Member Since: November 3, 2015
Answers: 80
Last Update: February 16, 2018
Visitors: 3812
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I've never really told anybody about this, but, it's getting out of hand and I don't know what to do. I have a fantasy world inside of my head that I want to be my actual life. I have multiple characters that I made up. I have different family and friends inside my own world that I sometimes love more than my real world ones. When the people in my world are happy, I'm happy, when they are sad, I'm sad. They are so real to me that sometimes, I just get lost inside my head and actually think I'm living there. I love this world so much that I want to spend all my time there, and when I finally realize that I can't, I'll cry or just get really angry. I think this is getting out of hand, I've had this world since I was around 5. I'm 13 now. I really don't want to talk about this to my family, they just won't understand. (link)
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I think its ok to have something in your mind that can distract you in a good way from some of the obstacles we face daily.
Imagining is fun and can definitely help you achieve your dreams so dont feel bad about that!
I am going to go out on a limb here..
you mentioned that you feel love for this characters and you also mentioned that they are sometimes happy or sad.
I wonder if you are communicating with your spirit guides?
try to pay more attention to your interaction with this world. Our minds are very powerful so you will be able to figure out what is made up and what is real.
If i am wrong , i still believe that taking the time to study when you see them in your head or feel them and all the thoughts and your interactions will help you figure things out and you will be more comfortable with whats happening and you will even have the power to end it if need be.
Regardless dont feel bad. Everything happens for a reason and now that you are 13 things will start to make more sense.
Good luck to you xx
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Hi I'm June and I'm 16 and my boyfriend is 17 soon to be 18. You've probably heard this sort of situation tons of times but my boyfriend wants to have sex and we've had this conversation multiple times of how I feel I'm not ready and I have told him my decision was no and the other night the subject came up again and I told him I wasn't ready but he wasn't really accepting my answer and he was like if you trust me you'll let me do it. I trust him a lot and I really like him and he knows that but I myself just don't feel ready and he kept pushing for me to change my mind and I gave in and said I'd have sex with him and now I'm gonna see him sometime this week and he wants to do it, idk what to do I'm scared and I'm not ready to have sex but he doesn't want no for an answer what should I do. I love him a lot but I'm just not ready, any advice is helpful. (link)
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The most important part of this is that you are not ready! Anyone who cares about you will respect that.
Its great that you feel you can trust him and that you love him but if you are not ready the final answer is no.
Once you have sex he is going to continue wanting it which is only going to make you feel worse.
So sorry to say if he cant accept no and he doesnt want to be with you anymore its his loss.
Yes you will be sad but you deserve someone that values your feelings and how can you trust someone that doesnt care about how you feel with something as big as having sex.
Think about how you will feel if you give into this before you are ready and allow that to guide you with your decision.
Sorry you are going through this! xx
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I've been seriously thinking of becoming Buddhist. How long should I study before I make the life-changing choice? (link)
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Its tough to give yourself a time frame on this. I feel that only you can answer this.
If I had to take a guess at a time frame I would say give it at least a year. Give it your all and learn all that you can and basically live as one. If you feel you can handle it than make this official change. If not than its possible you may need more time to study or maybe it isnt for you. You will be able to feel your way through it. I wouldnt rush into a change like that.
Also keep in mind that if by some chance you make the official change and down the line you feel differently you have the choice to go your own way again. Dont restrict yourself. Everyone needs time to find their own way.
Good luck!
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i want to completely change myself. for so long, i have been a very, very depressed, miserable, super anxious, kind of rude, boring, not social at all person who has A LOT of anger issues.
i want to change into my ideal person: super happy most of the time, calm at all times (never angry), sees the positive in even the worst situations, easily talkative, the sweetest thing ever, doesn't get attached to people or things, etc.
i really really need to work on my anger issues, which meditation has helped a lot so far. ive also found out that resisting to act on my anger, my brain will rewire to become more calmer, and it's worked a lot so far. does anyone know any other ways to kill my anger even more? i just want to be the calmest person ever.
i also found a few ways to control my emotions. like when im sad, to acknowledge that im sad or angry or anxious, understand that emotion, then choose what emotion to have. but how can i feel the emotion i choose?
also how can i have absolutely no expectations? i have high expectations in a boyfriend, and my boyfriend isnt really in those. but i love him and want to stay with him forever; i truly feel for him. how can i lose my expectations on him and other people, because those expectations make me very unhappy????
also, if there's any other ways i can improve myself to be the best person i can be PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE tell me and explain to me!!!! even the littlest things will help me! THANK YOU!!!!!! (link)
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First off I would like to say you are an amazing person for making this change!! This is a win in so many ways! So congrats to you and keep up the good work!!
