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I am in a crisis involving a horrible case of writer's block! I cannot decide on a topic for my personal statement I need written, revised, and embellished by this Friday! There are two prompts on the UC applications and no matter which one I choose, open a new word document for and just begin writing sounds like a load of crap. I am too distracted by my past and how it's shaped me as a person and cannot find a good solid yet positive topic to write about. I don't know if I can do this. I have scoured the internet for tips and advice but none has helped. I'm feeling low, and desperate. (link)
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Slow down and take a deep breath. I find in situations like these, less is more. When your writing and it sounds like crap, thats because it is crap, your trying too hard! You obviously want this and the pressure and anxiety of doing it "right" is blocking your connection with yourself.
First of all get out of that anxiety. Go for a long walk, good read, yoga, ect. Whatever you need to take your mind away from it. Then when you approach it again take some deep breaths and try to abandon all your expectations about what the product "should" be. Take your focus off the product and put it on the process. You want to find the words for something purely honest. Your relationship to your work. If you don't know what it is start with a free write. welcome random words and fragmented sentences. This is a page with no expectations. A place where the good and the bad are both equally welcome. Your going to write or type and let your thoughts bleed out of you. All of it doesn't have to make sense and hopefully it wont. Don't stop writing till your exhausted or have realized what you want to say. The more you can abandon expectations of the product the deeper you can venture into your self. There is no right or wrong here just go!
After that go over all the ideas on the page/s and give each one a quick but honest thought. How much do I actually agree with this? Do I honestly think this is true for me? If your not at least %90 in agreement with this idea, cross it out. If you agree with it look to see if has any connection or relation to anything else on your page.
Remember the best writers write what they know. When you have finished this process you should have scraped some bits and pieces of what you know. It might be super raw and in need of a LOT of work but congratulations you have found your voice.
Now, how can you fill in the gaps? How can you use your writing skills to reach the most honest and expressive version of this voice? How can you not judge the writing? Don't measure it against outside expectations, measure it against the best version of it's self. Develop your work to be true to itself. Don't judge it for what it's not, embrace it for what it is.
I know you have it in you, good luck honey!
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I sent a few nudes to a guy I met online and he's sent me money in return for them and now he's blackmailing me saying if I don't send him something else then he'll post all my pics on the internet.. Is there anything I can do to stop him? Can the police do anything? (link)
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Are you recognizable in the photo's? For the future, when you send picks over the internet make sure the pic does not show your face or any identifying marks that you may have on your body. Also don't tell these guys your real name. Use your middle name or just a fake name until enough time has passed and these guys have really proved to you that you can trust them.
What he is doing is definitely harassment. Weather it's enough to be against the law where you live would depend on your state laws. Here is a website where you can lookup your state and read about the laws for cyber harassment where you live.
http://www.ncsl.org/research/telecommunications-and-information-technology/cyberstalking-and-cyberharassment-laws.aspx
You can always play the blackmail game with him which would mean. You say "go ahead and do it, I'm filing a police report against you for making threats and cyber harassment." There is a chance he will get scared and just stop but, you obviously run the risk of him posting the pictures. If your not easily identifiable in the photos it shouldn't matter that much. It's also not that big of a deal if he doesn't know your real name.
Where would he be posting them? If he is posting them on FB you can block him, so it's impossible for him to tag you in anything. On face book you can also report photo's as abusive or harassment and Facebook will take them down. Similar mechanisms should be in place on all social media. There should always be an option to report a photo or select help and write to them about your problem.
If your worried that he is going to be posting them on pornography sites, they are not going to be so generous about taking them down. However if you report to the site that your underage in the photo (under 18) it's technically illegal child pornography and they have to take it down.
Does he know your real name? Could he attach your photo with your face and your name all together? In other words... If someone (like a potential employer) googles your name could he find the photos?
If this is the case, your a bit more screwed. If your really young right now and your name is fairly common don't worry about it. I have never had any dirty photo's of me posted on the internet and pornography still comes up when my name is typed into google. Just because I have a common name and so there are bound to be people sharing it that are doing porn. When my employers research me on the internet they don't even look at that stuff. They look for things related to my work or they look at my face book act or something like that.
The worse case scenario is the pictures get posted (and it's actually not that big of a deal). This happens to many people!! It's fairly common in the adult world to have pictures your not comfortable with floating around the internet. It happens to many people and only rarely comes back to bite you in the ass later.
Whatever you do, don't let this guy blackmail you!!! It's better to spend a couple nights searching for your photos on the internet and reporting them to get them taken down one by one. It's a slow process but you can probably get most of them. From now on, BE SMART when sexting strangers. You are cute and beautiful and they are lucky that you would even consider sending them your photo's. That means its your way or the highway. Any photos' with your face in them cannot be sexually incriminating. and sexy photos cannot include your face. If they don't like identity safe photo's they don't deserve to get them. Tell them that your name is blake or chad or something made up. And avoid ever having to deal with this again.
Good luck honey, I hope it goes well.
Good luck honey,
Let me know how it goes.
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So I had been a Wiccan for months, and my dad had the bad idea of it. That every Wiccan was a witch. That witches are evil. That the Horned God is associated with Satan because he has horns/antlers. I have never felt comfortable in Christianity, but felt comfortable in Wicca, like I was 100% safe and nothing would ever hurt me. I'll be turning 18 in a few months. Should I just light candles in my room, try to tell the Horned God that I'm sorry and that I'll move in with my friend when I turn 18 and become a Wiccan again? (link)
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You are young and it's normal to venture outside the religion you grew up with and spend periods of time or whole life even, fallowing a faith/s of your own choosing. If you want your father to be more supportive of your choice perhaps you should do a little research? Type "common misconceptions about Wiccan's" into google and see if you can find some support within the Wiccan community. YOu might find some people explaining the religion to outsiders in a way your father can understand? Your father might be willing to read what they have to say and become a bit more open minded about.
There is also the chance that he wont be willing to do this, but there is no harm in trying. If this is the case you need to make it okay to agree to disagree about religion with your father. Even after you turn 18 your father will still be in your life and religious affiliation might always be something the two of you don't agree about.
