about

I'm an 29 year old guy.
I'll always do my best to give well considered and sincere advice - give me your best shot. P.S. Don't be afraid to ask me private questions, I rarely spend a lot of time answering non-private questions.

o.o There is apparently a FORUM for me if you would like to talk about random non-advice stuff. Take off your shoes!

advice

Two questions in one if you could tell from the title. Since there's similar I thought it would be better putting them together.

First question, I have a 2nd gen iPod nano. I'd like to get a wire that attaches my iPod to my car so I can choose songs on my iPod and listen to them. What cord would be best for this? Any to stay clear of?

I'd also like to buy some blank CDs to burn some songs from my iTunes on it and give to my dad to listen to in his car. Years ago we had some blank CDs I used but they were terrible. They barely worked in my moms GMC. The brand was Maxell CD-R cds. So those are out. What are the best blank CDs to use?

First question:
A male to male "auxiliary" cable. (Looks like the end of a pair of headphones on both ends, with two stripes on each end) Get the cheapest you can find, with a rubbery feel to the cord, rather than hard plastic if you can avoid it, and also avoid flat cables, they tend to break the soonest. Don't bother with the gold-plated ones, it just adds expense, not quality.

Second question:
Try TDK, Sony, or Verbatim. They're all pretty good. Write at 4x or 8x if you can. You'll get more consistent results than higher speeds, where you're get dead disks, or bad bits that skip and stuff like that.

Good luck :)
-Silentone

[view]

Hi, I am a fifteen year old girl, I am five feet and four inches tall, and I weigh one hundred and ten pounds. Am I overweight? I've tried practically everything to lose weight. I've tried eating healthy, and I've also tried different workouts, but nothing seems to work. I feel like a fat pig. Advice would be much appreciated.

Hi,
You're not fat, and if someone is telling you that, then they have some reason to want to make you unhappy, like jealousy. Don't listen to people who try to get you down.

You're in the normal range, and as another answerer said, you're on the slightly light end of the range. You could easily be 120 and still be considered "normal", although I think you would probably prefer to stay right where you are.

Magazines these days give unrealistically light weights for their models. Those models are not always healthy, and if they are, it's because they are extremely careful about their health, and eat salads every few hours to maintain exactly the same weight all year.

Keep in mind that muscle weighs more than fat, so by working out, you will improve the way your body looks, and gain muscle tone, BUT you will probably go up in weight. That's not a bad thing.

Lastly, it sounds like your body likes your weight right were it is. Keep eating healthy. People who eat healthy, and exercise regularly don't get fat. (Once again, you are not fat, so relax ^_^)

-SilentOne

[view]

I used to be a really nice person but now not so much what are some things I can do to be nice?

Hi,
Sorry I didn't get around to answering to you sooner.
I'd really like to know more details about why you feel that you've become a less nice person than before.

If you want a more specific answer, feel free to send me a private question with some examples of things that you do that aren't nice, or things you used to do that make you feel like you were a nice person.

I'm taking "nice person" to mean being nice to others, or likeable, although what I say could also apply to whether you feel like you are worthwhile.

First, think about why you used to be a nice person. List the reasons down.
Second, list down things you feel make you not a nice person now.
Third, write a third list in order of how easy those things from both lists are to change. For example if you had "I have no job", or "I insult my mother too often", the second one would probably be easier to work on.
Last step - Work on things that you do that aren't nice, and do more of the things that you used to do that were nice. Eventually you'll get your balance back. It takes time and effort.

If you like to read, two books I have found really helpful in regaining my balance of happiness are The Art of Happiness by the 14th Dalai Lama, and 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey. The first is about fostering internal happiness, the second one is more about self-worth and being a person who can get stuff done.

Once again, feel free to ask a private question with more detailed examples, or anything on your mind.

Good luck, and don't give up

-SilentOne

[view]

does anyone know a code where I can hide my friends and comments on myspace without it leaving a huge white space? thanks

Search through other people's pages until you see something you want to replicate, then view the code from the page, and pick out the bits you want.