Meditating is an excellent way to deal with alot of this. Also remember that while you are mediating take some deep breaths.
You are doing some great things by taking the time to acknowledge your feelings and getting to the cause of them. Its difficult trying to get to a place where things just bounce off of you.
I am also working on this.
The best advice I can give you at this time to help you on this is to remember that YOU come first. Do things that feel good to you.
For example...
Maybe you do alot of favors for a particular person but when you need help they dont help you back.
So then comes that feeling of an expectation.. you do so much you expect something back right? and in a bigger picture maybe you do alot for tons of people and why dont you have anyone doing it for you?
Well its no ones responsibility to take care of you. You have to take care of yourself.
When you do something for someone dont do it with the intention of expecting something in return.
Thats a tricky statement because you are probably thinking that you dont set an expectation but unfortunately somewhere in your mind you do set an expectation.
So the next time you give or do a favor think about why you are doing it and immediately think about how good it makes you feel and how that feeling is truly the reason why you are giving and it doesnt matter what happens after that.
You give, you feel good and you move on. Case closed ( so to speak)
Make the choice to help because it makes you feel good.
I know this is probably starting to sound somewhat selfish but keep in mind that you are doing good in the world and there is nothing selfish about that!
If you make your happiness a priority the expectations will slowly dwindle away.
I start my morning off on a positive note.
I take some deep breaths and I think about the things I am grateful for in my life. Its great to think about several things however if you could think about 1 or 2 things Im pretty sure that will be enough. Try to also think about something you are grateful for about yourself.
Make sure they are things that trigger a happy emotion.
Maybe you are thankful for the new car you purchased recently but for some reason when you think about the shirt your boyfriend gave you it triggers a bigger emotion inside (for example).
So the shirt is the one you will want to think about.
I also set my intention for the day. Maybe an intention for you on most days could be that you are not going to let anyone bring you down.
thats a tough one but just believe it! The temptations will be there but you will be so much stronger you will be able to fight them off quicker.
If things dont go as planned dont beat yourself up for it. This is a work in progress overall your days will be so much better and you will notice a big difference in the way you face obstacles.
I hopee some of this helps you!! Good luck and I am so happy for you!!
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You don't go through our struggles. When have you been taught in your 7th grade sex ed that you're not normal, been bullied, ashamed of yourself to suicide, and told by your church that you've developed an emotional connection to your an abomination. In what country have cishets been killed, beaten, and discriminated against? When have straight children been bullied at school for being straight? When have you been told, like bisexuals asexuals and pansexuals, you're not real or valid. Where is your marriage not legal? When have you had to fight to get a kid? When have you had to fight people to bake your wedding cake, take your photo, and sign your license? When has heterosexuality been considered a mental disorder? When have straight kids been sent to conversion therapys where they're shocked, and develop mental disorders. When have straight kids been kicked out of their houses for being straight, and told it's a choice. Gotten disowned. Is isis throwing heteros off buildings? Nope. Are people kicking you out of restaraunts, and holding up signs saying "God hates heteros!" Are you treated like an adult topic? Have you ever been told you're too young to know? Do your men get put into fanfiction by people who hate your women, and do your women get fetishized to the point where it's seen as nothing more than a porn genre by people who hate you?
Like transgenders (including nonbinary and intersex), have you been murdered, beaten, humiliated, bullied, and disowned like transgenders for being trans? Do you get told your not real and never mentioned? Are you treated like a pest of society? When have cisgenders faced even a tiny bit of discrimination. And been treated like weird ugly useless creatures, dehuminized and sexually abused? Especially transgendered people of color? Are people on your case for not being like the gender you identify as 100%? Do people want you to die? Is it hard for you to get your surgeries and name change, so you are constantly living with dysorphia and self hate? To suicide?
You aren't opressed cissy hettys, get over it. Also, allys, you're still cisgendered and heterosexual. You face nothing, and can ignore issues when you want to. For supporting us you are a decent human, no badge for that. If you're a good ally, you wouldn't need the "a" in LGBTQIA, which belongs to asexuals.
So why do cissy hettys want pride parades?
Sincerly, a fed up lesbian. (link)
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This type of question also reminds me of people asking why isn't there a white history month?
