I'm 27/M/Canadian/ syndicated Film critic/Host/Producer/Journalism Graduate/Former advice counsellor and admin on Teenhelp.org and award winner on Teen Advice Online 1997-2000.
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Member Since: October 15, 2005
Answers: 118
Last Update: December 4, 2005
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I'm currently in an internet relationship with this guy in Canada (I'm in Australia) We liked each other for about a year, and only recently decided to give the relationship a shot. We had a few problems before we got together, but we worked them all out. We're meeting in a few months time. I do like him, however, there's a lot about him that bothers me. He's a REALLY extremist Catholic, and whilst i am catholic too, I'm nowhere near as religious. A lot of what he believes I respect, however disagree with. I have to act different around him, for example, I can't swear or say anything even remotely 'suggestive' Sometimes I feel like he's testing me, because he asks me questions like "did you go to mass today on sunday? Did you enjoy it?" and "How far do you think is too far?" I never feel comfortable around him and he doesn't know much about who I truly am due to this reason. He's a really innocent guy for a teenager, and whilst its good that he respects me, he's really uptight and we can never talk about things or joke around like other couples can. I realize that not everyone is into that kind of thing, but it's like we never do anything 'fun'
I tell him I love him every night but sometimes I wonder whether I truly do. I want to make this work but I have a nagging feeling telling me that this isn't right and I shouldn't be with him. What should I do? Is it normal to feel like this? Do you guys think I should still try with him?
Thanks. (link)
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That feeling you get means something so do not ignore it. If something feels creepy or wrong obey the feeling and urge to get out of it. Be nice in breaking it off. If he absolutely does not get it tell him "I like you but this relationship is not right for me. Our religious differences will pull us apart in the end." Leave it at that.
You do not owe anyone your love or devotion and should not feel guilty in any or all situations where people have to fall out of your life if they are no longer right for you. You know what you need to do. We are just confirming it for you. It's not easy but for your own health you should say goodbye and move on.
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my bf gave me a hickey on tuesday and it hasnt lightened at all or anything..i mean its VERY noticable. its like very dark. i can wear my hair down the rest of the weekend and to school on monday. but for cheerleading i have to wear my hair up so idk how im going to do that without my whole squad seeing it cuz trust me they will. can anyone help mee!?
5's for any bit of help (link)
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Some of these answers are pretty awful. Toothpaste? Come on people will notice that more than the hickey. All you need to do is go about your normal business, put your hair up when you have to. If anyone says something to you than use this line "You're just jealous because it isn't you."
That will stop people with nose issues dead in their tracks. If you have a better on use it. Bottom line, in situations like this you really should not give a shit what anyone else thinks. Just think to yourself "At least I had fun..they didn't yesterday." or something like that. It's all it amounts to. Let them be nosy why care?
It's just like any other mark, zit, bite, bruise unless you allow them to get to you and draw it into something embarassing whereas you can cut them down cold before that develops. Hope this helps.
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Every night for the past week or two, I've been having really bad nightmares. Two of the nights I've had nightmares that I was in a car accident. The other two nights, I've had dreams that I killed someone I love and tried to hide their body, then realized what I did was wrong and felt scared and guilty. I looked everywhere online to find out what these dreams mean and why I keep having them. Can someone tell me what all of this means? I rate 5's for all answers. (link)
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I like to think of it this way. Dreams are nothing more than thought pictures or mental images if you will. Some thoughts are unpleasant and so can mental imagery.
When you fall asleep at night your brain does not shut off or stop processing your thoughts. Often we have a lot of fears and sometimes at night the thought pictures going on as you sleep can turn nasty. None of it is real but rather a dipiction of your thoughts and fears as you sleep.
I wouldn't worry there is not much chance of a car accident or killing someone you love in your waking experience. But what is real and what is there at night and during the day is a fear of this deep down. Chuck it and you will not have a problem.
Another tip if you have frequent nightmares you must note is do not sleep on your back. Sleep on your sides. Sleeping on your back as well as front accounts for why a lot of people have bad dreams. Posture and sleeping patterns or the way you sleep can lead to such dreams not to mention what you think about all the time.
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I live in Florida. 14/f. Anyway, we have company in town from Ohio. A little girl who is six years old and a little boy who is almost two years old. What would be some things that we could do Tomorrow with either just the six year old or both the six year old and her brother? The mother would be coming too but we can't think of anything to do.