-K

[view]

Hi I always have to set the time on my computer when i sign on. Its always a few minutes behind. Well ive noticed lately that each time i turn off and on my computer the time gets slower and slower behind. Sometimes up to an hour behind. Is there a way i can fix this. I know computer who keep up with the time and not have to fix it everytime they sign on. Does anybody know how to fix this? Thanks alot!

-Ashley

First of all, if you're going to ask questions like this for god's sake give us some information. What kind of computer is it. What operating system does it run? How old it is?

Seeing as you seem to be accessing the internet on it, there is probably a setting in control panels, system preferences (or whatever your Operating System calls that part of itself) to set the clock according to a time server. If you enabled use of a time-server, the clock would check itself against a reliable internet server every few hours, and correct itself if it was wrong.

-K

[view]

http://x78.xanga.com/d951131745230157026590/m88666013.jpg

I LOVE THAT DRESS
i want to know if there is anything like it....or how i can make it lol. its a top priority right now. i dont care how much it costs. can you please tell me where to get this dress and how much it costs?! THANK YOU

Unlikely there's anywhere you can buy one. Buy a black dress which fits well, and screen print the caution tape onto it, with opaque yellow clothing paint. Will take work, but you get to chose what it looks like.
-K

[view]

so all the music on my old ipod is not on my computer because it is my friend's and i do not speak to the friend anymore, so the only place i have it is on that ipod. i do not have itunes or any music of my own. i just got a new ipod and i want to get all of a DIFFERENT friend's music on it, but i want the music from my old ipod too. is there any possible way to get my old music and my new friend's music on my new ipod??

You need iTunes, and you need third party software for music retrieval. Find software that will let you take music off an iPod, and put the music on your hard drive. Normally this software is marketed for the purpose of people whose computers have crashed, and their ipod is the only living backup of their music. Once you have all of your music, load it into iTunes. If you have access to your friend's music on a computer, then copy it into iTunes, and then use the "consolidate library" option, to make sure all of the music is copied onto your computer. Then load it onto the iPod using iTunes.
You can't load any music back on unless you use iTunes, or a similar program, because the iPod stores the music in a strange fashion to attempt to confuse music pirates (ahem).
If your friend doesn't have their music on their computer, then you will have to do the same with their music as you do for the music from your ipod to get it onto your computer. Once you have a copy on your computer, it shouldn't be hard to get it all to load back onto the iPod. It's getting it off the things which is hard.

-K

[view]

Well, no one had really explained the fact that hair grows back darker and thicker after you shave it...

Anyways, I had some annoying hair on my stomach that was sort of embarrassing, so I shaved it every so often when I would get desperate before swimming and would be wearing a bikini or something. And now it's grown back really noticeably, and I really really HATE it!!! PLEASE tell me what to do! I've heard that you can bleach it, but what product should I use that i can get at walmart? and could it do anything weird to my skin or anything like that? I'm going to be working at a camp all summer, so i'll be in my bathing suit A LOT, and i really don't want to worry about it. HELP! (thanks!)

Bleach burns skin. Do not use it on your skin.
Hydrogen Peroxide has a lightening effect, and shouldn't burn at the concentrations sold in drugstores for antiseptic use.
There are expensive therapies that supposedly zap the hair with laser, light, or electric pulses, and make it go away forever. If you want a permanent solution you might look them up, and look for a place you think is credible.
Aside from shaving, plucking makes hair stay away for longer, but is only really useful for small amounts of hair, and hurts for the first while, until your skin gets used to it.
Quick fix, try weak peroxide..
Light coloured fuzz on the belly isn't offensive. Thick black hair is a bit of a turnoff.
-K

[view]

I just wanted to know who "owns" the internet. I want to claim a domain (my name) which no one has bought or uses yet, but every time i look into it through google they say "buy this domain" or "this domain is not taken yet buy it!" who the hell has a monopoly over the internet isn't it supposed to be open territory... seriously it's equivalent to someone owning all of earth..... is there a way around it?? for me to get the website which i believe should be mine since its MY NAME??