You should realize that you are very young and although you feel like this religion is absolutely the best thing for you now, you could change your mind later in your life. Also your father should try to understand that you are exploring a new religion and as you grow older you will explore many new things in life. He can't choose where your path takes you, he can advise you and he can offer support but indefinitely it is your decision. This disagreement is not worth destroying a family relationship over!! Many family's differ from each other in religious beliefs and love and respect each other just fine. Aim for this. We don't agree but respect each others choices because we're family.
I don't know anything about Wiccan's but I say light your candles and explore your life. Fallow your passions, learn, grow, make mistakes, change your mind and embrace life. If your father can't support you in that just get through it until your 18 and move out. Sometimes it's hard for parents to realize that their children are old enough to make their own decisions. Try and be understanding of that. I know it's hard when you don't have kids but try and understand your dad is just worried about you. Try and make him realize. If he pushes you away by judging your choices, he will loose you. If he pushes you away with judgment, he can't have you in his life. Then if something bad does happen you wont feel like you can go to him for help. So tell him if he is worried about you the best thing he can do is NOT push you away.
I don't know if any of that helped but I hope the two of you can work it out.
Good luck honey
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will god forgive me and will I still go to heaven when I follow through with what I'm about to do. I figure if I'm going to loose everything I'm going to loose it on my terms. I am going to jail for driving under suspennsion and I,m on disability and I'll loose everything I'm already living my life in a wheelchair from a motorcycle accident. I already have my mind made up (link)
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I think a better question is will you forgive yourself? Will your friends and family and people that love you be able to forgive you? Life is long and you will have many different high and low points but you don't know that you'll get another chance. Can you forgive yourself if you choose to throw your experience away like that? If you choose to hurt everyone that cares so much about you?
Hard things happen to everyone and we are all in this together. Driving under suspension is not a major crime and you probably wont get that much jail time. If you go to jail think about how you want to use that time? Some of the greatest writers in the world got their best stories in Jail. For many people it can be an opportunity to turn your life around if you don't like the way it's going. Yes it's a harsh environment in there, but your going to be housed and fed and have time to reflect on your life. What is it that you don't like? Are there things you would like to be doing differently? Do you have connections in your life that you can reach out to? Are there people/ places you can go for support?
It sounds to me like you need to take some time and let yourself heal. I don't know if your wheelchair is a permanent or temporary circumstance but it sounds like you could use a little healing, adjusting and accepting. Remember just because times are hard it doesn't mean your experience is not valid. Suffering is part of life, it's human and it builds character and makes us who we are. Some of the greatest films of all time are about struggling through hard times. Billions upon billions of people relate to these stories all over the world. You are not alone my friend. The world may look different fro a wheel chair but difference is not always bad. Your experience is unique, your life matters. Even when it's hard and you feel like giving up, know that you are beautiful and your life matters.
If it's any consolation I am interested in hearing your story. I hope you stick around to tell it or at least to live it. May you stay with us my friend. In or out of jail all is never lost this is just one small piece of your journey.
Good Luck honey.
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I am 25 years old and I am a female and I had oral sex for thefirst time ever I have ner fone anything sexual before nowb in my life and I am a virgin . I knowbyou proble dodon't get a lot of women who are old as I am who are virgins asking about stds on this site but iam terrified that I might have aids when I didn't even have intercourse. We were both naked and he ate me out and I sucked his dick and he gingered me could I get aids from letting this guy that I have known since I was 16 do this to me . I know this may make .e sound like a whore but we was only dating a week before he wanted to have sex and I said didn't want to have sex so we decided on oral sex . I am so scared because the other day I was in the shower and I noticed 3 little bumps inside my vagiana and I also have a boil that's kind of grey looking sorry if this is to grafic but I wanted to give you complete detail of what's going on with me so you could answer my question properly. I talked to my cousin about my situation and she said that I needed to go see a gbyon and get tested for aids and other stds . I am so scared. Please help . I made an appointment gor the 10th of my next month and iam absolutely terrified because I don't know what to they are going to do. How do they check for aids is it s blood test or do they actually have to check down there ? Will they tell anyone if I have aids . Please help me. Thank you so much. (link)
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First of all DON'T slut shame yourself! Everyone has sex and it's normal and natural. I never once thought you sounded like "a whore," and it made me sad to hear you talk about yourself that way. You are NOT a whore. Don't say that about yourself. Sex can be a beautiful thing in your life but you cannot use it to punish yourself. It's part of the human experience and you should not hate yourself over it.
You will be happy to know that you cannot get HIV or AIDS from oral sex. Aids can only be transmitted through vaginal or anal intercourse or from mixing blood with someone that is HIV+. If you only had oral sex it's impossible for you to have contracted HIV or AIDS.
The rates of STI transmission from oral sex is vey low, but it is possible. You can contract Herpes, Gonorrhea, or Chlamydia from oral sex. Gonorrhea and Chlamydia can both be cured with antibiotics. Herpes can be repressed with medication and after treatment you may never have a symptom again. If infected with herpes you'll be a carrier of the virus and will want to tell your partners and practice safe sex (using a condom) to prevent transmission of the virus.
All doctors are legally required to keep the information of their clients confidential. So no matter what happens, your doctor cannot and will not tell anyone about your test results. If they know that you only had Oral sex it is unlikely that will give you a blood test. Blood tests are more expensive and none of the STI's from oral sex require a blood test to be found. They will give you something like a pap smear. A pap smear is when your doctor swabs the inside of your vagina and collects a small amount of vaginal fluid and tests it. It's important to be totally honest with your doctor and tell them if you have any unusual marks, swelling or bumps that you would like them to look at. Don't be afraid of your doctor their job is to help you. You will feel much better once you have talked to them about it. Don't be nervous about having a vaginal exam. Every women has them! It's recommended that after becoming sexually active women get yearly pap smears. It's part of being an adult and being a woman, so don't be ashamed or afraid. Love your body and know that all responsible adults take care of their bodies.
In the Future remember if you want to have penetrative sex, use a condom. If your partner does not want to use a condom then don't have sex with them. Don't let men guilt you into making unsafe decisions. A man that does that is no one you want to have sex with! look for partners that you can talk to and they show sensitivity to your concerns and are respectful of your wishes. If you would like to protect yourself during oral sex you can use a dental damn as a female condom. Talk to your prospective partners about sex and about their sexual history. Ask them when they were last tested. If they are rude or unwilling to talk about sex with you, run away! This is not a person you should have sex with!!!