I think like anything some people forget why all of these organizations exists. We live in a world where certain types of people get more recognized. It may be your skin color,hair color, eye color, size of your body, your curves etc..
I think all people can relate to some type of discrimination but obviously some people get it much worse.
It would be nice to live in a world where we didn't have to have any of these things because everyone accepts everyone and tries to understand each other instead of bashing everyone but that's not the case so here we are.
Don't get caught up in what these other people are doing . If you it will just drive you mad. Keep fighting for what you stand for so these organizations will continue.
I hear everything you are saying and I agree but we have to find peace with some of the chaos with in ourselves. Some things just don't make any sense!
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My boyfriend and I have been together since we were 15 I am now 23 and we found out I was pregnant 9 months ago, we talked through it and since abortion was off the table we have decided to place our baby boy up for adoption, it is going to be the hardest thing we will ever go through because I have waited for this day my entire life and people look at my age and automatically think I'm being selfish for doing this but no one knows our life better then us and honestly we would be selfish to keep him, granted he would be loved more then anything but sometimes that's just not enough...... I am a Cna and take care of people all day long when in reality I can't even take care of my self, I don't go out clubbing, I don't drink or do drugs and neither does He so we didn't base our decision on what we would have to give up because for my baby boy I'd give up the world and that's what I intend to do... the problem is my bf moved here from Canada when he was 9 and he can't work until he becomes a citizen which we are trying to deal with right now, we live with my family and still end up struggling, my mom was a single mom and did an amazing job at raising me and my brother, we were never your typical teenagers and I applaud single parents so much but if only you could step in our shoes for one day you'd realize that making my baby endure what I have to on a daily basis that's when you'd finally understand..... my mom knows I put my heart into everything I do and that's why she is with me 110% but some people like my dad and step mom think I'm being selfish for wanting a better life then I had which is why we're not on speaking terms, they just don't get it, for one my dad left us when I was two amd my brother was born he lived 5 mins down the street and I never saw barely ever got a happy birthday from him till I was 13 he would only come around when it was convenient for him and still does and my step mom raised three boys on her own since there dad was in prison, and they are a mess into nothing but drugs and being losers so she should not have a right to tell me I'm being selfish, I know I will regret this decision my entire life and it will be the hardest thing on me and my bf but sometimes putting our children first is what a real parent does (link)
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I think only you know if you are making the right decision but I will try to help you.
Think long and hard.... clear your mind, do not think about how life will be with your baby.. now here is my question...
Do you want to parent your child?
if the answer is yes in my opinion you should keep your child.
If you told me that you had a disability that would not allow you to properly care for your child i could understand that.
If you told me that having this child and keeping it would put your family or baby in danger of surviving than yes.
The things you mention in my opinion are enough in my opinion.
The fact you can already say that you know you will regret this decision also tells me this is not what you truly want.
I understand you want the best for your child but one thing that i know that is best for most children is being with their mom.
The best thing is your love! Thats all your child will know .
If you feel like you truly want and already love this child everything will fall into place. Having a child is not going to ruin your life. People rise and continue on. It makes things harder but you can do it!
Ok so i have given you some things to think about but i still encourage you to make your own decision. I am just trying to point out whats important.
If this is not something that you want then continue with the adoption. Maybe this is what you are really feeling but dont want to admit it to yourself or anyone else and if thats the case its ok because if you do not want your baby as horrible as it sounds, giving him or her to a family who will want him is best.
Seek your own truth and thats how you will be able to live with either decision.
Good luck and sending you lots of love! xx
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I have this bestfriend that i have been friends since forever, we're both 19 years old and i feel like she tries to out do me in everything.. ill give you a couple of examples.
1- i would always say im poppin', im that bit*h, i like to look good everywhere (she'd never say any of those things) and now shell try to find ANY WAY to say that shes poppin, shes that bit*h, and that she has to look good everywhere (before she didnt care about her appearance all the time).
2- id say something is cute and she'll buy it when i cant.
3- i'd wear an outfit and in a matter of weeks, she'll wear a similar outfit than what i had (but ofcourse it wouldnt look as good, not to sound cocky).
4- she told me wants us to be those friends that wear matching clothes and hairstyles.
but thats just to name of couple of things.. i think she knows shes copying me but shes trying to convince herself and her bf that im copying her because she one day said that i want to be just like her and her bf one day said that she told him that i wanted to be just like her because i dyed my hair blonde, even though i told her a long time ago that i wanted to dye my hair blonde and a few months later she went blonde, before i even had the chance too. I honestly feels like she tries to hard to be me and people are starting to notice because they would say "since when did she start saying stuff like that?" and she'll say "i learned from the best" like why cant she be her own person? (link)
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Sounds like she admires you in some way or she is trying to get under your skin.
