A quick note: If I answered a question and you have further questions for me, please include a URL link to your original question(s) so that I can be sure of what we're talking about. Questions that reference something we talked about a week ago that I can't quite remember are kinda hard to answer.
Welcome to my column.
I don't apologize for my answers. I speak to the audience, and in doing so I sometimes tell the audience things they don't want to hear or cant handle.
I believe in stands on principle. I believe that doing right for the sake of doing right is a good way to live. I believe in self awareness and encourage it in others. I offer the most unbiased viewpoint I have. And yes, I am only human.
Im going to tell you what I think you need to hear. You are not supposed to take what I say and follow it. You are supposed to take what I say and _think_about_it_
Oh, and feel free to ask me questions, but netspeak, ebonics, terrible grammar, and your teen angst about a crush will be ignored.
Location: No where you've heard of.
Member Since: July 16, 2007
Answers: 2588
Last Update: April 13, 2014
Visitors: 96938
Main Categories:
Love Life
Random Weirdos
Mental health
View All
|
| |
|
Is there such thing as too much oral sex, medically speaking? A friend of mine said her man wants to do it every night. (link)
|
Both of the people below are idiots. The only real problems that can arise from extensive sexual play outside of the STD issue is skin abrasion. Nether-parts tend to be on the sensitive side for external body parts, and it's possible to simply wear on the skin in such a way that it could become painful until a break of a day or three is taken.
This varies from person to person. Some people can have sex every day and suffer no ill effects. Some people will get a little over-sensitive and not be able to handle contact for a little while.
Oral sex does not cause cancer. HPV can cause cancer and with numerous oral sexual partners the risk of contracting HPV orally rises. Having oral sex with the same person multiple times does not increase cancer risk unless you are specifically with someone with a strain of HPV which could give them cancer as well. The problem here is getting a strain of HPV your body cannot fight. If you read anything about HPV you'd find out that most people can fight off an HPV infection naturally about 90% of the time, and there are certain strains which we are already vaccinating for which cause cancer and can't be naturally fought off alot of the time.
This is an STD issue, where having unprotected sex with an unknown partner can carry with it unpleasant results. The studies about this all center around varied oral sex partners and the men are as at risk for throat cancer as women are at risk for cervical cancer from these strains.
|
|
hi, i'm 34 and my boyfriend is 47. we love each other and have been dating for a year. he always asks me if he could come inside me during sex and and recently he's been texting me saying he wants to come in me. we have a long distance relationship and but we'll be living together soon. we're happy. we always speak on the phone and text each other everyday. just wondering, is he hinting me to get pregnant or am i thinking too much. thanks so much. (link)
| |
The desire to finish inside and the desire to have a kid aren't necessarily connected in any way. Some guys just enjoy the thought and experience of cumming inside their partner. If you're curious, ask him.
|
|
if i had sex with out no condoms 2 days before my period and my period was 5 days late is thier a chance i can be pregent .? (link)
| |
Yes, there is a chance. It is possible to have that last period and still be pregnant. You're in your fertile days before your period, so it's even somewhat likely. Wait another week, take a test.
|
What is better shaving or waxing your vagina? Whenever I shave my vagina I instantley get red bumps and it gets really itchy! I have never tried waxing my vagina before, so I want you guys appinouns cause I no waxing will be really painful!
(link)
|
http://www.google.com/products/catalog?hl=en&xhr=t&q=beard+trimmer&cp=7&qe=YmVhcmQgdA&qesig=tzNwGfczajBR12pWIF0GKA&pkc=AFgZ2tn7doB8nZVgkF2Wed9QAPBRj3GniBQnVa8GbJVcKRkNk7-PDLH_REaOeDm2oiRgKjv9o6kb4isNvz-Ko1ArstyGhdRdtw&bav=on.2,or.r_gc.r_pw.&biw=1428&bih=853&um=1&ie=UTF-8&tbm=shop&cid=9626223412881229918&sa=X&ei=wQwWTurqHO2EsAKg5uRS&sqi=2&ved=0CIoBEPICMAM
Third option. Beard trimmer. No red bumps, gets almost all of the hair off without leaving you completely bare, generally no irritation at all. There are a billion different versions, get one with a guard so you can put on the quarter inch measurement and just pretend you're mowing a lawn. Works just fine for getting it all gone around the bikini area, just be careful not to let it pinch you.
