about

Hi I'm Derfel - & I'm Dannii, trust us 'coz you know what? We're always ....... ALWAYS right! Together we have a phenomenal amount of life experience, advice experience and 'drama management'!! What we haven't come across you could list on the back of a postage stamp (a small one). We'll talk about anything, don't mind getting personal and we genuinely care about YOU! We're hear to help and we're listening. Buy buy just now Derfel & Dannii xx




advice

Ok,

I never know how I should respond to the "V" question when trying to get with a girl. If I say my truthful and say no, they are like "awww, that's sweet" And pretty much never hear from them again, but I don't want to lie and have it kick me latering down the line. What should I do in this situation?

The point hear is that instead of taking control of the situation your letting it consume you. You can't even bring your self to use the word virgin, its just the 'V' word. You need to get rid of the shame and embarrassment you have and be true to your self. My honest opinion? - I can not see in a million years that the vast majority of girls would be put of by a guy who's a virgin - quite the opposite in fact. Maybe the reason for the lack of activity in your love life is not your honesty about your vaginaty but your lack of self confidence and self esteem. These issues need to be addressed first not only for the sake of your love life but your general happiness too. For ways to improve your self confidence and take control drop a question in my inbox but your number one sours has to be your friends. Buy for now - DERFEL

[view]

okay so my mom smokes and i hate it.. like all my clothes smell like smoke b/c our house always smells like it and my teachers look at me evilly b/c i smell like smoke but i cant do anything about it do you know any way to either get my mom to stop smoking or to like at least have my house not smell like it all the time?!

Your house and everything in it stink of smoke thanks to your mom. That’s bad enough but if theirs that much smoke around the house its not just your mom that’s smoking. I don’t mean any one else is lighting up and smoking purposefully but you and any one else in the house will be getting plenty of your moms second hand. So not only is she killing herself she’s putting her daughters health at serious and unnecessary risk too. I’m not going to go in to how your mom can stop smoking. She’s got to want to stop and make the effort her self but the problem of the house that stinks and a daughter at risk could be easily sorted. All she has to do is step out side every time she wants a cigarette. I don’t think that’s too much to ask and having to go outside in all weathers and at all times of the day and night may help her to start stopping! Sit down and talk with her, explain how you feel and about what its like at school with your teacher. You could also show her your question and the answers you’ve got. It might help her face the reality of the situation. If she does decide to quit by the way, drop a note to my inbox or email address as I have some very useful info she may find helpful. Good luck
Derfel
XX

[view]

i'm a 17 yr old male that has a false reputation of being gay. i'm actually metrosexual and almost all the school assumes i'm gay. how can i show my peers that i'm straight without betraying who i am.

Hi,
In life you just have to be yourself, don’t try to be any one else and don’t try to alter or change your image or how others see you. People can either accept and like you for who you are or they can fuck off. Its that simple. If people mistake you for being gay that’s fine. Theirs nothing wrong with being gay. The very worst thing you can do is keep protesting ‘I’m Straight, I’m Straight’. Just get on with your life, be yourself and let others say or think what they like. You know who your friends are, stick with them.
Buy buy just now
Derfel
x

[view]

my friend and i both like the asme guy (my ex bf) and i know i could get him but she'd be devastated.. but i really miss him and i want to be with him but i dont want her to be hurt.. :-/ advice would be nice

You have to sit down and think carefully about whether or not this guy is worth risking your friendship over. I know that sounds a little drastic but its effectively what you’d be doing if you decided to get back with him. If your friend means more to you than he does, forget it. Also a point to consider, why did you break up with him in the first place, their must have been a reason it didn’t work out. If you decide you are going to go for it do it very gently with as much tact, decorum and sensativaty as possible. Good luck. Derfel xx

[view]

Okay, you ansered a question of mine a while back, like maybe a few months ago, and put this in the answer... And how many people have Completed a college students course to deliver sex education to 11 to 14 year olds as I have... well, If you're only 17, than how can you have already taken and passed a college students course to teach sex ed? And, i always thought for some reason you were a girl/woman, I guess I was wrong about that too.

Hi,
I understand your confutation about the sex Ed thing. I live in the UK not USA and our education system is a little different. We don’t finish high school when we’re 18 and then go to what you would call college. We finish ‘secondary school’ at 16 and then those that want to go on to university first need to go to sixth form college for 2 years to complete A-levels. So my sex Ed qualification is not a college qualification in the way you may have thought (a university qualification) but a sixth form college qualification completed as an additional or ‘enrichment’ activity to supplement academic A-levels. The sex ED course run by APAUSE (added power and understanding sex education) qualifies sixth form (Y12) students to deliver sex ED to 11 to 14 year olds in secondary schools as part of a wider peer mentoring and education scheme. You can visit the APAUSE for health web page at www.ex.ac.uk/sshs/apause/aboutapause.htm

Thanks for question as others may have been confused too (I didn’t think to explain). I’m not female no, I’m a 17 year old (nearly 18) male……lol..

