Hello everyone. My name here on advicenators is Solcito. It's a nickname my ex-girlfriend gave me that basically means little sun. That's the only personal information I really want to give out. In the short time that I have inhabited this planet I feel that I have experienced enough to make good judgment in most situations. I've fallen in love, had my heart broken, been mugged, made and lost a ton of friends, lived in three continents and become fluent in two different languages. I just feel that it's important to let you know why I think I'm certified to answer your questions. I'm also a guy, so I know how men think. I'm not saying that there aren't a fair share of guys who have questions about girls. I just generally see more females asking about their love lives here than guys. Hope you like my advice, and good luck to everyone with their personal issues.
Gender: Male
Occupation: Student
Age: 19
Member Since: October 29, 2007
Answers: 58
Last Update: February 10, 2009
Visitors: 5582
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Okay so me and my boyfriend broke up but we still see eachother because were friends with the same people but he makes it so awkward. like if im in a group of people he wont go up to that group because im there.or if i go up to that group and hes there he'll like walk away. Even though I'm not over him, I'm mature enough to be friends and i told him I didnt want there to be any tension or for it to be awkward and he said he didnt either but he still acts that way. What should i do? (link)
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If he's avoiding you there isn't a whole lot you can do. I think he doesn't feel comfortable being around you yet, so he avoids situations in which you two would be close. Give him some time. If he keeps this up for an unreasonable amount of time, confront him about it. Tell him to stop being immature. It's not fair to your friends that they can't hang out with both of you at the same time. More information about the breakup would help a lot, because I'm not really sure how sensitive the situation is.
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14/f
to say it straight, i got fingered and gave the boy a handjob in return. and my friend told this kid and he told everyone. alot of people hate me now, and all this shit is going around. i just kind of shrug it off and i'm like Shit Happens. haha, i know i shouldn't have ... i regret it alot but even his cousin who is in my sisters grade foudn out! she told me to "stay the fuck away from her cousin" and i'm not worried about my sister finding out cause i told her haha. but i just don't know what to do i feel so bad, like i want to kill myself. i'm already in counseling for feeling like this. i just don't know what to do. and how to handle this. please help D: (link)
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I have been in your position before. Once upon a time I was 14 and a girl in my grade got fingered. She was such a slut! Just kidding, but we all thought that way. I can assure you nobody will care at some point. Just take it as a lesson learned and let it blow over. People your age thrive on making other people feel bad, unfortunately you are just the source of a lot of gossip. I promise it will blow over, and nobody hates you. Someone thought it would be fun to pick on you and everyone else joined their side rather than become the butt of the joke. It's cruel, but that's how middle school works.
On the other hand, take this as a life lesson. Before you do anything you should consider the consequences and whether or not you are willing to face them. Before you get physical with another guy, decide whether or not you could handle everyone finding out. Judging from the fact that you're contemplating suicide, I would say you aren't ready. Take a break from guys. You're 14, you aren't going to find the love of your life any time soon, and you aren't missing out on anything but cheap thrills and ridicules by holding out a little longer. Good luck with everything. Take care.
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I'm 17/f and on a club team for volleyball. One of the teams we always play there is this girl, and she's 18. When we first played I thought she was an amazing volleyball player and gorgeous too, I passed that off as admiration. Afterwards she came over and we talked, and then almost naturally we started flirting with each other. Now I'm not gay or bi, I LOVE guys, but she was just really attractive. She was the kind of girl that guys drool over at school, but the one that wasn't afraid to knock a guy out. Every tournament it's like I can't focus on a game if she watches, when my teams play against hers we both always try to impress the other. I don't know what's going on and it's scaring me. What does this make me? Gay? Bi? Is this bad?
Thanks to any who answers (link)
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It depends on what you're feelings are exactly for her. If you feel a strong attraction to her, that can be normal. Guys are attracted to their favorite sports stars. Watch how we flock around them, put posters of them on our walls, pay huge amounts of money to watch them perform. However, we don't maintain sexual fantasies about them, or even a desire to partake in any sexual act about them, so most of us aren't gay. You can be attracted to someone in a non-sexual way. Basically, if you don't have any desire to do anything physically with her, no you are not gay. If you are having urges to get physical with this girl, then yes you are bisexual.
