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I'm worried about my friend.
I recently saw a question here....it kind of resembles mine. about online relationships. I'm a 15 year old girl and my best friend (who is also a girl) is 18. I don't know WHAT THE HELL is going on in her mind. She's always depressed, and upset. Over and over. So what does she do? She gets herself an online boyfriend. They start talking. Sending e-mails on and off. And listening to each other talk through MSN voice clips. (This has been going on for a year). Whenever I question her about the reason for this..she always tells me "how can you say that? I love him!" In my mind, I'm thinking (how do you love him? you don't even KNOW him!) That doesn't worry me so much though. Because we live in a different country than him. What DOES worry me...is that she has seen only 2 pictures of him! And the pictures that she has seen, were blurry, and of really bad quality. I'm trying to knock some frikkin' sense into her. She's sending him all of these pictures of herself because he, very nicely, asks for them (I've talked to him before, he's a total FAKE nutcase). I can't stop her. She has plans to move in with him. how can you move in with a stranger ...of whom you only saw...2 horrible-quality pictures of? Maybe that's not even him! And she still has so much trust for him. I tried to sit down and talk to her. She won't listen. What should I do? I don't want her to ruin her life! Could this be a wanting of attention? Is she desperate? :(
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Well i don't necessarily think she's ruining her life because she has an online boyfriend, but i do agree with you when you say this all could have been a wanting of attention. Actually i think at first it may have been. From what you have told me she's happy now because she has someone to show her love and affection, besides her family and friends. Most of the time that's how all online relationships start. People go online to be noticed, to be recognized, maybe even to be accpeted, to get that wanted feeling,to find someone who cares,someone who will understand you, someone to listen to you when no one else is around...etc. you have told me that she was depressed and upset all the time, and now that she has what she has been craving she satisfied.
The best advice i have for you is to just be there and look out for your friend. Share your feelings with her. Tell her that you don't get a comfortable feeling from that guy. But you also have to keep in the back of your mind you and your friend may not have the same taste in guys. What you find repulsive, your friend may find attractive.
Let me know how things workout.
(: Smilez Til Later :)
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It seems to me that she is perhaps depressed and maybe this guy is giving her attention that she feels that she cannot get face to face. Maybe she has been hurt in the past.
I would suggest that you compliment her and encourage her to try new things and meet new people.
It is unfair to say that people cannot fall in love in this way however, it appears that this guy is indeed a fake and that you are right to be concerned.
From what you have said I would presume that her parents are unaware of the situation - I know that "telling" on a friend is not something any of us ever want to do however, if this guy is a fake then you could be saving her a lot of agony and hurt in the future so perhaps you should consider it.
There is absolutely no reason that this guy should only have sent her two very poor quality photos and received a lot more in return. You are right to be a worried by this. There are people out there who collect photos of young girls for very bad reasons and I am concerned that you friend is getting herself into hot water, particularly if she is sharing details such as where she lives with this guy. He may say that he is in another country however, how does she actually know that he is telling the truth.
Maybe she should call his bluff??? Tell him that she has spoken with her parents about him and that they would like to meet him and that way she will be able to tell from his reaction whether he is actually genuine or not.
I hope this helps.
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Hi HOney,
I can certainly understand why you would be feeling anxious for your friend. She could be setting herself up for at least dissapointment and a worst, he could be an on-line sex offender.
But she probably already knows that these kinds of things can happen, but of course, thinks they won't happen to her. I agree with you. Better to be safe than sorry.
At this point though, I wonder how "close" she is to actually living with this guy. I mean he lives in another country. Neither one of them can travel to each others country without surmounting some pretty big hurdles. Number one, being $$$$$$$$$$$$$. Number two, you need a passport to travel anywhere outside the US today. He needs one also, to travel to the US.
YOu don't say what country he is from, but there are many countries that US citizens ARE NOT ALLOWED to travel too, so hopefully, if he does live in one of those countries, she won't be able to travel there. And when Americans do visit other countries on 'travel visas', they have to give the date of their departure and the date that they expect to leave the country. If you overstay the dates of your travel visa, you are in big trouble and can be thrown in jail. In a foreign country! Of course there are some countries we can travel back and forth too without too much trouble like Puerto Rico and Canada.
At this point, unless you know she is going to the post office to apply for a passport, maybe you can relax. If she takes steps to get a passport, then PANIC!
Anyway, I think you have to take a different approach. Learn something about the country that he comes from. If things are bad there, tell her what it is like. Hey if he comes from a country in the middle east......well tell her how badly they treat women there.
Your girl friend has some problems that started long before you two became friends. She is not getting the support she needs from her family. YOu see how smart you are, smart enough to know better than to get involved with some guy you hardly know, that you have only seen a blurry picture of, and who lives in another country.
She is haning on to this relationship like he is the only guy on earth. Well, smart sensible girls know better. I hope that she does wake up.
If you want more advice when and if things get worse you can leave a note in my mail box here and I will answer. Good luck to you, and I am glad that you do care about your friend. I hope she listens to you soon.
Michele
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