Hope you are well and the problems you had when we last talked are sorted. I seem to remember we had quite and argument then ! lol

Buy for now
Derfel
XX

[view]

My mom is very overprotective & strict. I'm 15 years old and can barely even go out with friends. She worries about me because I do have "bad" friends who are into drugs, alcohol, trouble, etc. I think she should trust me more because I have never done any of these things and I don't give into peer pressure. She doesn't even allow me to get into a car with anyone. She has some points in her argument, but I know how to stay safe and what not to do. I'm a teenager and I want to have fun right now. How do I explain this to her and get her to allow me to do more things? She's just mostly worried that I'll get hurt or something bad will happen to me.

This is something a lot of people your age have to deal with. Something seems to happen to people when they have children; they loose all ability to think rationally or calmly – they seem to live in a constant state of worry and hysteria. They do it out of good intentions – you know that but it doesn’t make it any easier to live with. The bottom line of the situation is something almost all teenagers and parents go through. The teen saying I’m not a child any more, I have to grow up and the parents saying no you can’t. It’s a fight the parents are designed to loose because their children are inevitably going to grow up. Sit down and talk to your mom and explain how you feel, stay calm and listen to her. Then try to make some compromisers; you might be surprised at how effective it is. Another piece of advice, what your mom doesn’t know she can’t say no to or complain about can she? (for more practical advice on that point send me a message and I’ll let you know all the tricks lol)
Derfel
X

[view]

Ok im a 14 year old teenage girl. Im so in love w. this kid that ive known for 3 years. We've been together off and on for the past 2 years, but hes put me through so much pain . But now the only time he talks to me is when he doesn't have a girlfriend or there arguing. A weekend before thanksgiving (when him nd his girlfriend had been broken up for 2 months) he told me he loved me nd he was sorry for all the pain he had put me through and he told me i was the only one he wanted to be with. He said he was glad he had someone that loved him nd always stuck by his side whenever he needed someone. We hung out for 2 weeks, talked all the time on the phone, told each other we loved each other ( which really i thought we did, i mean i really do love him) but then he stopped calling, and when i saw him he acted like nothing happened. Now we got into the biggest arguement nd he's back together w. his girlfriend. I love this kid so much - i would do anything for him nd he knows that. He knows he's the only thing on my mind 24/7. What should i do, should i give it time nd just let things work themselves out or should i just move on?? Please help !!!

You’ve got to start moving on. Its no good for you to keep your self in this situation, it must be hell for you. He might come along and make you happy for two weeks, a month or whatever but he certainly won’t make you happy long term and you know that. He knows your always going to be their when he wants to use you and you’re just letting it happen. You’ve got to take control and move on because you deserve a hell of a lot better than that. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying just forget about him like it’ll be easy – it won’t be but if you lay on the floor like a doormat their will be people who are quite happy to walk all over you.
Buy buy just now
Derfel
x

[view]

I know I've seen a question similar to this before, but I haven't been able to find it. So, I'll just ask it again. I'm usually have my period anywhere in between 21 and 28 days. Well, I'm a bad, stupid little girl and I forgot to mark my last one down on a calendar. I'm pretty sure the last time I had mine was on November 2, but I'm not sure. That would make today Day 27 if I'm right about the last one ending on November 2. I'm still kind of nervous about it though. I've never -- well, I have once -- missed a period. I'm a 13 (nearly 14) year old virgin female. Is this normal? I've had my period for about two years.

Hi,
Don’t worry it’s perfectly normal for a teenager at your age to have irregular periods they will settle into a regular pattern as you get older. If you fell worried or uncomfortable talk about it with friends or your mom if you’re happy discussing things like that with her. But honestly this is something many people your age experience

[view]

im almost 15 and theres this guy thats 19 that ive reallly liked for a while. i dont know how to get over him, and he already left for college.....
i dont really know what to ask but if anyone has any advice thatd help

thank youuuu

Hi,
If theirs one thing I seem to say more than anything else when answering questions like this is follow your hart not your head. If you like this guy go for it. Dose it matter that he’s 19 and your 15, NO. Others will say it dose but you take no notice darling. If he thinks your too young for him or isn’t interested theirs not a lot you can do you’ll just have to take the risk. Good look and god bless.
Derfel
X

[view]

