I love giving advice. Some of my advice has saved relationships, began new ones, and helped friendships. I'm willing to try and answer any question I can, using my own experiences and knowledge, as well as articles I read. Ask me anything! I earned my bachelors in Psychology in 2016. Feel free to ask me things! -Heather
Gender: Female
Location: Illinois, USA
Age: 25
Member Since: November 11, 2009
Answers: 70
Last Update: April 30, 2020
Visitors: 7815
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Hey there.
I am nearly 14, and I have pretty decent friends at school. My group is pretty closely knitted and I always liked it.
My friends do invite me to events, and I've been to their houses and stuff a couple of times. But this weekend, I found out that they threw a party without me. I don't know what I've done wrong, and I don't know what to think of it. I thought they were my friends.
Please help. (link)
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Hi there,
I'm sorry that that happened to you. It's never fun to feel left out. Instead of feeling mad or sad about it, I would suggest asking those friends to hang out with you. If they want to hang out, 1.) they probably aren't mad at you, and 2.) you can ask them how the party was and if there was a reason you weren't invited. There might be an innocent reason. I know it's tough, but try to not let your emotions get the best of you. Self care is extremely important. The best possible thing to do is to talk it out with them to get the issue out there and resolved so you don't have to dwell on it. Best of luck, and feel free to follow up with me if anything else happens!
-Hollywood
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So, there is this guy and i have had a major crush on him for quite some time. (i'm 18, he's 23)
and all throughout the entire time it seemed like he was interested in me too. He'll often come up to me and hug me, touch and carry me up in the air jokingly, say that he missed me and will compliment me too. The first time when we met, he asked me if i had a boyfriend, during my grad, he said he should've been my grad date. Somehow in one of our conversations, he asked why we've never made out before, and kept joking how we should. We went on movie dates, like once or twice, the first time around he paid for me, but then the second time he asked if i could pay him back. One time at a christmas party, i asked if he could drive me home, he said yes, but then 5 minutes later he went behind my back and asked one of my family members to drive me home and when i called him out, he said he didn't.. when he really did....He said that he's never had a girlfriend because he's too busy with school.
And then this summer, he invited me to his house to watch a movie, i came over and in the middle of the movie he asked if i wanted to make out. i asked him what we were, and he said that he liked me but he can't risk being in a relationship right now because he's really busy with his masters in architecture, and that if we did end up breaking up he can't deal with going through a breakup. he said that he knows there just won't be time to spend together, and admitted that he had commitment problems. and so after him realizing that i wanted more than just friends with benefits, in the end, we never made out, we decided not to start anything up. he said that if i wait two years for him, then we could be together. We agreed to still treat each other the same essentially
but anyways so that was a big bummer....
and just today at work, he kissed me on the forehead.
like everything is just confusing me. like his actions are hot and cold. One day he'll be talking to another girl that looks like she likes him, the other he'll like talk to a girl and have long conversations with her, and then with me he'll like do stuff like that he just did.
why does he keep confusing me? do you think he genuinely likes me? and do you think he really means that he'll come around in 2 years? or is it best to just start seeing other people and move on ??
I like him very much , but i hate being antsy about him like this.
its just so hard to say no when he does these types of things.
(link)
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I've dealt with a lot of situations involving men, whether they're boyfriends, FWBs, or something else. I'm really sorry to say, but I feel like he is keeping you on the hook with no intention of settling down. I don't know either of you personally, so maybe he does genuinely think you could work out in the 2 year future, but a lot can happen in two years. My advice is, keep him in mind, but don't pass up opportunities for another guy to sweep you off your feet. I feel like it would be good for this guy to see that other guys are interested, and if he gets jealous then you know he truly likes you. Sorry my advice sounds kind of downer, but I know you'll do what you're meant to do and it'll all work out. You're young, enjoy it!
Best Wishes,
Hollywood22
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I feel scared to ask my parents for a snapchat facebook Kris even an instagram because of how over protective they are what should I do (link)
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It can't hurt to just ask :) you can just explain what they are/how they work and assure them that you will use the apps safely. They can't be mad at you for being honest and asking, and it is better than going behind their backs and just getting the apps anyway. Good luck!