A mirror is recommended so you can check your work.
|
Some people have said that liquid leggings are trashy. I think they are cute. Is it ok for a 17 year old to wear them? Do you think they are trashy? How do you feel about liquid leggings?
Heres a pic of them: http://mediaext.drjays.com/media/304/350/files/3043506.jpg (link)
|
I'd say they're unattractive. When you wear something aesthetically pleasing that shows you off, it can be a nice effect. When you wear something that's only real purpose is to show off camel toe and thong lines you're stepping into trashy territory.
|
im 18/f and my boyfriend is 19/m
My boyfriend took my virginity roughly 2 weeks ago, and since then we have been sharing whilst cuddling one night things we would like to try/different places we could go/ what turns us on. he mentioned that it would be a huge turn on for him for us to have sex with the lights on. Because it would be really romantic to be able to stare into each others eyes, and he would be able to see everything.
however im very very insecure with my body, and thats why i like having sex in the dark, because i dont have to worry about what i look like. Although he told me he's already seen my 'problem areas' he says i have nothing to worry about and that he loves my body. but im very well aware that im overweight. especially compared to his previous girlfriends. id love to be intimate with him with the lights on purely for the romance of it all... but im to caught up and worried about my body.
is there any tips or anything to help me 'hide' the flaws of my body in the light?
id really love to do this for him, even though im insecure (link)
|
Just get over it.
Trust me, he doesn't care. He doesn't notice the things you do.
Spend some time together naked. Just hang out, watch movies, play games, whatever. Sans the clothes. Get used to being naked around him. When the mood strikes, get intimate.
|
My boyfriend and I have been dating for about a month now, and I am sixteen, and he is eighteen. He is going to the Navy in December, but he says that if we last until I am eighteen, he wants to marry me. He seems really serious about it, and it's not like I'm afraid of committment, but I kinda wonder...
He is extremely mature and when he says something, he means it. I'm not worried about him changing his mind, but should I be cautious with this relationship if he brings it up this early? Or is it really serious?
(link)
|
I know all about young wives to guys in the armed forces.
Run. He will get deployed over seas while you wait at home. He will have sex with other people because that's navy culture and he's 20 years old. You will be a young wife at home alone, probably pregnant, hoping that he gets rid of whatever VD he catches from foreign prostitutes so he doesn't bring it home to you.
This is literally the 99% chance "I married a navy enlistee" story that people like you go through.
Do not marry a 20 year old. Do not marry when you're 18 and you haven't even lived outside of your parents house on your own. Don't set yourself up with a guy who's going to want you to be a mother to his kids before you've gotten out and had enough of a life of your own to really offer children an adult perspective on the world.
I'm sure he is serious. Guys who enlist in the armed forces, marry the first girl who will have them out of boot camp, and end up divorced with a few kids is about the most cliche' armed forces story in existence in the US.
My best friend is a navy vet. His advice would be to not get involved with this guy. I have an ex who left me for a guy who enlisted. She's living at home and divorced now, a single parent, and she regrets every second of it except for her daughter.
No, he is not mature. He just seems that way to a 16 year old. Trust me, he's 18, there's an upper ceiling to maturity at that age and it isn't very high unless you've got a guy with a high IQ.
No one with a high IQ becomes an enlisted man.
Don't sign yourself up for navy wife at 18. You will regret it. The relationship is a month old and he brought up marriage? He's way, way more immature than you think. More innocent and inexperienced, more naive. This is a trainwreck waiting to happen.
Do not date anyone who brings up marriage after a month. I promise, if you dump this guy he will find some other girl to fixate on before he signs up and shifts off. I can promise that he will be married before he ships out overseas, whether you stick around or not. It makes no difference to him, ultimately, that it's you. He just want's a ready source of free sex when he's living on base, and marriage is the only way to swing that when you enlist.
