Ask TheWallflower!

Advice Column | Ask a Question | View Feedback |

About TheWallflower



I'm the wallflower. I'm omniscient

But not omnipotent :(

Ask Me For Advice
View Feedback
Make Favorite Columnist

Member Since: March 20, 2007
Answers: 312
Last Update: July 14, 2007
Visitors: 16689


Favorite Columnists
theymos

Advicenators.com



Okay is the 2468 diet bad? I was thinkin about doing it.

Thanks

Cody

Going on a diet causes your body to burn up the muscle as well as fat.

Going on a diet also slows down your metabolism, so when you stop your diet, you'll gain all the weight that you lost back. Therefore, if you achieve the weight you wanted, you need to maintain your diet. If your diet involves not eating carbs, you won't have the energy to perform well at doing stuff(varying from school, sports, etc..) So basically, if you achieve the weight you wanted through a diet, and the diet involves a lack of carbs, which your diet probably does because of it's low calorie count, and you don't want to gain the weight back so you have to maintain your diet, you basically just screwed yourself.

Diets are horribly unhealthy and competely ruins your metabolism, in some extreme cases, your body ends up eating it's own brain for nutrients. Exercise and eat healthy if you want to lose weight.

[view]


well prussian blue are they really bad and from the kkk becase well i heard a song that popped out and it was pretty good its called ill bleed for you has anyone heard it? and can you tell me background information on them and are they really racisit?

Well...

They claimed the holocaust never happened,they said concentration camps had swimming pools and tennis courts, they donated money to Katrina victims and said there money was for white victims only, and they adore Adolf Hitler

They are cute, but they're also extremely racist.
Their voices also suck, and I'm not saying that because I don't like their political views, but if you listen carefully, their voices crack and go off key ALL the time.

[view]


Alright, I need to write an essay, and here's the prompt:

Write two or three news articles covering diffrent key events in the play, such as the assassination of Caesar, or the defeat of Brutus. Explain the causes of the events you chose in your reports.

well, I need some Ideas for key events, and hopefully not the Two given example. I also dont get the whole, explain the causes part, it needs to be like a page, is there any tips to just kinda pump up the essay and expand?

Key events:

Brutus deciding not to kill marc antony-reason was because he did not view him as a threat.

Marc Antony being allowed to speak at Caesars funeral-Reason was because brutus was dumb and let him speak

Cassius commiting suicide-believed he sent one of his friends to his death(I think, not entirely sure)

Brutus commiting suicide-war was lost, did not want to be a captive of Marc Antony

Angry mob formed-Marc Antony's speech caused the people to form a mob and start a riot.

[view]


I'm 5"1 female and I used to be around 87 pounds, but I put on about 8 pounds. I'm 95 pounds now, and the weight did NOT distribute all over my body.......it all went down directly to my thighs and it looks awful. The rest of my body is really skinny, yet I still have fat legs (my legs used to be long and thin......). I can't even wear my shorts anymore because it looks so gross.

What can I do about it? Exercising wouldn't do much.........the muscle would just take the place of the fat, and my legs would still look huge.

What makes you think muscle will just take the place of fat if you exercise.

if you run, you will gain more leg muscle, but you will lose more fat than you will gain muscle.

I'd recommend running about a mile everyday. Your legs won't look huge, the fat will be lost, and in the end, your legs will become more toned.

[view]


yeah i know i should drink lots of water.but i love juice is that still okay to drink if im trying to lose weight and i drink power-aid are thoughs alright to drink

If you try to lose weight just through drinking a lot of juice, it's not going to happen.

If you exercise for over an hour each day, it's okay to drink powerade, gatorade, or propel. If you exercise less than an hour, stick to water.

If you do drink juice, don't drink stuff like caprisun, drink 100% natural juice, no 10% fruit juice stuff.

[view]


i'm usually really good at giving advice rather than accepting someone elses.

anyway.
for the past couple of days, i haven't been able to eat. Yeah, i'm hungry, sure it shows, but when i try to eat something, it never stays down.
it'll come back up hours later and i'm hungry again. i know its not a physical problem. its more like emotional. maybe i'm stressed so i get sick and it comes up. sometimes i dont eat because i'm not hungry, and then i eat when i do.
i'm not anorexic and i'm not stupid.
i just want to know, why this is happening, and whats wrong with me.

Are you a girl?

In most girls, emotional problems affect girls eating habits. If you want to know the full psychological theory behind it, feel free to message me(it's long)

I'd recommend trying to fix whatever is bothering you. If you can't because the problem is completely out of your control, I'd recommend talking to a therapist to help you try to work it out. Try forcing yourself to eat if you can.

Don't let this problem grow. Bad eating habits are usually a slippery slope, chances are it'll only get worse. Stop it before it does get any worse.

[view]


my boo is going to court tommorrow.. he wanted me to come see him before he went but i couldnt because i have school and i wasnt skipping school for a boy, im not in love with him or anything but im too nice and so i really care about his feelings. he gets mad when i say i cant do 'this or that' or if dont want to do 'this or that'..(little things). i need some advice because i really dont know what to tell him for tomorrow...'good luck', 'it'll be okay' i dont want to sound lame or anything i just dont know what to say to him. by the way he's been to jail more then once and im 15 and hes 17

You sound like a nice person, why are you dating a guy who has been to jail more than once already?

Dating him is a bad decision and will only harm you in the end. I'd recommend not seeing him and finding a better guy.

[view]


so for 4/20 im hanging out with some friends
basically im not popular but i guess i sorta am i dunno how to explain it.
anyways for 420 me and 3 of my friends are hanging out with a few reaaaaaaaally popular guys which is pretty nice.
i dont want to do drugs becasue thats gross, but maybe drink a little. but i dont wanna get drunk. so i need advice for how to act drunk
and since ive never been drunk before, what if my mom calls i probabaly wouldnt pick up but like if you were drunk you wouldnt be able to answer normlally right?
thanks!