Good luck honey. Remember to love yourself and take care of your body. If you do that, you will realize that sex is a beautiful part of life. Human sexual intimacy is a gift when practiced safely and with respect.
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Once I have anal sex and it didn't slipper to my vagina, am I still a virgin? (Stressed) (link)
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It depends what your definition of a virgin is. If you believe that being a virgin means you have never had sex, then no you are not a virgin because you have had anal sex. If you believe that being a virgin means that your hymen is still in tact, then yes you are a virgin. Because, the only way a hymen can be broke is from vaginal penetration.
If you don't know what a hymen is then check out this link where you can learn about it.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hymen
Either way you should NOT feel stressed about it. Loosing your virginity is a natural and normal part of life. It's part of your experience and you should accept and embrace that. The most important thing to consider when your having sex is that your doing it because you want to. No one should force you. Sex should be happening between willing adults. Secondly, you should make sure that you trust the people you have sex with. You should be able to speak to them about your feelings and they should respond in a kind and compassionate manner. Thirdly, you should practice safe sex or sex with a condom. A condom is the most effective way to protect yourself from an unplanned pregnancy or an STI.
Good luck honey, please let me know if you have any more questions. :)
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I've been in a relationship with a girl from overseas for almost two years. I'm a 26 y/o guy, and she's 24. She came with me here about a year and a half ago. I treat her well, romance her, buy her roses, bake her cakes, take her out when I have time, tell her that she's beautiful, help her look for work, and a lot with English.
Last year she started acting funny and talking about a guy, and I found out she cheated on me by looking at her phone, and reading her emails (Not saying this was right, just that I did it). I confronted her, but I never really felt she thought what she did was wrong. I promised not to look at her stuff again.
For the half year since then she's been using her phone a ton, and hiding it from me. Lately she has been getting calls and messages from the guy she cheated with on me again, so often that even though she doesn't want me to know, it's inevitable that I would see at some point. She gets pissed off over trivial things, she's stuck to her phone 24/7, we hardly ever have sex anymore, and sometimes I don't feel like she even wants to be here.
So I gave her time, and everything just felt kind of wrong. I broke my promise and checked up on her. She's still cheating on me, and things never really stopped. She tells me she's faithful, nothing has happened, and she loves me, but I know she's lying.
Recently she got offered her dream job in my country, and the contract process is happening fairly quickly. She's staying here on a Partner visa with me, and we live together. If I break up with her, she either has to leave within a month, or become illegal. Apart from that, it will obviously make my life more hellish for that month than it already is living with a person who you know is lying to you with a straight face, while making out with another guy. I know that she is planning to stay with me for the two years it will take for her to gain permanent residence, and then leave me for the guy she is cheating on me with.
In my country, you can only ever sponsor two people to be partners, and if your first partner is granted PR, the length your second one has to wait grows to 5 years, rather than just 2.
I don't know how to handle breaking up with her, and what to say to who, when. I don't want to be taken advantage of, or have my name smeared by this. Breaking up with her before she gets PR will pretty much destroy her whole life as she knows it. She quit her job to come here with me, which is kind of a black spot on her employment history in her home country. I feel angry and upset about what she has done to our relationship, but I'm still battling feelings of love for her, and I don't want to see her broken. I wish everything I know about what's happened could be a lie, but I know it's not, so I have to deal with it.
To complicate things, accepting the job involves costly medical and security checks for her, and may mean we consider moving. I'm at university, and I only just found this out, right before the exam period. I really don't want to think about this before exams, and I definitely don't want to break up with her just before my first exam, so I am putting it off, but I feel so guilty for "supporting" her through the process of getting checks and references for this job that I know will be difficult if not impossible for her to keep.
What would you do?
What should I tell her? The truth? Or that I've fallen out of love, but don't know why? Or that one of her friends told me the truth?
How do I deal with the stress of living together with this oblivious lying girl who tells me she loves me?
What should I do to handle the resistance that I'm likely to have to breaking up with her? She won't want to break up with me, because she wants PR.
Can you tell me some steps and the order in which I might do them?
Any other general advice about the situation that I haven't asked a specific question about is more than welcome.
Thanks in advance.
-Troubled (link)
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So first of all, she is obviously not good at being monogamous. Don't feel bad a lot of people struggle with it. Society as whole is actually failing at monogamy. However studies show that usually when people cheat it has nothing to do with dissatisfaction in their current relationship. Check it out:
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/in-love-and-war/201403/how-likely-is-your-partner-cheat
We are not biologically wired for monogamy, for some people avoiding intimate sexual variety is like avoiding eating! The thing that drives people apart is that they feel like they have to lie about it to their partners. It's the deception that comes between you not the sexual variation. If you really Love this girl and want to make it work non-monogamy or an "open relationship," may be something that can work. If you think you can do this, you need to have an honest NON judgmental conversation with her and ask her if she wants to try it. You both have to understand and agree to not use it as a way to hurt each other or seek revenge. You do it because it is normal and natural and can add to your own sexual lives together. If your interested in this check out this link and other articles and podcasts by Dan Savage to get an idea of a how a healthy Open Relationship can work.
http://www.thestranger.com/slog/archives/2011/07/15/non-monogamy-can-strengthen-a-marriage&view=comments
If you are absolutely monogamous and an open relationship is not for you ever. Then this is not the relationship for you and you two are not compatible! You need to end the relationship. If you don't want to try to work on an open relationship where you both can have outside partners and neither of you need to lie to each other about it. If you choose to do this you have two options. Number one, tell her your sorry it didn't work out and if the new job is very invested in having her as an employee they will sponsor her with a working visa. Number two, continue to help her with the visa even though your broken up and both of you can date who you like.
If you still want to help her get her visa, and your comfortable doing it as a business transaction rather then a partnership ( which is technically breaking the law), then make an agreement with her. Separate your finances, it's no longer your job to help her financially, and have her agree to something that is equally valuable to you. Perhaps your interested in a visa in her country? Perhaps she can help you pay for school, car, ect in exchange for her visa? It is technically breaking the law and runs an added risk on top of the ones you already mentioned about your name being smeared. Do you want to take these risks for someone that has been taking advantage of you?
If it were me and I really loved this person and they demonstrated to me that we could have an honest, loving, and respectful, open relationship together then I I would try doing that. You will be able to see if this is possible very easily. Sit down for an honest conversation with her (maybe have her read some of the articles or listen to the podcast about non monogamy). If she discusses it like a mature adult and is honest, understanding and willing to try, then that means she is mature enough and you can go ahead and try. If she keeps denying that she is cheating and acts childish and gets upset and angry about it. Then she is not ready to accept herself or her own reality.