~Holly
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19/m
Hey guys! I just started college 3 weeks ago! I am excited to be here and to learn but I also want to become more social with girls. I am a very shy guy, I have a hard time making new friends even with other guys. I never know what to talk about with people and never know how to get a small conversation going with people unless it is by accident. All of my old friends from high school I made were kind of on accident believe it or not. To me it seems like pure luck I met people I got along with and connected with.
I dated some girls in high school but i kind of met them by luck and didn't really go out of my way to introduce myself to them and make small talk to get their phone numbers or anything special. It kind of happened by luck if that makes sense?
Anyways, I was hoping to get some advice from people on how I can approach some girls that are in classes of mine, girls that I haven't had classes with that I just kind of see that I think are cute that I would like to talk to. I met this one guy here at my school that picks up girls daily like no one's business... it makes me jealous of how easy he can get girls and I would love to just meet girls even as friends.
Any advice would be helpful! Hopefully this little rant made sense haha. Thanks!!! (link)
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I'm a sophomore in college, and I can tell you some of the things I would like guys to do or they have done to get to know me.
1.) Sometimes, it's nice to have a guy come right up and say hello. I play pool at my university's rec center, and guys always offer to shoot a game or two with me if I'm playing by myself. That being said, for example: if you see a girl working on an art piece or carrying an instrument, ask her about it. We women love talking about activities or topics that we enjoy.
2.) While sitting next to a girl you might be interested in class, crack a joke or say something witty as you or her sit down. It shows that you WANT to engage in conversation with her. Each day, talk a little more until you feel comfortable, and then maybe ask her if she wants to get a coffee or hang out after class sometime (or even that day). Girls love it, and that way you'll know if she is interested or not.
3.) Confidence is key. Even if you are nervous, appear confident in your words and mannerisms. Also, if a girl does agree to hang out with you one day, don't immediately make plans for next time unless she brings it up. If she is a texter, you can text throughout the week and randomly mention hanging out again. If she isn't much of a technological communicator, wait a few classes and then ask again. Girls don't like a guy who is always readily available, whether we admit it or not. It shows you have a life outside of us.
All this being said, I'm just speaking from personal experiences as a college female! Good luck!
~Holly
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I am female and in college, first year. Not from the US. I suffer from a low level hypothyroidism for which I am taking my medications - reason why the condition has not escalated or gotten worse. I do however, have costhocondritis now. I have inflammations on various parts of my chest area. Sometimes the pain can de quite painful, sometimes it just goes away and doesn't do much. Mostly its stress that triggers it but recently I have been doing much more exercise tan what I am used to and the pain started coming back again today. I am unsure as whether it is healthier to stay in the sport I am, or leave it - the physical exercises we do are pretty serious (pushups, running laps around a huge building, running up and down stairs, and a bunch of other "fun" stuff). I like it, because I relieve some of my stress there, but... I just don't know if I should keep going. Also, I'm starting to suspect that I may have sleep apnea because no matter how much sleep I get, I'm always sleepy during the day. (link)
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I know everyone hates hearing this, but please talk to a doctor. I know Health Services at my university offers low-cost care for students, and they can give helpful advice. They can also offer some alternatives or changes in your exercises so that you can still relieve stress and get the benefits you want from it. Doctors can also help you with the sleep apnea.
Good luck! ~Holly
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I sent a few nudes to a guy I met online and he's sent me money in return for them and now he's blackmailing me saying if I don't send him something else then he'll post all my pics on the internet.. Is there anything I can do to stop him? Can the police do anything? (link)
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Unfortunately with the Internet, it is much harder to regulate what people post. But hope is not lost! The guy must feel like since he gave you money, he is entitled to your body; that is NOT the case. Yes, you cannot help what you've already done, but DO NOT send him any more photos. You can definitely call the police (try to speak with a woman) and just ask if there is anything they can do to track the perv and possibly stop him. For now, just breathe. Many people are all talk and no show, so hopefully he's just some schmuck with a power-trip craving. Please update soon.
