Arthane's advice column

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Q: Theres this girl that I met on myspace. We match we have the same passion, shes for god I am too. And I try to call her 3 nights ago she never return my call. I left a messege I know she got it. So what should I do I really like her and shes in my city I dont have to travel to meet her.

There are a ton of possibilities to your problem, but the only way to find out the one true possibility is to contact this girl again. She might have had an emergency, or she could just be really shy. I have no idea. But you'll never know what really happened unless you talk to her. If she's as cool as you said she was, then don't give up on her, people make mistakes all the time(I know I do). Can you imagine if people only got one chance at something...The world would be in chaos. Anyway, I would just leave a message on Myspace, and if she doesn't respond to your message, then I would try calling her only one more time, if she doesn't return your call, then she's not even worth it pal. Hope this helps.:)

Q: my boyfriend's a really bad kisser, but a wonderful guy. is there any way i can suggest for him to change his technique without completely offending him?

Tell him to relax, and let you do all the work. I'm not telling you to tell him to be a dummie or anything, but if your in controll, little should go wrong. Also, when he does kiss you the way you want to be kissed, go on and on how that was the best kiss ever, He'll be more likley to do it again. Remember, baby steps. Hope this helps.:)

Q: what does this translate to be in english??

"britney a perdu sa soutien-gorge et sa culotte sur le plancher de la salle a mange"

i really want to know.

please & thanks

Britney lost its bra and its breeches on the floor of dining room

Q: I'm a teenage girl who has way more maturity than any other teenager you'll meet. I suffer from depression, and well everyone in my town is a shallow preppy conceited betch who only cares about their nails/hair/clothes/etc.

The problem is i just choose not to obsess over that inane stuff (to a certain extent- It's not like I disregard my appearance completely) and people think that's really weird.

I'm a thespian and musical theater is all I care about.

Why am I the only person in the world who has REAL values, and would rather spend time doing something REAL, like musical theater, instead of just doing something inane like shopping?

I cry about it all the time.

everyone asks me "what are you so sad about?" and i never know what to say. :(

Take it from me, a fellow thespian who battles with depression that your not alone in your conflict. Americas standards, and values have been declining over the years, and now it's just getting worse. Alot of theatre people battle with depression (ex. Robbin Williams, you, me) and we don't really know why. When people ask you why your sad, don't turn on your acting skills and just say some lines you've ran over and over in your head, tell them exactly how you feel. Who knows maybe they deal with the same thing, and are just afraid to tell anyone. When I get depressed I usually listen to my broadway, or musical CD's, I don't know, somehow it just helps. Some of my favorites are Wicked, Chicago, Rent, Cats, The Light in the Piazza, and The Phantom of the Opera. I hope this helps you out. In our cases, the main thing to focus on is how to cope/function with the depression in our day to day lives. Carpe' Diam, Sieze the Day, Make the most out of life, and If you still need support, I'm always here for yah.:)

Q: Ok well recently I've been feeling sad that all ym friends are like not caring about me anymore and I know this happenes to everyone but I feel so bad!

Recently, I found a person on the internet who i can atleast complain my problems to but now it's like the same thing and he just seem to be really mad at me..

What should I do? I can't feel happy anymore

Believe it or not this sort of thing happens to alot of teens these days. I believe that there are two senarios going on here. You don't have to agree with me, but the same thing was happening to me and this is what I did. I found out that I had a real bad issue of dealing with depression. Depression? I couldn't believe it, I was active, had alot of friends, how could I possibly have a problem with depression. Then it hit me, our brains are active 24/7, and it records evreything. I realized that because I was abused as a child, my brain stored all of thoes negative feelings, and as a result of that, I was dealing with depression. Now I'm not saying that something that traumatic had to happen to you in order for you to get depressed. But it could be all the little negative things in your life all squished together in one single mass, and your brain is trying to deal with it. Secondly I found that I was complaining alot. It's okay to let your friends know how you feel, but when they hear bad news all the time, it sort of brings them down too. Im not saying that these are definatly your problems, but they could be possibilities, they were mine. Hope this helps you out.:)