If the latter happens I would break up with her and not agree to still help her with her visa. That is just me because I don't like breaking the law I would try and be honest because I"m a very blunt and honest person, but if its easy for you to lie, thats okay too. Do what you have to do and get the job done! DONT FEEL GUILTY OR LET HER MAKE YOU FEEL GUILTY. YOur doing the right thing so don't feel bad! Plus, If the guy she is cheating on you with is really into her, he can help her with the visa. When she resists, you just need to stay calm, confident and be honest. Tell her you wish her the best in life but you need to try and find a partner that your compatible with. It's not fair to deprive yourself of meeting someone that could love you the way you deserve to be loved. YOU HAVE TO ADVOCATE FOR YOURSELF! Your girlfriend sounds selfish and she will try and make you feel guilty. In reality she is the one that should feel guilty for doing this to you. If she is meant to live and work there she will make it happen but she should do it on her own back not yours! Don't enable her to get ahead in life stepping on other people!!! If you let her do that your contributing to population of ass holes in the world.
Start looking for a place and tell her to start looking for a roommate to cover your half of the rent. Tell her you plan on being moved out by the end of finals if she doesn't move out. Be gracious, say your sorry it didn't work out but you can't let her do this anymore. It might be a good idea to find a friend that will let you crash on the couch for a few days so you know that you have some place to go immediately if she goes crazy when you break up. She probably also feels like a bad and dirty person living like this and will feel much better when she can live honestly.
Good Luck Honey
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I started dating a girl in December, I'm not going to say all the normal love stuff, because, this was a normal relationship, we believed we were perfect for eachother, we loved eachother, ect. Her parents liked me, I went to church and all with them, they were Catholic I'm Baptist.
Well, she would always say how she's always hungry, she doesn't eat as much (later finding out they sometimes don't give her food for like a day or two), her parents call her names like slut, whore, bitch, just cause their mad or so, or they'd slap her, like, they slap her all the time when they don't get their way basically. Sometimes they whip them (her and her sister) with a belt I believe, but it never leaves bruises so she thinks it's "not illegal" because of that, but it burns and hurts her like hell. One time she said "my mother whipped me with a belt 15 times because I drew on the blinds"
Anyways on with the story, everything was normal, until the day before valentines day, her mom grounded her because we were 30 minutes late from the lake which was half a mile away. February 17th or 18th I forget, she got in a argument with her mom, as always the slapping, name calling, she was unhappy. We ran away in the middle of the night together, she said she was going to run away even if I didn't.
So, I protected her, we ran away, we were gone for 18 hours. When we came back, we went into the house and talked to the parents, well, the parents are HIGHLY manipulative and all so remember this later. The mother said how she doesn't even want my girlfriend there, if it wasn't for the dad she wouldn't be there, and responsibility this responsibility that, basically saying their all gonna die if she doesn't do things right, her mother is literally mentally unstable or something... The cop came obviously, the dad said I was a good kid he liked me and all, and we hugged when I left. Everything was normal.
The next day I went there, the mom was mad obviously, we hanged out for 2 or 3 weeks in a normal way. Then I had to goto another state for 3 weeks, I told them I was leaving, and I really was, but I had problems and went to the state over instead with my family for 5 days. Well, we snuck out when I got back because we knew we wouldn't be able to see eachother until the weekend, we always wanted to see eachother. This wasn't the first time we snuck out, and we've been caught 3 times before by her parents. They forgave us though each time.
This time, I lied to the mom sadly saying I was in Missouri. Acted like I was worried the next day ect, the sister had told the mom the truth I guess. The mother 2 days later (March 7th) filed a Protection Order, for no legit reason. Ill say the statements later. The P.O. was served to me March 9th
The dad, is like loyal to the wife because their catholic and all, not to bash the religion in any way. But he just is. I know he would never do this, he didn't file anything. Anyways I went to the house to reconcile with him and he just kept saying go, go, go bla bla no reason then just started saying I was too old. He knew I wasnt, he liked me, he was just doing this for the wife. Cops ended up coming I still refused to leave because I wanted to reconcile, then they tresspassed me.
Anyways, March 17th, I went to walmart, they were all there, the dad walked like "Hey (my name), I see you got a job!" What? "You're wearing your uniform!" Oh yeah "Well, bye!" he was all happy and everything.
After seeing me 3 more times he left with my gf to the car.
March 20th came, the P.O. court date, the statements on it were "Ran away, sneaking out to the lake several times, reporting bullying and saying everything will be okay" I reported her being bullied from people.. And they think thats bad? Hah. Well, the mom anyways. We told the judge about how their using me as a disclipinary tool, how they call her names and mental abuse, how I always just helped her. Not really detailing it but that's short for it, Judge said "Everything was in good intentions for her nothing was done wrong, all he did was help her." and set the P.O. for 3 months.
We got letters on March 24th and March 27th saying how they hurt her she doesn't wanna be there that they say their the "dictators" of the family and they slap her, call her bitch and slut, and that her Aunt threatened to kill me and has a plan and a gun in her car. And will do anything for her mom she doesn't care cause she loves her mom.
Sad.
April 3rd we violated it, she was being starved I heard so I was going to take her to McDonalds, cops caught us within 5 minutes because I "ran a stop sign", well I was on a slope. It was dark, so yeah.
April 9th, the mother chased me, followed me, I ran from her to my friends house and a cop started grabbing me for no reason when he came to investigate so I pushed him and got charged for assault and battery and a violation, went to jail for 6 days. I really did nothing wrong, this cop just started grabbing me then shoving me into the police car because I yelled my mothers number at my friend because he wouldnt let me call her, I KNEW the cops wouldn't call her thats why I tried. Cop wasnt listening to me say they were chasing me before all this, he detained me as soon as he saw me in my truck he said get out and I did then I was like am i being detained he was like yes. He cant do that without any further cause...
So yeah I was arrested. Went to jail for 6 days and now I'm under 24/7 supervision for awhile, we believe their going to give me probation in another state...
Well, we have around 3 open DHS cases on her, then 2 more from other people we believe. But DHS hasn't visited her since ending of March, its May now. And their all open cases.