The internet is a network. A network is not a physical thing, but data, and the data is owned by the people sending and receiving it.
Domains are a place to host a page of data for other people to volunteer to receive by looking at the page.
The network is made up of servers and users. You are a user, and the server communicates with other servers, in order to retrieve data from other users, that you request.
The reason you have to "buy" a domain name, is that it doesn't exist at the moment. The way to make it exist in relation to other users is to register it with a server, so that other servers are notified of it, and find it when users search for it. The server wants money for that.
You need to look up servers, and investigate paying them to host your domain name. You are not paying for the name, you are paying them for the service of directing people to your webpage, when other servers ask about it. They will also charge you for the data that people download from your website, and possibly data you upload to it, or changes you make to it will cost too.

Alternative:
There are some software packages around the place that will allow you to run a server from your home computer, using your personal internet connection. Any traffic on your web-page would be going through your modem/router, so it would affect your ability to use the internet. Generally that kind of software is only used for testing web-pages, but some people host small personal webpages on a permanent basis.

-K

[view]

my very best friend has terrible taste in guys. mine isnt much better but at least i dont give second chances to men who hurt me. well she was starting to go for this jerk who none of our friends + me liked but i decided to be nice and supportive. she was going for him no matter what like always. she doesnt listen to her friends at all. so i didnt think the relationship would last long, but it has! he doesnt talk to her much though. i think hes a user. ive told her a couple times i didnt like him and she was really hurt by it so im trying to be supportive but i dont see things going well. hes a womanizer and ive known him way longer than she has. never liked him. well last night after i think 5 months now she lost her viginity to him. im not sure how to react, any advice?

Sorry it took me so long to get back to you, I was flying back home from Japan, and then uni started, so I got a bit busy.

In terms of forgiving; Hurting someone in a relationship isn't what should not be forgiven. It is how that person got hurt, i.e. disloyalty, unfaithfulness, backstabbing, etc. Sincere mistakes can be made, so you shouldn't resign not to give second chances. Strike one tells you what they are capable of, and it's difficult to put your trust in them again, but just because someone hurt you, it doesn't always meant they meant to, or will ever do it again. People who hurt you have to realise they've done something wrong, and if they do it again, you will deprive them of yourself forever. But I can't help thinking one strike is a little harsh.

Now to your real question:
Your friend lost her virginity to a guy, willingly.
How did you find out about this? Did she tell you? Did it leak out from his side? Does she know you know? What expressions have been on her face when he's been brought up lately?
Ultimately decisions are up to her to make. Virginity is only worth what value you place on it. Perhaps more if she is Christian.

If you try to make decisions for her about things and people she cares about, then you will be out of the friend business, and bankrupt. As you said, you have told her before that you didn't like him, and she has been really hurt by it. BUT, I think you can help her see things straight, or maybe she can help you see things straight, if not everything is what it seems.
You need to get her alone, and let her know that you want to talk to her seriously about it. If you're best friends, she should at least grant you that.
When you tell her you don't like him, she is hurt by your disapproval. You need to find a way of understanding her relationship, and helping her to make sure that she is not being manipulated, or blinded by love. The best way to do that is not to put her boyfriend down, but find out about him, from her.
Contents of the talk:
You need to understand why she likes him.
What does she see in him, what are his strong points?
Don't let her be vague about this, because it's important.
If she says things like "the way he makes me feel", then ask her how he makes her feel, and make her give you examples. Make sure that you let her know there is a reason for all of this, and you don't just want to know intimate details about her relationship for fun.
Before you can have the talk, you need to understand, and summarise:
Why you distrust the guy
What you think his bad points are
Why you care about the relationship between two other people. (firstly, you don't want to see your friend get hurt)
You should be willing to re-evaluate your perceptions of the boyfriend during the talk. It could be he's not as much of a jerk as you think.

Your friend needs to know that your motives for the talk are in her best interest, that you love her as a friend, and respect her independence in whatever decisions she makes. You also need to be prepared to let things happen between them, if they start to break. Interfering with relationships when they are turning bad is dangerous, and you don't want to be blamed. In any case if she gets hurt, be there to break her fall, not there to scold her for making a mistake. We all get hurt sometimes. For the common person failure comes so many times before success.