Q: OK Ok I'm singing in the talent show. Its my first time. To a song by Kenny Cheasney summer time.
Uh. I have NO idea what to wear. I can go shopping for it if its not rediculause amount of money. Like 100 for a shirt is juts way to much ok. Can anyone give me pictures of like what i should look for or tell me a place to shop.
I'm not SUPER skinny but im defently not fat. i dont have bad ugly curves but i do ahve curves and hips i dont like. im just like noramle i think. 5'3 and 125 pounds. I need it by next week so even if you think i dont like please show me somthign THANKS

Just be yourself, wear your own style of clothing. The judges are going to be looking at your talent, not the brand name on your pair of jeans. Trust me, do your own style, and evreything will be fine. Good Luck.:)

Q: I bought a new shirt last week and wore it the day after I bought it. Well that night I noticed this weird pattern of bumps the upper part of my inner arm. It's been over 2 days and it's still there!

It itches really bad and looks like an oval of mosquito bites or pimples, but that's not what it is. On the shirt there was a similar pattern of jewels right there, so I'm thinking I had an allergic reaction to the jewels or something. But wouldn't it be gone by now?

Does anyone know what it could be or how I could get rid of it quicker? I've been putting my niece's eczema cream on it and it hasn't helped at all. Any help would be greatly appreciated.

Don't worry, your just having a reaction to the shirt you bought. I did the very same thing once. I bought my shirt, and as soon as I got home I put it on. Later that evening my entire chest was covered in tiny red dots. My advice to you is next time you buy any article of clothing, make sure you wash it before you wear it. The dots, or spots, or whatever you want to call it will go away in a couple of days. My spots took 5 days to go away, but they didn't itch or anything. Tell your mom about it, and if you still have the spots within a week, I'd go tell your doctor about it. You can always take benedryl if the itching gets unbearable. Hope this helps.:)

Q: what does "prima donna" mean??? its pronounce pre-madonna. im really curious.

Royalty, someone who thinks their better than evreyone else. Example:I can't do that, only dirty people do that.

Q: My daughter has just been given a leading role in a play that requires her to use an Ohio accent from the 1930's.

I have tried googling but it's not been very successful. Any assistance would be appreciated. If it helps, we're English.

Thank you.

You might want to try to ask the Drama teacher, or director, what she wants the accent to be presented as. Sometimes the director wants an accent that just sounds different. You could also try to find documentaries or internet clips that have people from Ohio talking, then you could add your own twist to it. Trust me, evreything will fall into place. You could even ask the director if you could make up your own 1930's Ohio accent, sometimes they're leaniant that way. Hope this helps.:)

Q: we are doing a performing where we need to be scary..and its hard..because we're doing a soundscape..and we need noise that our voice that are freaky..is there anything else that is scary except for whispers tha we can use

I've been acting for 12 years, trust me, any sound can be scary. It just depends on the way you present the sound and the scene. You have to make this thing believable, and that includes you believing that this noise or whatever scares you badly. Hope this helps you out.:)

Q: Ok.. where to start. This could relate to a lot of categories so please just bare with me.

I'm in a bit of a situation. I'm 19 years old, female. I have a boyfriend of two years. He's nearly 21 and I live with my grandparents.

First of all my grandmother is extremely strict on me. Curfews and things like that stopped when I turned 18 last year. Curfews aren't the problem though.

I have been with my boyfriend for two years as I said and she wont let me sleep with him. I have been sleeping with him for the last 12 months. He was my first and is the only guy I have ever been with sexually. I did everything right. I am on the pill and we always use protection.

Recently I had enough of her ways and told her how I felt and told her that I have been sleeping with my boyfriend. She completly hit the roof and went off at me and called me a slut.

I honestly don't think I deserved to be spoken to like that. I have spoken to my Aunty a number of times about this so she knows of everything that had been going on between my boyfriend and myself.

