Dear Readers:
I think my life experience is what qualifies me to write this column. I made every mistake imaginable. But have learned from them. Most important I still remember what it was like to be 12, 13, 14, 15, and so on. Currently I am a single mom, I have two wonderful boys. One in college. We are all happy emotionally. We love life, and know that you can too. I try to be the kind of parent that understands. I know that I can help you to understand where you parents are coming from, and help you get over the difficulties of being young. You can even have your parents write to me and I will help them to get over their fears and at least respect you and your feelings. I have been married and divorced twice, so I have experience in that field also. But now I own my own home, and my own business and am successful. Lots of luck to you! Hope to hear from you.
Website: Ask Michele
E-mail: cobweb2@comcast.net
Gender: Female
Location: Connecticut
Occupation: accountant, internet marketing, creative writing
Age: 56
Member Since: March 22, 2005
Answers: 1331
Last Update: June 20, 2010
Visitors: 84189
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So I was tweezing my eyebrows an figured I would shave this little part that was annoying me to save the time of tweezing it because I was unfortunetly in a rush an I accidently snipped alot of my eyebrow hair off :( Until then my mom said use a pencil but find a cream or something to make my hair grow back ASAP I know vitamins help but my mom said to look for cremes because those can boost it fast sooo please any advice? I think im in a mid life crisis because this has NEVER happened to me an I feel sooo stupid for eve attmempting to use a razor but hey we all learn lessons an mine is never let a razor touch my brows again :( (link)
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yes, yes, yes. Rogain, it works. I use it on my eyebrows. You'll grow hair twice as fast. I won't help over night but it will help. Use it three times a day or more, to speed things up.
Apply with a Q-tip so you just get the area where you want the hair to grow back. Don't bother with the women's rogain, it is not as strong, go for the men's 5% minoxadil. And if you can find the generic brands, use them because you will save money.
Michele
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13/f
My printer wasn't working so I tried to fix it. My mom told me to just to rube some stuff on the ink things. Well, I didn't get what my mom was talking so I aksed her to repeat it. She said, "God, bella, your just the dumbest girl ever!" And my dad said, "Yea, no matter how many times I slapped her, she's still a stupid idiot." I feel really bad now. VERY. I'm crying cuz he hurt me so much. He's been saying things like this every since I was little. I've counted how many times he's said "I hate you." I feel really bad, espcially after what he did when Iwas little. He threw me outside and forgot me. I was outside, IN THE SNOW, until 1:00 a.m. My dad is always saying, I love you, your my baby girl, but i have this feeling that he doesn't mean it. I keep hoping my mom deviorces him. it's never gonna happen. I hate my dad now. He hurt me too many times. I want to know what to do. Plz, somebody give me advice ASAP. :'( (link)
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Oh, honey, that is terrible. I can't believe that your parents talk to you like that. I have never spoken to my boys that way. I know that it hurts and it hurts for years. Because that is how my mother used to talk to me. And I still hate her for it and I'm over 50 years old.
Some people just shouldn't be parents dear, but if your parents didn't become parents then you wouldn't be here. So let's cut to the chase.
I will not give you bad advice because I have been where you are and it almost ruined my life. For many years I suffered with low self-esteem because of my mother's words ringing in my head for years and years and years. I made many mistakes that I could of avoided if I had a little self respect and self love. I don't want you to make those same mistakes. The book that helped me, (because I couldn't afford therapy) was TOXIC PARENTS. It was written by Dr. Susan Forward. It has been out for many years. Get a copy. Try the library. You can get them on line at amazon.com for about $3 to $5 including shipping. Then you might want to pick up a new book out for Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Bad Childhood, Good Life, or something like that.
That book will help you to avoid the pitfalls that happen to kids who grow up with parents who constantly find fault with everything they do.
I know you are upset honey, and I know it hurts. I wish something could be done to change them, but right now you're powerless, and most people, like you know, authorities, teachers, etc, they don't like to get involved in a families personal affairs. that is as long as no one is being physically harmed. And I know, (and now you know) that words can hurt just as much.