Good luck with your friend,
hope things go well for her, and between you two.
-K

[view]

i wear lipgloss everyday, loreal. and i mean i always seem to 'eat' it when i have a meal obviously because its gone aftwerwards lol. is it like bad for your health or something? just wondering

If you were to eat whole sticks in a short amount of time, there might be bad effects to your health. Cosmetics companies know that you will be accidentally eating their products, so they make them as non-toxic as possible. L'oreal is a big brand, so they're probably more likely to be safe, lots of research, and lots of reputation at stake.
In short, it's not nutritious, but probably not toxic enough to worry about.

-K

[view]

Our school has these loud machines, they're like for heat or air conditioning or SOMETHING. they don't even work that well. they're not so loud that you can't hear the teacher talking and stuff but there's a difference when they're off (which is like never. only when they have parents visiting the school and stuff.)

anyway, they're huge. they kinda reach up to the ceiling but they're usually in a back corner. is there anything we can do to make them shut them off? but it would be too cold or hot sometimes then huh? :( darn. i wish they would get something less obtrusive. i dunno, any ideas?

It would be helpful if you could describe the machines a bit better. It sounds like they aren't ducted air-conditioners, because you describe them as stand-alone machines, so maybe they're evaporative, or plain fan-heater devices.
They might even be de-humidifiers. You can't do anything about them on your own. Reasons; if you do the school will notice, and fix it, and be annoyed about it.
If they're heating or cooling devices, the temperature will probably get uncomfortable if they are disabled.
If they are de-humidifiers, then there is some reason that they are there, and maybe it would be dangerous to switch them off. If you're in a very humid region, you wouldn't notice a temperature difference immediately because they were on, but they promote evaporation from your skin while you are in the classroom by decreasing the amount of water in the air. If you switched a de-humidifier off, you would probably feel a lot hotter in the classroom after a few days.

If you can't do anything about it yourself, the other option is to make the school change it. Changing heating and cooling systems is very expensive, so it won't be simple to convince the school to change them.
I would suggest that if everyone dislikes them, that you write a simple, clearly worded petition that states why people don't like them, and requests (politely) that an alternative method of heating and cooling be considered by the school.
Then get as many people as possible to sign the petition, saying they agree that the heating/cooling is an impediment to their education, photocopy the signed papers, and keep the photocopy for yourself. Make an appointment with the prinipal, or whoever is the highest person you can get in to see, and explain to them what the petition is, and give it to them.

If it turns out that the machines are de-humidifiers, you could suggest putting them on overnight, and turning them off during classes.

Good luck
-K

[view]

Is There a way to tell if things between you and another person okay after having a problem with say a friend, you apologize in letters, made a card or two and all plus you sent the friend an email apologizing, but no replies. So is there a way to tell if thins are okay or not? Does not answering someone mean things are okay? Thanks. :)

Silence is generally a negative sign. You need to be more direct about apologising. Like phone them, or try to see them in person to talk about it.
You should also tell us what the situation is in your question. They're anonymous, so there's no reason to hold back, whether you're ashamed or not.
There are times when silence can mean agreement, but usually it's only when the two people involved are so close that they know it's agreed, in which case, you wouldn't be asking anyway.

Hope it works out
-K

[view]

what do guys think is the cutest thing about a girl?

Things only girls are allowed to do count high on the list. For instance ribbons, small bells, things that show your personality that are a little different from what anyone else is wearing.
-K

[view]

i make them with hershey's shell which harden instantly but wen i leave the strawberries out the chocolate doesnt harden. i put them in the refridgerater but i dont want the strawberries 2 be cold how can i make the hershey's shell hard without makin the strawberry cold

Hershey's shell is manufactured for ice-cream. It only hardens when it gets cold (which you've discovered).
You need to use a chocolate that is solid at room temperature, melt it, dip the strawberries, and then let them cool to room temperature again.
You should use waxed paper to put them on while they cool, or the chocolate will stick to stuff. If you can get strawberries with long stems, you could try hanging them by the stem to keep them pretty, otherwise one side will end up flat. You can also do it by spearing them on toothpicks to keep their sides away from other objects while they set.
I suggest using two pans, with water inbetween, to melt the chocolate. It evens out heat-changes, and distributes the heat better. Melt the chocolate slowly, or it will get runny, and the coating will be too thin. Ideally, you want to JUST melt it, so you can dip, but have them harden almost instantly so the chocolate keeps its shape.