♥ haleigh (link)
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I would recommend an indoor playground for the 6-year-old to climb, bounce around in, and get the pent up energy out without her getting into trouble. A lot of these places exist and are reasonable.
Bowling never fails in its ability to work for entertaining children. Glow in the Dark bowling is something quite the rage with them. Make sure you play 5 pin or she cannot lift the ball.
2-Year-olds have me beat. I do know that there are some things in the indoor playground they can do but not a lot.
I would actually head on over to I Village's Parentsoup.com message boards and ask where would you take a 2-year-old for fun while babysitting? on their toddler boards. If mom is coming along why not ask simply what do these kids like to do and where should we go?
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I just spent about $150 on my honey for Christmas, and I didn't get him anything for our one year anniverssary!I dont' know what to get him and I'm low on cash! Help me out and I'll rate sky high! thanks (link)
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Well, you learned a hard lesson about budgetting and planning ahead. That's okay--at least you learned while still young going overboard even if you love someone can lead to money problems later on.
This is an anniversary situation. I think you can tell him before hand that you really love him and the day is special to you. Let him know that you ran into some financial issues and are broke because of all the Christmas shopping you did for everyone inclusive of him. If he's a nice guy he will understand.
Then, what I would do is plan a romantic dinner you make yourself for him and find your favorite soft music, move the couch and dance the night away. That means more than anything bought with money. Quality alone time without hassles and an expression of real love.
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I LOVE TEEN ADVICE ONLINE!!!!!!!! Did you create the website? (link)
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Nope. Trev Fenner did. His mother runs it now. C.J Fenner. I haven't much to do with them at all--if even these days. The site is not what it was when they started it.
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Ok so my parents keep on asking me what i want for chrismas!!! I dont know what i want
I am 13 years old....tom boy...i DONT want grly grl stuff...i dont wear make up!!!
The only thing i know i want is a pair of shoes that are shocks!!!
Can you please think of some thing i could like for chrismas
EVERYBODY who answers will get a 5!!!
Even if i dont like that stuff!!! (link)
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By now you have come to realize mom and dad know you better than you know yourself. They have your number. They will be pretty good as they are each year in picking gifts to match your personality and or things they think are good for educational purposes.
Leave the surprises to them as they will get it right even if you cannot think of anything right now. You have roughly a month to add to the list.
Perhaps you might want to do something special this year done in your name. There are a lot of people suffering out there and charities such as World Wide Life Fund, Steven Lewis Foundation, etc. that could use gift donations in your name made by your friends and family.
Maybe you could pick a charity like WWF and have friends buy certificates to protect a certain area or the rainforest from being cut down or money in your name can go to pediatric AIDS causes or to terminally ill kids.
Check this out it's for terminally/seriously ill children started by Paul Newman called Hole In The Wall Camps http://www.holeinthewallcamps.org/htwc/index?page=home
Your donations or donations in your name can send them to camp so they can have a good time and act normal for one summer. Very cool indeed.
As far as gifts you can by in a shop I suggest
the following CD Vanity Project Featuring Steven Page as something new you should try or any CD by Barenaked Ladies inclusive of Barenaked For The Holidays www.bnlmusic.com
I suggest live theatre tickets, books on something you want to learn ie for dummies guides. Keep the list simple and you may recieve more gifts you never thought of that are great than if mom and dad buy everything off your HUGE list and then you get disappointed after a few days with it.
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Ahhh I'm a female..My age I rather not share.. but my 8 best friends are all a bit older and not to mention all guys.. weeelllll. I've kind of made out with them all, then some other stuff (but I wasn't really sober, so it doesn't count?).. anyway.. I've never really considered a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship with any of them.. and they never showed interest either.. I recently started going out with someone else (none of my 8 friends), and they all seem to be mad at me for it.. its as if my entire world turned its back on me.. and I hate it.are they jealous, or maybe looking out for me, or something else? I don't know why they're mad.. Is there a way I can make them not be mad anymore without dumping my current boyfriend? (link)
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I'm going to be straight with you here. What business is it of there's to say anything untoward about your relationship with your boyfriend? Where do they get off here?
