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UGH!
Ok.. where to start. This could relate to a lot of categories so please just bare with me.
I'm in a bit of a situation. I'm 19 years old, female. I have a boyfriend of two years. He's nearly 21 and I live with my grandparents.
First of all my grandmother is extremely strict on me. Curfews and things like that stopped when I turned 18 last year. Curfews aren't the problem though.
I have been with my boyfriend for two years as I said and she wont let me sleep with him. I have been sleeping with him for the last 12 months. He was my first and is the only guy I have ever been with sexually. I did everything right. I am on the pill and we always use protection.
Recently I had enough of her ways and told her how I felt and told her that I have been sleeping with my boyfriend. She completly hit the roof and went off at me and called me a slut.
I honestly don't think I deserved to be spoken to like that. I have spoken to my Aunty a number of times about this so she knows of everything that had been going on between my boyfriend and myself.
I have tried to speak to my grandmother about this and the last time ended up in tears like every other time. She even told me to pack my f*cking bags and leave if I wasn't happy.
The problem is that I don't do anything wrong and she still seems to think I need all these strict rules. I don't. Just because I can think and do things for myself doesn't mean I don't need her anymore. I told her this.
I asked her what do I do that is so wrong.. She couldn't give me an answer. She's only hurting herself because she is pushing me away.
I did well in school, I use to work for a lawyer now I work for a doctor. I don't drink alcohol except for christmas and things like that. I don't go to the pubs every weekend like most 19 year old girls do.
My boyfriend and I love each other very much and just want to be together. We shouldn't have anyone stand in the way of that. We have in the last few months decided that we want to live together and start our life together. We are good people so why does this happen?
What is she protecting me from?!? She tells me that she loves my boyfriend and he is a lovely person. I can't win. I am on the verge of just moving out. I don't know how to deal with the stress anymore. It hurts.
Am I just being selfish or is she just too over protective? I don't want to feel miserbale anymore!
Thank you for taking the time to read this.
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she's being a hypocrite. when did she give birth to one of your parents? prolly when she was in her late teens to twenties. so she was having sex when she was your age. she now thinks she knows better than you since she's "been there" well experience means a lot in life don't get me wrong here. experience means a hell of a lot in life. it means you've been there, you've done it, you've seen it, and are wiser from it. and wisdom is something irreplacable and to be valued highly. but on that same note she is contstruing her wisdom for morales. and let's face it. if she was having kids or even just alive at the ages of 17-22 she was thinking about sex, and having sex. you know why? because everyone in that age bracket since the dawn of mankind has been in that same hyper hormonal state as everyone else. and whether she is from the worl war II generation, or the baby boomers, or the depression era, the fact is no matter where she was in the 20th century she was prolly wanting to do it.
which leads to today. she now thinks that because she was there she can make you be something she wasn't, and make it out to look bad and wrong even though she was the one doing it. she was the one having sex at that age, and now it's wrong for people to do it at that age. i'm sorry but the bible even tells us "may he who is sinless cast the first stone" and in her trying to keep you down, she's blaspheming and being a hypocrite. i think maybe you might have to move out, which isn't too hard if both you and your boyfriend work full time. but either way it beats getting yelled at by someone who prolly did the same stuff you're doing now.
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I am 27 and I may sound a bit old fasioned but I was 9 not long ago and I still remember it quite clearly I moved out at 19 with my 28 years old b-friend my mom grandmother and uncle whom I lived with objected and I didn't see wy I had a good joband all used protection just like you 8 years later I know why if I would have stayed home I could have finished school, it is really hard in te world, don't jump defensive when tere rent lights water insurance medical bills groceries they add up and they add up quick how about sitting down and saying granma I don't want to argue but we need to talk why dont you want me moving in with my b-friend let her explain and listen grandma probably has a lil bit wisdom to match her age maybe she moved in young got married had kids I dont know but she probably wants whats best for you and you know that too thats why you still live there explain you know the consequences of sex but you are careful. If all this fails and you move in don't burn your bridges you may have to go back home at some point leave on good terms if you need more advice write me back and Good Luck
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Maybe the reason why your gma is having all of these restrictions and rules is because it's hard for her to let you grow up. You've been her little girl for such a long time, and now your starting to spread your wings, and thats bound to be hard for your gma to handle. You only live once, so make your life good, and worth living. I'm sure that your gma will cool down eventually, she just doesn't want to see you getting hurt, or making the wrong choices.(Not that your making wrong choices or anything) Well, I hope this helps. Rembember there are two sides to evrey coin.:)
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I'm 19 too... and I know what it's like! My boyfriend and I are talking engagement, and my parents still have us sleeping in separate rooms when we visit.
As Elcee said, your grandmother grew up under different conditions. It's kind of hard for older people to understand the social context that people our age have grown up in.
However, your grandmother does have a say in your life because you're living under her roof. So if she doesn't want you having sex in her house, then you can't.
I'd say that you should just adopt a "don't ask, don't tell" policy. What she doesn't know in this respect won't kill her.
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Your Grandmother comes from another generation and in her time sex before marriage was a big taboo. She may well not understand the modern world and how the younger generation behave. She is strict because she is not your mum and perhaps feels the need to lay down the law a little bit harder. Try seeing things from her side and how you might possibly feel if you had a daughter. Until you are a parent yourself you will never really know how difficult it is. I think you need to sit down together and talk without shouting. Ask her to give her point of view without getting cross then ask her to listen to you. Nothing ever remains the same and one day, when your Grandmother is no longer around, you will understand where she was coming from. I do hope that you can resolve this problem so that you both feel happier. Give her a hug and tell her you love her. All the best.
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I actually think your grandmother is in the wrong here.
Legally you are of (actually over) the age of consent. You are a legal adult and your grandmother has no say over your life.
If you and your boyfriend are serious about living together and can do so without putting a great financial strain on yourselves then do it.
Your grandmother has no right to control you in such a fashion anymore.
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