Its hard but try not to let these things affect you too much.
You know who you are and obviously she is still trying to figure that out.
There are so many other things you can talk about and there is no need to constantly discuss what you are wearing.
If she wants to copy so be it. yes its annoying but i think if you ignore it she will realize how ridiculous it is.
Good luck with your friend! and try your best to discuss more pressing things that friends should be discussing.
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I'm 16 years old, about to be 17 in a few months. I'm about 7 months pregnant. I've been blessed to be able to stay in school this whole time. I've always wanted to be able to stay in school until my last month because I want to make sure I have high grades and get to enjoy half of my junior year. I've tried so hard to make it through my pregnancy while still getting my education. But it's become so hard lately, my belly has really popped and people notice right away and stare and talk. Obviously I knew it'd happen. Teen pregnancy causes so much controversy. It's just my hormones are going crazy and I'm emotional and it makes me want to stop going to school but I still have time to be in school for a bit more but is there any advice you can give me to help get through it? (link)
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I know this is easier said than done but try to drown out the bickering and keep your faith!
Its unfortunate that you have to be pregnant while you are in school but there is no need to dwell on that. We all face obstacles along our journey.
If you feel the pressure is too much and im pretty sure you need some time off soon which is completely normal towards the end of your pregnancy... look into getting your GED.
Im not sure what the guidelines are but I believe there are ways to do it at home. Get all of the information before making that decision.
you are going to be a mom and your decisions affect both you and your child so i am so proud to hear that finishing school is important to you!
I know its tough being your age and pregnant but you are not alone in that at all. Maybe there arent more pregnant girls but there are so many young girls that choose to abort. I am not judging but basically you were all in the same boat, you all had to make a decision going forward. Your decision cannot be hidden while theirs can.
So keep up the hard work and believe you can achieve what you put your mind too! Having a baby doesnt end that.
Congrats and good luck to you! xx
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I'm a 12 year old atheist girl. I'm not throwing shade to christians, because some of the ones I've met are good people, but why do people think christians are so perfect? In America, where I live every politician from Trump to Hillary has to profess their love for the bible to get a shot. Ted Cruz said he's a Christian first an American second. Imagine if a jewish person or a Muslim politician said that (as if Muslims have a chance) why is there god written on everything. Why must god be mentioned in the pledge? I've been called a "dumb shit" by someone for not believing when the evidence is "I have life" I responded I have life because my parents had sex. You see, Christians go around bashing everyone else's religion, then when we respond, we're close minded bigots and must drown in their Christian tears. A person I can't stand said it "makes sense" that I'm an atheist. This could either be regarding the fact I'm big on liberalism, or that I swear a lot. And here's another thing, how come with muslims lately, we are talking about banning them and making them wear special badges and closing down mosques for the action if isis (1% of muslims) why did we never talk about closing down churches after the crisis of priests molesting young boys, or banning Christians over the kkks, and making them wear badges because of the nazis, after all Hitler was catholic and stated his movement's christian (this stuff shouldn't happen to muslims or christians, don't get the wrong idea) and jewish people are the majority in religious hate crimes. I've met jewish people, muslims, atheists, and agnostic far more moral than some Christians. Also minorities like pagans, Jainism followers, hindus (mocked by people in bindis), etc are always getting attacked for being satanic? Why are Christians so loved and everyone else hated? (link)
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I think alot of people fall into the Christian umbrella probably because its comfortable.
Usually when there is a majority the minorities get bashed or what I like to call it misunderstood.
I dont think someones religious beliefs excuses them from sin. Its quite possible you know more "bad" Christians because as I mentioned before they are the majority.
I believe that anyone is capable of sin.
I believe that all of our beliefs begin from our parents and then evolve with our life experiences and we choose what is best for us.
Unfortunately people do not take the time to understand each other and that is terrible.
Now you mentioned people being Satanic.
Regardless of your views on religion or on whether there is a God or not i think that one thing is clear..there are 2 sides.
Light and Darkness
People that work with light can be from any belief including Atheist.
There will always be a struggle with good and evil thats normal. The other ones you are referring to in regards to religious beliefs shouldnt be as dominant but thats the world we live in.