Tell them next time you see them that you have been very supportive of their relationships and expect the same here or mind your P's and Q's about the subject. They are the ones being rude to you both, childish etc. Why even care? If you and your boyfriend are having a good time that is all that counts. Their opinions should mean diddly squat when it comes to your love life.
If they are angry so what? It's their issue not yours. Go about having fun and it will all settle itself out. Maybe it is showing you that you are more mature and need to move on.
Absolutely zero explanation about your relationship or dating outside your circle of 8 need be given. Go about your business and if they cannot handle it become friends with someone else. Friends are a dime a dozen. Loving boyfriend's who treat you like a princess are not.
Lots of 'em are toads not worthy of a kiss. Take what you have here and run with it and if anyone says something why would you gives a shit when it's their problem not yours? True friends will simply not pull that junk on you. Perhaps this is how to tell you grew up and they haven't.
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Hi
I'm 15 years old and i've had my period for a little bit over a year now. I have always used pads, but i'd really like to start using tampons. But there's only one problem, im so scared of them. I've tried using the before, but im just scared to leave something up there...please help me. Are there small tiny tampons for teens to use? im sooo freaked out.
please help
ill rate hight
thanks
(link)
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Take a deep breath because I'm not so sure I catch you if you fall on me ;) I think the easiest way to put this is once you master using tampons you will know it for life and not be scared of it.
I think I should suggest common myths here. First of all, whoever told you or legions of girls that you can lose one inside your vagina should be shot! It cannot happen. The Vagina is not an endless organ. There is only one way in with a tampon or anything else and one way out. Nothing gets lost. It can at times take an extra tug on the string I'm told to get one out but that's it.
I think what scares you is the actual insertion part and or the idea of pain. Sure, it will feel uncomfortable at first and maybe a wee bit of of an ouch is the hymen has not been stretched before from masturbation etc.
There are indeed tampons designed for teens. Your best bet is to go to a pharmacy pick out a woman pharmacist, tell them in a whsiper what you need and let them help you and or take a friend or an older sister/cousin etc and go in.
I also know that a tip most given out is to use KY Jelly or Vaseline on the applicator and it does take several tries to get. You will not be helping yourself if tense at all. You have to relax or muscles will contract making it difficult. The way they say is best is one foot on ground, one on toilet for insertion and follow the directions.
This article on the subject will greatly help you as will the entire Scarleteen.com site. http://www.scarleteen.com/body/ontherag_5.html
You can ask for help with any of this on their boards and by reading articles etc. It's the best site on the Internet for teens about sexuality and embarassing questions on it.
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Ok this is weird but when ur "cherry pops" what does that mean and wat happens? I'm sorry if this isnt aloud. (link)
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It's a good question. It is slang actually for your hymen. It's the thick mucous membrane protecting the vaginal opening. This stretches or tears for a variety of reasons: masturbatiion, tampon insertion, and or sexual intercourse.
So, they call it "popping" a "cherry" it used to be believed before widespread use of certain menstrual products that a girl was a virgin if that membrane was intact. Now, it's not so. So, in a nutshell all they mean is a hymen was stretched and or torn.
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I think my boyfriend is cheating on me because one of my friends seen him letting a girl sit on his lap the past two days and he kinda flipped out when I brought it up. She is also going out with one of HIS friends but they dont act like they are going out and he has her number in his cell phone and has recently talked to him on it. She told someone he was ugly and that it was a lie about her sitting on his lap because someone wants to break her and her boyfriend up. Is he cheating and what should I do? (link)
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Consider the source of this information. Are they trustworthy? Do they bullshit you ever? If this person is always solid on what they tell you and never lie consider this as something to raise an eyebrow about and look for further evidence of wrong doing.
How well do you trust your boyfriend? If he has never lied or shown anything less than devotion do not pounce on him. I have seen these days a lot of people male/female that are just friends and one may sit on a lap or whatever on a bus, subway or just hanging out. There's nothing sexual or inappropriate unless they are making out.
As far as rumors etc. and people wanting to break other up let it slide off your back like water to a duck. If nothing before this news appeared broken do not try to raise hell or fix it. Wait until you yourself sense something isn't right. You would be first to know and everyone else last to know for information on your own relationship.