You would be stupid to continue dating this guy.
|
|
Well ok long story short im married, and both my husband and i are lookin to find another female partner to help us spice up the bedroom, im all for it and he says he is aswell but im just not convinced and am worried that if we go ahead with it a few months or years down the track he is going to turn around and throw it back in my face, we have talked and talked about it but i still feel since it was my idea in the first place he is just more or less going along with it so not to dissapoint me, is there any way that i can really be sure that he does want it as much as i do??? any advice would b great plz. (link)
|
These are things you need to be talking about with him, asking him.
The truth behind what you two are about to do is that you can't really know how you'll react until you are in that situation. He might well be fine with it right now, and find something he's not ok with. He might be nervous and unsure now and end up in a threesome and absolutely love it.
While the below advice givers are wrong to think that it always or even mostly screws up relationships (there are literally millions of couples who swing/swap and all it does is enrich the sexuality) the potential drama-bomb you are ushering into your relationship is as significant as they say it is.
When things go south, they go far south. And quickly, generally.
As opposed to the "use a stranger" suggestion put forth I advocate the opposite. Using a stranger is the quickest and easiest way to detontae that drama bomb. You don't know this person, you don't know how they'll react, what they want out of the arrangement, what emotional baggage they might bring in themselves.
The ideal person is someone you both know and are comfortable with. Someone who is not just you and your husband's sex toy, but an intimate partner that (assuming everything goes well) will be up for round two next week if/when both of you really enjoy it and want a repeat.
You need to set some ground rules. Rule 1 of being in a committed emotional relationship and opening sexual intimacy to other people is that the needs and desires of your partner come first. Meaning, either of you get to say "this is over" at any time for any reason. Mid coitus, during the rest period, doesn't matter, either of you can call it off if needed without being questioned until after it's just the two of you again.
The reason you want a friend is you want someone who understands and will be OK with this. Rather than picking up a random girl who will be put out if your husband is not OK, a friend whom you know can be understanding, patient, and relaxed about this.
I mean, do you really want the awkwardness of kicking someone out in ten minutes if your husband freaks out? Or would you rather have a friend who can come over, have a few drinks, watch a movie, and see if the mood is right to proceed? Knowing the person allows you to remove the expectations and be clear (on all sides) about whats up and what you all want to happen.
This isn't something you rush into. You said in a few months or years, so obviously you're on the same page with that.
Express your concerns to him. Tell him that you want him to be alright with this, that you want to make sure he wants the same things you do, that he will enjoy whatever you do as well. You both need to go into this with a level head. That means extensive communication. It means warming up to the idea yourselves, maybe a little roleplay or threesome related dirty talk during sex "If we had a girl here I'd want to watch her do x to you", etc. )Play with the idea together before you play with another person, find some common ground, common fantasies. Tell him what about it turns you on. Encourage him to share in the same way.
If you both want this you just have to be prepared to walk away if/when it's not right. You have to put each other first while not treating whomever you bring into the bedroom like an object. Make it a good experience for everyone involved, and it won't be the mistake that fucked up your marriage, even if it ends up being a mistake overall.
|
I had an interview today for an internship I found on craigslist. However, when I arrived at the given address, the location turned out to be in some extremely shady apartment building. Nobody even answered or buzzed me in when I rang the bell. So, naturally, I went home.
They sent me an email 30 minutes after my interview time asking where I was, and I still haven't replied. What is the polite way of saying that I went home because nobody answered and I'm not interested in the job anymore? (link)
|
There is no job. People actually seeking employees do not send you messages asking where you are when you do not show up for a scheduled interview.