Dont get caught up in whats going on with Polititions and these Religious groups. Look with in your self.
I know you mentioned that you are here because your parents had sex and yes you are right. However if you study the process of having a baby and every step and how there is only a small window and there are so many factors that get in the way you will see that there is some type of magic there.
Anytime you feel or witness ANYTHING that cannot be explained that is God.
I am not trying to change your beliefs with one post but i encourage you to find your own path and ignore all the public bickering and see how you feel. It will take time but I guarantee that you will eventually believe in something.
Good luck to you and remember that you are good and regardless of the titles used to divide us, good works with light and bad works with dark. So the good and bad dispute will always be there.
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My mom was an active alcoholic for years and it ruined a lot of my childhood - especially high school. It was hard to watch and difficult to deal with an addict. The good news is, she's been sober for 4 years.
I'm really proud of her and am so happy, but now I'm 21. I want to have a drink now and then or just have some alcoholic beverage laying around for if I feel like drinking, but I'm so terrified to keep alcohol in the house.
How do I continue the occasional drink at 21 without making her feel bad or go down the wrong path again? (link)
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In my opinion you shouldn't bring alcohol into the house.
If you want to drink occasionally have a drink when you are out with friends.
Try not to make it a big deal in your mind. We all enjoy having a drink here and there but we don't need it.
It's a small sacrifice you will make until you get your own place. 4 yrs sober is great!!! but from what I've seen Alcoholics can relapse even if they have been sober longer than 4yrs :(
I wouldn't risk it it's not worth it.
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My friend is 14 and is probably about 85-90 pounds. She almost completely refuses to eat and when I ask her if she wants help she always says no. Who should I tell? And any advice for me to give her would be great. (link)
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Are you close enough where you can have a more in depth conversation with her in regards to her eating habits? If so maybe it's time to have the talk. Make sure she knows that you aren't criticizing her or making fun of her and you are concerned because you care about her. Hopefully you will get some more insight on the situation and decide from there.
Hoping she opens up to you and you can help your friend!
Good luck ! xx
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Let me start by saying that I didn't mean for this to be so long, but I think it's important for you to know all of the details. Last Tuesday, my mom and I went out to dinner and I don't remember how, but she got on the subject of the four days of her life that she wished she had to do over. The day I was born was on the list, although not for the reason I probably made it sound like.
I was my parents' second child and my sister was like ten days late. She was supposed to come on new years eve and when she still wasn't born, my mom had to check into a hospital and have a C-section the next day. My mom never went into labor with her.
I was supposed to be born on September 18th, but my mom went into labor on the 6th instead. My parents were about 45 miles from home visiting my grandparents for labor day weekend when it happened. My mom didn't want to go on that trip and my other grandparents (her parents) tried to talk her out of it, but they went anyway. When she went into labor, she wanted to go to the hospital, but my grandmother who I love, but who doesn't make very rational decisions and who didn't want them and my sister to leave, said she couldn't be in labor because it was too early. My mom knew otherwise, but my dad was trying to please my grandmother and refused to go to the hospital.
She went into labor at around lunch time on Sunday and late that night, she was in such pain that she said she'd go to the hospital herself if my dad didn't take her. He didn't think that' be safe in her condition, so they went and by the time they got to our hospital back home, my mom couldn't even walk. I had flipped in her stomach, so she had to have a C-section and I was born early on Monday morning, about 12 hours after she went into labor.
I was born with a bruise on my face and a crooked smile, which the doctors said was probably just temporary. They called it Bell's Palsy and said it probably happened because I hit my face on one of my mom's ribs or something because she was in labor so long and I was trying so hard to get out.
Technically, I guess I don't have Bell's Palsy anymore, but I still have weakness. I had surgery and now I have the ability to smile straight, but it's hard to know when I am unless m looking in a mirror. I can't move my left eyebrow up and down and I can't wink my left eye or completely close it when I blink, which has severely damaged my vision.
My parents worked hard to keep me from being sensitive about it and I'm not really. It's not nearly the worst thing that could happen to a person at birth and I'm glad that's all that happened that night. I got teased in school a little, but I didn't really care. I just brushed it off and told myself that those kids were ignorant and if they were going to be such jerks, it's not like I wanted them as friends or anything anyway. Other than teasing, I've never really had any problems. In fact, there have been a few positive things that have come from it, including life lessons I've learned, the way it's helped shape my personality, and the people I've met with the same problem.
