be curly not like those little curls everywhere but like the big curls..those look so cute..but i don't know how to do it..so if any one knows..HELP..lol

Well I would think dying your hair a lighter brown would be nice. Just look in your nearest drugmart and find a nice light brown.

If you want big curls then I would go for a hair curler. You can find those at your drug store too.

hope I helped
~kooka

Q: what if you are in the orchestra and can't get fake nails cuz it will mess up your playing..but i REALLY want some for school..so what should i do?!!?!

Let your nails grow out so that they are long as you like but are okay for orchestra. Then try getting a manacure.

Plus if you want nails that are long enough to mess up your playing then they may be a little too long for some other things too. manacures are also alot better because some time fake nails can fall off and that just doesn't look nice.

~kooka

Q: I have glasses(not dorky ones) brown eyes, brown and blonde hair. and bc its summer, tanish skin. what lips,eyes,blush, ect should i wear? I rate high

I have glasses (not dorky ones) brown eyes and brown hair. I don't remember were I saw this but purple eye shadow or eye pencil looks good on brown eyes and I have found that I have gotten alot more compliments since I've been wearing that colour. I have also always been a big fan of peach eye shadow it's nice for the summer and not too flashy.

For blush. Powder blush is the easist to apply and is good for on the run. If you wear powder foundation or something that dries to a powder go with powder blush, if you wear liquid foundation wear liquid blush etc.

For lips I would go with a tinted lip gloss. You can add alot or alittle.

http://www.wnetwork.com/tv_shows/shows/the_shopping_bags/ViewProduct.asp?ID=285&View=OUT

check out this website, it's got a lot of info on this kind of stuff.

~kooka

Q: This guy I know and I have had a really weird relationship...
When he met me, he told me I was fit and was flirting with me for a few weeks. Then he got a girlfriend and forgot that I existed.
The day that he split up with his girlfriend,he came and was talking to me...but I just got a boyfriend so I didn't exist again.
Then, a while after I became single again, his friend asked me out. I said yes, but during the VERY short "relationship", this guy paid more attention to me than my boyfriend did. Got dumped by said boyfriend...
Then this guy started flirting like hell with me again. I got off with him once (drunk), and now I don't exist again.
What is WITH this guy?

Hes a pervert and a loner who wants to get some. Just an all around jack ass.

Just pretend that he doesn't exist. He's not worth your time. He's not good for you so every time that he trys to talk to you tell him to piss off.

~kooka

Q: Say you are thinking about someone, and about whether there's any chance they still like you or will ever talk to you again....then a big truck comes past with their name on it in Big Red Letters...and you get stuck in traffic so you can constantly see their name next to your window...
Would you consider that to be a sign?
And what would it MEAN?

wow thats weird.

I wouldn't think too much into this. It could be a sign and you would have to be stupid not to notice it.

I would say that IF it was a sign it would meen that you would see this person again.

But remember if it doesn't happen then don;t be too supprised.

~kooka

Q: I'm at a friends house and the two friends that i'm here with are mad at each other!! My friend, lets call her Anne, thought that my other friend, ummm..lets call her Haile...anyway! She Anne thought that Haile like did stuff with Anne's boyfriend, but haile didnt, but anne is convinced she did!! I wanna help I really do, but I just dont know what to do anymore! I really dont want to get stuck in it, but I cant enjoy myself with all the tension whirling around....please help!

~Melissa~

This is ridiculous, what have you said to them? I don't think sitting them down and "talking it out" is going to help much in the siduation.

I agree with the other people answering your question. Get Anne's boyfriend on the phone. If Anne says that she wont believe him then you have to come in and say "well maybe you shouldn't be together." Put it in nicely, she will most likely get protective of her relationship with her boyfriend.

If they keep going on like this tell them that your going to leave if they don't stop this stupid argument. And maybe if things get to uncomfortible for you you should leave. This is not something you need to get into.

hope I helped!
~kooka

Q: Ok like i realy love my bf, we kiss a lot but not french kiss. the thing is ...i dont kno how to french kiss...

No one can really tell you how to french kiss over advicenators.

All I can say is go with the flow. If your boyfriend knows then he will show you.

Just go with it - relax.

~kooka

Q: why are ppl so fuqn dramatic in high school

Oh god who knows? The relationships with guys and friends. The hormones? Most likely.

Every one who is the same age that are going through different things are all caught up in a tight space called high school. No room to distance yourself from your crush or enemy.

It's just us teenagers. Going around and being dramatic. Always has been this way - always will.

~kooka

Q: I have a relative that is an indian, he wants me to stop by his place sometime and play guitar with him, but as of late hes been telling a lot of people that he is getting into conversing with spirits and other things like that. He has been telling my father a story that his son has been having images of his dead grandfather appearing in his dreams. And even though hes never seen his grandfather, he can now describe him perfectly. Hes very upfront about everything, and gets offended considerably easy when you talk about indians.