I hope that you do take my advice, because in these books you will find the strength to overcome the things that your father, (and mother....because she doesn't do anything to stop him) says to you.
Good luck to you honey. Please feel free to leave a personal question in my in box if you want to.
Michele
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I recently saw a question here....it kind of resembles mine. about online relationships. I'm a 15 year old girl and my best friend (who is also a girl) is 18. I don't know WHAT THE HELL is going on in her mind. She's always depressed, and upset. Over and over. So what does she do? She gets herself an online boyfriend. They start talking. Sending e-mails on and off. And listening to each other talk through MSN voice clips. (This has been going on for a year). Whenever I question her about the reason for this..she always tells me "how can you say that? I love him!" In my mind, I'm thinking (how do you love him? you don't even KNOW him!) That doesn't worry me so much though. Because we live in a different country than him. What DOES worry me...is that she has seen only 2 pictures of him! And the pictures that she has seen, were blurry, and of really bad quality. I'm trying to knock some frikkin' sense into her. She's sending him all of these pictures of herself because he, very nicely, asks for them (I've talked to him before, he's a total FAKE nutcase). I can't stop her. She has plans to move in with him. how can you move in with a stranger ...of whom you only saw...2 horrible-quality pictures of? Maybe that's not even him! And she still has so much trust for him. I tried to sit down and talk to her. She won't listen. What should I do? I don't want her to ruin her life! Could this be a wanting of attention? Is she desperate? :( (link)
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Hi HOney,
I can certainly understand why you would be feeling anxious for your friend. She could be setting herself up for at least dissapointment and a worst, he could be an on-line sex offender.
But she probably already knows that these kinds of things can happen, but of course, thinks they won't happen to her. I agree with you. Better to be safe than sorry.
At this point though, I wonder how "close" she is to actually living with this guy. I mean he lives in another country. Neither one of them can travel to each others country without surmounting some pretty big hurdles. Number one, being $$$$$$$$$$$$$. Number two, you need a passport to travel anywhere outside the US today. He needs one also, to travel to the US.
YOu don't say what country he is from, but there are many countries that US citizens ARE NOT ALLOWED to travel too, so hopefully, if he does live in one of those countries, she won't be able to travel there. And when Americans do visit other countries on 'travel visas', they have to give the date of their departure and the date that they expect to leave the country. If you overstay the dates of your travel visa, you are in big trouble and can be thrown in jail. In a foreign country! Of course there are some countries we can travel back and forth too without too much trouble like Puerto Rico and Canada.
At this point, unless you know she is going to the post office to apply for a passport, maybe you can relax. If she takes steps to get a passport, then PANIC!
Anyway, I think you have to take a different approach. Learn something about the country that he comes from. If things are bad there, tell her what it is like. Hey if he comes from a country in the middle east......well tell her how badly they treat women there.
Your girl friend has some problems that started long before you two became friends. She is not getting the support she needs from her family. YOu see how smart you are, smart enough to know better than to get involved with some guy you hardly know, that you have only seen a blurry picture of, and who lives in another country.
She is haning on to this relationship like he is the only guy on earth. Well, smart sensible girls know better. I hope that she does wake up.
If you want more advice when and if things get worse you can leave a note in my mail box here and I will answer. Good luck to you, and I am glad that you do care about your friend. I hope she listens to you soon.
Michele
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Where can I buy in bulk "finished" (with the clasp and such) jewelry chains online? And also what is the proper name for the connector thing that attaches the pendant to the chain so the front of the pendant shows, and if I can order those online as well.
Thanks! (link)
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try www.firemountaingems.com
They are the biggest I have ever seen, and if you get on their mailing list, they'll send you huge catalogues.