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Can crush on my best friend but don’t show it. I told her how I felt that took me years to tell her but I never flirt, tease, or lean on her. Of course, she doesn’t feel the same way but her body language to me, is flirting, teasing and leans on me. She shows body language but doesn’t say how she really feels. Some of our friends notices that and other people around us in public too; one friend said that we act like a odd couple because we push each others buttons, which freak us out that we deny it. She has this playful personality to me only around me. I ignore it which makes her do it even more. I am to shy to get close to her so I never show any interest to her but I can write it out….I just don’t get it?????
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You never actually ask how to get closer to her, but I'm assuming that's what you want to know. I know how to do it, but it's going to sound completely irrational. Look at it this way. She hangs out with you a lot, so she obviously thinks you're a good person. She flirts with you publicly, so she doesn't think you're unattractive, otherwise she wouldn't risk her friends thinking you were together. All you need is something to make her realize that she likes you. How do you do that? Get over her. Not really, but make it look that way. Start talking to other girls. Mention them to her. Nine times out of ten a girl will start to show signs of jealousy. Your problem is that you're too attainable. Once she starts feeling jealous, you have a chance to cross the boundary out of that dangerous friend zone. Trust me, this will work. I have had two really good female friends that ended up becoming girlfriends, they both flirted with me before, they both kept things on a strictly friendly level, and they both came out and openly told me they wanted to be with me the second I became unavailable. I have also had crushes on a few other female friends where I just kept the friendship going in hopes that one day it would escalate into something more. They all ended up dating friends of mine because they were always around me and hence always around all of my guy friends. Trust me. If you keep things going the way they are eventually she will take your companionship for granted and get with another guy. If she can keep the best friend and have a cool boyfriend, why would she do anything else? Show her you aren't so expendable.
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I was just thinknig today, and this came across my train of thought...
How well do you think that you could get to know somebody without ever actually meeting them face to face?
Do you think you could get to know somebody well enough to form a real friendship?
A relationship?
Or nothing at all.
I just want some other opinions :) (link)
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I actually have a couple fairly good friends that I have never met. I went on an exchange with a friend of mine to Argentina. In the end, we were placed in two completely different cities. She gave me the MSN of her host brother and sister. I talk to them on a regular basis and genuinely like the people.
That being said, I don't think it's possible to have really great friends that you have never met. The fact is that conversation can make people friends, but it's the experiences that they have shared that make them true friends.
The short answer, you can make friends without ever seeing them, just not really good ones.
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am so scared right now. Back on Dec 8th, i lost my virginity but it was more like a rape type thing. I didnt press charges or anything. He DID use protection. I still thought I was pregnant but my period was a few days late. So I took the test and it came out negative. So then on Christmas I got my period. I was happy as hell. On New Years Eve, I moved back home with my crazy mom who i still cant stand, i started school again, I was at the studio more, I changed my job site to a different school with bad kids and also a change in diet and exercise because i am obese and tryin to change my lifestyle. I havent got my period since Christmas. I did NOT have any signs of spotting or nausea like some of the symptoms. dont have none of that. My breast arent larger just stomache pains when i think about being pregnant. I asked my friends and 7 out of 8 said im not pregnant, that because of the activity my hormones changed because i had sex and that I am probably stressed. I use to be on birth control but stop Dec 2006. After that my period took it's own course like I had it vday 2007 but didnt get it again til end of April 2007. then it starts skippin weeks and months. Sometimes it just skips a month. But it feels weird not having it. It makes me nervous, Now I took an additional pregnancy test yesterday and it came out negative..... but im also a negative thinker because the worst always happen to me. Also I dont wanna have to tell my parents I was raped because they go crazy over anything. They used to come to school and argue with the principal when someone would call me " booger brain". It would be hard to say I dont know who the daddy is. Even if I did, i wouldnt want him in my life or the baby's if I am to have one..