Now here's where things get interesting, this just happened, and is why I'm looking for help.
2 days ago she showed up to my house, freezing, wet, covered in grass. It was a 4 mile walk to out here, through the lake woods and all. I was so sad I let her in, got her my sweats and got her warm, held her, she explained what happened how they hurt her and she doesn't wanna be there, she showed me a bruise which is the size of a french fry, my friend and her said it was bigger, it's 4 days old, still blood red.
Her mother ended up showing up, we called the cops, but she was saying she doesn't wanna be there they hurt her they hit her they call her names and just wanted help... A Sheriff came in, I was in the other room then because the PO, my mother was with them, my Gf had said all I've said how they hurt her and call her names she doesnt wanna be with them shes scared and unhappy and some stories on how they hurt before.
So sheriff took her to the police car and then talked to us then talked to her parents. There was another sheriff here then, they pulled out a letter. They talked for like 30 minutes. Now before we continue, this family is highly manipulative, believable, looks normal but when you leave their house their evil and hitting her. They've lie to the POLICE (not sheriff) to think were Sex Traffickers, idk if they believe it just because "were from Arizona" and my mother said it was okay if my Gf wanted to live with us, when she ran away, if it was okay with the parents. So because of that they lie about some stuff.
My gf said to the sheriff how when the police come her parents make them goto the room and their never really questioned or get to talk that the police and her parents just get along... So now theres gonna be more DHS and police involved I guess.
Anyways, sheriff sent her back with the mom, said theres going to be in-house DHS counciling, police, and all. It's devestating because my GF absoloutely doesnt want to be with them, they seriously hurt her. They wont let her go with her real mom the sheriff said "THAT IS NOT POSSIBLE" in a loud voice, because the mother lied to them we think.
The letter the mother showed them was a letter, in short, saying "I'm running away to see (my name)" which ruined everything I think. Because cops said she didn't run away because they hurt her, which is WHY she did run away, she told me, but yes, she came to me to tell me first, she wanted help they do hurt her.
What can we do?!
I've made about a 6 page letter to the dad since theres no Protection Order from him...
Were not doing this just so we can see eachother, that's part of the reason, but they really hurt her she wants out.
I have just turned 17 and she has just turned 15, at the end of April and beginning of May.
When she came here she said her mother had said "Now I see why (cousins name) mother let her boyfriend move in." (link)
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If your GF really is getting abused at home she needs some hard evidence that abuse is happening. Does she have a cell phone capable of audio recording? Could you possibly get her a small device to record on? If she can keep a recorder her pocket she can switch it on when her parents start abusing her. Then she can have some undeniable evidence to show the police.
The fact that she says they whip her with belts and has no bruises to show for it makes her story sound skeptical. I have seen an abuse victim after getting lashed with a belt and it's some of the worse bruising I've ever seen. The bruises were similar to giant blood blisters that look like lacerations. It sounds to me like your GF is stretching the truth when it comes to physical abuse. If this is the case you need to tell her to stop. It's making her loose credibility in the eyes of the police. If Mental and verbal abuse is happening, no one will believe her because it seems like she is lying about the physical abuse.
Tell your GF to get hard evidence of the abuse. Get a recorder and tell her to tape her parents calling her a slut and a bitch. Once she has hard evidence the police will take her story seriously.
I'm sorry your both going through this. I can tell you love your girlfriend and care for her very much. Be careful and learn your rights so you don't get arrested anymore. Once your 18 it can seriously damage your life! If I were you I would read up on the civil rights laws in your state. Learn your rights and in all your interactions with the police always stay calm and never break the law! Whatever you do, never loose your temper in front of them.
Good luck honey, I hope it works out.
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Its been almost 3 years and they have had there good times and bad times but today i didnt talk to her because I didnt want to fight and when we spoke she kept fighting with me... I feel like dying because she is my life and i am so stressed out, what should I do? (link)
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First, take a deep breath and calm yourself down. You cant fix a problem until you get yourself out of that stressful headspace. Sit down in a quiet place and take 10 deep breaths and drink a full glass of water.
Then go to your partner and express your concerns. Tell her your worried about the way the relationship is going and want to get help. Ask her if she's willing to go to couples therapy and figure out whats going on. Tell her you love her and you want to make it work. Tell her you can't go on fighting like this.
Good luck honey, I hope you two work it out. :)
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I'm 19 and he's 27. We've been dating for 4 months, we're in love and I can't picture my future without him. Though, I'm afraid problems will occur regarding our age difference. Not so much what people think and say, more of me worrying if it will cause problems between us.
Whenever we go grocery shopping, he can't buy alcohol with me. I can't go with him to any event that is serving alcohol. It makes me feel utterly indifferent, I have 3 more years until I can drink. That's just one problem that has occurred regarding the age difference.
I would just like know, do any of you fellow Yahoo users know of any cliche and or very real situations that can occur because of a vast age difference in a relationship? I'm not looking for relief, I would just like to know of what could come and prepare for it. (link)
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Your about 8 years younger than he is. As you get older the age gap matters less and less. For example, if you were 30 and he was 38 it would probably be fine. However because your only 19 there are some pretty common problems that can come with this age gap.
First of all you are very inexperienced in terms of relationships and sexuality. (Not to say anything about you personally, we all were at age 19.) Most 19 year olds have not found themselves as adults in the world yet. You are going to learn a lot about yourself in the next four years. You might discover what you want to do in terms of a career. What types of crowds you like and what types you don\'t like. You\'ll start developing opinions about things that never crossed your mind before. Young adulthood is for finding the yes\'s and No\'s of life. Yes I like this, no I don\'t like that, I\'m curious about this, ect.
Your BF has already gone through this. This gives him a lot of power over you in most ways. For example, rather then letting you decide how you feel about something he might just choose for you. When your dating someone your own age you go through this process of discovery together so one persons opinion won\'t dominate the others so much. One thing that happens in these situations is that the younger person becomes more like the child of the older person rather than their equal partner.
Try and be attentive of this. Does he let you make up your own mind about things? Does he encourage you to explore, learn and discover? If the answer is yes, then maybe it\'s okay to date him despite the age gap. Does he seem controlling and possessive over you? Does he try and isolate you so you don\'t interact with people your own age or your family? If the answer is yes, then this is NOT a healthy relationship. The power dynamic is abusive and you should not date this guy!!! If this is the case advocate for yourself and break up with him! You deserve the experience of young adulthood don\'t let him take it from you!