Michele
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OK so this is an update to my last question (can u take back the love word) well this same guy lives in CA and I live in VA so he came to see me well on his trip he gave me a ring and finely told me he loved me and this time it was real. Well after he left I was in my room and I found that he had let him myspace on. Well at first I didn’t want to look but I did. (And yes I know it was wrong of me). Well I meant to only look at the pictures to the people in his inbox but this girl Ashley kept coming up and he had told me about her but he said that he was over her a long time ago. Well the way it was looking he wasn’t. So I read one to see what it said the first was not bad but I kept reading the things they talked about got deeper and deeper. I mean he told me he had his v card but he is telling this girl that he want to do her. Why would he have traveled all this way to see me and gave me a ring and told me he loves me! And be talking to this girl. (I’m almost 18 so this in not puppy love we could get married) but I really don’t know what to do I told him I look at his myspace and that I read the stuff and he told me once he is home he is ending it and he really really loves me and the only reason he did it was because a guy that I really liked in high school came back in to my life as a friend and he thought he was going to lose me after I told him that I wasn’t but that guy know that I was in love so he didn’t try to get with me and I’ve been 100 present with my CA boy but how do I know that he is to brake it off how can I trust him after he told me that he like her a long time ago but he is still talking to her and hiding it from me I told him that he can tell me anything and I wouldn’t get mad and that we would work stuff out together. I know we live in two different places and I’m not going to know everything but I really want to trust him and work all this out! Please help (link)
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Hi honey,
YOu have to be able to trust him or how can you have a long term relationship. I don't blame you for not trusting him now. It is not right when guys keep more than one girl hanging on, "just in case". What happens if you have a bad day? Is he going to start up with her again. I wouldn't trust him if I were you, and tell him that. And tell him that if he means what he says about how he feels about you, then you will let him prove it to you. Now you decide what that needs to be, and then see if he does it. And then you'll have to trust him until he shows you differently. Take you time. REally you shouldn't trust him right away, that is what dating and engagements are for, getting to know each other. Find out if either of you can be trusted. So good luck to you
Michele
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I love this boy we'll call him "L". Well I dated him off and on for a year. He meant a whole lot to me and still does. I'm 15, I'll be 16 soon, and he's 16, 17 soon. I've known L for over 2 years and we've always had a "thing" for each other. After we seriously broke up from our year relationship, I was devastated. We needed it though, and while I was away from him I gained a lot of self confidence. It seems like he did the opposite. He's started to go down hill. We didn't talk for 4 months, and we have just recently started talking again. I miss him so much, and I want to help him get his stuff back together. More than anything, I want him to pull himself back together, and I want to help because I want him to know I'm here for him. I can't tell him this cause I'm scared he'll be scared away. Lately, I've also had the urge to have sex with him. I don't know why cause I haven't done anything with him since we broke up, and I'm a virgin and so is he. I've always thought he would be my first, because he is the first guy I've ever felt this connection with. I know all the pros and cons, I've evaluated it thoroughly and I know it's probably more of a bad idea, but I can't help but want it. He seems kind of interested in me, because he'll call me first and come see me when I want him to. I just don't really know what to do. Please help mee!! Thank you! (link)
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Hi honey,
Here is how I see your dilema. YOu say that while you two were separated, you gained some self confidence and he did not. In fact, you said, he seems to be going backwards. This is important. While I understand your desire to help him gain more confidence in himself. It is hard for someone who is emotionally involved to do this. He is supposed to be gaining confidence in himself from his parents and home situation, regardless of what is love life is like. I hope you can understand this, because it is true. If we as humans, only gained self confidence from being in a rewarding relationship....well, you can imagine, most of us would be basket cases.
Our parents are supposed to be doing all the right things as the right ages to help us gain maturity and self confidence. It is their job, but too many of them leave parenting to chance, or some even do things that make their children worse. (as you can well imagine) So, in order to help L, (in my opinion) you need to remain emtionally unattached from him, yet be 'there' for him, and help him gain more confidence in himself. He needs to love himself. He can do that if he thinks he is valuable, as a human (not as just a lover) So can encourage him. Praise him. Give him positive feedback. the more he gets, the more likely he is to try new things or take chances and not be afraid to fail. Because it is by our mistakes that we learn how to do it better next time. That is one way we gain confidence.
I don't think this is the answer you were looking for, but I could have just told you to 'go for it'. But my experience allows me to see down the road, and it would not have had the results that you were hoping for. Good luck to you.