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If you have had your period twice since the "rape," then you are not pregnant. It is possible to get your period after sex and still be pregnant, but if you have had it twice, the chance of sperm still being alive inside you is next to impossible, so don't worry about that.
On the second hand, keeping quiet is not the thing to do if you get raped! You have to tell someone. Honestly, at this point, it would be hard to press any charges on him, but you can still try. At the very least the word would get out, and maybe you can keep the same thing from happening to another girl just by making it known that he raped you.
However, you don't make it sound like it was complete rape. I don't know what the circumstances were, but if you explicitly stated to him that you did not want to have sex with him, and he forced you to, then it is rape. It either is or it isn't, there is no "rape like thing." He either forced you to have sex with him or he didn't. If you decide that he did rape you, then for god's sake, tell somebody!!
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I want to be an interior designer or a marine bioligist . How can I choose between the two? and what colleges should i go to (link)
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I am in college and therefore know about as much as anybody about being undecided about what career path to take. I sometimes have to sit down and think about what I really enjoy and believe in. Take the two careers and pretend that they are actually your job. Sit down and plan out ideas for rooms for 5 hours straight. The next day, research marine plant and animal life. Does that sound like a lot of work to decide what you want to do? Consider that whichever you choose will probably consume at least 40 hours a week, 2,000 hours a year, and 80,000 hours of your time throughout your lifetime. If you decide that you could do either one. Then flip a coin because you are in a situation most people wish they could be in.
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does sex hurt the first time? like what type of pain is it? could you give me an example of what it feels like. also, like what happens? how much blood comes out of the vagina? Also, how long does sex last? on your first time, do you feel regret or guilt after "doing it" ? (link)
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These things vary a lot. With my girlfriend, it hurt a lot, but I have female friends that had no pain at all. The ones that did said it was a really strong sharp pain that didn't last very long. My girlfriend said that after that she still got a sort of lasting, throbbing pain. The blood thing can vary as well. Some girls don't bleed. It's possible to break the hymen with no intercourse. When it does happen, it can range from the size of a quarter, to well, a lot.
How long does sex last. I was very irregular. My first time was the longest I have ever gone, almost an hour. I think it's because I was nervous. Sex can last anywhere from 30 seconds to hours. It depends on a number of factors including how many times a person has had sex, how recently someone has had sex, and how "turned on" the person is. The average time is usually said to be between 10 and 20 minutes.
I didn't feel regret afterwards because I really cared about my girlfriend. My girlfriend did, but she got over it quickly. If you aren't sure about whether or not to have sex now, then you will probably regret it afterwards. It varies by situation once again.
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I think i am fat, and i think i am ugly and i dont want to think that.
How can i lose weight without giving up on it and what are good hair and makeup techniches i can use that will make me feel better about myself?
and what are some ways guys can like me and i can flirt with them? (link)
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I will answer what I can. (I'm a guy and don't know anything about makeup). I would say that joining a gym would be a good way to lose weight. I find that taking classes and being around other people when I work out keeps me motivated. Long runs by yourself are great and can be relaxing, but until you get really motivated, it can be hard to keep it up. Try to really think about what you eat as well. Also, keep track of your progress. Take a picture of yourself and weigh in now. Then, in a month do it again. Make it a competition against yourself. Setting goals for yourself and accomplishing them can be one of the most rewarding experiences ever.
As far as guys go, I can tell your biggest problem right now. Your self image is horrible. Confidence is one of my biggest turn ons in girls. It has often been said that if you don't love yourself, how can you expect anyone else to love you? Work on getting in shape, but more than anything, on thinking positively about yourself. When you start to do that, guys will notice you and the flirting will be irrelevant.
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How can i increase my stamina.
I'm a fast runner, but can only last about a minute or so!
Thanks in advance!
Kronix (link)
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The best way is to do long slow exercises. For example, instead of sprinting, try jogging for about 20 minutes. When you do light cardiovascular exercises for long amounts of time it increases your stamina.
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i like this really hot guy. but he doesn't know i exist. he likes every single girl in middle school sept me. what should i do?
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Could you give me more information. What are you doing to get his attention? Do you ever flirt with him? I really don't know how to respond to this. Give me more information like what you are currently doing and how he responds to it, then I can give you a response.