I have tried to speak to my grandmother about this and the last time ended up in tears like every other time. She even told me to pack my f*cking bags and leave if I wasn't happy.

The problem is that I don't do anything wrong and she still seems to think I need all these strict rules. I don't. Just because I can think and do things for myself doesn't mean I don't need her anymore. I told her this.

I asked her what do I do that is so wrong.. She couldn't give me an answer. She's only hurting herself because she is pushing me away.

I did well in school, I use to work for a lawyer now I work for a doctor. I don't drink alcohol except for christmas and things like that. I don't go to the pubs every weekend like most 19 year old girls do.

My boyfriend and I love each other very much and just want to be together. We shouldn't have anyone stand in the way of that. We have in the last few months decided that we want to live together and start our life together. We are good people so why does this happen?

What is she protecting me from?!? She tells me that she loves my boyfriend and he is a lovely person. I can't win. I am on the verge of just moving out. I don't know how to deal with the stress anymore. It hurts.

Am I just being selfish or is she just too over protective? I don't want to feel miserbale anymore!

Thank you for taking the time to read this.

Maybe the reason why your gma is having all of these restrictions and rules is because it's hard for her to let you grow up. You've been her little girl for such a long time, and now your starting to spread your wings, and thats bound to be hard for your gma to handle. You only live once, so make your life good, and worth living. I'm sure that your gma will cool down eventually, she just doesn't want to see you getting hurt, or making the wrong choices.(Not that your making wrong choices or anything) Well, I hope this helps. Rembember there are two sides to evrey coin.:)

Q: Ok Ive put this under mental health, cos thats what Im supposing it is..

Well where do I start... Since I can remember, Ive noticed Ive been doing some really strange things, mostly which are coming out now..if Im walking along the street, I tend to roleplay something over and over in my head, and sometimes Ill end up speaking it out loud.

If see a car, ill imagine a whole crash, and sometimes if I pass a car park, Ill pick whichever car I would have if I could have any.

Theres lots of strange things like that, sometimes Ill breath ot the beat of a tune, or Ill just imagine some really strange stuff. Its hard to explain.

I told a friend for the first time last night, he suggested it being that Im intelligent and my mind is under worked, so now its over active?

But Im more worried about it being serious. I suffer from panic attacks aswell, just incase that helps.

If you could just give me an idea of what you think, dont diagnose me with everything under the sun, with panic attacks, Ill diagnose myself with whatever you tell me Ive got, I dont want that :)

Thanks!

What you have is a bad case of being a normal teenager. People evreywhere do those very things. When I go to a store, I usually pick out in my mind what things in the store I would like in my house someday. Puffing a beat or humming a tune, same difference, you have a song stuck in your head. I once had a song stuck in my head for 6 days and I always found myself tapping, humming, and even doing the dishes to the beat of that song. I also suffer from panick attacks, I don't think that the attacks have anything to do with your overcreative mind. I always imagine the, what ifs, or the, What would happen if this was there. All this is, is your brain entertaining you, it can also be a learning mechanism. Don't sweat it, whats happening is perfectly normal, happens to evreyone. Or we could both have the same brain disease called creaivity. Anyway, hope this helps.:)

Q: what if someone had there pms for 2 months straight very heavy flow?I know someone dear to me that has this condition and i want to know whats wrong?What ilness is this and whats its cure?She has high blood pressure and sometimes shortness of breath.

A very close friend of mine has this problem. In her situation, she has a hormonal imbalance, that her body just doen't know how to deal with it. She takes hormone therapy to help her through her tough ordeal. She should see a doctor, or endricanologist(hormone doctor) immediatley. Her imbalace was cause by the chemotherapy they used to kill her ovarian cancer, so I don't know if your friends problem matches up exactly. Well, I hope this helps.:)

Q: Do you think that people choose to be gay?

or does it just happen?

