Gender:
FemaleLocation:
KansasOccupation:
StudentAge:
21Member Since:
October 18, 2003Answers:
36Last Update:
January 13, 2005Visitors:
4671Favorite Columnists
spacefem
fire_hazzard
Main Categories:
Activism
General Sex Questions
Love Life
View All
about
My name is Laura and I'm happy to help out with questions if you're asking about a subject I happen to be familiar with. I work at an agency that assists victims of domestic violence and sexual assault, so I'm able to answer questions about those kinds of situations. However, I'll often simply refer people to an agency like the one I work for in their area*, it's usually the best advice I can give. I can also answer most questions about positive dating and sexual relationships, including safe sex. I'm a big fan of the political system so I can answer general questions about that as well, although I won't do your homework for you. My other interests include houseplants, hermit crabs and kiwi fruit. Ask away!*If I tell you to seek help from a domestic violence or sexual assault agency in your area and you're not sure where one is or where to find out, feel free to ask me. Just let me know what city and state (or country, if ouside the US) you live in and I'll give you full contact information for the agency closest to you that will provide the services you need. If you're concerned about privacy, I'm happy to send you the information without posting it on my column, just let me know if that's what you want.
National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233
National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-HOPE
advice
Ok, so I decided that instead of taking the chance having sex with just a condom that I want to go on birth control. Only problem is telling my mom I want to go to the gyno. I know I don't have to tell my parents but I would rather them knowing know then later on. I'm 18 and at college. Any good ways of saying it to them without basically saying I'm having sex?
It's understandable that you want your parents to know about your OBGYN visit rather than keeping it a secret, and commendable that you want to practice safe sex. It's not particularly harmful to not tell your parents you're sexually active as an adult. As long as you're willing to be safe there's no reason for them to know, and chances are they'd rather not. Finding an excuse to go to the OBGYN shouldn't be difficult because you should be going regardless of sexual activity. Your gynecologist can detect irregularities, cervical or ovarian cancers or diagnose infections. Most doctors recommend yearly visits even for people who aren't sexually active starting at 17 or so. A friend of mine who was not sexually active went to the OBGYN for the first time at 17 and an early cancerous growth was discovered. They were able to treat her long before it became dangerous. If nothing else, you can tell your parents that you heard such a story and you’d like to go make sure you’re healthy. You can also tell them that your doctor has told you need to begin going annually, as many doctors would make such a recommendation for a woman your age. You can even tell them that you have a yeast infection and need a prescription. You can also make an excuse for your birth control pills by telling them your gynecologist prescribed them to help with cramps, heavy periods or acne, which are three extremely common uses for birth control pills.
what's the best way to whiten teeth?
my pearly whites could use a little lightening and i'd like to know what you all find to be the best way so that i can have my teeth in ship-shape in no time, thanks!
The best product I've tried is Crest Nighteffects (very similar to Colgate Simply White), which is a fairly inexpensive paint-on gel you wear at night. Although it does the best job, it's a real pain to apply and deal with. I would recommend using it for your initial whitening and then maintaining with Crest Whitestrips, which also work very well but are considerably more expensive. Whitening toothpaste will help you maintain as well. If you really want a good whitening job, the best thing to do is ask your dentist to recommend a product or treatment. He or she may even be able to whiten your teeth professionally, which will be great but may cost quite a bit.
i've been on the pill for about 2 weeks now and i was told not to have unprotected sex until i was on the pill for about a month or so. well last night me and my boyfriend were having sex and 2 condoms broke...we were so caught up in the moment that we decided to keep going and he was gonna pull out. well he did and when i looked down it took a couple seconds for him to "go" i'm pretty sure we're safe but what do you think?
To begin, I would closely examine the way you and your partner are using condoms. Condoms break very rarely when used correctly. Be sure to follow the directions on the package when putting them on, avoid exposing them to extreme heat or cold and check the expiration date on the package. In regards to the effectiveness of your birth control pills, birth control pills have about a 5% realistic failure rate (and that's after being on them for a full month or more). Before the first month, there is debate as to whether the pill is effective at all. It's important to wait until after your first ovulation on the pill before you expect it to prevent pregnancy. Withdrawal, the method you and your partner used after the condoms broke, is one of the least effective ways to prevent pregnancy because sperm cells are released before ejaculation. To summarize: you could be pregnant and you’ll need to take a test if you miss your period.