Hey-i was reading through your column and i really liked the advice you were giving so i was wondering if you could help me out with a situation i have:
alrite so beginning of this year (i was still a junior in high school) i met a guy (a senior in high school who's now a freshman in college) through my best friend's boyfriend and one nite after all 4 of us hanging out i ended up hooking up with him. When it started out, neither of us was looking for a relationship, i was just looking to gain experience so i figured it was a great idea. Long story short-i went pretty far with him and got attached-towards the end of the school year we found out we both really liked each other, we went to prom together and were hooking up monogamously for about 4 months but he never asked me out-finally middle of summer he said he didn't wanna lead me on but he really didn't want a gf when he was gonna be leaving for college in a month-i told him i understood but naturally i was heartbroken. So i didn't see him the rest of the summer, i've just heard stories about him hooking up with other girls which killed me...literally but i finally finally got over him (its been a long long road). Anyways he's back for thanksgiving break and i haven't gotten play in awhile-so this friday we are getting together-im really worried cuz when i see him i don't know if i will have the strength to turn down hooking up with him, but i definitely know i don't have the strength to get over him again-at the same time....i desperately need play LOL. What do u think i should do?!?!

thanks

Hi darling,

You clearly really like this guy and to be honest it sounds to me as if he really likes you too. Your right not to want to hook up with him for a ‘one night kinda thing’ you’ve just got over him and you know that would put you back to square one. There are a few practical things you could do to stop that happening. Find a nice boy to ‘play’ with before you meet him….lol…… or take a friend with you or meet in a café or some place you couldn’t hook up. But the thing is hear is have you ever told him how you feel – you haven’t, it may be he was running away from his feelings because he didn’t want to go to college leaving his gf behind. Hearing how you feel about him may change every thing. In these situations I always say follow your hart not your head - go for it. However something you have to consider first, if you did have a relationship with him you would have to be Able to trust him while he’s away ay college. Weather or not you could do that and if he’s worthy of that trust is your decision. Good look babe and let me know what happens.
Buy for now
Derfel xx

[view]

Hey MiSSc here,
I'm kinda bored with my hair. It's layered, brown, thick, and maybe 2 inches off my shoulder. What can I do to make it more like a celebrities hair but something fast and easy but looks good? Lately I've been wearing pulled up because I don't know what to do with it. I want it beautiful, full, but fast and easy to do. Any advice?

Set fire to it and see what happens

[view]

okay well i shave down there and it grows back really fast. like in a week! is that normal or what? is there anything i can do to prevent it? and i also get those little red bumps and sometimes the hair is not always completley gone! any tips please? thank you.

Hi there
My tip: wax rather than shaving. When you shave hair not only is it difficult to get it all off (as you’ve been experiencing) but you don’t remove the follicle so hair grows back fairly quickly. Also waxing would prevent you from getting that red shaving rash. By the way pay no attention to ‘Dr squirrel’ (the one who ‘urges you to get medical advice’) – he is a complete prat (who hasn’t heard of shaving rashes lol)

[view]

I lost my virginity in Feb after my 15 birthday. Since then my boyfriend and I have had sex atleast twice a week. He pulls out so we have never completely finished, and we have never had a pregnancy scare. Recently our sex has felt diffrent though. Like it has lost the unique, wild touch it once had. Could I be bored with sex? I get the same pleasure, but instead of feeling fulfilled afterwards I just feel-there. Can someone explain this to me? I'm so confused...

Well the first thing I’d say is that you may not have had a pregnancy scare yet BUT the ‘withdrawal’ method of contraception is not safe and you could very easily wind up pregnant. You don’t know how lucky you’ve been so far. Visit www.ex.ac.uk/sshs/apause/ and click on the ‘iweb’ link on the top of the page and then click ‘contraception’ – from hear have a look round at the various contraception / sex education sites. The bottom line darling is you are practicing unsafe sex – you need to get the relevant information (as does your boy friend) before you go on having sex. As for how to ‘spice up’ your sex life – ask me again when you’re using a proper method of contraception! BUT perhaps not having to worry about withdrawing before your boy friend ejaculates so you can at least relax a bit more might be a good starting point.
Derfel

[view]

ok 15/f...my boyfriend just recently started smoking weed well we dont go to the same skool so we only see eachother 4 out of 7 days....so its realy special wehn we get 2 see eachother....well as he was walking me to where i get picked up...he started smoking...he knows i hate it....i just got really mad and started walking ahead of him...he put it away and was like sry im really sry and he stopped and i was being really bitchy and he tryed to hold my hand and i moved away and put them in my pockets...n i didnt even say bye to him when i left....i didnt hug him or even kiss him...i didnt say nething i jsut left!....and i wouldnt look @ him or walk near him....and he was like ill call u tomrrow and i wasl ike dont bother...and i just left....i feel really bad...i mean he was wrong smoking infront of me knownin i dont lyke it...but he apologized n put it away and i was saying mean hurtful stuff to him

btw we been together for 13months...=\...do u think i shuld call him? and apologize?? wat do i say?? (this happened last nite)

Hi – well I think he probably got the message – where you too harsh…. Well maybe a little but at least you’re not taking any nonsense. The important question is – is this worth loosing your him over, I would say not and I think you agree. I get the feeling by what you say you have something really quite special hear. Call him, the two of you make up and enjoy your time together.
Buy buy just now
Derfel
xx

[view]

Ok, i was at sonic and a really hot girl brought the food out to me. Ive never seen her before in my life, but i got the nerve to ask he for her number. and she actually gave it to me. Ok now im stumped. What do i do? Should i call her n ask her out, or what? help plz.