I think that it isn`t a choice, and you can`t control it. I just want to see other peoples opinions.

There are two sides to evrey coin, and multiple answers for this question. I believe that some people choose to be gay, and I believe that some people are just born gay. Science is getting more, and more advanced as we continue to move forward in time. When studying the brains of gay men, they found out that most, if not all, of them had an excess of femail hormones in their brains. Another thing to think about is thoes people born with both sets of genitles. Doctors have to preform a surgery immediatly to decide the sex of the child. But, what if you choose the wrong gender for the child, and the child ends up becoming gay. OR, what if a boy was abused by his mother when he was growing up, so now that he is older, he feels more secure with men. Are you catching my drift here? There are thousands of different situations. The thing to remember is not to be judgmental in any situation that you find yourself in, be it AIDS, drugatics, dragqueens, the homless, alcholoics, or anyone else. I hope that this gave you a clear picture on what I thought about your question. C yah.:)

Q: ok so my boyfriend made a wish a couple of days ago on myspace ofcourse...It was a bulliten he posted...It said "11 signs you love someone (if that will ever happen)"...I confronted him about it because he always tells me how much he loves me and stuff..And he said " i wished that katie and brandon would break up" and we got into a huge fight...Because he sleeps over at Katie's house all the time and he asked her out in september and she said no...He asked me out in november and him and Kaie are like brother and sister...But he likes her...He says he doesn't love me like he used to but he wants to be with me because he does love me...But he can't stop thinking about how things would be if him and Katie were going out...He says he'll do whatever he can to keep us together because he wants to be with me..
My first question is: How can I make him relize that she will never go out with him ever because it would ruin their friendship?(she told me that herself)
And my second question is: How can I help him fix what's wrong in our relationship?because it is just as much his fault as it is mine I had the same problem when we first started going out 6 months ago...

Relationships, no matter what kind, end up getting sticky sometimes. To answer your first question, ask him if his friendship with Katie is worth losing, because he wanted to move the relationship up a notch. Sometimes when guys have a major crush on someone, thats all they think about, it becomes a major drive in their life. You should also, because your a good friend, tell him that Katie doesn't want to go out with him for that exact reason. I would tell him that if he pursues Katie, he'll just be pushing her away. To answer your second question, alot can happen in six months, and you could be the first person to testify to that. I think it would be a good idea if you two remained either really really close friends, or sit down with him and create very distinct boundries. You should tell him, no matter what relationship you have with him, that your going crazy because of his infatuation. I hope that this answers or helps with your question. Good Luck.:)

Q: im 13/f
i recently discovered a lumpy thing inside my brest,from my nipple.Im very flat and undeveloped so at first i thought i was finally growing,what age does brest cancer start?do u think i have it?plz help,thnx srry this is kinda grose

If you ever,ever, find a lump or something unnatural about your body, go and get it checked out immediatley. I don't really know about the development of teenage girls that much, but I do know that in girls and sometimes in guys, during puberty, will develope lumps in thier nipples. I had it happen to me, so I asked my doctor what, this thing on my chest is all about. Even though it's kinda embarrassing, you should tell an adult, your mom, dad, aunt, grandma, anyone. They might offer better advice than I can ever give. My sister developed ovarian cancer at the age of 14, different ages = different cancers. I would get it checked out, and I wouldn't stress over it too much. Hope this helps.:)

Q: This feels like a weird question to be asking, since I've never had this problem with anyone else. I'm 19 and a girl, by the way, and he's 21.
Okay, so there's this guy. We dated for awhile, then decided we couldn't handle the relationship, so we lost the titles and basically went for a friends with benefits deal.
So, sometimes I find myself wanting to talk to him on line, or on the phone, but I have absolutely nothing to say, or he barely responds. I feel awkward, and like I'm talking to a wall.
I'm not a bad conversationalist, and he really doesn't make me nervous, especially considering I know where I stand now (I didn't for awhile). I haven't seen him since April, because he lives about 40 minutes away from me, and I was living at school since '05, when we met. I haven't seen him in over a month, we miss each other, but I can't think of anything to talk to him about.
It's not like I need to keep the small talk stuff going, since we've dated, we're still pretty much in love, just unable to handle the intensity of the relationship we were in at this age. I know him like the back of my hand and he knows me (almost) as well...
Why do you think I/we can't find anything to talk about, and what can I do about it?