In the future, keep in mind that it’s wise to avoid having sex without a condom even when using the pill. The pill does not protect against sexually transmitted disease, and it's not perfect. You can't be too careful.
okay .. well there's this kid ivan who likes me .. well i don't like me and all his friends and like my friends are like are you two gonna go out b.c he likes you a lot .. i'm like okay but i don't like him he's just like my friend .. well ivan is always calling me non-stop .. to the point where i've told my family just not to give me the fone .. and now he calls my cell fone non-stop and leaves messages like .. on time he said he was upset and he was like i dunno .. just hearing ur voicemail and u talking made me feel better.. okay we're 14! i don't even kno what the frigg love is and i feel like he''s stalking me // he knows i don't like him and won't go out with him .. but he doesn't get the ount to stop calling and i don't know what to do .. b.c it gets me mad and aggravated .. so i need help on how to get this kid to back off
In most states, if you feel threatened by Ivan's behavior you (or your parents on your behalf) can qualify for a restraining order. Regardless of whether or not you want to get one right now, you can always let him know it is an action you are willing to take. Talk to him one final time. Tell him that his behavior meets the legal definition of harassment and that if he continues to contact you, you will file a restraining order. If he contacts you again, follow through with filing the order. I would also recommend documenting the harassment by saving his phone messages, keeping a log of his calls, etc.
Be cautious in dealing with this person. He seems to be fairly emotional and that can make him unpredictable. When you talk to him, be clear and firm. Tell him you will take legal action and be willing to do so.
I wanna start a hermit crab activist group in my state, because I, and others, believe that Hermit Crabs (land)are treated inhumanely. In pet stores they're always in tanks with out lights or heat lamps or spoges or the waters too deep and theyve all drowned in the water bowl. I HATE HOW THE POOR DEARS ARE TREATED!!
But i have my ways of getting them better living quaters. By Buying them all. like ....12 at a time from my local pet store....i buy every single one !!! Otherwise i go to the dude at the counter and tell him to clean out the tank once in a while. Or offer to clean it myself. Once i burst into tears cos all the poor little hermies were shell-less and food-less and it was AWFUL!!!
So Damnit, how can i get a group started in my town?? Can i spread the word around to my hermie friends and start an organisation that re homes them and adopts them??? Cos that would be cool.
Remember people- Hermit Crabs can live up to 120 years old in captivity, thses guys are pets for life, not just for christmas.
hell yeah. im gonna put this in random weirdos.....and no one will carea bout it and its go to hell.
For hermit crab activism, there's only one place to be: The Hermit Crab Association! Check out
www.hermitcrabassociation.com for more information and ways to get involved.
I am not looking forward to thanksgiving this year because everything is so messed up. My boyfriend (of 5 and a half years) was best friends with this guy for 6 years. Now they are complete enemies (I won't get into why, it'll make this ? way too long). Well, this guy he was friends with, lets call him "dildo," has been with my sister for 2 years and they are now pregnant together so he is now in my family. So my family is all getting together and stuff for thanksgiving and Dildo is going to be there with my sister and my b'friend was really looking forward to going until he found out Dildo was going. Now of course he can't. My family says they can't both be there because no confrontations can be stirred up because my grandmother is old with a weak heart. So they (as in my mother and my sister) decided to choose to let Dildo go because he can't go to his families because they all hate him. (Dildo is an Italian tough guy who is a thief and con artist type of guy), they chose him even though he is the one that left a threatening message on our answering machine because he decided to jump to conclusions one day and listen to false accusations. I am so mad! The rest of my family would have chose my b'friend over him, but they have to pretend to be nice for my sister's sake, so they kinda gotta stay out of it. My b'friend is a Sonny Corinthos from General Hospital type of guy who if you betray him he doesn't forgive (no, he's not an Italian mobster). Now I am supposed to go over there with my 1 year old son and just leave my b'friend here at home alone. I am supposed to eat there, come back home, and then go to his family's. But eating takes so long, I'll be there so late I know it, my b'friends day will suck so bad for him waiting for me alone (we have 1 car, he has to wait). I am tempted to just stay home with me, him, and the baby and skip thanksgiving dinner altogether (I don't know how to cook birds). I don't want to spend the entire day at his family's either cuz they're all bi-polar psychos who just argue all the time. Sorry this was so long, but what do I do??? Thanks to whoever can help.