Your friend, Holly.
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My friend found a baby kitten at her work and I ended up taking it because she couldn't. It looks about no more than 2 weeks. It can bearly hold its head up and shakes when it walks, its eyes are fully open and it fits in the palm of your hand. I have a bottle for it and it takes a few drinks then pushes away. How do you know how much to feed it? Do you know exactly how old it i? Do you know what I need to do for a kitten this young? Please help!!! (link)
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I\'ve only had puppies and dogs, but this might help!
http://www.feralcat.com/raising.html
Let me know! -Holly
PS. If this doesn\'t work, maybe try googling baby kitten care since there are a lot of helpful websites!
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Hi, I'm 19/F. I'm deeply in love with my boyfriend of almost 2 years now but our relationship has been kind of private due to my parents. They are not allowing me to start dating until I get at least a bachelors degree but I love my boyfriends so much. He wants me to tell my parents about us so do I but I'm scared that they'll get mad and start drama. His mother knows about us and I just want to be able to tell my parents about anything. What should I do? (link)
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I think that since you\'ve almost been dating for 2 years, it would be okay to tell your parents now. At first, they might be mad since it\'s gone on for so long without them knowing, but you\'re technically an adult now and could move out and get married if you wanted to! Ultimately, if you love your boyfriend and plan on staying together for a long time, your parents will learn to love him too because he makes you happy. I don\'t know if your parents are the type to disown you or stop talking to you when they find out things like this, but in the end it is your life and your decision. I know it must be hard for you, and I wish I could help more, but I\'m always here to talk if you need follow-up advice when you tell them. Best of luck!
-Holly :)
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So, I am about to have a baby and someone mentioned that there are a bunch of places that will send you baby stuff in your mailbox if you just ask for it? How do you do this? Is there a list of companies that do this, or do you just have to write everyone and hope they send you something? LOL! (link)
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Wow, I have no clue! Did you Google it? haha.
Best of luck!
-Holly
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I mean is it all like "unholy"? I know that black magic is like witchcraft but whats white magic? Will it get you sent to hell? I have been thinking about this since I read "Jays Journal". Also are spells considered witchcraft? (link)
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I haven\'t dabbled in it much myself, but I have friends who are Wiccans. Personally, I feel that we were all given the right to perceive life in different ways. As long as we believe in \'something\', I don\'t think that humans should be sent to hell and punished because they are curious or believe differently than others. Spells, yes, are used in Wiccan rituals and I\'m sure other things too, but a lot of people use them for good and healing. Hope this helped some!
-Holly
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my heart has been doing weird stuff so i was looking what can be wrong with the heart and it said "coronary artery disease" but i don't know what that means. can some one please explain so a 16 year old can understand? (link)
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I would definitely advise seeing a cardiologist (doctor who primarily deals with the heart), but coronary artery disease is when the arteries get blocked up with plaque. This can build up for years and later burst, causing heart attacks and other major problems. Luckily though, it mostly occurs in older adults and the elderly. For you, I would consider aiming lower in your self-diagnosis...maybe first considering a heart murmur or irregular heartbeat, and then go from there. Don\'t overworry, since if you are having heart issues, heightened anxiety might make the symptoms worse. Please see a doctor as well, since heart issues are the most serious medical problems and should be taken as such. Go ahead and send me a follow up after you find out, and hope everything works out for you!