Michele
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ok, i was supposed to get my period the day my boyfriend and i had sex. He didnt use a condom. and kinda cam right as he pulled out. i dont think any got IN me but i know it was on me. could i be pregnant? (link)
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Well sure you COULD be pregnant, any time you have unprotected sex...that could happen. Now, is your period late? How many days are you late?
Can you get hold of a home pregnancy kit and test your morning urine to see if you actually are? Then if you are not, here is some advice.
The same place they sell the home pregnancy kits, they also sell condoms. Buy some yourself, so that you have them on hand, when your boyfriend doesn't. That way you'll always be prepared. If you are not willing to take on this responsibility, then you should not be having sex.
Michele
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ohkay i always wondered if you go on a website like anything at all and then you delet the history and cookies will it be able to be found again? like on your hardrive. jw (link)
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Well not by your parents, but YES by a forensic computer scientist. they know how to retrieve just about anything, if it was ever on your hard drive. That is why the police use them, especially is child p*rn cases.
Michele
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Background: I'm East Indian but born in America, but my parents were immigrants to this country. I've always been loyal to my family, but its almost like they are determined to sabotage any happiness in my life.
The girl I was going to marry- they hated b/c she wasn't Indian or up to their standards, and made my life and hers such a living hell that she had to leave. I love her still, but I know that my parents will never accept her.
I'm debating if I should just bid my parents and my family goodbye and try to find myself? My parents were arranged and they expect the same for me. I don't want that, but I'm torn b/c I'm loyal to my family but I want to be in love when I get married.
This pain of conflict is tearing me apart inside, that I've started drinking too much at times and maybe taking some other pharmaceuticals to relieve the pain (ie vicodin, percocets).
I still love her and I don't think that I'll ever get over the girl I was going to marry.
(sorry if this doesn't make sense, but i'm a bit drunk while writing this). (link)
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Hi,
I am very sorry for your pain and turmoil. It is hard when two very different worlds collide like yours has. I am in my 50's and have been married twice. Both marriages ended badly. I have given a lot of thought to "arranged marriages". Bear with me, I am not saying your parents are correct. But here, if we knew that we had to make "good" matches for our kids when they grew up, we would raise better kids. They would be responsible, reliable, respect women, not be violent, not abuse drugs or alcohol, because we want some young ladies parents, or young man's parents to think highly of our son or daughter and believe them to be good marrying material.
I married for "love" but chose poorly. My husband(s) were not supportive, they were violent, angry, and treated me very badly. I can only hope that my parents would have chose better for me. Well they say they would have anyway.
SO in my case, love was not all that it was supposed to be. Two people who have the same values can have a wonderful life together and fall in love BECAUSE they are good spouses who support, cherish, respect and would never do anything to hurt the other spouses feelings. They are they for them when things go bad.
Her is another thought, I know that East Indian Families are very close. And many young adults grow even closer to their parents when they become families and have children, etc. If you disobeyed your parents and married the girl that you love, they would disown you. You would have no contact with them. Can you live with that? You would be living a life with your wife and family and children and have NO CONTACT with your family at all? What would that be like for you.
I know they say that love conquers all, and there have been cases where kids have gone against their parents wishes and married someone that their parents didn't approve of, but this coupld has to be VERY VERY strong. And here you are abusing drugs and alcohol because you are not getting you way. The drugs and alcohol are not going to help. They show that you are not prepared to do the hard work that it would take to live a life without your parents.
SO so you leave and marry the girl you love anyway, then feel a great void in your life because of the loss of the love and respect of your parents....will you turn to drugs and alcohol to deal with that loss. And when you do, you will be shutting yourself off from your wife and children who still need you. You are setting yourself up to fail at everything.
YOu really need to think about the long term affects of your behavior. Three things.
What will happen if I leave and marry the girl I love? What will happen if I do what my parents expect of me? And what will happen if I continue to use drugs and alcohol to deal with controversy?
Please give it all some thought.
I wish you well, and strenght to go through whatever decision you make.