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i've been friends with benefits with this guy (my best friend) for 2 years! well on and off. there were some actual relationships with other people scattered through the years. anyway...we have never kissed!! not even a little peck! I always found it weird that we haven't....considering we've done almost everything else with each other. he's said that he wants to kiss me and i've told him that i did too and we've had sooo many oportunities but neither of us just went for it.
help us please (link)
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You kiss by putting your lips up against someone else's lips. I don't know exactly what your problem is. I used to have a friend with benefits that I did other things with before I kissed. I guess if you both want it then just go for it. Don't ask him about it before, that makes it awkward. My best advice is just to go for unexpectedly some day. If he's already said he wants it, then nothing bad can happen.
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how do you know if a guy likes you or is flirting with u?im 13 (link)
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If the guys you are talking about are the same age as you, then they will probably be making fun of you. That's just how guys do things during the early teens. If it's a mature guy he may just go out of his way to be around you or start talking to you a lot. If he makes a lot of effort to make physical contact with you then that can be a good sign too.
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Does anyone know of anywhere on the internet or anywhere else where you can track your progress of losing weight? Or know any way of tracking it that actually shows if you are making progress? I have currently started excersizing more and eating a little healthier, but I would like somewhere I can keep track of that. All help is appreciated! (link)
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This might sound like a dumb answer, but why don't you just write it down on a piece of paper?
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whenever me and my boyfriend mess around he always tells me "oh this is turning me on so much" but he never gets a boner from it. what can i do OR SAY to make him really be turned on and not just saying it. (link)
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Being turned on and having a boner are usually connected, but a guy can find something sexy without getting a boner. The same way when I see a hot girl in a small bikini at the pool it "turns me on," but I don't get an erection from it. That being said, some things I personally like.
When a girl blows on my neck or in my ear. Also when a girl kind of nibbles on my ear is usually a turn on. Rubbing anywhere near the penis is always good. Not even necessarily on it, just on the leg can be a good move. Try kissing areas besides his mouth. It would be helpful if you could give me some idea of what you're doing right now when you are messing around.
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16/f I recently asked a guy out to the movies. It's my first date and I'm super nervous. I just need some advice. I know to not be nervous and to be myself and such... but what do I like DO on the date? Like when we're at the movies, do I just sit there and watch the movie? I don't want him to think I'm ignoring him! and what do you usually do afterwards, if I'm not comfortable eating in front of him, and we can't go back to either of our houses.... Please help! I will rate all advice. THANK YOU SO MUCH! (link)
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When you go to the movie you really don't have to do anything. You can make comments on the movie if you find something funny. If it's a scary movie you can ask him to hold your hand (that's always something I enjoy hearing from girls). Really though, you don't have to do anything. If you talk too much it will upset the other people watching the movie. There really isn't much communication during a movie. That's the main reason I consider movies a bad date, at least for people who are just starting to date.
Afterwards there are lots of things you can do. My best dates ever often consisted of just going for a walk, or you could find a nice place and just sit down and talk. It doesn't have to involve eating. Dinner and a movie is just the very stereotypical date. If he wants to go out to eat, you should go with him, but if he doesn't, then I would steer away from it.
In the instance he is hungry, try to order something small and not messy if it makes you embarrassed to eat in front of him. I always feel awkward when I order food and girls don't. At the very least order a milkshake or something. If you order something small and he orders something big, try to eat slowly so you don't finish way before him. It makes me feel strange also when a girl finishes eating long before me.
Hope this helps. Try thinking outside the box for dates. Weird dates are fun and interesting.
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Do you think it's wrong to change how you look or change you to make yourself more comfortable with yourself? (link)
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Whatever makes you feel most comfortable in your own body is completely worthwhile. Why should you dress or look a certain way if it doesn't make you feel good?