[view]

i just got a puppy and i wanna train her how to growl when someone says the B-word. kinda like sick 'em but not quite. i trained my other dog how to speak and i would imagine it wouldnt be as different. does anyone know where i would even begin?

Get someone you know to talk to you for a while in-front of the puppy, then have them say the adverse word. Pretend you're a dog, and growl at them when they say it. Do it quite a few times, separated by some time. If the dog picks it up, give it a reward.
If there is anything else that makes the dog growl, try to form an association between the growl trigger, and the bad word.

-K

[view]

I'm going to a wedgie party soon and I have to learn how to do some really cool wedgies. So if anyone could give me a discription of a really awesome wedgie that would be great. (no normal stuff)

Haha, that sounds like great fun. You should buy some really really big elastic underpants, and do the jim-carey "the mask" style wedgie (atomic wedgie), where they are pulled up over your head. Maybe you could cut some eye-holes in them...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wedgie
"The Grape Wedgie" sounds very funny, but impractical

-K

[view]

i don't know what to get my boyfriend for valentines day. we've been going out for almost two months, and by valentines day it'll be almost three. i reeeally like him and i don't want to look stupid. what do you get guys for valentines day? any ideas?

See my previously answered question http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=555914

-K

[view]

Female,13
Breakin it down:

Guy number 1: Cute, nice, musical, loving, lives close and alwayz wants to hang out, LIKES ME

Guy number 2: Cutish, nice, flirty(in a good way, funny and likes to talk

WHICH ONE??

Number one is older than me
Number two is younger than me

Number one Likes Me
Number two i like him

Ive described the perfect guy before: Cute, Funny, Crazy, Fun, Romantic, Loving, Lives close, Musical, always wants to be with me, and if i chose how he looked it would just be cute curly hair and blue eyes.

Guy number one is the nice one and lives close and plays guitar

Guy number two is the funny, fun to be with guy

One likes me, number two i like him,

Guy number one is excactly how i described the perfect guy in the nice way

Guy number two is excactly how i described the perfect guy in the funny way

number one lives close

number two would be hard to date because it would be another boring middle skewl thang

but i cant ever talk to number one beacause he doesnt like carry on the convo
and it drives me crazy

number two can make me laugh and he gets me

Which one should i lean more towards??
one who i can hang with and he loves me and what not like a perfect love story??

or one who can i can have fun with but not hang out so much because he doesnt live around here

Either way it would be difficult reletionships

NUMBER ONE?!? NUMBER TWO?!?

This will be one of my shorter answers.
Give the nice guy a go (number one).
He likes you, and you obviously like him a little to even consider him.
He sounds like the shyer of the two, and as such if you got to know him, he might carry on conversation better, and feel confident enough to make jokes.
Number 2 sounds like he has "jerk potential".
If you think about a relationship as "difficult", it's doomed to failure. Just let him know you like him too, and go with the flow.

-K

[view]

So I moved to this school in my senior year of high school.

At the beginning, I didn't have a single friend and didn't make an effort at all. I was trying to improve my grades, so I was instead really focused on that because I had to make up for how poorly I did the previous year. So, I worked really hard and got all A's. I still don't have a single friend at the school, and it's mid-year. So, because grades improved and I got my counselor to write a 'glowing' recommendation for the colleges I'm applying to about my turn-around in grades and everything. She sent them, then today...she called my 1st period teacher to call me out of class so I could pick them up to overnight the letters.

Lately, my attendance has gotten worse. I was late today, so when my counselor called my 1st period teacher to ask if she could send me down, my 1st period teacher blasted her about how I'm never in her class, and I'm always late yadda yaddda. Then when I arrived late, my teacher told me my counselor wanted to see me.