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i'm 14 almost 15 and im overweight. I use to weighh 180 pounds when i was in the 6th grade but i lost most of it..and now i weigh like 150. i wantt to loose weight. I just can't seem to stick to a diet but i am really going to try. Does anyone have any ways i can complete my goal of 120 andd in 6 months?
Thanks You (link)
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Hi,
You need to consult your doctor as none of us can help you in the way you need and safely. Anyone else attempting to answer this medical question should be disregarded as potentially dangerous if they do not know what they are talking about.
You need to see your family doctor. He or she will sit down with you and discuss your weight. The amount of weight as you likely know that you should be is based on height and nothing else. The doctor will then use a Body Mass Index Chart to see if you need to lose more weight or not and prescribe a diet plan for you.
It is BEST to have him/her refer you to a nutritionist. This person will make appointments to weigh you and update your progress and can make healthy meal plans so you reach your goal of getting weight off and keeping it off. One thing is for sure--never start a diet or weight loss program your doctor hasn't advised you to do.
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How do you tell your parents that you are bisexual? Please help me!!! (link)
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There is no right or wrong way to do this. There is no text book or rules written about it. Everyone reacts to the news differently and or deals with doing this differently as it is awful hard to do.
One way people have used that seems to have better results is getting a book or information about the subject. Leave it where they are bound to find it with a Post It Note that says "I have been meaning to tell you something difficult." Let them deal with their own way and come to you for discussion.
There is no way of doing this but the truth. Either you do it subtlely like above or write a long winded note to them or just talk to them and get it out. Either way it has to come out.
You could also take them to a PFLAG or Youth Meeting for parents of gays, lesbians, bisexuals and deal with it that way or have an adult with you when you tell them alone. There is no one way to do something so difficult but once you have the weight is off--the secret is out.
Understand they may react in a lot of ways and be upset. Most children are not threatened verbally etc or thrown out of their homes. It can happen but it sounds like you have great parents where it will not occur--but you feel like you are letting down by telling a secret.
They be mad, sad as hell or yell etc as they feel it was their fault. Over time it can/will die down as they and you adjust. If you want an ear to listen to you further send me a note. While not gay/bisexual I do know from seeing first hand how hard this was for friends to do and what they did to get it out in the open with family/friends.
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I'm a senior in highschool. I take a lot of courses which require writing. It may not be apparent here butI am unable to write down my thoughts coherently. Writing scares me now. I freak out when there's a writing section on tests, when I have to write in-class essays, and so forth. My marks suffer because of this. It's so frustrating!! Someone suggested that it may a a learning disability...but I'm not sure. This just started this year. What does everyone else think? (link)
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Excellent question. Typically, learning disabilities do not just start. They are always there as it is based in the brain. The thing is you may just have discovered it now.
I have a learning disability myself and have worked for a while in the learning disabilities association offices here. A lot of what you describe is typical about writing and inability to organize thought. My hunch is you are an auditory learner who can take things in, have them dictated on tape or written up from what is on the board or as you hear it but never on your own.
You do have a problem. You need to go with your parents and approach the principal and your teacher about getting a learning disabilities assessment done to accurately pinpoint the problem , cause, effect, and how to deal with it.
I know how frustrating all of this is for you. Just be lucky you discovered the issue now rather than in the future. I'll find you more links/research on learning disabilites if you would like. I hope this helps you.
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ok im 13/f and usually have really good eyes.... but latly when i look up after reading and stuff every thing is all blurry! puleez help! (link)
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This is NORMAL. It does not mean your eyesight is going. Anyone who after hours of glaring or reading small print in books can get up and feel light headed and or eyes blurry. It lasts for a few seconds and goes. If it lasts longer than that and does not stop then see an optomitrist.
It's like stepping outside in winter and coming indoors everything looks green for a while. Your eyes are adjusting themselves here and in that instance to the light in the room.
Do not worry about this it really is as simple as your eyes adjusting after having been focused on tiny little words printed in black for an hour or so.
You might just need reading glasses for reading so your eyes are not straining here which they are after you have finished. This is something to consider if light headed feelings and blurred vision seems a constant every time you finsih reading. Otherwise it's just your eyes adjusting for a few seconds.
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I was the one that asked about the movie UNLEASHED. My friend has a few questions about the movie that he doesn't understand. Could you be any help for that? (link)
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I'll give it a whirl. Have him or her send me an e-mail to reeltalk@teentalknetwork.com I will get to it tomorrow as I record my show in the afternoon and can use the questions there as well in answering your friend.
