teza's advice column

My name is Teza.. short for Tereza. I was born in Croatia and I speak more than one language. I'm 22 years old & I completed 2 college degrees in 3 years. My a bachelors is in Business Administration concentration in Human Resources and my Masters degree is also in HR.

I started this advice column about 9years ago and I was so young but it was something that I always loved to do. I am trying to get back to answering questions, at least a few per day. With that said, if you have questions about school, friends, make up, etc., feel free to ask.

Much love, Teza

advice

13/m I experienced love this summer and I hate it! No, it wasn't infatuation! I know infatuation, this is true love! Maybe I should start from the beginning:
It all started in science class. Or teacher was getting pissed so he decided to assign our seats boy/girl/boy/girl. Of course, I was paired up with the hyperactive freak, because that's just my luck. Immediately, I think to myself, "It's going to be a loooong year."
But she wasn't so bad after all. Time passed, we became friends. The teacher let us change seats, but the people in the front had to sit in the back and vice versa, and it still had to be boy/girl. For simplicity, we just sat next to each other all 3 times that happened.
Everyone made fun of me for it. I'm a geek and proud, and so obviously none of my friends had girlfriends yet either. Actually, only the jocks that girlfriends, and that was because of popularity and "Is she hot?". My parents and sisters were always having fun teasing me. One opf my best friends just liked embarassing me just for being friends with a girl: "Hey, (her name), you know what? You look like (my name)'s girlfriend!" Immediately, we both denied that and walked away. He just grinned. Immature!
As time passed, I learned to love her without knowing it. I didn't know what was happening---I was hoping really hard that I would be placed in a group with her, I was really depressed whenever she had to go... and over the summer I ultimately realized what life was like without her, and I realized that I needed her and that I loved her. So I told her how I felt.
She had recently gone through a painful breakup (I was jealous, she had already gotten a first kiss) with someone who had been one of her best friends, and didn't want to repeat that. Also, she got into a big fight with the popular kids and jocks and they'll do anything to get revenge on her or anyone close to her. And... she's still not quite sure how she feels about me. She said she was thinking about me when she was on vacation for 2 weeks... that's a good sign...
Asking her out really didn't work to well... and now not only have I been tormented by jealousy, rejection, love, and sadness, everything has started to remind me of her. It's been like that for weeks. The carnival? I took her there once. Billy Joel? His "The Longest Time" perfectly describes how I feel. Homestarrunner.com or even Monty Python? They remind me of her. I can't go through life just remembering her everything I do...
Last night I was at a friend's Bar Mitzvah party and I only knew two people there: my sister and the guy who was having the Bar Mitzvah with his brother. The guys who were having the Bar Mitzvah were surrounded by girls during the dances... from The Twist to One-Two Step, there were two girls for every guy, except for me. I wound up dragging my sister onto the dance floor for one of the slow dances... I was thinking the whole time, "Why can't this be the one I'm in love with? Why am I stuck slowdancing with my sister and doing that old making-out-with-yourself routine?" And furthermore, at one point the DJ had us play Musical Guys, where the guys were the chairs and to settle a tie on a guy, the first one to kiss the guy on the cheek gets to stay in. Two people sat on my leg. One of them just voluntarily got out because she didn't want to kiss me. Neither of them did. I can't blame them. But then I'm looking around the room, and some guys are literally smothered! Am I just doomed to be a hopeless single freak? Help me... please!

Wow, I think everyone who reads this will think that you sound like a great guy. You really do, and I know this is tough for you. You will feel like this for quite a while, and there is nothing you can do about it. You are in love with her and I think that's so sweet because you care a lot about her. Thats exactly what love is. I've been there and it didn't turn out to be so good, but at least I expirienced it. I know that you really want a relationship with her, but for now you just have to accept her decision. She is probablly confused and is really scared. She doesn't want to get hurt again. Trust me, girls get scared like that and are just afraid that another guy will do that to her. You can tell her as many times you won't hurt her but she will always belive in what she thinks and feels. Anywho, I don't think you should be upset. You are only 13! You don't have to expirence everything right now. You will get a girlfriend but it might not be exactly right now. You should be glad that you are best friends with that girl and that you both care a lot about each other. She doesn't have to be your girlfriend but you should know that she is always there. When the time comes, you will get your first kiss, first slow dance all those things. It feels great, but its better to do it when both people are ready. Don't consider yourself as a geek or loser, you are normal just like everyone else. Talk to this girl, tell her exactly what's on your mind even if you have told her before. I feel like she was leading you on, but I also know how she feels. You won't be single forever.. no way ! Just wait for that girl, don't search for her.