How do you feel like replying to scammers or MLM salemen?
|
|
Last year I decided to teach my friend how to drive my 5 speed stick shift car. Long story short, we got hit on the driver side bumper (my car at a complete stop) because the other girl was texting while driving and "didn't see us". After the cop got there he talked to her and let her leave and she even passed the turn into her friends driveway, had to back up her car a good ten fifteen feet to go to where she was trying to go. My passenger side wheels are in the ditch from where my friend got over so far trying to avoid the girl. Anyways she got the ticket for no insurance I and paid court costs and paid the ticket but now (eight months later) messages me on facebook to tell me that she wants me to send her my tags a registration to send to Nashville over the wreck so her name can be cleared and she can get her liscence back and my liscence be revoked. So not friends anymore. Yes it's my responsibility to have insurance on my car. And it's her responibility for driving. After we argued and she realized I'm not givin her anything she said that my car was going to be taken away from me and she was trying to save my a** So anyways can my car really be taken away from me over her wrecking last year or what? (link)
| |
No, she's bullshitting you. She was driving, she got in the accident, she's paying the price, and you give her nothing.
|
I am almost positive I was raped but I am not 100%...About a year ago I was with my well now ex boyfriend and we had been dating for over a year...One day we ended up at his house and we were doing stuff...Well I always got really scared and wanted to cry so I was asking my "sex expert" of a friend what to do and she thought I was ready to have sex. I told my boyfriend this and he started pushing me to do so. He used everything he could to get me to give in from family, to religion, to friends, to if I really loved him...Even though before he said he would wait as long as I needed...Especially since from the start of the relationship I told him that I didn't want to have sex until marriage and he was perfectly fine with that. When I told him to give me to the next time I saw him so I could make sure I was positive and make it hopefully more romantic he got mad at me and was yelling at me that I was going to do what I normally do and back out then accused me of blue balling him all of the time and how it wasn't fair on his part. Eventually I screamed fine then went to the bathroom and cried a little then went back to his room and just gave in...Is this rape? We were fighting and I know he pressured me but I don't know what it is legally considered...I absolutely hate myself for what I did.
Sorry for this being so long (link)
|
You consented. You feel terrible because it was a bad decision made in the heat of the moment while you were upset. The judgement was bad.
Yes, he pressured you. He is responsible for that. But in this case responsible for that means he's a douchebag. Words and pressure make you a shitty person, but it's not illegal when he didn't do anything for force or coerce you into it.
It's a fucked up situation for you, I know. This is why we tend to encourage teens to wait no matter what. You can always choose to have sex later when you feel better about it, but you can't take back a sexual experience had in haste or under duress or that you just weren't ready for.
Look at that last sentence in your main question.
"I hate myself for what I did".
I know it sucks. It's not entirely your fault, again there's a reason we try not to expect teens to deal with sex, often times they just aren't ready. You weren't ready to stand up to a guy like that and walk out of his house, never speak to him again.
But you made the choice here. You've said that clearly. Whatever kind of asshole your ex boyfriend is, you made a decision you now regret, and you have to accept that and move on.
If you can't, think about talking to a counselor about it. Just because the guy didn't actively rape you doesn't mean you weren't taken advantage of by a douchebag while you were in an emotionally vulnerable state and doesn't mean you aren't perfectly normal for feeling very hurt and upset and angry about it afterwards.
Even taking the rape off the table, this was your boyfriend of a year, a guy you expected to treat you with respect and patience and care, who in the end just chased after getting laid like it was going out of style. A hypocritical douchebag. Even had sex not happened I'd be surprised if you didn't feel hurt at being lied to by a guy who ultimately just wanted sex and wasn't willing to wait for it anymore.
Forgive yourself and let it go. Hating him and yourself hurts no one but you. You aren't perfect. No person is. You need to treat your own personal failures like lessons and not things to hate yourself over.
|
|
My boyfriend and I had sex a week ago and the condom broke, but he did not ejaculate. I've been on birth control pills (Ortho Tricyclen Lo) for about 5 months and have taken it correctly with no missed doses. When we had sex it was 9 days after the start of my period(i wasn't on my period when we had sex) and I don't exactly know too much about ovulation... What I'd like to know is do you think I'm pregnant or any chance. I've looked up symptoms and it's hard to distinguish them this early. THANK YOU. (link)
|
Pretty much zero chance.