I sounds like you consider your boyfriend to be part of your family, and you should never be forced to choose between parts of your family. However, if Thanksgiving is one of the only times you see your entire family you wouldn’t want to miss an opportunity to see people you may not get to talk to often. In virtually any other circumstance, I strongly encourage going with your gut instinct and ditching them on Thanksgiving. Your family is forcing you to choose between them and your boyfriend, they’re not really attempting to resolve this problem (are they going to do this at every family event from now on?), and they seem to have made a decision based on pretty flimsy criteria. Regardless of where you choose to be, I would definitely sit down with whoever made this decision and have a very honest conversation about how their decision made you feel, what your Thanksgiving plans are and how the family is going to deal with this issue in the future, seeing as neither of these two guys seems to be going away. Lastly, it might be extremely helpful to encourage your boyfriend to try and resolve this conflict. You mentioned he doesn’t forgive, I wonder if the other party has made attempts to improve the situation. If so, I can see how the decision your family made was justified. Whatever they’re fighting about is only leading to stress for you and for your family, and it’s not ever going to get better. Chances are, in the greater scheme of things, this conflict is pretty minor and it will serve all involved very well for your boyfriend to be the bigger person by burying the hatchet.
srry if this is long but
there is this kid in my school and he is shorter me and not very good lookin but i still lik him alot and no one understands and ppl always make fun of me for likin him and i already went out wif him lik 3 times b4 and he dumped me all the times but i still rely lik him and alot of ppl make fun of me for it and i hate how no one understands mee
how can i get them 2 stopp??
Your friends clearly lack understanding of the concept that beauty is more than skin deep. This is their problem, not yours and not your partner's. You are clearly able to see compatibility is more important than good looks. Perhaps it's time to apply that same standard to your friends, who don't seem to be very supportive. Pursue a relationship with this guy, because (although I realize you're a touch young to be thinking about commitment) 30 years down the line he'll still be a great guy and the guys your friends married who were cute at 20 will be overweight, balding and still jerks.
Ok I've got a boyfriend who I love and who loves me but lately he's been really confusing me because he flirts with two of my best friends and it makes me jelous even if he's mine anyway he keeps smoking weed and injects himself with heroin but i don't who if he's telling the truth but he's got little marks on his arm and I'm really worried about him if it's true he could die and I know Id be really upset if he died how can I talk to him about it because he thinks it's cool and his mate does it to
He is being manipulative and controlling by flirting with your friends in front of you. Chances are he’s trying to make you jealous intentionally in order to deal with his own insecurities. That kind of behavior, combined with drug use, will only get worse over time. People who love you won’t do things to hurt you. Give him the phone number for a local drug treatment program and go about your merry way. Find someone who values you enough that they will never risk losing you by putting other love interests or drug use above your needs.
One of my guy friends embarresed me a lot by accident . He made something different sound like i think about sex 24/7 . What should i do when pple ask me about it / tease me ?
Thanks ...
I would first make an effort to talk to your guy friend about being more considerate in the future. Your reaction to the teasing of your other friends should depend upon how the teasing makes you feel. If you find their jibes hurtful, you should tell them so in very direct terms. If you just find the comments annoying, play along so that they won’t realize it bothers you. Laugh it off and it will eventually lose appeal for them.
okay well i have this problem..there is this guy and i have been going out with him for about 2 months..and i went to a party with him last weekend..and for some really weird reason..it was really weird to be around him..like i didnt want to go out with him ne more..and hes really nice and all..but i keep comparin him to my ex bf..who is going out with my friend..and he was like my very first love..and i just cant get over him! and its irritating..well anyways back to the current boyfriend situation..he hasnt talked to me whatsoever this week..so im thinkin that i should breakup with him cuz i dont think he likes me ne more..and i dont think i like him ne more..
so here are my questions..should i break up with him? and if so how should i do it (like what should i say) and HOW CAN I GET OVER MY EX! lol cuz i really want to..but its just always coming back to haunt me
You should never remain with someone you are not interested in, that kind of relationship is not positive for either of you. It’s not fair to your partner to stay with him when you’re not interested, he should be able to go find someone who is. You probably owe him an apology and some honesty regarding your feelings for someone else. That said, you also need to work towards getting over your past relationship or you’ll never be able to escape these feelings. Make an attempt to focus on the positive aspects of other people and recall the reason why your previous relationship didn’t work out. Focus on moving forward. You also may no be ready to date people yet, especially if your last relationship ended fairly recently. Perhaps consider taking a break from dating until you feel like you can focus on a new partner.