Yes! If she didn’t want you to call her – she wouldn’t have given you her number. You like her, she must like you – get on that phone. If you don’t you’ll always be wondering what might have happened if you did, go for it.
Good luck
Derfel

[view]

Um, like my period started today and it usually lasts 5 days which means its last day wil be on Tuesday... the first day of school!... so like I was wondering if you all knew anything that could shorten it by like just a day... for example things I could do n such. Thanks

No unfortunately theirs nothing you can do to shorten it be a day. 5 days is the standard length for a period to take place. There'll be plenty more times when your on your period at school and every other girl at your school will have to deal with it as well so don't worry. Why not talk it through with a friend or someone just for a bit of reassurance.
Derfel
X

[view]

alrightt now i have this ex who just doesnt know when enough is ENOUGH !! i mean let alone does he call me naims, he does it almost 24/7! its like he assumes hes over me but all he can do is say "ugh shes so ugly!" and stupid stuff like that. better yet hes trying to get his friends (also mine) turned against me ! hell be like "say shes ugly or ill kick u in the balls" and its like .. umm no? THERE MY FRIENDS TOO JACKASS !!! but the thing is the 3 ppl who he hangs out with are like super close to me. and there all bigger than him and more mature so idk y they dont jus put him in his place. hes spoiled and it makes me mad to see him get his way and always talk about me. schools in like 5 days and i knowww wen he sees me hes gonna jus not shut up as always so what should i dooo :[

Hi there,
Well you know as well as every one else the reason why he's behaving like a prat, he's not over you at all. Personally if I where you I'd put him in his place, have it out with him and tell him exactly what you think of him preferably in the presence of your shared friends. Also talk with your friends and explain how you feel you may find that makes them more likely to take sides and stand up to him. Perhaps then he'll start to get the message
Derfel
XX

[view]

Ok, I posted this publically, but I needed help from a guy.

You already know that I go to an all girls' school. So, the other day I went in a restaurant, and started smiling at one of the waiters. (He was cute!!!) When we left, my mom told me he gave me a look that said "Why are you staring at me". I didn't notice it, but my mom did. What did I do wrong?? I thought guys liked when you smiled at them! Right?

Hi darling,
Don't worry about what happened - you didn't do anything wrong. Your right most gues do like to be smiled at and its certainly perfectly harmless. Next time why not try chatting to them rather than just looking, this will avoid any confession they may have about why you keep looking - and you never know it may well lead to a date.
Talk to you again soon, god bless
Buy for now
Derfel
XX

[view]

If your belly button peircing is infected and bleeding because you messed with it too much as in taking it out and putting it back too much, can you put peroxide on it?! If not what can I put on it?! Thanks

No absolutely do not put peroxide on it or anything else for that matter! If it is infected you need to go and see your doctor as soon as you can.
Derfel
X

[view]

Hello. Here is the situtation (sorry if its long)

Im a freshman in high scool, and I have 2 really good friends. One of them, let's call her Jacki, is really close to me, weve been friends for a long time. My other good friend is Kelsey, I havent known her as long as Jacki and we arent as close as Jacki and I are. So, unfortunetely Jacki went to a different high school then me, but me and Kelsey are at the same school. So, me and Kelsey have been hanging out at school, but the past two days she hasn't been talking to me that much. She sits at the opposite side of the lunch table, she hardly talks to me, and she talks to other people. I have other friends at the table and everything, but it really makes me feel bad because I feel like I have no REALLY good friend to talk to :-( I miss being with Jacki... please help. Thanks if you take the time to read it all! =)

Hi darling,
Well you have two options hear. You could always move schools to be with Jacki. However do you want the upheaval? Try talking to Kelsey and ask what the problem is. It may of course be nothing but try to work it out with her as soon as possible the longer you leave it the harder it'll be. After chatting with Kelsey you'll be in a better position to decide if you want to jump ship and move schools or if your happy where you are.
Buy buy just now
Derfel
X

[view]

<<< Previous Advice Column
Next Advice Column >>>
eXTReMe Tracker