People that like being controlling and abusive in relationships are attracted to dating young adults (18-21). Not everyone that dates a young adult is looking to abuse the power dynamic but many of them are. Be aware of this. People that want to abuse power like personalities that are naive, inexperienced and looking for guidance. This is why the age gap matters so much for you at your age.
Yes you are in totally different places in life! He can\'t take you to participate in most of the social activities in his life! He won\'t be able to for three more years! For most people this is a deal breaker in a relationship. Why would date someone when you can\'t share social experiences together? This makes the motives of the older person very questionable. Have you met his friends? Does he tell people about you? Is going to the bar as a single man trying to pick up women? Have you two had a discussion about this?
I hope this helps,
Good luck honey
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Hey guys,
I'm going to be moving to California for a job and I'm starting to think about how much I can afford on a apartment among other things. I'm a single female and I'll be making about $50,000. So I was wondering how much of that would be taken in taxes and what I'd actually be able to spend. I tried paycheckcity.com and I don't know if I can trust it. As a test I used my current salary and it said I made about $7,500 less than I do now after taxes (even though things like retirement and such are taken from my paycheck currently). I checked with the new salary and it said I'd make $20,000... It sounds too crazy that $30,000 will be taken in taxes...
If you're a California resident, can you please give me an estimate on how much I can expect to make? One coworker said it's safe to assume that half my paycheck will be gone which is awful... Any advice would be good. Or if you have a site you know is more accurate.
Also, I'll be moving out of the house with this move to a new state so I want to make sure I can afford to support myself. (link)
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Here are some sights for understanding and estimating pay checks and taxes.
http://www.taxes.ca.gov/Income_Tax/paycheckind.shtml
http://www.irs.gov/pub/irs-pdf/p505.pdf
From what I hear paycheckcity is legitimate. I don\'t know for sure because I don\'t live in California. However speaking from experience. When your relocating your life, you want to be over prepared. Keep your plans lucrative with room to change. Look for 6 month leases under your budget as an ideal starting place. Some times relocating involves some amount of trial and error. Plan for it, over prepare financially and be open for adjustments.
Good Luck
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So, I'm a 14 year old girl and I honestly can't cope with the way my parents tell me to live, I feel like I am trapped in my home and I can't do anything!
They have these rules that I cannot go on my iPad/phone until 8pm every night, even at weekends I'm not aloud to use them. They say I'm to antisocial and I need to get out more, I go almost everywhere with them! I do go to town with friends aswell. They won't let me out of my town, I live in Barnstaple, devon and I'm not even aloud to Exeter or Bristol to go on a shopping trip with friends which is only about 2 hours away. Also I'm not aloud to be friends with a few people I know, one of them because there is a rumour going around that her mum is a prostitute and the other one who is my best friend and I still hang out with her secretly because she said something rude on Facebook like 2 years ago! It annoys me how I can't be friends with who I want to be friends with. My parents won't let me go out after school and I always have to be back home at 4pm if I go anywhere, which means I can't go out in the evening or at night and have a laugh :(
They also won't let me use social networks other than Facebook and Twitter, I want to be able to use snapchat, Instagram and tumblr but I'm not aloud to have it on my phone, another thing is that my dad still reads my texts and my messages with friends online!!! I'm 14 and I literally have no privacy! It's really annoying I want to just tell him "no, I won't give you my phone" or just not tell him the lock to my phone but he always makes me! :(
This is really annoying me now how I feel like I am stuck with nothing to do and no privacy at all :(
Anyone know what I could do? (link)
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Your parents may be overprotective, it\'s hard to tell... At 14 we all felt like that. Trust me! The way I see it you have two choices. First, go to your parents as an adult. This means no temper, no yelling, no whining, NO CHILD LIKE BEHAVIOR. And try to present a level headed well supported case about why you deserve more freedom. If there is something your excelling at like school bring that up. If your very good about helping with chores mention that. Use every single responsible and trust worthy quality you have as evidence for your case.
They may counter your argument by bringing up times that you have NOT been responsible. It\'s very important that you acknowledge their concerns like an adult and say something to validate their side. Say something like \"I understand where your coming from, and please know that I have learned from my mistakes and plan on making better decisions in the future.\" Then give more support for your argument.
This should be a new angle of your argument. One you didn\'t bring up before. This time talk about how the present situation is making you feel trapped, unhappy and worse of all, it\'s pushing you away from your parents. (your parents want you to be close to them. They want you to talk to them so they can know your safe. Use this as your leverage). It\'s making you feel alone and like you cannot talk to them. You want to talk to them but you feel like they don\'t understand you. Tell them if the present situation continues you will be pushed so far away emotionally that you will never be able to be close to them again. Then see if you can start some negotiation over small things. Like longer internet time or more social media. If it goes well see if you can negotiate more freedom from there. Another point you can bring up is that your generation is that of the age of digital social media. It\'s different from when they grew up but it is the future. Just because it\'s different doesn\'t mean it\'s wrong. You can\'t help the generation you were born into and it hurts when they are so judgmental about it. (expose the way your feeling and they are more likely to empathize with you).
If this does not work you have one more option. Do whatever you can to get through the next four years until you\'re 18. Get a job as soon as you can and start saving your money. If you can buy your own phone they wont know about it and they wont be able to read your text messages. If you can support yourself by the time your 18 you can move out and do whatever you want.
I suggest you try the adult negotiation first. If it does not work start finding some work and saving your money now. Take jobs babysitting, dog walking, whatever you can find. Then when your feeling trapped at least you\'ll know that you are doing all you can to get away from this ASAP!
Good luck honey!
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my heart has been doing weird stuff so i was looking what can be wrong with the heart and it said "coronary artery disease" but i don't know what that means. can some one please explain so a 16 year old can understand? (link)
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Coronary Artery Disease is the narrowing of blood vesicles due to the build up I of plaque and other material from high cholesterol in the blood stream. It\'s usually a problem for adults with high cholesterol. However people who have diabetes are also at higher risk.
I am not a medical professional so I don\'t know. You should tell your parents or a school nurse that you need to see a doctor. That\'s the only way to know for sure what is going on. Many other things could be causing heart problems and you won\'t know until you see a medical professional.