Generally you ovulate 11 to 14 days after your period ends. You remain fertile for the third week and then when your period hits it starts all over. With normal body processes the egg gets flushed during the period and thus you cannot get pregnant after your period ends.
Nothing there is 100% and depends on your individual body, but generally that's how it works.
Sperm can survive in the fallopian tubes for at most a week. So generally you hit the danger "I really could get pregnant" a week before you ovulate and continue until (presumably) your period is over.
That's all without birth control. Using BC with condoms and being in your non fertile days you should be absolutely fine even if he condom broke and he came inside you.
|
My girlfriends 12 and im 13. Weve been dating for around 7 months and when were making out i feel her butt and i can feel that shes wet. The only problem is that shes 12 and hasnt gotten her period yet. Can i still finger her if she didnt get her period yet? and if so whats the best way to finger her for first timers? I need answers were hanging out tomorrow
(link)
|
It's not about the period.
At 12 she is nothing like sexually mature. Women's bodies go through a number of changes when they hit puberty, including the enlarging of the vagina. Just like guys hit puberty and everything grows, it goes for girls too.
She is literally not old enough for this. She hasn't started producing the hormones which will enable her to process whats going on. She isn't grown enough to safely accommodate adult sexual interaction. Her brain is not sufficiently developed enough to make educated decisions about sex and to cope with the emotional and logical responses that sex brings into a person's life.
But back to the whole "size" part yes, you could hurt her. She isn't fully developed, she's going to be alot smaller and tighter right now than she will be as an adult woman. Stretching that she could easily handle as an adult could injure her internally right now. Bleeding, pain, bad memories, worse. Remember she's not an adult. She's not going to be grown enough to deal with this well.
Wait. Give her at least another year. Do it not because either of you wants to (I'm sure she's a willing participant) but because it really is what's best for her.
This is, essentially, your first test of manhood. Can you do right by your woman even when it hurts?
|
|
Am I emotionally cheating? I've been dating my boyfriend for 8 months and everything has been great. But there's a new guy I work with that I keep thinking about. What do I do? I don't want to think about or like this guy I work with, but for some reason I'm attracted to him. I still have feelings for my boyfriend though and I for sure want to be with my bf. What do I do? I don't want this to sabotage my relationship- I'd never cheat on my boyfriend physically but am I being dishonest to him by having another guy on my mind? (link)
|
No, it is not cheating.
Cheating would be, well, cheating. Being sexually intimate with him. Being emotionally intimate with him. Flirting seriously with him. I don't think flirting is wrong so long as you're not actually interested in the people with whom you flirt. Some people just like being flirts when it's harmless.
When you really kinda like the guy, it's not.
Unshared thoughts are not cheating. They're really no one else's business but yours. If the guy at work realizes you like him and responds, then you tell your boyfriend and figure things out from there.
It's lust. Lust is magnetic. Put two people of appropriate sexual orientation and gender in a room together, and get their emotional defenses lowered, and attraction is a fairly common result.
Love is about who you choose to be with.
Plus... Well, I can't speak for guys in general but as a guy I feel like I'm wired that way. I can't help but look. We use attractive interchangeably with "stunning" for a very specific reason. It's fun to be stunned once in a while. As long as that's all it ever is, it's really somewhat beyond your control.
|
|
I killed a squirrel... I swear I didn't mean too.. It was an accident.. I was actually going under the speed limit, and the thing ran out in front of me while I was driving. :( What am I going to do.. I can't stop crying! My parents think I'm stupid for crying but I feel bad because I never killed something before and I love animals! Should I give it a funeral?? Say a few words for the squirrel... :( (link)
| |
Take a bunch of bird feed and sunflower seeds to your local park and feed the animals there in his memory.
|
So, you answered a question of mine before, on the escapism addiction thing, and you mentioned my boyfriend was avoiding adulthood.
This is a big issue that has become apparent, and I really want to stay with him forever, and would fight to do that, but dont want to hit my head up against a wall for nothing. That being said, heres my question, and I'd appreciate it if you thought about it and answered it, as I think you give good advice.