Michele
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i want to become a pastry chef, but im nont completely sure what type of education i need. im planning on getting my bachelors degree in...culinary arts probably, and then going to a culinary school for a while(not sure how many years i need) so how many years in total would that be? any school suggestions? i would like to do any baking, cake decorating, that type of stuff =] (link)
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You could go to a culinary college Johnson and Whales in Rhode Island is one of the best. It is a four year college. Most culinary schools, the good ones anyway are two years.
Michele
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16 year old female/5'4" 100 lbs.
i recently started being a vegan and this is what i usually have daily:
breakfast - a bowl of kashi high fiber/high protein cereal with fat free soy milk
lunch - a banana and some strawberries or an apple and some grapes
dinner - brocolli and cauliflower or carrots and asparagus
snack - watermelon or applesauce
is this balanced enough? do you think i will see weight loss or gain or maintain my weight? (link)
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Most likely you will loose weight, but you have to be sure you are getting enough iron and calcium. Green veggies can give you loads of calcium. Iron only comes from spinach and beans. Beans and lentils are also high in protein. Are you eating any beans? every day? What about grains, you need more grais in your diet, not just kashi in the AM. YOu can add whole wheat bread to your other meals. How about nuts, excellent source of important fats. Peanut butter is an excellent source of quality protein and fats. Also add olive oil to your diet. You won't loose weight trying to cut out fats, your body will slow down it's metabolism in order to maintain fat levels. Because your body is always "prepareing you for childbirth". So you can't fool it by limiting fats. It will fool you, but burning less fat. Best to add a little quality fat to your diet each day. Flax oil, olive oil, canola oil and nuts.
Michele
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I would like to be a dermatologist in the future.
I was wondering, how many years of college/medical school would I need to complete?
(link)
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Dermatologist spend as much time in college as other medical doctors. And more if they want to be cosmetic surgeons. But say you don't want to be a cosmetic surgeon, just a dermatologist,
you would go to college for four years, then on to medical college for four years. At least one of those years is spent as a resident at a hospital. You would be taking many medical courses, in many areas, including biology, anatomy, chemistry, etc, before you start to take courses in your specialty - dermatology. It can be very expensive but yes I do think it will be worth it. Here in CT it can take as long as 10 weeks to even get an appointment with a dermatologist. Good luck to you
Michele
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near the top of my thighs, they touch because of some fat thats there i guess. how can your get rid of or reduce this area with exercise? (link)
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exercises that strengthen your leg muscles. all of them. Leg lifts, squats, bike riding, swimming. etc. etc. Wear ankle weights while doing them, that will strengthen your muscles even more. Walking with ankles weights is a good start. Keep it up. For life, and you'll always have nice strong legs
Michele
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I know that my best friend and I always are fighting and she is always bossing me around with my stuff and her's what should I do should I stay friends or stop being freinds (link)
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Well we all have boundries, and good friends should know better when not to cross them. But maybe she doesn't know. So you have to tell her. I don't need you to tell me about my stuff, or boss me around, that is what I have parents for.
and that is not what friends are for.
Now if she continues, or if you have already said this and nothing changed. then maybe you do need to stop being friends with her.
OR, you could try a different tactic. Ask her why she is so unhappy. And when she says what do you mean, say, well you are always picking on me, and finding fault with me, or telling me what to do, and my mom (or whoever) says that is a sign of a person who is sad inside, and may not like it when other people are happy.
Good luck
Michele
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13/f
ok so my parents have never given me the birds and bees talk so the only thing in that nation i no of is sex and how to become pregnant but lately i have been having this weird feeling lik in my vagina area where i can feel my heart beat WAT IN THE WORLD IS IT?!?!? (link)
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That's your pulse. Blood flowing through your veins and arteries, which is pumped by your heart, so it seems to match the beats of your heart, which in fact it does. It is sort of like feeling for your pulse on your wrist or neck. There are a number of places on your body where you can feel your pulse. There is nothing wrong. As long as you don't feel any pain, or have a lump or something.