You may want to suggest with him being into martial arts the Bruce Lee collection out on DVD from FOX. It's relatively cheap for a box-set of four of his best films. Yes, send me an e-mail and I'll get back to him in the morning for sure.
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Has anyone seen the movie UNLEASHED? I have a few questions I'd like to ask, so if you could leave your AIM or something, then that'd be great. If not, just tell me and I'll send you a private message and you can send me your AIM that way. (link)
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As you know it just came out on DVD October 11th 2005. I can get you information for your questions and point you at thousands of reviews and sites. I am a film critic and journalist. I will do what I can to answer your questions about the production. It's best to send me a quick note to the inbox and I will give you my IM info. Incidentally, check out my show "Reel Talk" about teen issues and film www.teentalknetwork.com/reel.htm
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Well I have 2 best friends and we all use to goto middle school together until we got to high school cause all 3 of us goto different high schools. Well they made these plans leaving me out and I barly see them am I in the wrong to be mad cause I don't see them and on top of that they leave me out.should i be mad or am i wrong? I think one of them is mad because I told her that her ex and I have been talking alot lately and i think I like him. But i would never let a boy in between my frienships so am i wrong to be mad.
thanks for anyone who answers! (link)
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When in doubt find out. You need to find out if something is happening here. Odds are it is not. These two just became friends and perhaps are trying to get to know one another. Maybe they have no idea you feel left out. Friends from school do not around your age hang out all the time with one another like they used to.
I think what you should do is talk to them both. Tell them "I really like you guys. I feel left out as you haven't been hanging around lately. I miss you." See where that gets you. If they have ditched you permanently than that is your problem. You have to find out for yourself from the horse's mouth.
If they bring up something you did that bothered them hash it out. You really will not know why you are the odd man or girl out without going to these people and subtly asking these kinds of questions to get answers. We here cannot tell you why as we're not them and do not know what you may have said or did. I hope this helps.
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Say a girl and a guy that are dating have sex alot. If one night the girl didn't want to but the guy forced her to, is that still rape? Becuase she's had sex with him before, she just didn't feel like it right then. (link)
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The answer according to law is if anyone forces another person to have sex and did not obey the words "stop, ouch, it hurts etc" and ploughed ahead it is rape. It does not matter if the girl had sex with him a billion times. If someone says stop it you better stop or it is assault as far as the authorities are concerned.
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If you aren't experianced I don't know if you want to read this.
My bf and I have been together for 1 year and 6 months and have been sexual active together for about 4 months.
Well he came over last night and we were fooling around and started having sex. Everything was going fine but then he started getting rough. It was getting to be wayyy too much for me so I told him to not be so hard. He didn't listen and just kept at it.
It got bad enough for me to where I broke out in tears and he still didn't slow down.
When he was about to finish off he took it out and cummed all over me adn my sheets. I usually don't have a problem with that but when we were done (or when he was done anyways) he wouldn't let me clean up. I wanted to take a shower so bad but he wouldn't let me. We just layed there and slept which was very uncomfortable for me because it was gross and sticky.
Now I don't know if I can be comfortable around him. He's never done anythign like this before. he always used to listen while we were in bed adn never went too fast or hard. I don't know what got over him. What should I do? 18/f (link)
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This isn't love who are we fooling? He has shown you through this that he has a dark side and has no respect for your wishes. By text book definition if you said "Ouch, no, quit, stop" or any combination of those words and he did not it's rape. He can be charged with sexual assualt for this.
At any rate I would make sure he paid for this dearly. It is only going to get worse and who has any clue if there is a dark side to him where he could become angry and hurt you.
This guy as much as you love him should be kicked to the curb and shown the door. Furthermore, you NEED to tell your parents and let your father go after him.
As for the sheets yo should have told him to go home and not come back. He really is not worthy of you and this is plain disgusting and not to be tolerated.
If you let him back in your bed, have sex, or act like nothing happened you are only fuelling a serious problem here. It will escalate that way and repeat on rapid cycle. My advice THINK! IS HE WORTH THIS KIND OF SHIT HAPPENING?
Do make sure adults know what happened especially parents they will advise you further on what should/needs done.
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