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together for 2 years; he left; scared i cant move on
Hi, 20/f. I was engaged in my previous relationship. He was 19/f and we was together for two years. He left me one week before Christmas of 2012 because he randomly became "unhappy". It's been six months and I think about him every single day. First thought in the morning, last at night. After three months of breaking up, I got invited by a friend to one of his parties and a couple of weeks later we were 'fuck' buddies. Stupid I know, but I missed his touch, kisses, ect. I learned my lesson the hard way because now we act like we do not know each other. He has made it very very clear that he has not missed me since he left, doesn't have feelings for me, ect.
Since we've been broken up, he has been with different women, sexually, not relationship wise. I was his first, if that makes sense?
So I guess he hasn't had a feel of what it is alike to be alone. I, on the otherhand, have not been with any other guy since we split, I just don't feel right. I don't have any interest in looking for a "boyfriend".
Well, 3 months ago, about 3 weeks after we stopped fooling around/communicating his roommate found my picture under his pillow along with a note I wrote him back in 2010. He swears up and down that it was his 'final' closure, which may be true; but when he's sober he talks negative about how he feels for me; but when he's drunk, its all positive and stuff. Confusing, ugh.
I know we are NOT getting back together, but for some reason my heart refuses to believe it. It's ridiculous. I'm so so scared that I will never get over him because of how much it still stings, and I think of him. When someone tells me about him and a new girl, I do get a little jeaous but it quickly goes away because my heart kinda knows it won't work out, because the girl isn't me. My gut and my heart keeps telling me we are meant to be, and he needs time to know what its like to be single because he doesn't really know what its like..?
But then again, Im trying to convience myself its really over; but its not working. I have prayed to God to give me a sign, and NOT LYING WHEN I SAY THIS, every time I pray, I always have a dream that my ex shows up at my door saying he made a mistake and he is sorry. But when I don't pray, I do not have any dreams of him. It's kinda weird??
I know if he was to come back, I should say no because I feel like alot of damage and time has passed and been done, but when I think about it, my heart feels full and I just wanna cry tears of joy.
I know time heals all, but I'm so scared I will NEVER get over him. I truely loved him to pieces, and he randomly leaves claiming he never thought about or missed me since before he left.
Help?
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Hi ya..
Im sorry it hasnt worked out to how you hoped it would of.
There is still time that it could eventually happen for you both again, but for the time being you need to focus on yourself not him and how you feel about him because you seem very clear to me how you feel about this guy.
It is hard to move on from someone,and course its going to hurt hearing his doing this or that with another girl..Dont listen to hear say though..thats where things get so confusing.
You need to brush him to the side for a little while,Start a new hobbie..I find going to the gym works well it occupies your time and mind.
When he realises your not sat about waiting for him and you to have that chance of possibly happening he will more than likely show interest.. Men have this thing about a woman moving on with life. It wont change your views on him in your mind you know you want him back but it dont hurt for him to wonder a little as to what you think!..If you see him say fancy a coffee sometime for a catch up ..or could do with a gym partner if you fancy it!?
Theres nothing saying you want him back..pull him back in as being friendly and carefree..it drives them crazy lol.
This thing with him looking at your pic its not closure he would of thrown it away..he clearly isnt over you..lets face it though men even in there 30s are terrible of showing how they feel.
Hope some of my tips have helped you try and take your mind off it and I honestly hope this work's out.:)
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You said you learned your lesson the hard way? What lesson? About breaking up? Or using him just for sex later?
Is this the first serious relationship for both of you? While a few of us find the right person right off the bat at an early age, most of us have to go thru several relationships learning things along the way to be certain we have the right one if you mean it to be long term. How long was it between when you got engaged and then he left? He may have been thinking about the permanancy of it all and had second thoughts that maybe he wasn't ready to marry. There is no age at which we should ever feel in a hurry to marry. Our time is better spent really examining the pros and cons of the relationship and making sure the pros outweigh the cons. 2 years is a nice length of time to start but it may not have been enough for him. If he was seeing other girls, it was his way of trying to forget you even tho he cant as evidenced by your photo under his pillow. The pillow wasn't on a shelf or in a drawer but as close to him as possible as you would have been in bed. You both need to talk. You don't need the pressure of an impending marriage right now. What if you both got back together and agreed to not be engaged and just take more time together and see how you feel in a couple years. He is 19, and tho I married at 20, I realize now it really is an extremely young age at which to get married. For one thing, the part of our brains that helps us make the best decisions does not fully finish growing until we reach our mid twenties. Thats why as teens we often make some really stupid decisions. It gets better as you get closer to that age range but it's still a couple of years off at your age for you both. I think by time a couple more years go by, both you and he will be in a better place to think about whether you can handle being together forever. If not, then you'll have to move on. But right now, try what I suggested and see how it goes.
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Okay, so I did take the time to read all that :)
I believe in a 6th sense, especially when it comes to love. I think that you're dreams are manifesting the fact that you miss him and need him back in your life, yet you are still conflicted. Your dreams could also be predictive of his feelings, or maybe even that he will show up at your door. It isn't like he cheated on you, or things ended too badly, right? I'm sure he probably feels the same way towards you, but he's a guy, so he doesn't know the right thing to do just yet. I think the fact that he kept your picture means that he's obviously having a hard time letting go of you and what you both had together, meaning there is still a chance of love & togetherness for you two as a couple. I wish you the best of luck, truly, and I hope that whatever happens ultimately ends in you being happy. Hope I helped some :-)
~Miss Holly~
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