-Holly
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I truly loved a girl name preethi she lives in Coimbatore im Arun maheedhar in same area because of her situation and completion of her parents she left me we both doin masters in Coimbatore the day of her proposal is Nov 8 th around 7.30 in the evening then our life was awesome for few days like upto Dec 30 th the same year 2013 I was last seen her at Dec 30 th 2013 evening I dropped her in a market place and I left with tears and my tears still not stopped today april 6th 1.14 am I was feeling very sad abt the memories I tried to erase her memories but I can't I tried many things but only fail remains in love in carrer in life only her memories left with me now I want to die with that same memory but I don't want any resurrection after this life it's enough I'm now not fit for my life. Her birthday is April 9th so on that day I pray for her life for last time and I want to die with those memories please tell a way for a quick painless death (link)
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I can't give you any advice about suicide or death, unfortunately, except to keep living! I've been to the darkest depths of the mind and have considered death several times, but somehow I always find something to live for. Please do not do anything drastic, and if you need to talk to someone who understands and will listen, please call the Suicide Hotline at 85265 65656
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Im 16/f and I do not get the whole fascination with dressing up, lots of makeup, dying hair etc. Like all the girls at my school are starting to wear these pretty dresses and doing their hair and they all look so beautiful..but its like i dont give a shit about any of that. Ive always been decent looking without doing a whole lot so i never really got into fashion or lots of makeup..I would like to tbh. Today i tried doing a smokey eye, and it kinda looked like shit lol. And i also tried looking up skirts and dresses that i could buy and they were all ugly and expensive. And all that stuff seems like a lot of work to keep up looking really nice everyday. I just dont get it, why is it so important? To feel good about yourself, sure but why else? I like looking nice but at the end of the day it doesnt really matter.. i dont wanna spend so much time on something that wont really get me anywhere and idk i just dont get it. (link)
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I'm the same way as you are! While dressing up does make me feel good about myself and feel confident, I'm much more comfortable in a T-shirt and sweats. I'm also constantly changing my style, so people never know what I'll come up with next. In this society, we girls feel pressure to be noticed or fit in by having the latest trend in our closet, but I think having your own style (no matter what it is) is WAY cooler and much more fulfilling than dressing up to fit in. :)
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I'm having a hard time about when I should go to this camp as part of the Duke TIP college program. What it is is a summer camp where you take many challenging courses to help you figure out what you may be interested in with a career. It costs a lot of money (around $3000) but is a great opportunity since I was able to qualify for it. It's a month long and I basically live there the whole time. My parents are think of either sending me in the summer between 8th and 9th grade or 9th and 10th grade. Btw I'm 14 right now and thanks for reading! (link)
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Go between 8th and 9th :) (if you have the money)
I went on a cool trip with a college, and now it's the college I attend! It sounds like a great opportunity to meet people and to see your own abilities. This way you can have something to kind of kick start your first year in high school when you go back in the fall. Happy Camping!
~Holly~
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We have been together for a year and a half. I caught him with a tagged account which had numerous conversations where he was flirting with girls. We talked everything over, and he explained that he was not trying to get with the girls. Because I had danced with a guy at a party we went to, he decided to start getting on the website to make himself feel better. To uplift his self esteem. Another reason why he explains he did it was because I always accuse him of wanting sex every time he kisses or touches me. Anyway. He promised to stop with the talking online. Just recently I happened to find another account on Google plus, where he was writing comments on girl's pictures. Initiating that he wanted to talk to them. He says that they never responded to him. They are girls from different states. They are famous (I don't recognize any of them) and he did not do it to cheat or get with them. He understands that I didn't do anything wrong, and that it was wrong for him to do it.He says I push him away when he comes and sees me too much.This hurts him. He says he's had many chances to cheat but he hasn't. He has not cheated on me with girls in real life. He doesn't cheat. Just because he loves me too much and I'm his first love everything that I do hurts him. The online thing is his escape. He feels he can drop it. He did it so it would make him feel good every time he felt like I was going to leave him.He says I'm the only person that can actually make him happy. I think this is very contradictory because if I were, he would not be on there. My plan is to break everything off. I feel disrespected. I feel like I'm not good enough for him and that is the main reason why he did this. Not once, but twice. I count this as cheating. I don't know how else you guys see it. I think it's time to end the whole relationship. I don't even want to try because I feel like he is going to find better ways to keep on with his ways. I think he just needs to find someone that can make him feel happy, and that person is obviously is not me. (link)
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Honestly, I feel that it is cheating. Both physical AND emotional connections with other women are. A personal bit: I dated a guy for a year, I went on a Europe trip, came back and he acted differently. He had been constantly chatting with this girl, and 5 days after I broke up with him, he took her to our favorite spot in the woods and they began dating. I don't trust online chatting because of this. You deserve better than a man who has to go online to pump his ego. He should have never done it in the first place, but after the first time he should have quit cold turkey. The fact that he keeps going back to it is leading me to believe it's beginning to be an unhealthy way to get out his hurt feelings. I support your decision to break it off with him---leave him to his imaginary women so you can find a real man that doesn't need to turn to an online source when he doesn't feel he's getting enough attention from his woman. You go girl!