Sometimes the best thing to say is nothing at all. I remember when I was dating and me and my girlfriend would just stay on the phone even after we finished talking, we did this because it was comforting to know that he/she was there. Sometimes its going to be a slow or dull conversation. IF things are going this route, you could always talk about your boyfriend to your boyfriend. Boys usually like talking/bragging about themselves. Just keep in mind that your still 19, and you have your whole life ahead of you. Sometimes we get so caught up in the day to day activities and problems, that we miss life as it passes us by. Carpe' Diem, Sieze the Day.:)

Q: my boyfriend , who i like very very much, tries to get me to sneek out alot. and i dont like getting into trouble very much with my dad because hes the kind of person who does not forget. but when i try to tell my boyfriend that i dont want to sneek out because i dont want to get into trouble, he gets angry at me and tells me that he would do anything for me and that i wont get caught... how do i tell him to not push me into getting in trouble.

Tell him that if you really mean that much to him, and if he would do anything for you, then he would understand why you couldn't sneak out all the time. Sneaking out is not a good habbit to get into. It also has some psychological effects too, for instance is shows that you would rather avoid problems and responsibilities than face them. Im not saying that thats your case though. It's better to have your parents on your side, then your boyfriend to be quite frank. Your parents hold your "happiness" in the palm of their hand, and I don't think it would be good to upset that balance. Just talk with your boyfriend. I'm sure that eventually he'll understand. Goodluck:)

Q: Well, I really like this girl. I'm 16 and shes 15. We've been hanging out after school for like 5 months, and I've been trying to ask her out for at least half that time. But everytime I'm about to, I freeze up. I'm pretty sure she likes me back. This is especially annoying for me because I've never had a problem like this before, I've always been perfectly smooth with the ladies. I really like this girl, and I dont want her to get bored and move on. She's been amazing to wait this long for me. What's wrong with me!?

Nothings wrong with you , I had this same problem myself. It's harder to ask someone out especially if you really like them. Here's some tips, Take her out on a date, that way you have time to build up your courage and ask her. You don't have to call it a date, just ask her to go for some icecream or a movie. Second, ask her when the time is right, don't rush it, if she's waited this long, I think she can wait a little longer. Just make sure that moving up to the next level in your relationship is worth your friendship. Just some food for thought. Were with you buddy.:)

Q: my friend is a girl and she always give TIGHT hug to her friends and guy friends but not some people what does it mean when she gives out tight hugs? does it mean that she cares a lot about her friends or what?

There are thousands of ways people communicate to each other with, and the hug is one of them. Sometimes people don't even know the way they hug. One of my friends always hugs evreyone really tight, and she holds them there a couple of seconds. One day I told her that I thought it was cool the way that people hug differently, she didn't notice, and many people don't notice. When I don't really know someone, or don't like them very much, I usually give them a side hug. Where as a very close relative I give a strong frontal hug. There are many ways that people hug. Maybe your friend just feels more comfortable hugging different people. As someone else said, I wouldn't worry about it too much. If you want her to know that you want to be close to her, or you consider her a good friend, give her a good hug. It's all in the way you present yourself.:)

bio

I travel the world all the time, so I'm a very well rounded individual when it comes to giving and receiving advice. I'm currently writing a book, but my other hobbies include photography, acting, singing, giving advice, traveling, and movie critiquing(?spelling?) I have many siblings so I understand what sibling rivalry is like. I am also an abuse victim, so I also know what that is like. On one of my traveling escapades I was stung by the second most venomous scorpion in the southern half of Africa, I almost died, but thank God I didn't!