My boyfriend and I have been together about a year. We live together and are planning to get married. When I first met him, we were aiming for something casual, as we'd both gotten out of relationships. Therefore, when he said he was poly, it didnt bother me - I didnt want anything from him but the obvious.
However, we both developed very strong feelings for each other and began to struggle with the inevitable issue. He identified as poly, and I'm hardwired monogamous.
We tried to make compromises between the two, and though he didnt meet anyone, the door was potentially open, in some regards. But not open enough, so one night we had a massive fight and things almost ended.
I agreed to try and work with him on this. He still didnt meet anyone and it was obvious I was devestated. I didnt try to make him feel bad, but I was depressed, and had some pretty massive doubts about the relationship for I was relatively sure I couldnt survive in a poly relationship forever.
As it is, it didnt come up, and eventually he offered me monogamy. Which I gladly took.
In a lot of ways, he seems more geared towards it. He cant stand other guys showing interest in me, he loves being the one person I'm with, me being "his" and all of the things monogamous people feel. I am bisexual, however, and he is far more okay with the concept of that - in an ideal world, I'm sure he'd have me date a girl, and him date one too.
Most guys are naturally more polygamous, and most girls are naturally more monogamous, according to psychological studies, so this is normal.
He's seemed perfectly happy with a mono relationship, and lately we are discussing engagement and marraige, looking at rings, etc.
It was almost all but forgotten, us in a very happy relationship.
However, literally by accident, I saw one day that he looks at w4m casual encounters on craigslist online. This concerns me, because before me I know he had replied to ads like that. I quickly became very nervous, and though I know this is wrong, checked his internet history. It was filled with porn and w4m sites. I checked his email, and there was no suggestion he had replied to any of them, though obviously there is no way I could know that for sure.
I apologized to him for looking and explained how this made me feel. He told me that it was like porn, that it was harmless, but that he'd try to stay away from sites such as that.
However, I can't explain it, but with classes about to start up again (I'm 23 and in university) alongside full time work, for the first time in our relationship I will not be around as much.
About a week or two after what I found, I found myself stressing out, and doubting, and being overwhelmed by fear. Eventually the temptation became too strong, and I thought I'd just peek, real quick. Which I did, and sure enough, the day before, hours of w4m posts.
I became upset, and told him I looked. He was angry (justifiably) and said that I didnt trust him.
I guess, in a way thats true. I believe that people lie when it comes to getting what they want, and more than trust, I didnt believe that it meant nothing that he looks at this. It meant something.
I asked, and he said that he dosent like monogamy. That he would never cheat on me, but sometimes he'll look. Just look. That he fights for us everyday, fights against himself, and in some way resents me for holding him back from other relationships. That every day he chooses me.
I asked him if a day would ever come that he wouldnt choose me, and he said he didnt know how to answer that question. I said "You just did."
Flash back to months and months ago, I distinctly remember him saying "Its a sacrifice I'm happy to make." But that dosent seem true.
My question is this. Are we doomed? Don't jump to the negative, just consider this. What can I do, what can he, and are we just doomed as a couple? Can we get past this or should I stop this, now, before we're married?
(link)
|
I really don't know how to answer this one. Here's the thing. I think if he resents you at all for his decision to walk away from non-monogamy, it won't work. I don't know, but without knowing him I'd place my bets on this falling apart. That's just averages.
I don't really get poly. I have my own issues with sexual monogamy, but the idea of maintaining two fully intimate emotional relationships fills me with a horror I cannot even describe. I love my wife, not sleeping with other people who I'm not going to fall in love with isn't exactly hard to do. If he really identifies as poly, I don't think this is going to work because his emotional range is going to be set up to get what he needs from more than one partner and you will not.
I don't know. This is a highly individual question and I really just know nothing about him. Invested as you are this could go either way. If you're both willing to fight for each other I can't see how you can ask more than that.