When I went down and talked to my counselor after she sent for me, I got the letters & I was about to leave and she's like, "What's up with your attendance" and I'm like, "This quarter its been pretty bad"...and she's like, "It's HORRIBLE!" And I'm like, 'Yeah, I know...". I put the letters down and tell her how I'm usually late first period and stuff like that, but that I'd try to fix my attendance and make it better...so she's like, "*in sweet tone* Yes, you fix it! I wrote these lovely letters for you for your college applications - don't make me look stupid" And I'm like, "No, definitely not, I'll make an improvement..." "*in sweet tone* Yes, you do that! For the next quarter, fix your attendance. I'll be checking! And remember don't make me look stupid! Byeee!!"

Okay, so, what is wrong with me exactly? I'm so depressed, but I haven't really allowed myself to admit it until recently. Like, I literally have no friends. I know it's more so my own fault for not trying but I put so much pressure on myself to improve my grades at the beginning of the year. It's not so easy to make friends senior year, and especially when your grades matter so much. It was my last shot to get into a somewhat good college. I've given up trying on the friends thing. Make friends for what? There are only 3 months left. I'm not going to prom, and I'm even (sadly) fearing my own graduation (who am I going to hang with?).

My sister goes to Princeton, so my parents have expected sooo much for me, but I'm never as good/smart as her. She is GORGEOUS and PERFECT. It is so annoying. I am the ugly duckling, I have so much acne that never goes away and I feel like I can never face anyone because of it. I feel really, just... not pretty. And it doesn't help that she is so damn competitive with me and superficial. "Doesn't this totally accentuate my bone structure". GAH. And I feed her ego every.single.time. "Yeah, it does".

So not going to class/staying at home sort of gives me this high that I didn't expect. I tell my parents that I need an extra day to study for a test, and they're like, "Okay, fine..". I've always been the goody-two shoes, always second best to my sister, but whose only job has been to come home and receive straight A's.

My parents never ask me why I never go out with anyone or have a social life. My parents also don't have any social life as well, and they are workaholics so I feel like some of that has rubbed off on me. As long as I'm getting good grades, it's all okay, and the fact that they don't care hurts me even more. And even those are slipping now (from A's to B's and C's) because of my attendance, lack of focus, and depression I'm pretty sure. I just don't feel happy at all, and everyday I find myself randomly crying.

It sounds stupid, but skipping really does give me a high...it makes me feel a little free, as if I don't have to be so perfect all the time for my parents and everyone else. I can be a little 'rebellious' and 'bad'.

And I wish I could get myself out of my rut. I feel like absolute crap in every way possible. I'm ashamed of myself. Worst of all, while my sister is at Princeton, I'll be stuck at the local state university. Yeah, nothing wrong with that, but my sister thinks she 'has beat me'.

Hi,

I believe you feel free when you don't go to school because you have no motivation to be there right now. Do you know where you're headed? I didn't really at that point in my schooling, but you have to have goals. Those people outside of the freaks in society who find learning pleasurable, have only a few reasons to go to school: In combination 1. It will help them get a good job, which pays well. 2. It will help them chose that job, and be doing something they don't dislike. 3. They have friends, and they're not going to school to learn, they're going to hang with their friends between classes.
I suggest you make yourself 1 year "short term" goals at the very least. Where do you want to be next year? What stuff do you like? What courses do you need to take in order to be able to take the courses you want to take next year?
From the way you talk, you obviously want friends. You've sacrificed socialization for marks, but what you've really been sacrificing is your head-space. "It's not so easy to make friends senior year, and especially when your grades matter so much." -> This worked for a while, but it's not working anymore. Your friends are your marks, if you can't focus, have no reason to go to school, and let yourself feel heavy with depression then you Will fail.
"Make friends for what?" For three months. Friends don't stop being friends, or memories, just because you change schools. Maybe somebody else will end up "stuck" in the same university as you. Answer this question: If you had been friends with someone all year, would you randomly stop being friends with them now? Answer it. Making friends is a wall in your head. Sure, there are superfreak pole-vaulters who don't even seem to HAVE a wall, but you need to think about what friends are. They are people you talk to about funny stuff, eat lunch with, ultimately waste time with, but it makes you feel good. Once or twice I have made great friends with complete strangers standing next to me, in the space of 20 minutes. I'm normally really shit at making friends, but with these people, one of us said something, and the other was listening. Having a friend for three minutes is way the hell better than having nobody for three months. Just because you don't have a friend who is there now, it shouldn't stop you making them. If you never make them, you will just keep thinking "I wish I had one already".
I'm sorry to pester, but please go to school. Not turning up to class makes you look like an outcast/dropout. People who find out might avoid friendship with you. Apart from that, it's important you don't let yourself slip into worse habits.

