isis's advice column

I've been away for a while due to a serious illness and subsequent health issues.

Favourite quotes of the moment:

The children of Israel wandered the desert for 40 years - Even in biblical times men wouldn't ask for directions!

Humankind has not woven the web of life. We are but one thread within it. whatever we do to the thread, we do to ourselves. All things are bound together. All things connect. - Chief Seattle.

We spend the first 12 months of a child's life teaching them to walk and talk. We spend the next 12 years telling them to sit down and shut up!

As you slide down the bannisters of life, may the splinters never be pointing the wrong way.

May you be in Heaven half an hour before the devil knows you're dead.

I've been very happily married since August 1980 to a wonderful man and have beautiful twin girls, now aged 31. Both are married to wonderful young men and one of our girls has recently made us grandparents to a beautiful, smart and feisty granddaughter. I studied geology with the Open University. I am retired from being a manager in a large UK based insurance company which I actually quite enjoyed. (How sad is that?). I love anything to do with the environment and wildlife and try to do my bit for preservation and conservation. I would like there to be a decent world for our grandchildren to inherit. I also have CFS so find life a bit of a challenge at times but always hope for better health in the future.

I have a deep interest in the spiritual and the paranormal worlds, having experienced several incidents myself, and have been involved in meditation groups and groups that (safely) explore the paranormal. There is more to this life than we would normally credit, so an open mind is always the best option. You're not so likely to get caught by surprise!

I have a deep fascination for anything to do with Ancient Egypt, as you can probably tell by my name. I have statues and paintings all around the house. As my hubby has a similar interest in Native Americans, we tend to have a lot of unusual wall decorations, like a tomahawk.

I love cars, especially vintage ones, but my all time favourite has to be the Bugatti Chiron, what a car!

I have had a lot to do with animals over the years. I have fostered many, helped to set up a wildlife charitable hospital and raised a diverse range of young animals from bats to fox cubs and different species of birds, even a baby deer! I have had great pleasure in sharing my life and home with a number of animals over the years, most of them rescues. I am currently sponsoring an Amur Tiger, they are such beautiful cats and desperately need help, there are so few of them left. I was lucky enough a couple of years ago to meet some Aye-Aye's and Livingstone's Bats, a truly wonderful experience. We now have three cats, Oliver and Mollie, a brother and sister, he's a ginger and she's a tortoiseshell and a black and white called Daisy. She arrived in a taxi and was left on our doorstep in a cat carrier with the message that 'they knew we loved cats and would be good to her'. She has settled down well and gets on wonderfully with the other two.

If you have a pet that is showing ANY signs of illness or distress, please, please, please take it to a vet! Even if finance is an issue, work that out later. It is cruel to leave an animal suffering for any reason. Most animals do not show signs of illness until they have been ill for some time, basic instinct tells them it is a display of vulnerability, and certain death in the wild. Their instincts have not caught up with domesticity.

I do feel that we should all treat others as we would wish to be treated. Bad karma comes back to haunt us.

advice

This morning my mom was cranky and kept snapping at me to the point we had a a tiff. During the course of the fight she said; I know you ask questions about weight and other things on the computer, these people are not experts, I see what you do; (But she really does not see because I log out when she comes near my computer) And of course she and I went back and forth saying nasty things to one another. (But I like asking and getting advice on Advicenators and other websites like Advicenators and the advice makes me feel better.) SO MY QUESTION: If you were me (or even it happened to you) and someone criticizes the people that you get advice from online how would you handle it? I mean would you ignore, defend it or other (and tell me what the other is)

I would listen to the concerns being voiced and hopefully, make a balanced judgment based on that, and how much help I felt I was getting from the websites. However, as an adult, like you, I would be the one to make the final decision. I would then explain that whilst I appreciated her concerns, I am mostly happy with the advice I have been given so far. I would also let her know that it is a form of coping mechanism, enabling you to deal more easily with life.

However, I do think you should keep in mind that your mother is going to know you better than we do, and she is possibly feeling a little hurt that you are making us your first port of call rather than her. Regardless of age, mothers will also want to be needed by their children, it's not something we can just turn off. Also, keep in mind that you do have a tendency to repeatedly ask the same question in a variety of ways, maybe this is at the bottom of your mothers crankiness today? She's worried about you, she's not getting any younger and she's probably feeling powerless about helping you at this stage.

I really think you need to talk calmly to her and explain to her what you have been doing and why. Then decide on a plan of action together to find you more help.