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OCD nothing or something completely different?
So i'm an early teen (f) and for a couple of years now I've noticed that I have kind of... been telling myself to do stuff that I don't want to. It's nothing life threatening or anything like that but it's really starting to bug me for instance; I could just be playing with a tennis ball, bouncing it against the wall or whatever but then all of a sudden, I'll just say in my head "if you don't catch the ball now, your whole family will die," and this will happen moments before or whilst I'm (still e.g.) throwing the ball and it's just the most random and unexpected thing. And if I "fail" to do whatever I'm impulsively instructed to do I will become very agitated and maybe angry. I have looked into this in the past but nothing quite matched up to my descriptions. Some things have matched up with OCD but I don't think it's that.
It may be worth noting that it's not like there are "voices" as such in my head but more like a conscience like it's myself saying these things at random times but my only fear is that if it carries on, the sudden impulsions will become more threatening and potentially dangerous. I do tell myself that nothing will happen if I don't do whatever it is I am told to but if i resist then my little conscience will start counting down from 10 until the fear that my loved ones could die takes over and I do whatever it may be. Please help, what is it I have if anything at all? I've never told anyone or gone on this site before so ... any information or advice will be appreciated ❤
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Maybe give some free advice about: Mental health?
If you are spiritual I would pray.
I have had similiar instances and its a struggle.
Sometimes when you are a good person bad things creep up.
You have to fight it and dont give in to it. Ask God for help with your thoughts. And when these thoughts come up just dismiss them.
Hope this helps! xx
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It is actually not an uncommon thing to act out these sort of scenaria, ie setting a challenge or predicting an event and projecting some awful consequence on your failure to complete it, or witness it's 'good' outcome. It seems to amount to some sort of 'testing' of our ability to influence events external to ourselves. Which we would all like to be able to do. Sometimes with good or helpful intent, sometimes malicious or harmful. Your mental 'countdown' when you choose to ignore the challenge is common too, as is the clause that making no choice is a a 'fail' (and hence the 'bad' outcome by default). The agitation at yourself if you resist the 'test' is because we (as humans) don't like mysteries. We like things resolved, one way or another. We like a murder mystery, but we feel very annoyed if there is no last page or last scene to resove things. There's almost certainly some element of testing your ability to make evaluative decisions built in to these epsodes as well. Evaluative decision making is a necessary part of life, but not always comfortable. I wouldn't worry about it too much. But try not to let it form a compulsive behaviour pattern. These aren't good, whatever they concern or entail. It's amazing what we can become 'addicted' to doing! Clearly, the bouncing ball has no possible way of influencing the health and happiness of your friends and family. You've simply projected this sinister significance onto it yourself. You aren't weird, or crackers or having some kind of breakdown. It might be worth looking at whether there is some kind of anxiety issue in your life though? Something on your mind? Maybe fuelling this need to 'test things out' and making it a bit compelling? Something which we might term 'conflict anxiety'. Maybe you are weighing up some conflicting ideas/wishes/feelings and struggling to make a choice? If so, work at resolving this issue, and it should make these annoying 'rituals' you keep wanting to act out go away. Maybe post a question here, if it's an issue you'd like some advice or opinion on?
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