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my boyfriend has been locked up and he had just got out the other week. hes on house arrest for a month && probation for 3. part of his probation is to not have contact with me at all. but the other day we hung out secretly && we had sex. now we think i may be pregnant. im going to take a test/ my first question is IF IM PREGNANT CAN HE GET IN TROUBLE? CAN HE GET LOCKED UP AGAIN? IF SO WHAT WOULD HAPPEN? and my other question is HOW SOON SHOULD I TAKE THE PREGNANCY TEST? we did it on friday the 23rd. my period starts on the 12th/13th every month. any advice you can give me would be great. please help. i dont want to get him locked up if i am pregnant and if i do keep it. please help. (link)
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The best way to determine when you should take a pregnancy test is just to look on the box. It will have instructions including when to take the test. If it turns out you are pregnant, I don't think it would have any effect on his legal standing. The safest bet in the instance that you are pregnant is to wait until he is off probation to let people know about it. You won't really start showing until about four months anyway. Once he's off, it's done. They won't put him back on probation once he's off, and you being pregnant shouldn't be a legal issue once he's off probation. I hope everything works out for you. Try to learn from your mistakes.
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ok so i am now 14 and i have been gettin weird feeling about my body and i have beenwanting to fingure myself and have sex. so the other day i fingured myself and i loved it. i did it for about 30 min. and then i had a guy do it. is that bad. (link)
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It is normal to have feelings like this at your age. Your body is just now entering the stage where it is physically capable of reproducing, and your body is telling you it wants to do so. Unfortunately, it is better to fight those urges. Getting fingered or doing it to yourself is a moral issue. If you do not have a problem with it, I would say that there isn't any real problem. Sex, especially at your age is not alright. I don't believe anything about waiting until marriage or until you're in love to have sex. What I do believe is that one shouldn't have sex until their maturity and finances are such that they could support a child in the instance of pregnancy. At 14 years old there is very little chance that you are mature enough to support a child and no chance that you could support one financially seeing as you can't get a job. So basically I'm saying that fingering, fine with me, sex, wait a few years. The only caution against the fingering is that people who do more sexually at a young age tend to become sexually active at a younger age. Try to take it slowly, don't get too physical with a guy too quickly. Guys will want more and more, and it's only a matter of time until you give in.
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i think, but i just dont know, but i think im in love...see this guy i just dont really know a whole lot about him, but he is everywhere i look...i told him i liked him like two months ago and i think i scared him off,,im in the process for asking for a truce and getting to know each other...but i have tried to get over him and just when i think i do, he pops up again...i dont know why...but all of these quizzes saying are you in love they wont tell you,,they are mostly about when you know the guy really well...but i dont hardly talk to him like maybe once a week...if i am in love i dont know what it feels like..i just know that i have never felt like this about anyone ever before...he is with me everywhere at everytime...but i see more to him than when others just see a pretty face..i see that he is a good person and has a lot of poteintial in his life..i see that he cares and is a gentlemen...i see him not the cute guy that plays soccer,,you know..i just dont know what to do...so can you help???
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The way you put it was a little unclear, but let me try and make some sense of it. You see him everywhere? That makes it seem like you run into him a lot, but then when you say you see the good person he is, it makes me think that you two are just friends. I'll answer for both situations just to be sure.
If you see him a lot, but you aren't very close with him, I would say you aren't in love. You could have a very serious crush on this guy, but it's not love.
If he's a friend, it's completely plausible that you have fallen in love. If you told him how you felt before and he ran off, then maybe he's scared, not ready for a relationship, or unfortunately doesn't have the same feelings for you that you have for him.
Either way, try to express your feelings for him. Talk to him, tease him, flirt with him. I know when a girl touches me, even grabbing my arm or something, my immediate reaction is to reciprocate the flirting (if I'm interested), or to get out (if I'm not). Kicking off a relationship between two people is the easiest part of the relationship if the two people are interested in each other. This is the easiest way to know how.
Now, if you want to know if you're in love. The way I feel about my girlfriend is that she's the person I waited for my entire life. That she filled some kind of emptiness inside me. I don't think she's perfect, but I accept her imperfections as part of the beautiful person she is. It's the feeling that nothing can go wrong as long as someone is at your side, and the constant fear of what will happen the day their not. That, I believe, is love. If that's how you feel, then good luck, but I see way too many people that confuse love with a huge crush.
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