Good luck honey ,
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I mean is it all like "unholy"? I know that black magic is like witchcraft but whats white magic? Will it get you sent to hell? I have been thinking about this since I read "Jays Journal". Also are spells considered witchcraft? (link)
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Nothing is always all bad just like nothing is always all good. Everything is relative. Time space and dynamics of our world are always in motion. We have to do the best we can and it gets messy.
There is a lot of writing out in the world about witchcraft and spells. Do some research. Define those terms for yourself what do you agree with, what do you not agree with?
In the wrong hands even the most holy of things can be made unholy. And vice versa. I myself believe in the good of white magic. I encourage you to explore and discover what you believe :)
Good luck honey
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I truly loved a girl name preethi she lives in Coimbatore im Arun maheedhar in same area because of her situation and completion of her parents she left me we both doin masters in Coimbatore the day of her proposal is Nov 8 th around 7.30 in the evening then our life was awesome for few days like upto Dec 30 th the same year 2013 I was last seen her at Dec 30 th 2013 evening I dropped her in a market place and I left with tears and my tears still not stopped today april 6th 1.14 am I was feeling very sad abt the memories I tried to erase her memories but I can't I tried many things but only fail remains in love in carrer in life only her memories left with me now I want to die with that same memory but I don't want any resurrection after this life it's enough I'm now not fit for my life. Her birthday is April 9th so on that day I pray for her life for last time and I want to die with those memories please tell a way for a quick painless death (link)
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"It's better to have loved and lost then never to have loved at all,"
I'm sorry, for your loss. Your story is tragic but very beautiful. Reading your letter brought a tear to my eye. Love is a wonderful thing and your lucky you were able to experience it. Don't kill your self. Preethi would want you to live. Love never seems to last long enough for any of us. Believe me your not alone.
I'm sure you have beautiful memories of your time together. I'm sure you don't want to erase something so beautiful, right? Life has shown you love and that is an amazing thing. I'm sorry you were not able to keep it. But some people live their whole lives never even experiencing it. Some people will never know what love feels like.
I know your feeling a lot of pain right now. I wish i could make it go away. Hang in there and try to be strong. You are fit for your life. Life has a lot more love to give you but, you must stay open to it. You have to keep believing.
Now that you have felt love you must know that the world has beautiful secrets in it, right? You seem like a very beautiful and deep feeling person. The world could use more like you. Please don't give up on love. People like you and I were born to make the world a more beautiful place. Tragedy hurts but it is a valid and beautiful part of the human experience.
Congratulations of having felt love.
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I have a FAFSA loan thing that I have to do for school. Do you know how long I have until the deadline for it to be turned in? (link)
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I don't but if you go to this web site and enter your state and the year your applying it should be able to tell you.
https://fafsa.ed.gov/deadlines.htm
Good Luck
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Hey everyone!
26/f. 5'3", about 130 give or take a couple pounds. History of anorexia ending something like 5-6 years ago, slight body dysmorphia still on bad days.
Background: I gained weight recently because of a steroid medication I was on for crohn's disease. To combat this known weight-gain issue while I was on it, I immediately switched to a clean eating/daily workout lifestyle. I'm thankfully off the medication, but kept the lifestyle...and the 15 pounds I gained.
That said, I don't expect to ever reach 115 again like I'd love to, because I have a pretty decent amount of lean muscle mass in my lower body. I run barefoot-shoe, so my legs are ALL muscle. I also do primarily body-resistance "lifting," and have a set of 5-lb weights. I do want/need to lose SOME weight or size. My body can't seem to comfortably handle 130. I've recently had to slow down on the working out (didn't get to at all last week) since I've started clinical psychology Master's classes on top of my full-time social work job, but since I gained weight, I'm getting pains from running that aren't my usual soreness, and it's more difficult to keep form. AND I'm slower... and that is killing me.
Anyway, here's the biggest question - my diet is extremely healthy for being out and about 12-14 hours a day. For example yesterday:
Breakfast - greek yogurt, banana, tablespoon of peanut butter (yum! For a former anorexic, I really, really love good food.)
Lunch - 20g protein bar, small apple, a bunch of almonds
Snack - more almonds, carrots, celery, grape tomatoes, another greek yogurt container
Dinner - Pita and hummus, chicken breast, about 1/2 cup of chocolate sorbet.
I nibble mostly; I don't have time for big meals, nor do I have time or energy to cook. The issue is, if my diet is okay and I'm (was) working out like a fiend, why I have I seen ZERO change in six months? I've been taking progress pictures, no less, and there has been none. I don't own a scale or measuring tape. I've noticed I have curves for a change, which is nice, but clothes (mainly pants) that were comfortable are not so anymore. I almost think I've GAINED size, but how could that be? I mean I know steroids take a few months to come out of your system, but really...
Is it possible that I'm actually not eating enough? I'm pretty sure I'm nowhere near 2000 calories a day... Have I thrown my body into some bizarre starvation mode?
Please help me find some nutrient-dense/calorie-dense foods that will help me out if you feel that's the issue, because I feel like I'm eating constantly and this is still going on. And/or, please suggest equipmentless (and preferably free) ways to switch up my exercise...? (I refuse to Zumba, and have no time for classes - must be something I could do at home.)
If more information is needed, please let me know.
I am so confused, and I would love anyone's suggestions or feedback on my situation.
Thank you to all who respond! (link)
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So I am not a medical professional but this is what I think. Number one because you were anorexic you already may have thinned bones that are less dense then they should be. A side effect of steroids can be further thinning of the bones. With the extra weight it's probably putting a lot more stress on your structure. This could be some of that unusual pain your experiencing. Is the pain from working out mostly near your joints like knees, ankles hips? Your spine can also get a lot of stress from this. I would start taking calcium to help your bones and switch to non impact training. So instead of running go bicycling. Training that focuses on proper alignment is the best way to relieve your structure from unnecessary stress. Yoga and Pilates are really good for you!!! I know you said you don't have time for classes but structural damage can effect you the rest of your life so I suggest you make time. You can even look up these classes on you tube to do them at home. However this will not give you the targeted instruction that you really need for your alignment. There are ways you can get these classes for free!! Go to your local Pilates and Yoga studios and ask them if they have students getting certified that need teaching hours. This is a great way to get free personal training!!!! If you find someone that will give you Pilates reformer, this is amazing for correct alignment and supporting your structure!!!