You know, I can see it ending one way, where it never really seriously comes up and he stays committed. I can see it going another where he really just can't live life without that dynamic. I can see your relationship hitting troubled times and this being a fallback "I don't have to cheat to get my emotional needs met by someone else". I can see him claiming to be poly but really being a relatively inexperienced guy who just wants options because he's never had them and can't bear to let an opportunity get by because he'll feel like more of a man for adding one to his tally.
Odds are against you being happy. Sometimes I pay attention to odds, sometimes I don't. I would have said the same thing about my wife and I's relationship, we're happy. I know others I bet against who fell apart in spectacular fashion. It all depends, ultimately, on how hard you're both willing to fight for it and how much you can compromise for it.
I can't tell you now how that will work out five, ten years down the road.
Now, you asked me what you could do. What you could do comes down to what you're willing to do. What he's willing to do.
I'd ask him what he feels like he needs out of it. Is it mostly sexual, does he need the emotional intimacy? What would his ideal paradise he gets whatever he wants situation be, the endgame part.
It's one thing to be poly and dating, but eventually people generally settle down in some capacity. Does he imagine himself married to you and dating other women?
In my ideal world, my wife and I would have a close group of friends who we swung with. Separate, independent couples so that my wife and I could be married and have friendly BBQs that involved babysitters and 12 foot high privacy fences.
Where does he want to go with it, ideally? If it's too far away from your vision, I don't know. I can sacrifice the swinging and the privacy fences (ok, well maybe not the fences) in order to be with my wife if she needs me to. Jury's still out on that one, but if I never spend an evening with another woman besides her, I will not die disappointed.
Can he say the same? If not, I think you've got your answer.
And since I just ran across the same in the general questions list, I'll agree with Rahzie. See a therapist who works with couples sexuality before you make any big decisions. As young as you both probably are, I think you both need to explore who you are as people and what you need a little more before either of you gives the forever yay or nay to the relationship.
|
21 female
I've had sex once, and it was amazing. It wasn't with a boyfriend or anyone though. By anyways, after I had sex I freaked out making myself think I was pregnant for no reason. I'm on birth control, have been for years now and I always take it the same time. And I'd always always always use a condom BUT i just don't think I can calm down any time after having sex. I don't know why I'll always think something went wrong and I got pregnant.
Even if I'm with someone I like or even love, I still feel like I'd be like this. Does it mean I shouldn't be having sex then? Does anyone else feel this way? After I had sex for the first time I actually felt sick to my stomach because I was freaking myself out. (link)
|
You're 21.
Most kids lose their virginities during teenagehood. This has the interesting side effect of reducing worry, because teenagers think they're invincible and nothing bad could ever happen to them. By the time these teens hit your age, they've been having sex for years without worrying about pregnancy outside of missed period scares and the like.
You, just starting, are starting without that teenaged myth of invincibility. You're looking at it as an adult with an adults worries and without the surety born of having had sex a bunch and not having had anything bad happen to you.
So yes, it's normal. It should lessen as you sleep with someone you trust and care about, and as you get used to the fact that birth control really is 100% for most people when used correctly.
|
|
at my daughters school next year,(9th grade) in PE there will be a swim unit and boys and girls have it together? Why is this allowed? Wouldn't this make girls feel uncomfortable. Wouldn't boys use this opportunity to harass or humilate girls? Also, why are boys allowed to be shirtless in the presence of girls? Why is no sense of modesty maintained (link)
|
Yes, it is acceptable. No, your assumptions about boys harassing girls doesn't really apply to pubescent teens who are more likely thinking about sex than harassment. No, no one really cares about being immodest other than you or thinks that shirtless teenagers is a bad thing.
The world isn't what it used to be. More and more people are realizing that it's more important to educate kids about the world than to try to protect them from it.
This isn't the 50s when girls who were less than fully covered should never be within 20 yards of male vision. Society is evolving, becoming less uptight. You might want to do the same.
|
16/f/India
Okay so I am in senior year. Here 12th grade is VERY important..My admissions into a good college will be only on the basis of the marks I score in my "board examination" which is held at the end of the year. The papers are not checked by my teachers but by some other teachers who don't know me and are teaching in some other school. This is done to make the examination fair. The cutoffs for any college where i live (new delhi) are CRAZZY. I mean nothing below a 475/500 is acceptable.