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For some reason lately I've been super controlling with my boyfriend and get mad when he doesn't do what I suggest him to. We have a LDR for right now until I'm finished with college. He likes to hang out with his friends that live an hour away, he'll stay there all weekend and I'll barely hear from him. I explained to him how much I hate when he goes with his friends and doesn't talk to me because it makes me feel neglected and he has apologized and says next time he'll try harder to talk to me. Well the next time happened and he didn't. So this weekend he told me he was going and I expressed how much I wish he wouldn't because he has fallen asleep on me 3 times this week and I haven't been able to talk to him however he still went and of course I got mad. I don't know why but when he knows I don't want him to do something and he does it anyway it turns me into this evil person where I will say whatever I can to make him just as mad as I am... why is that? I don't like being that way and I try to stop myself but I'm just too mad to even calm myself down.. is there something wrong with me? I know my boyfriend doesn't deserve it because he is honestly such a great guy and always apologizes for anything that he does that upsets me every single time but somehow I still get so angry when he doesn't listen to me (link)
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I'm no expert, but I can tell you what I've done as someone who has also been controlling with my man. He actually told me something really substantial the other day: "Pick your battles, baby. I get mad too, but I learn which arguments are worth making."
It's so true. What helps me is imagining myself in the guy's shoes. I know when I'm with friends (as much as I want to talk to my guy), I accidentally get distracted and forget to text back. Many of the things he is doing sound like honest mistakes to me. Guys can be simple (and sometimes forgetful) creatures, and as women we have to understand that most times they don't mean to hurt us, especially when we feel ignored or neglected. From the sounds of it, your guy exemplifies this too.
When you do get mad (it's inevitable sometimes)
You can:
A.) Find something that calms you down. In my case, that is thinking of the sweet things he's done in the past or knocking the heads off zombies in a videogame :P
B.) Vent to one of your close friends or family members, but not too frequently
C.) Surprise him by being super understanding (even if you feel the complete opposite)
It will actually make you both more at ease and improve your mood. That way he might come back and be appreciative to you because you let him have some freedom without any repercussions
Hope this helped :)
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Well, I have a few social problems I'd like some tips on. See, I'm a very shy girl (21 years), I can handle making small talk but only if the other person initiates it, and I'm lacking in any real friends, managed to make a few friends but none who I'd call and say let's go out or whatever. In short, i just have no confidence. However, my boyfriend is the opposite, he'll go out and make several new friends straight away, everyone knows him and he isnt keen on taking me out with him anymore because all I do is stay by his side as opposed to doing my own thing as his ex did.
So, can you give me advice on how to approach a total stranger and make conversation with them? to feel confident in myself to do that and any little advice tips on how to not use my boyfriend as a lifeline per say, so I want him to be able to take me out and then not worry or not have his friends telling him he's left me by myself for a bit too long and I'm just looking lonely. Thanks :) (link)
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Confidence is like trust: it takes awhile to build, and it takes a lot to make that very first step. But, luckily, it's not too hard to achieve once you set your mind to it!
The first step is to look confident, or at least comfortable in your own skin. Wear clothing that accentuates what you like about yourself and makes you feel pretty. You don't even have to hide behind make-up or wear your hair in your face, unless you feel that that is the true you :-)
The second step is to set some goals, for example:
"My boyfriend and I are going to this party tonight. I'm going to start a conversation with at least three people and see where that leads. If I still haven't connected with anyone, I'll have my boyfriend introduce me to his friends and he can help guide the conversations."
A third thing to do is have an attitude of not caring what other people think. So what if you snort when you laugh at a joke? It'll be forgotten in 3 minutes. So what if that girl smirked at your hairstyle and whispered to a friend? It's your hair, and she doesn't have to stare at you like that. Maybe she's jealous! (etc.)
