|
How to feel confident?
Well, I have a few social problems I'd like some tips on. See, I'm a very shy girl (21 years), I can handle making small talk but only if the other person initiates it, and I'm lacking in any real friends, managed to make a few friends but none who I'd call and say let's go out or whatever. In short, i just have no confidence. However, my boyfriend is the opposite, he'll go out and make several new friends straight away, everyone knows him and he isnt keen on taking me out with him anymore because all I do is stay by his side as opposed to doing my own thing as his ex did.
So, can you give me advice on how to approach a total stranger and make conversation with them? to feel confident in myself to do that and any little advice tips on how to not use my boyfriend as a lifeline per say, so I want him to be able to take me out and then not worry or not have his friends telling him he's left me by myself for a bit too long and I'm just looking lonely. Thanks :)
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Confidence is like trust: it takes awhile to build, and it takes a lot to make that very first step. But, luckily, it's not too hard to achieve once you set your mind to it!
The first step is to look confident, or at least comfortable in your own skin. Wear clothing that accentuates what you like about yourself and makes you feel pretty. You don't even have to hide behind make-up or wear your hair in your face, unless you feel that that is the true you :-)
The second step is to set some goals, for example:
"My boyfriend and I are going to this party tonight. I'm going to start a conversation with at least three people and see where that leads. If I still haven't connected with anyone, I'll have my boyfriend introduce me to his friends and he can help guide the conversations."
A third thing to do is have an attitude of not caring what other people think. So what if you snort when you laugh at a joke? It'll be forgotten in 3 minutes. So what if that girl smirked at your hairstyle and whispered to a friend? It's your hair, and she doesn't have to stare at you like that. Maybe she's jealous! (etc.)
These are all things I have done over the years, and I hope you find at least one of them helpful :) Good Luck!
~Miss Holly~
]
Ask your boyfriend. He seems like a confident person, and he could help you.
]
Overcome Shyness
I used to be so shy I wouldn't get up to use the pencil sharpener in grade school because I didn't want the other kids to stare at me. I refused to do book reports for fear of speaking in front of the class. So my grades would suffer. In contrast, my dad was a very friendly extroverted person and always bringing home new friends he had made. The kids liked it cus these “uncles” would bring candy for the kids and many had accents from around the world with lots of interesting stories too.
It took until I was about 16 before I decided I was sick and tired of being so shy. I didn't have the guts to just switch behavior and start talking. Strange how I never thought to talk to my dad about that and get help from him. So I prayed and asked God for help (He knows each of us better than anyone )
and here's the answers I got. It sure helped me and I know it will help you. You can skip any steps you already have mastered.
None of this involves using people you already know because you already have some comfort level there For this exercise, you will have to drop the teaching, “Never talk to strangers”. Just use common sense and talk to people in public places where other people are around and don't go off alone with anyone. So here's your lesson.
1. Smile at strangers every day as you come across them. When you are comfortable with this, move on to step 2
2. Smile and add saying hello to people you don't know. This is already harder because your mind will be going, "They're gonna think I'm nuts cus I am saying hi and they dont even know me." When you can do this without feeling shy, move to step 3
3. Smile and say hi to and then pay a compliment to another person you don't know. It could be telling the grocery clerk you love her necklace. Keep paying compliments to people until you can do so without being fearful of their reaction or simply the act of doing it.
4. Smile, say Hi, and start a conversation with a stranger. Here's an example. When I'd be at a clothing rack and another woman was there...no matter her age, I would make a comment to her about the clothing. I'd pulling off the rack something that looks absolutely hideous and showing it to her, "Look at this. Can you imagine people wanting to wear this. It would make them look like a......" Or "Even though I am small, I have a hard time finding things in my size, do you have the same problems? Keep trying like to get responses from a person. If they don't open up and start responding and sharing some of their story or thoughts then they are part of the 10 % of people who are hermit like and don't like being around people or talking to them. I took a class that taught about personality types and discovered that 90% of people are very friendly but will not start conversation first. If you can learn to start conversation first, in every situation, you will find that the majority of people respond in a very friendly way. They won't find the fact that you start talking too weird. Once they figure you're a naturally friendly person you will see them willingly respond back and share bits and pieces of information and such.
I was trying to pick ripe but not over ripe melon one time when an older woman was tapping and listening to the melons. I asked what she was doing and she explained that there is a certain sound it makes so I learned something. Later we bump into each other in another aisle, and I say, "Well Hello again!" Her response, "Hello again. Do you use coupons?" "Sometimes." "Do you buy this product," she shows me something in her cart, "Yes I do." "Well I happen to have a coupon for a great deal on it if you'd like," and without waiting for my response reaches into pocket and hands it to me. You'd be amazed at the conversation you could have with people and be able to share helpful info with them or vice versa. And sometimes in the conversing you may find people who you have some things in common with and you decide to keep in touch with and exchange cell numbers and /or get their name for facebook friending.
This should help you. Good luck dear
]
More Questions: |