I have Physics, Chemistry, Computer science, English and Maths as my subjects.
Im telling you all of this just so that you know there is a lot of pressure to perform well.. and I have to in order to get a good college.
Ive just been real distracted for a while. I don't know how to concentrate on my studies. I dont feel like sitting with my books. It is freaking me out because every day matters to me. Please help!!!!! (link)
|
Honestly, be healthy. Getting yourself into a routine which includes studying will help you focus.
8 hours sleep every night. 3 meals a day with a few snacks (fruit or something) whenever you can manage it. Set out your study time, study for half an hour and take a 10 minute break, then do it all over again.
The breaks during studying help your mind relax, past half an hour your retention drops if you don't let your mind rest a little bit. Get a movie you like, a book, something that will take your mind entirely off studying for a few minutes, then put it down and go back.
Plan out your studying so you can cover new material. The key to repetition is giving your mind time to go over something, giving it time to forget, then going over it again. Things will stick, others won't, and you can refocus on the less clear parts and pick those up. So like study chemistry for 30 minutes, read a book, then study english for 30 minutes, then read a book, then go back to chemistry and see what stuck and focus on what didn't.
Set aside time every night for fun and for work. You have to find a balance which will help you keep your focus while not spending too much time in leisure that you don't get what you need to get done, done.
That's the best I've got. Studying has honestly never been my strong suit, but this stuff is what others have taught me to try to improve my study habits. The problem is habits only get you so far, because in the end it's your ability to take a test that reigns supreme. You can know everything you should know and still choke on a test, lose your head enough that you can't focus and remember what you need to remember, think how you need to think.
You can know how to do calculus and still get algebra problems if you lose your head and forget to carry over or something. That's all about calm patience.
Go to bed early before the test. Study enough that it's not a problem, then wake up and have a good breakfast, something with protein. Give yourself some time to warm up mentally in the morning by going lightly over whatever you think you need to improve so that it's got one final application on your mind. Keep calm, take your test, do the best you can.
You've gotta just work on suppressing the worry. It won't help. Focus on something else, even escapism if you need to. The more time you spend worrying the more stress you put on yourself and the harder it will be to perform the day of the test. Lock it away, bury it deep down, let it out after you've turned in the test and walked out the door. That's when you can feel free to dissolve into a puddle of nervous worry.
|
|
So, I dated this guy for a few months but I've known him basically all my life. To put it simply, he's a horrible person. He loves to fight- I mean LOVES it. We didn't live in the same town so when he would go to parties on weekends without me (I had to work), he or his friends would call me saying I need to calm him down because he got into a fight literally EVERY WEEKEND. He would always instigate it, and he'd always win. He also was easily angered by me, and would call me a slut or accuse me of things I didn't do. So here's my problem: Although I broke up with him several months ago, I've noticed I have a horrible temper now. I think because I was always having to defend myself, or pretend I didn't care, or act like I was strong when I wasn't.. now I don't let anybody in. I don't know how to start caring more about the people around me. I used to think it was a good thing that I didn't take crap from people anymore, but now I'm starting to realize I've become cold and when somebody does something I don't like, I tell them. And when little things happen, I get way more heated than I should. How do I learn to calm down? And how do I learn to have better relationships with people? (link)
|
See a therapist.
The mind does funny things. In your case, it developed practically an entirely separate you to deal with the shit your ex could throw your way. New coping mechanisms and reactions to things that probably wouldn't have set you off before, new approaches to confrontation you don't like (defensiveness, anger, etc).
Working that out is a long process. I'd say a professional would be far more able to help with that than anyone here. In the meantime, work on that self awareness so you can catch yourself. And apologize when you fuck up or get heated, admitting you're out of line to yourself and others gives you some incentive for greater control.
|
|