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Why am I so controlling with my boyfriend
For some reason lately I've been super controlling with my boyfriend and get mad when he doesn't do what I suggest him to. We have a LDR for right now until I'm finished with college. He likes to hang out with his friends that live an hour away, he'll stay there all weekend and I'll barely hear from him. I explained to him how much I hate when he goes with his friends and doesn't talk to me because it makes me feel neglected and he has apologized and says next time he'll try harder to talk to me. Well the next time happened and he didn't. So this weekend he told me he was going and I expressed how much I wish he wouldn't because he has fallen asleep on me 3 times this week and I haven't been able to talk to him however he still went and of course I got mad. I don't know why but when he knows I don't want him to do something and he does it anyway it turns me into this evil person where I will say whatever I can to make him just as mad as I am... why is that? I don't like being that way and I try to stop myself but I'm just too mad to even calm myself down.. is there something wrong with me? I know my boyfriend doesn't deserve it because he is honestly such a great guy and always apologizes for anything that he does that upsets me every single time but somehow I still get so angry when he doesn't listen to me
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It's ten times harder when you're in a LDR. Communication becomes something that is seriously really important. He might not grasp that.
Anyways, you both are handling the situation wrong. Obviously, you know what your problem is, getting so angry you're desperate to say anything to get him to listen to you.
I'm sure he's a good guy, so when you talk to him, you guys need to figure out what's best for you. Obviously it wouldn't be right to keep him from staying at his friends for the weekend just to talk to you. So I think you guys need to arrange a time to talk during the weekend. Not like text all day but a text every once in awhile and a call in the afternoon possibly for 15-20 min. If he can at least do that, then things should be fine.
If he can't, then the relationship probably needs some time off. He can't give you what you need and that just won't work and will cause more heartache.
As for controlling your anger. Do not keep talking once you get mad. I've been there plenty of times. Tell him you'll call him back or talk to him in 10 minutes. Give yourself space, go do something that will make you feel better. Don't talk to him until you have a clear head and can talk to him normally.
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First of all, I'm not exactly sure that I'd call your behavior controlling from what you wrote.
Here's how I see it...when you are in a LDR communication is important and it seems like when he's with his friends he isn't that great at communicating. Wanting to talk to your partner during the weekend doesn't mean you don't trust them or that you are being controlling. You've told him what you need, but he continues not to do it. Maybe you two just need a firmer understanding of what you need. If you are asking him to text you every hour, that's not reasonable, but if you are asking him to call you on Saturday afternoon to talk about how the weekend is going - I think that's fine, he should be able to take 15 minutes out of his day to do that. Explain to him again that when he's with his friends, you want him to have a good time, but also keep in touch with you. Don't make him beg for forgiveness, don't threaten him - just tell him that you aren't getting what you need from the relationship and that he should follow through with what he says he's going to do, but also be open to compromise.
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I'm no expert, but I can tell you what I've done as someone who has also been controlling with my man. He actually told me something really substantial the other day: "Pick your battles, baby. I get mad too, but I learn which arguments are worth making."
It's so true. What helps me is imagining myself in the guy's shoes. I know when I'm with friends (as much as I want to talk to my guy), I accidentally get distracted and forget to text back. Many of the things he is doing sound like honest mistakes to me. Guys can be simple (and sometimes forgetful) creatures, and as women we have to understand that most times they don't mean to hurt us, especially when we feel ignored or neglected. From the sounds of it, your guy exemplifies this too.
When you do get mad (it's inevitable sometimes)
You can:
A.) Find something that calms you down. In my case, that is thinking of the sweet things he's done in the past or knocking the heads off zombies in a videogame :P
B.) Vent to one of your close friends or family members, but not too frequently
C.) Surprise him by being super understanding (even if you feel the complete opposite)
It will actually make you both more at ease and improve your mood. That way he might come back and be appreciative to you because you let him have some freedom without any repercussions
Hope this helped :)
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