Michele
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Last year I got sick with something the doctors called "the coxsakie virus" and thats what they THOUGHT, they had to look in their books and etc, because they honestly had no idea at first.
It caused symtoms that looked like the hand foot and mouth disease, I had sore like blisters everywhere, (i mean everywhere, i went to prime care and they just thought i had a bladder infection, but they were wrong)
The doctor said there is nothing they could give me for it, and its just waiting it out.
I felt like I was going to die, I swear.
It really left emotional and PHYSICAL scars, that really to this day still hurt me (the emotional).
http://i15.tinypic.com/4l8iolu.jpg
there is a picture of my back, of what it looked like, see it left deep scars, and some are kind of puffy now today, they look like blisters kinda but tougher, and I dont know how to get them removed? Also, my face, I have some scars from it, since the open sores turned into scabs, and some were deep, so the scars were deep. So I have random spots on my face that are an off color and indented a little. It really did a number on my confidence. I'm oaky now I guess, I seem to be, and I know I've posted questions abotu this before, and all you people can tell me, is that.. "oh well, scars heal." I know that. But its SO hard for me to deal with this,
I dont think you understand. I dont know why it had to happen to me. (link)
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Hi Honey, I'm an esthetician, trained in skin care. I did some research on your problem. Coxackie virus is the name given to a number of viruses that can cause all kinds of problems, including the one that you had. And while you say the virus has run it's course, you just need help dealing with the aftermath. I do have a suggestion. I like all natural remedies, and I am willing to try almost anything. If myself or one of my sons had this problem, I would try anything and everything until I found the cure. SO here is what I suggest. Try ORGANIC EXTRA VIRGIN COCONUT OIL. My son had a condition called kerititis pilaris. And we have tried many things, even prescriptions, but this product is the one that finally worked. Also it cured my boyfriends atheletes foot fungus. It is all natural, you can even cook with it, and it is recommended by many naturopathic doctors for good health. It is considered to be a healthy form of fat.
But you can also put it on your skin. It is kinda greasy, so massage it on, then towel off the excess, so you can get dressed and stuff. Use it every day. YOu can get organic extra virgin coconut oil over the internet, or at any health food store. It is not too expensive, maybe $8.00 to $12.00 for a jar, about 15 ounces. A jar should last you a long time. Use it until the jar is finished, then see how things are. If you see improvement, then keep it up. If you don't get the result you like then you could try EMU OIL.
Also you can get that over the internet. I think it may be more expensive.
I hope this helps and I hope your folks will help you to purchase this stuff so you can try it. What do you have to loose.
I know it can be very emotionally traumatic to have skin problems. I hope your folks will understand, and if not, maybe you can get some on your own.
GOod luck to you
Michele
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was sid viscious from the sex pistols for the nazi's because i saw him wearing a shirt with the nazi swastica on it. (link)
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Sid viscious was an anarchist. He was for anything that got him notices, that pissed people off, or that brought him trouble. Mostly, kid viscious was for drugs. He took them, a whole lot of them, every day, he killed his girlfriend, and then he died himself, from an overdose I believe.
Michele
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okay. 15/f. is it normal for a 15 year old teenage girl to fantasize about having sex with women? because whenever I think about a man and a woman having sex, I get grossed out. But the other way around (people of my own gender) I'm fine with that. does that necessarily mean that I am a lesbian?? Or do all teens go through this 'stage'?
0.o? (link)
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Well I am sure that all girls who grow up to become lesbians, must go through a time where they fantasize about having relations with other girls/women. Why not, boys fantasize about having sexual relations with women. I guess we fantasize about who (male or female) we are most attracted to. I say, if it is only in your mind, just go ahead and fantasize. How else can you be sure. It may take time, but you don't HAVE to decide now. Eventually you will be doing some experimenting. It's how we all find out what our sexual orientation is. there is not way to avoid it. Just put it off until you feel more comfortable, or more willing to experiment.
I hope you understand what I am getting at.
Bottom line, you can't change what "grosses you out". So perhaps you will grow up to be a dedicated lesbian. Nothing wrong with that.