These are all things I have done over the years, and I hope you find at least one of them helpful :) Good Luck!
~Miss Holly~
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Me and my partner have been together for 8 years now and we was just wondering if their are any good sex positions that we could try to help stimulate us both thank you for your help (link)
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So, I'm not a slut, but I'm a very sexual person (I've only had sex with 2 guys total, but I was with one for a long time so we tried numerous sexual positions! haha
My personal favorite is where the female grabs the sides of the corner of the bed and bends over, the male stands behind her and takes her from behind. Another good one is the female being blindfolded, lying on her back with her knees to her chest so the male can have a clear entry from above (that one's pretty sensual and full of surprises) A final one is laying sideways together with the man behind and both people's legs entwined. Hope these few helped!
~Miss Holly, "Kink Extraordinaire"~
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How can you tell if your near your period date ? Any pain symptoms? (link)
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Basically my symptoms are a dull ache in the abdomen area, sore thighs, headache, and a random emotional outburst where I can't handle anything and just break down crying, but all women's pre-period signs and symptoms may differ :-P
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Hi, 20/f. I was engaged in my previous relationship. He was 19/f and we was together for two years. He left me one week before Christmas of 2012 because he randomly became "unhappy". It's been six months and I think about him every single day. First thought in the morning, last at night. After three months of breaking up, I got invited by a friend to one of his parties and a couple of weeks later we were 'fuck' buddies. Stupid I know, but I missed his touch, kisses, ect. I learned my lesson the hard way because now we act like we do not know each other. He has made it very very clear that he has not missed me since he left, doesn't have feelings for me, ect.
Since we've been broken up, he has been with different women, sexually, not relationship wise. I was his first, if that makes sense?
So I guess he hasn't had a feel of what it is alike to be alone. I, on the otherhand, have not been with any other guy since we split, I just don't feel right. I don't have any interest in looking for a "boyfriend".
Well, 3 months ago, about 3 weeks after we stopped fooling around/communicating his roommate found my picture under his pillow along with a note I wrote him back in 2010. He swears up and down that it was his 'final' closure, which may be true; but when he's sober he talks negative about how he feels for me; but when he's drunk, its all positive and stuff. Confusing, ugh.
I know we are NOT getting back together, but for some reason my heart refuses to believe it. It's ridiculous. I'm so so scared that I will never get over him because of how much it still stings, and I think of him. When someone tells me about him and a new girl, I do get a little jeaous but it quickly goes away because my heart kinda knows it won't work out, because the girl isn't me. My gut and my heart keeps telling me we are meant to be, and he needs time to know what its like to be single because he doesn't really know what its like..?
But then again, Im trying to convience myself its really over; but its not working. I have prayed to God to give me a sign, and NOT LYING WHEN I SAY THIS, every time I pray, I always have a dream that my ex shows up at my door saying he made a mistake and he is sorry. But when I don't pray, I do not have any dreams of him. It's kinda weird??
I know if he was to come back, I should say no because I feel like alot of damage and time has passed and been done, but when I think about it, my heart feels full and I just wanna cry tears of joy.
I know time heals all, but I'm so scared I will NEVER get over him. I truely loved him to pieces, and he randomly leaves claiming he never thought about or missed me since before he left.
Help?
(link)
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Okay, so I did take the time to read all that :)
I believe in a 6th sense, especially when it comes to love. I think that you're dreams are manifesting the fact that you miss him and need him back in your life, yet you are still conflicted. Your dreams could also be predictive of his feelings, or maybe even that he will show up at your door. It isn't like he cheated on you, or things ended too badly, right? I'm sure he probably feels the same way towards you, but he's a guy, so he doesn't know the right thing to do just yet. I think the fact that he kept your picture means that he's obviously having a hard time letting go of you and what you both had together, meaning there is still a chance of love & togetherness for you two as a couple. I wish you the best of luck, truly, and I hope that whatever happens ultimately ends in you being happy. Hope I helped some :-)
~Miss Holly~
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