This type of training can also make you mass/ width of your muscles go down. Another side effect of oral steroids is that it can cause muscle weakness. When your pushing yourself and your muscles are easily exhausted your large muscle groups will grip and take over to get through it. This can causes bulk building and muscular imbalances. Pilates and Yoga focus on teaching you to use internal small muscles that support your skeleton. This will realize those large muscle groups, relieve tension in your joints and give you an overall leaner look.
Your body just went through quite a lot so be patient as it tries to find it's balance again. Changing hormone levels tend to make the body retain water. (think about it, periods? menopause?). Stress does it also. So drink a lot of water and take out any extra salt or sugar from your diet. Not drinking enough water causes water retention. Also eat a lot of high antioxidant foods. Beats, spinach, beans. A good general rule of thumb is to eat salads that have a lot of deep Rich colors. If you do this in general you will eat antioxidants.
You also seem very stressed and overwhelmed. The pressure and stress on your self to loose this weight is not helping your body! If anything it's making you hold hold more tension and retain water. So one good thing about yoga is it is also a meditative practice. I think taking some time before a work out to clear any pressure or anxiety you have is going to help you a lot.
Good luck honey
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How to increase the length of my penis.I am 20yrs old. (link)
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I'm not completely sure that such a thing is possible. But maybe these tips can help.
Shave or trim your pubic hair, this will usually make it look longer.
I do know that your penis is a muscle. If you have not figured it out yet, there is a muscle called your Kegel that when activated, will actually allow you to flex your penis. I heard that strengthening your muscle and using it often will help it increase your size. Maybe try flexing your penis while you masturbate?
Once again these are just ideas I really don't know because I do not have a penis.
Good luck honey
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There is a tutor I worked with for math at my university. She's great and a wonderful person to be around with. I definitely developed a crush on her but now way would I pursue it or anything because she is already engaged. I guess I must show signs of liking her because she flat out asked me if I like her. I decided to be honest and say yes, and I said it in like a jokey type way making it clear I know she is engaged and nothing can happen, but despite that she now seems to be avoiding me and is somewhat cold to me. Why? Does she think I have no self control? I am not going to try anything. For fricks sake she is the one that asked me in the first place
also she is like 28 and I am 22
I never really made any flirty type of statements. If she could tell I liked her it was through anything I wasn't noticing
I would never try to get with an engaged woman. I am not that type of person. Even if she was single I wouldn't ask her because I would be too nervous
alos this like a walk in tutoring thing. It is her jobs to tutor students that come in
wanted to add more details to this that I didn't have in the first time (link)
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I don't think she thinks you have no self control. If she brought up the question to you it was probably because she also felt some type of flirtatious energy happening between you. Because it is her job to tutor students she wants to keep the relationship as professional as possible.
Maybe she thought she was being too "friendly," and leading you on. Before she could pull back to bring the relationship to a more professional place she had to verify that you do in fact have a crush on her. Once she got that verification she decided she needed to be less friendly in order to keep the relationship professional. She could loose her job if a student actually thinks she is "flirting," with them so she has to be careful and keep herself protected.
Don't take offense to it she is just trying to be a good tutor. It's hard being young and teaching young people. As a woman I can tell you it's very hard especially because many men confuse being friendly and polite with being into them. Your not that guy so you have nothing to be ashamed about. So you got a crush on a college tutor, I was hopelessly involve with one of my professors. Thats what happens in college, she is just being overly careful.
If anything take this as a compliment. I think it's a sign of good communication and chemistry with women.
When she avoids you or is cold, just be the normal fun loving, great guy that you are and brush it off.
Good luck honey
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21/f
I started seeing this guy, James, about 8 months ago. We immediately got along so well and our sense of humor matches up- which is very important to me. Being in college though, I knew I wasn't ready to be in a committed relationship. With parties constantly going on, I was always meeting cute guys that I knew I would say yes to going on dates with. I've never been one to sleep around, but I loved meeting new guys. James was very clear that he really liked me, but I kept pushing him away.
However, since summer started, I began seeing him every day. Any time neither of us had to work, we were with each other. I got to know him so much better. Recently, I moved a couple hours away but have gone to see him a couple of times. Each time I see him, I find myself thinking how wonderful is and I can truly see myself marrying him. He's everything I want in a man, constantly has me in tears from laughing so hard, and I always feel the excitement I did when we first started seeing each other.
The problem is that I still get asked on dates by other men from time to time and I find it hard to say no. They text me and I flirt back, and afterward I feel awful. How do I let go of that? James' parents love me and they always talk about our future- which EXCITES me to think about! I don't feel as if I'm running from the commitment because the thought of being in a relationship with him makes me so happy. I just can't quit seeing other men too. How do I stop before I ruin my relationship? (link)
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First of all i would like to know if you have had a discussion with James about only seeing each other? If you have not, you should. He could be taking other girls out on dates and your feeling guilty for no reason. So if you have not had that conversation then it's important that you do. Just so your both on the same page about being exclusive.
If you have had the conversation or you do it and decide to be exclusive then you just need to explain that to guys that hit on you. I know it's hard and we all love attention i'm SOOOO GUILTY of this myself... REALLY! So this is what you need to do just explain to the guys that have been perusing you that you recently decided to become exclusive with someone you've been dating. Tell them you think they're great and you would love to stay in touch as friends but you are now in a committed relationship. If you can't do it in person or on the phone then take advantage of text messaging! Some of them will still want to hang out and have coffee or whatnot as friends but the sad truth is that most of them will stop contacting you.
On the up side having the "conversation," about being exclusive will give you a new found confidence about your relationship. You will be able to turn down other opportunities easer when you feel confident about being on the same page with your boyfriend. Also once you do it once you will feel a big weight of guilt lift off your shoulders and it will be easer to do it in the future. You will associate the honesty of disclosure with a good feeling that feels even better then attention because it doesn't come with guilt.
If your still having problems sending that text that discloses your relationship status, try this. Think about how deceived you would feel if your boyfriend was leading on other girls and do it for him. Think about how deceived you would feel if you found out a guy you were really into had a girl friend? You seem like a compassionate caring person. If you connect to that part of yourself it will be much easer to do the right thing and disclose.
Good luck honey and don't forget the most important thing HAVE THE CONVERSATION WITH JAMES!! (only if you haven't already)
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