Later, once you are sure, and have questions about letting your family or friends know, then write again. We'll give you lots of advice and support. Good luck to you
Michele
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I need some serious help.
Okay, I'm 17/m and was hit by cupids arrow about a year and a half ago. However, recently my gf, that I'm still completely in love with, has gone out of town and out of reach (3 hour drive with no car working full time at a restaurant) for the entire summer.
Now, there's this friend of mine. She's very cute in her own way and because of mine and her past relationship were really flirty when were by each other. The thing is I can't control myself when I'm close to her and I go completely nuts (out of my mind) and do things I would never even think about with any other woman (except my gf). I guess what I'm trying to ask is, how do I keep myself from having to make that decision without hurting anyone.
P.S. I'm still extremely in love with my gf as far as I've told her I want a family with her.
Thank you for all your help. (link)
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Don't do it, unless you are prepared to deal with the consequences. Now is as good a time as any to learn to control your impulses. People who don't learn to control their impulses have to deal with unhappy consequences. You want us to believe that you love your girlfriend. Then act like it. Making sacrifices builds character. And character is what will come in handy when you are a family man. Because at any age, you could be confronted with temptation. A good start is to not be in this girls company, alone, or at all. That is how mature people, or people who don't want the hurt the people they say the love, handle things like this.
You're not the first person to be in this situation. Having to decide between love and lust. Love should win. Lust is temporary.
Michele
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I'm a junior now. I've gone through at least one guy/relationship each year. One really hurt me.
I'm in a new relationship now. This guy is amazing, so sweet and funny. We are really open with each other and it's so different from my other relationships. I can't believe it lasted to 5 months. It's almost 6 months now and it's scaring me. I don't know how to get rid of this.. feeling..fear. I'm so scared that it's going to hurt really badly if this ends.. because I feel as though I'm too attached already. And since this relationship is without any abuse of some sort [verbal] it's the best I have ever had. I'm just worrying over things and trying to prepare myself. But I'm tired of doing this. One of my past relationships lasted over a year but I was still "with" the guy for another year or so, just not official, if you know what I mean. :/ 8th grade to the middle of 10th grade. And he hurt me so bad throughout the years and I'm afraid it's going to hurt worse in this relationship.
I don't know why I'm suddenly having this fear. I've dated 7 people and he's the first guy to actually treat me right.. and listen to me. He's patient and kind, he's actually willing to watch disney/chick flicks with me .. he doesn't make fun of me. He tries to make me smile and laugh.. and he tries to see me as much as he can.
It just seems too good. We haven't had any fights either. I'm not one to fight and in my opinion, I don't think it's healthy. For my relationships I guess. Others? Sure.. My friends always push the idea on me that fighting is a must in a relationship. They try to make me feel like our relationship is somewhat flawed.. and it makes me think that they are jealous sometimes.. because they always pick fights with their boyfriends.
How do I get rid of these worries? (link)
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Listen honey, you have choices to make here too. At this early point in the relationship, and given your age. It is too early to tell if this is going to be a long term relationship. Either one of you could change your mind. But as long as you are sure that you want this relationship to last, you have to behave that way. Number one, by being faithful. Number two by being honest. Number three by putting his feelings or happiness before yours. AND he should be doing all the same things. When these steps are taken by both people in a relationship, it has a very good chance of lasting. And from what you wrote it DOES sound to me if that is what is going on.
Here is the bottom line though. At any time, before you make a committement to get married, either one of you could change your mind, for any reason, and all bets are off. And since this is a free country, (good for you and good for him) a person has a right to decide whether or not they want to be in a relationship. And the other person has to let them go.
All you can do is be the person that he wants to be with. If he is special to you, you must be sure he knows that....by your actions, (and words, too if that is comfortable for you.)
Also I will say this about worrying.....we waste a lot of time and energy worrying, and often about something that may not happen. Or even if it does, all our worrying didn't prevent it, did it? Honey, have a fun time and enjoy your relationship with your boyfriend. Life is too short, and sometimes, (though hopefully many many years from now for you) all we have left are good memories.
Michele
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