My mom feels terrible about it, though. She said she should have gone to the hospital herself when she first went into labor or gotten my granddad to take her. I kept trying to tell her that it was okay and I'm not upset about this problem, but she said it was just because I was such a good problem (sorry if that sounds arrogant). I also told her that she couldn't have known that was going to happen and she said, "But I was your mom, I knew something was wrong, I should have gone to the hospital sooner.)
Why is she making such a big deal about it? I've had this problem my entire life, I thought we'd all learned to deal with it by now, but she still feels so guilty about it. To be honest, she's making me feel bad. Why does it have to be such a big deal? Why is it such a big deal that she got so choked up about it? I mean, at least I don't have CEREBRAL palsy like her friend's son. At least I didn't die at birth like my friends' triplet brother. To be honest, I do kind of wish this hadn't happened, but I like to think it was part of God's plan and it was supposed to happen, but my mom acts like she doesn't even believe that. She and my dad spent years trying to teach me that there was nothing wrong with me, was that all BS? That's what she's making me think by acting like this. Also, how can I make her feel better? (link)
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big hugs!! I know this is so difficult for you to understand but if you ever are a parent one day you will. I will try to explain it you.
When you are a parent you don't want ANYTHING to happen to your children and when it does you beat yourself up for EVERYTHING. You are absolutely right this isn't the worse thing and they meant what they said about nothing being wrong with you but it must have been difficult to deal with knowing that there was a chance where things could have been different.
It doesn't discredit anything they taught you... you are perfect! but there was an event and as a protector you don't want anything to happen to your child especially that early.
Here is the other side ... your side.
I don't blame you for feeling that way and it makes total sense!
I think you should tell your mom that you understand her but it makes you feel bad hearing her speak about you that way. Handle it in a delicate way. Sometimes parents learn from their children and I am sure she will learn from you on this.
These conversations shouldn't be with you or at least not so deep because it will leave you feeling the way you do.
Please forgive your mom and definitely have that talk and give her lots of love :)
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Hi Lisette
This is karen L2 mod. You are in no way in trouble.
This warning was sent to someone a couple of years ago. Wow. I have contacted DN about this glitch and he will get it fixed as soon as he can.
So sorry for any stress this may have caused you.
KarenR (link)
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oh gosh .. ok no worries thank you!
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I'm 18/f.
My ex broke up with me exactly a year and 5 months ago, (wow) August 30th, 2014 and I think i'm pretty much still yearning for him although i don't want a relationship with him. It's just sexual and I know its a bad idea but it's all I wanted. Now i just want to lose my virginity to eliminate that 10% of want i still have for him. But there is a problem with this.
The friend that I have in mind has had sex with at least 8 other girls. There is a girl who lives close to where his father lives that he goes to see (pretty rarely actually), and he just received a blowjob for the first time from another friend of mine about 2 weeks ago that he used to have a crush on (but that might end anyway, she said to me that she is "already bored" lol). At the same time he and I might become friends with benefits. Even though if I start to have sex with him I would be the most frequent (and most exciting) one, that's 3 girls he's going to be having sexual contact with at least occasionally, and that's a possible STD or STI I might get. I don't want that complication, but I really don't think i can afford to wait any longer, I might go crazy.
I'm still thinking about sex with my ex and its driving me crazy. I can't just look for someone else because no one will match what I'm looking for, then on top of that I want to be sexually compatible with the guy. That will take too much effort.
I don't want to want my ex at all. I don't want to want anything to do with him but a part of me still doesn't know what dignity is. So I want to kill that part of me. I know that my friend and I are sexually compatible enough, and he likes my body and I like his body but we would never date each other (he has even told me he makes a horrible boyfriend, and i know exactly what he's talking about), SO IT'S PERFECT because I don't want any of my relationships to start off as just sex anyway. It would just be a mistake.
This friend was the one that I went to on the occasions when I was missing my ex really bad. He's a good listener, and I appreciate that, this is how i know he is totally worthy of having a girl like ME lose her virginity to him. He has been so patient and kind to me. I'm even starting to fantasize about him. This is a huge, really big sign because for the whole time I had feelings for my ex, I had dreams and fantasized about him and only him (we're talking, over 2 years of me being completely sexually focused on him, yes including the 4 months of me just admiring him and the 2 months of actual talking) and I'm finally done. Now I'm just waiting until I start having dreams about my friend for more encouragement that I'm really done. I'm excited and scared and preoccupied with birth control and I need to talk to him about getting tested, etc. Being a virgin is so annoying...