Maybe your parents know you aren't doing well with friends, and don't ask because they don't want to make you feel bad. "The fact that they don't care hurts me even more": Hey. Parents care about a lot of things that they don't let you know about. Maybe you're especially good at hiding your pain from them. Maybe they just think you're trying to focus on grades (you were doing that earlier). They care alright. And if your parents didn't care, they would have to be the world's nastiest, crappiest parents, and I wouldn't give a damn that they didn't care if they were that oblivious to me.

Being "stuck" at local state university while your sister sizzles under pressure-cooker conditions to live up to the standards of her university doesn't sound so bad to me. Prestigious-name university or not, things depend on what students do while they're there.

You are not your sister, so don't compare yourself to her. There are two circumstances in which people compare themselves to others:
1. People compare themselves to others who they believe are inferior
2. People compare themselves, or what they posses (such as goods, and wealth), to other they believe are, or have something superior.

Case 1 leads to people feeling good because other people are inferior. It makes people big-headed, and more likely to miss their own faults. It also leads to a desire for the perpetuation of those people's inferiority, even if the only way to keep them inferior is not to grow, but to push the inferiors down, and stop them from becoming equal or surpassing. Hitler was a case 1.
Case 2 leads to suffering because one believes they are inferior. They blame other people, or they blame themselves, but either way they wish they were better, or had something better. People who are Case 2 may even achieve what it was they were originally after. But come on, there is ALWAYS going to be someone better than you, and you can't let that make you feel bad. If you did, you would feel bad the rest of your life, but it wouldn't do you any good. You just have to think about how much better you are at catching skittles in your mouth than them, and be happy about it, because it's better than being unhappy.

Both cases of comparison lead to bad outcomes. I have come to believe that the best way to overcome comparison is to think in absolute terms. You live with your parents. You eat every day. You get a chance to go to school. It sounds really phony, like an AID agency to itemize in such seemingly basic things, but when I was depressed, and I had just started to realise what it was making me sad, these are the things that I thought about. I thought "I am O.k. I might be screwed up, but what is there right now that threatens me? I'm not in danger. I am not lost. I am not injured. Etc." I thought about what my life was made up of, and realised that the only thing lacking in my life was -me-. I was so busy screwing around being sad, that I had forgotten that I was in the driver's seat.

Depression is tricky to pin down. The job of psychologists (And most of them are shit at their jobs) isn't to tell, or find out what is wrong with their patient, but to ask the right questions in response to the answers a depressed person gives, in order to help that person to figure out what is depressing them. As such, the dilemma is that you know somewhere (obviously not consciously) what is making you depressed. You just need to slow down, detach, and think about it logically. That is of course really hard to do.

Feel unpretty? Just reading your English; your pretty, capitalized sentences with proper grammar makes you pretty in my eyes.
But to be serious about things: Acne will do that. I was looking like developing cystic acne (big boils like half the width of my nose) when I was in High-school. My parents took me to the dermatologist, and I was prescribed a medication made from high-dose Vit.E (don't do this yourself, you need liver toxicity tests and stuff along the way, 'coz it's dangerous), and I've had mostly clear skin ever since. You should see if you can get an appointment, and see what medical miracles they can offer you.


Feel like crap, feel ashamed, feel beaten, feel ugly, feel lonely, but most of all, feel that you control what you do, you are driving.
If it helps, write a list. Write down what you feel crap about, and turn it into a tick-list to deal with.
Dermatologist
First friend
Get Bs in (subject)
...

Depression is a state of mind,
You just need to find a good way to change your mind.

Good luck.
-K

[view]

<<< Previous Advice Column
Next Advice Column >>>
eXTReMe Tracker