I love to play my guitar, and hes a phanomenal guitar player, I always love to play with other people. But I am also a very enthousiastic racist, and when people set themselves up for me to make a nice little mockery of them, its almost impossible for me to resist. Im afraid hes going to sacrafice me or something, however, i'd like to go and play some guitar.

Im aware I could probably have several Mormons beat the spirituality out of him, but im not so sure I want to go the ruthless, violent route.

I just want to play some music and leave, if we talk thats fine, I just don't want to hear about phantom spirits smoking tobacco in the spiritual shed with him one night last week.

Any suggestions as to how I should handle this situation?

I think you should just keep this inside when your with him. You don't have to agree on anything that he says. So if he asks you about some things that you don't believe in, tell him that. But nicely - hes your uncle and you don;t want to hurt his feelings.

If you feel the urg to make fun of him then just leave. Tell him you need to go.

I also think that you need to try to stop being racist. It's not fun for anybody and one day it's going to be terrible for you. But thats just my advice.

So you have to think to yourself. What do you love more? Playing gutiar with your uncle? or making fun of your uncle?

~kooka

Q: hi im 15 f and never had a boyfriend or even kissed a boy. what is a good way to get a boyfriend, even though i dont hang out with boys hardly?
and everytime i go near boys i kinda get all butterflies in my stomach!! what does this mean?!?!

You can't force these things. You really have to find some one that catches your eye and flirt a little. See if he's interested.

Tell your friends about a crush and maybe they can help you.

And the butterflies? Thats all normal, pretty much evert single m/f gets nervous around the opposite sex.

Just don't go out and get a boyfriend just to be kissed. I tried that once and it ended up in ruins. Yah, so i'm 14 i've had two boyfriends that lasted less then 2 weeks and I havent been kissed. So I know how you feel. Just make sure you find a guy and like them for who they are not because you want to be kissed.

good luck
~kooka

Q: i am 14F and i want to get a belly button ring. what do you think of a belly button ring? and how do i convince my mom to let me get one because she keep thinking of the future and saying when you get old and decide to have a baby.. it will get all streched out or it will get infected

Well if your mom says no it's no. But you can always look up places that you can get it done and tell your mom about the background of the place. Make sure it's certified.

As for the streching out, well you can always take it out when you start to get bigger. And as for infection well infections can be prevented if you twist the ring around every day and apply alcohol or polysporin (sp?).

I think the best thing is to get a friend who has a belly button ring and tell your mom to talk to her mom. Usally it helps if your mom get info from another trusted adult.

hope you are able to get it.
~kooka

Q: ok I have known some one sence I was like born and then we havent seen each other in like 6 years and then we both change schools and it turns out that we go to the same school. his name is Colby and I have fallin in love with him. BUt I dont want to be because I think it will mess up are friendship. I dont know what to do what should I.
Megan

I really think that you LOOOOVE him. I think you have a deep crush. I meen seeing him after all these years has brought up knew feelings. I really think that you should keep it to yourself for now. Do a little flirting and see how he reacts if hes not interested, it would not be a good ides to try to go out with him. I treied that with a friend that i have known all my life. I moved to the U.S. ( i live in canada) and when i came back we went out even though he really wasn't interested in me. We broke up two weeks later and our friend ship has never been the same. I hate it and I wish i could go back and never start it all.

So be careful - I don't want your friend ship end up like mine. So only go at it of he wants to and make sure you know that it's going to work out. Who knows you might go out get to know each other on the way and wont be able to be friends again. Or not, these things are tricky.

Good luck
~kooka

Q: I had a friend sleepover last night, and now she wont get up!!!!!! I've tried everything, and i'm absolutly starving! What should I do?!

well if your hungry then just go and eat. when she wakes up just tell her that she would not gte up and you had to get something to eat.

Bring her up some food.

~kooka

Q: I have a severe allergic reaction to using this product to treat acne. My face swelled, it itches, it's hot and burns and my skin is severely dry. What can I purchase over the counter to get rid of this reaction, without consulting a doctor?

Okay, the same thing happened to me but i am not allergic.

What you need to do is put on a very small amount for an hour and then wash is off. because you are very new to benzoyl peroxide it may still be red and itchy so put it on around 5:00pm and wash it off at 6:00pm the next day it should not be itchy and red. Over a couple days increase the amount of benzoyl peroxide you put on your face.

I am doing this and I haven't had any probelms. I found this on a web site called
http://www.acne.org/
I asked my dermatoligist about this and he recomended it. But intead of useing benzoyl peroxide i use clindoxyl gel which has BP and some other stuff in it. I switch off every other day between that and differin which has no BP.

I have been useing this for two-three weeks and it works wonders. I really advice that you go to the dermatoligist and get these. Only a dermatoligist can really help you with your acne.

jope this helps you like it's helped me
~kooka

bio

I am a 14 year old girl in a big city. I live off other peoples drama so i end up giving alot of advice. Love vargas girls, knitting and many other things. Feel free to write me any time at kooka_burra@hotmail.com