So, my question is: Would this be a mistake? I am 100% sure I'm ready to lose my virginity, but I'm not sure if this will solve my problem. It's really a priority in my life. I don't want to be in love with my first love forever, like they say. Not even a little bit. No, thank you
Thank you for reading and being in my brain for a little bit. I appreciate it and I hope you have a great day because they all are :) (link)
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I'm not quite sure if this is the best solution.
Only you can answer this but let me see if I can help in some way.
If you have feelings for your ex... It's not garunteed that sleeping with someone else will erase those feelings. It's going to preoccupy your mind some so it may help with some of your daily thoughts and feelings but if you don't deal with them having sex with someone else is going to be a temporary distraction.
I understand that you are eager to move on but the only way to move on is to deal with these feelings. If you need to scream , cry, shred photos feel free. If you need to obsess in your mind do that too. Things will get easier and time will help heal.
It's also quite possible you will always have something there which is totally normal.
Once you love someone it takes a long time for it to go away.
Back to this friend ... while he may be a good friend and he may seem worthy of your virginity , you never really know until it's done. Sex makes people act weird sometimes and especially if it's with a friend it may be even more strange. It may seem like the right thing but when it's all said and done it could ruin a friendship.
So here are some things to think about before making your decision.
Is it worth it if you still end up having feelings for your ex?
Is it worth it if you ruin a friendship?
If you are ok with the possibilities then you have your answer .
If you are not then you should wait until you start having feelings for someone else.
It's a better connection that way and you want your first time to be memorable in a good way if you can help it.
Good luck with your decision!
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21/f
I was on the phone with my boyfriend last night. I was at my best friend's birthday party before he called. My best friend is gay and my boyfriend knows that. He said how being gay is sick and how those people should be killed. Needless to say I was shocked. I tried reasoning with him but to no avail. He even got mad and wanted to skip meeting me for about a week. I called him out on that and he said he will meet me after all. I just won't ever feel comfortable around him again. I love him very much,but him saying such things about my best friend is disgusting. He would hurt a gay person for no reason. What if he kills me too? I am,quite honestly,terrified. Do you think this is a red flag? Should I run from him while I still can? (link)
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If these are not your beliefs I cant see how this relationship can continue.
He should be more open especially these days but if you are against his views on this, This is a BIG deal.
you can try to talk to him again to see if you get some clarity but if not it may be best to part ways :(
so sorry
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So i'm an early teen (f) and for a couple of years now I've noticed that I have kind of... been telling myself to do stuff that I don't want to. It's nothing life threatening or anything like that but it's really starting to bug me for instance; I could just be playing with a tennis ball, bouncing it against the wall or whatever but then all of a sudden, I'll just say in my head "if you don't catch the ball now, your whole family will die," and this will happen moments before or whilst I'm (still e.g.) throwing the ball and it's just the most random and unexpected thing. And if I "fail" to do whatever I'm impulsively instructed to do I will become very agitated and maybe angry. I have looked into this in the past but nothing quite matched up to my descriptions. Some things have matched up with OCD but I don't think it's that.
It may be worth noting that it's not like there are "voices" as such in my head but more like a conscience like it's myself saying these things at random times but my only fear is that if it carries on, the sudden impulsions will become more threatening and potentially dangerous. I do tell myself that nothing will happen if I don't do whatever it is I am told to but if i resist then my little conscience will start counting down from 10 until the fear that my loved ones could die takes over and I do whatever it may be. Please help, what is it I have if anything at all? I've never told anyone or gone on this site before so ... any information or advice will be appreciated ❤ (link)
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If you are spiritual I would pray.
I have had similiar instances and its a struggle.
Sometimes when you are a good person bad things creep up.
You have to fight it and dont give in to it. Ask God for help with your thoughts. And when these thoughts come up just dismiss them.
Hope this helps! xx
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17 _female
hi I am in my last year at highschool and I have only had 3 boyfriends.... my last bf who i currently talk to is 8 yrs old than me and we have been together off and on since I was 14....we are both virgins still because I dont want do that as yet ....but sometimes things get umm sexual and he gets angry sometimes and may sleep then he is normal when he awakes or he masturbates....with both methods I feel bad ....honestly I think maybe I should leave him but I dont know how to,,, because eventually I have to face this again since I dont want to be single forever.
what do u guya think...if I should leave how can I?....ps we have talk already and he says I am too childish.....but it ia my religion that I respect (link)
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Well here is the thing.