Okay so my friend just told me that my other friend got raped about 2 years ago.. and I am just now finding this out. And oh my god, I didn't believe her at first, but I know she wouldn't lie about something like this. Ah I am in total shock, I like still can't believe it. I just don't want to believe it... oh my god but I really need to tell my mom, she's good friends with my friend's mom and she deserves to know. But how in the world do I tell her? I like can't come right out and say it.. ahh I really just want to forget about all this though... HELP!!
This is a situation to approach with a great deal of caution. I would be extremely careful because you're hearing this information secondhand, which means you don't know all of the details. To be blunt, your friend really never should have told you, it was a total violation of the rape victim's trust. Regardless, ask the friend who told you a few questions:
1. Do the victim's parents know about the assault?
2. Is the victim getting counseling?
3. Does the victim know about community agencies in the area that may be able to help her?
If the answer to all of these questions is “no” you'll want to take some action. Look in the phone book or online (under “sexual assault” or “rape”) to find an agency in your area designed to assist sexual assault victims. If you can't find one, call the agency that assists domestic violence victims. Get the phone number and address for this agency. Give this information to the friend who told you about the assault and tell her to pass it along to the victim. If she refuses or the victim doesn't want the information, call the agency yourself and ask for more advice.
I`m a senior in high school. I`m turning 18 soon but my boyfriend will still be 17. If we have sex after my birthday, will that be illegal?
In most states, the age of consent is either 16 or 17. Exceptions are too frequent to be able to draw conclusions without knowing what state you live in. You can find your state's age of consent with a quick Google search. Statutory rape laws are not frequently enforced in situations like yours, but there are plenty of circumstances (usually involving parents) in which teenagers have ended up on a sex offender list for having sex in situations exactly like yours. Being labeled as a sex offender for the rest of your life, which seriously hampers your ability to get many jobs, is not something to be taken lightly. Be sure to find out you state law and exercise caution. If you choose to have sex, be sure to do so safely.
Everytime i eat something, i end up feeling really guilty, and wish i hadn't. im really not sure how to find the balance between eating healthy but letting myself have treats without feeling like i did something wrong. its been happening more lately, and i don't know how to convince myself that its ok, but yet still keep eating healthy...please help : /
As others have said, it’s all about balance. The key is to avoid depriving yourself of the foods you love, just cut them back to moderate levels or integrate them into healthy snacks. For example, let’s say you love Doritos; you eat a bag of them for lunch everyday and feel horribly guilty about it. You can eat healthier and reduce guilt by cutting back your serving size. Try to measure out a bowl of Doritos and stop at that. Also tell yourself that whenever you eat of bowl of Doritos you have to eat a piece of fruit to get some vitamins. After you have your snack, you can concentrate on the fruit in order to feel less guilty. There’s nothing wrong with having a treat every now and again, just try to eat appropriate portions and make it a part of healthier eating.
This is a really.. stupid.. question.. but.. here goes anyway:
I want to buy some condoms (im a girl) and i think its kind of embarrassing.. i mean.. i dont want everyone to know im having sex. I cant drive.. and if my sis or parents found out i was buying them.. they would KILL me.. Anyway.. when i work up the nerve to buy them.. whats the best kind to buy... i prefer lifestyles or trojan.. so whats the best.. and cheapest at that.. to buy
thanks!
My viewpoint has always been that if you're not ready to buy condoms you’re not ready to have sex. Of course, it's good to see you asking advice about this issue.
Trojan condoms are rarely ranked as the best in objective studies, although they are the most widely available in the United States. I would discourage purchasing them because Trojan has refused to stop using a spermicidal lubricant that contains Nonozonyl-9, a chemical that has been linked to vaginal irritation, which has the potential to create pathways for STDs to enter the body. Trojan is virtually the only manufacturer to refuse to pull this lubricant, which tells me that their concern for safety is secondary to their concern for profits. If you do choose their products (it may be your only option) avoid Nonoxonyl-9. Durex is a European condom that is still widely available in the US and consistently praised for safety and feeling. If you're able to get some, I recommend them.
However, all brands of condoms will help protect you. The most important part of using condoms is reading the instructions that some with them to make sure you’re using the correctly. Condoms are only effective if you use them right.
I would also encourage you (since you expressed that price is a concern) to check with an agency in your area that provides free condoms. It may be a local health center, and HIV/AIDS treatment center, or any other organization concerned about safe sex. They may be able to make arrangements for you to get free condoms, even though you don’t drive, and teach you how to use them.