It seems like you really like this guy but are your values more important than your feelings for him?
Being single at 17 doesnt mean you will be single forever. If you are going to feel guilt after sleeping with him its not worth it then you are not ready. You can end up having relationship problems after you sleep with him due to your guilt as well and what a waste that will be. So you if you are not ready dont do it and no you are not childish you have morals and you are sticking to them there is nothing wrong with that.
Its ok if he can accept that. Its tough because you have feelings for him but you have to be able to accept the decisions you make in your life not him.
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I'm a 12 year old. My mom is super strict on how I dress and she wants me to be all feminine (I'm a girl). When honestly I want to cut my hair in an emo boy fashion dye it black and wear eyeliner and black lipstick and band t shirts with skinny jeans and converse. But she wouldn't let me do that...I'm trying to convince her to let me die my hair black. I've just finished my first period, I can make my own decisions. I want to shop at hot topic but she says forever 21 although now we're having a blizzard (I live in New York) so that's out of the question. I want to cut my hair short to make it easier to manage I'm sick of it being long...how do I convince her? (link)
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Your mom is just looking out for you so keep that in mind.
Have a serious talk with her and speak nice and explain to her that you are unhappy and this is not you.
Maybe you can compromise on some things.
Maybe she can get you some of the clothes sometimes or you can mix and match her style with yours. Thats the great thing about fashion and you both may be pleasantly surprised with the outcome.
Maybe she wont give into all your demands but im pretty sure you will be much happier with some for now.
The key thing is to speak to her with respect and be honest with how you feel. There is nothing worse than "dressing the part" when you dont feel it.
Try to explain this to her in your own words.
Good luck! xx
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This is not a personal question, just a general enquiry because I am curious.
So it is against the law for a guy over 18 to sleep with a girl under 18. True?
So what if a guy is like 5 months older than a girl. They are both 17 now, and they have slept together a number of times. Totally legal? and then the instant he turns 18, it's illegal? and they have to wait 5 months for her to turn 18 before they can do it again? How does that make any kind of sense? Or am I misinterpreting something? (link)
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Sadly it shouldnt make sense but there will be so many exceptions to the rule that people will manipulate.
If your parents are aware of the person you are dating it should not be an issue. It becomes an issue if it is reported.
In my opinion I would lay low for 5 months.
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So basically I'm 18, almost 19, years old and I've already pretty much completely fucked up my life. I had a very good paying part time job for about 3 months but I just stopped showing up because my anxiety was so bad. And I got suspended from my college for 6 months because my GPA wasn't high enough and Ive managed to keep this all from everyone in my life up until today when school started and my dad found out i wasn't registered. He basically told me I either register for school, get a full time job, or move out. I've also been dealing with depression and anxiety for my whole life along with an eating disorder. And just at the beginning of my first year of college my grandfather passed away, whom i was very close with. Dealing with my grandfather dying along with starting my first year of college with depression and anxiety was the hardest thing I've ever had to go through. I know this is very confusing but I feel so helpless. My family hates me for what happened with school and I've managed to distance myself from all my friends because of my severe depression and anxiety. And now all I have left is my boyfriend who is amazing but I've been lying to him about school because Im too embarrassed to tell him the truth because he's so smart and it makes me feel like an idiot. I just need a lot of help because I'm starting to have suicidal thoughts. How do I make all of this right? Where do I start? I don't even know how to ask for help (link)
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Your life is so much more than this! I am so sorry you are going through this.
Everyone makes mistakes and goes through these things.
Have you talked to your parents about everything you are feeling?
If you feel you can talk to them you should share this with them.
Maybe you can try getting some therapy. Talking about things help.
As far as school. I dont recommend it until you have a handle on your depression and anxiety. A doctor can prescribe you pills that may help and if not try doing something that you love. Take some walks and appreciate the world around you.
There is so much pressure at your age to do everything "right" and in the correct order. PLEASE get that out of your head!
Find a job and start working...things will start to come together and you will be able to make some decisions going forward about what you want to do career wise of if you want to go back to school.
You could even go back to school part time and work part time if you feel that its too much for you.
Dont limit yourself with the plan that your parents set for you.
this doesnt work for everyone!
It didnt work for me either and I am doing great :)
your parents may not understand and you should expect that. Thats why its important for you to get your mind right.
you can do this!! and its ok if plan A didnt work out. It doesn't mean your life is ruined.. you are just figuring things out which is totally normal especially at your age!
Good luck and stay positive !!! xx
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