Ok, considering how you want to come off as cool, here's the real way to pull it off.

First of all, make sure they'll have alcohol or else you'll be probably forced to smoke weed with them. There is that possiblity they won't have alcohol with them because they'll be getting high(cause it's 420) and getting high and drunk at the same time causes you to pass out pretty much instantly. If they don't know that already, you should probably warn them.

Second of all, once they're high or drunk, they won't be able to tell if you are drunk or not. You could be perfectly sober, walk in straight lines, talk normally, and claim you are drunk. If they ask you why you're not acting drunk, just say you're not an idiot and you know how to handle yourself when you are drunk. Throw in a few things about building up your tolerance to. This might sound stupid to you, but trust me it'll work. I've been stoned, drunk, strung out, around my parents before and I was able to act sober. When I'm drunk or stoned with my friends, unless if we're totally shit faced(as in we will probably pass out soon) we could pass off as sober. Just remember to laugh a lot around your friends and that's it.

If your mom calls, since you are not drunk, just act like how you normally would.

But honestly, why would you want to pass off as drunk? to impress the popular guys? Don't do it, it's not worth. Don't be fake, be who you are.

[view]


So i'm the kind of girl when i was younger fell for older guys and everything they said..and i learned the hard way with those expierences. One of my boyfriends went to prison and so when we broke up it was really easy for me to get over that..because i never got to talk to him, see him, anything! so it was really simple for me. But when i was just a jr i started liking a sophmore, i took things nice and slow with him cause i had learned from past that would be probably be better. We got together a couple weeks after hanging out and dating. We had our ups and downs we weren't to serious at the beginning. As summer came we got really serious. We hung out every day we loved eachother so much, we did everything together went golfing bowling boating swimming typical things couples do when in love. and 8 months into our relationship we had sex. it was perfect. He didn't take my virginity but i took his. But i made sure it was what he wanted before we did anything. After that we were even more closer and even more in love..it seemed to perfect but it was reality so it was even better. we kept having sex for about 2 months then decided to stop cause he wanted to become clean so he could go on a mission..LDS thing. it lasted for a month. then we kept having sex after. everything was great. but then sex became everything to him not so much me. He was also very into smoking weed. It became an everyday thing to him he would ditch me for it..I cared that he did but I let him do it every once in awhile..but he lied about it a lot and then he broke up with me a month and a half ago. I was the one who had the harder time with it. he is fine..moved on likes another girl. but i can't get my mind off of him.. whY? why is it that i was his first love..but he can forget about me so easily? But i have the harder time..?

Sorry so long. but its hard to sum up a relationship of over a year!
--thanks:]

Well I'm going to be brutally honest, you might not want to hear some of these things by the way. Also, it's hard for me to create an opinion about people without first getting to know them, remember, everything I say could possibly be very wrong.

From what it sounds like, you're also the type of girl that falls very easily for guys, and often the wrong guys. As you mentioned, one of your boyfriends went to prison, and considering that you dated him before you were a junior, that must've been a very, very bad decision. You also picked a boyfriend who is a chronic stoner. Again, a bad decision.

Your question is why he can forget about you so easily but you have a harder time forgetting about him.

First of all, you mentioned your ex who can easily forget about you smokes a lot of weed. From my experience, people who smoke weed ocassionally are probably just the average teenager, people who smoke it A LOT have problems. I would know, I was that kind of stoner once and I know a lot of people who are. None of them live a happy, carefree life and I didn't either when I smoked. Your ex boyfriend also found another girl, this might have helped him get over you. But I think the main reason he can get over you so quickly is one of the two reasons

1. He's not over you, he's pretending to be.
2. He has problems wiht attachments and wasn't as attached to you as you thought he was.

Although number 1 is a possiblity, I'd say number 2 is more probable because chances, he has problems, and I'm certain he has problems because of the constantly smoking weed thing...and maybe because he is a mormon :). I don't know what his problems are, but I do know that they're big enough to cause him to develop a weed problem. Since he has emotional problems, that may have prevented him from getting as attatched to you as you thought he was. When you were with him, did he ever hint that there were things bothering him in his life?

Next, I think i know why you have a harder time getting over him. You genuinly fell for him. Even if you could, I wouldn't recommend getting back together with him because I think that he has emotional problems(which is reflected in the chronic stoner thing). I'd recommend keeping yourself preoccupied by doing stuff that would increase your self esteem(self esteem is everything when you're a teen). Stuff to increase your self esteem ranges from anything productive such as sports, writing, music, volunteer work, etc.. I'd also recommend dating better guys.

Sorry I couldn't help more, sometimes I wish I coudl say magic words that could make problems go away, but when it comes to something like this, the ability to make the problem go away depends on your decisions and how much effort you put into your actions

[view]


im about 5'2 and about 97 pounds, ive gotten pubic hair, armpit hair, discharge, boobs, ive gained TONS of weight, my hips grew. BUT WHERE THE FUKS MY PERIOD! dont tell me you dnt want to look forward to it! i kno! i just want to know why girls who weigh much less and are shorter, and less developed are getting there period. I was told that when you work out a lot you dont get your period, or it comes later, im on a track team, thats really intense, and is it that?? please i dnt want people telling me to be patient, i want someone who can actually answer who KNOWS for sure what there saying...quite possibly an adult, or someone older. becasue i HATE IT when people say dnt worry youll want to wait, itll take time, be patient, your just a late bloomer, whatever! I MIGHT BE!! but Y are people getting it SOOO fast.. i started growing all the stuff that i ahve a really long time a go, and just resently i got heavier and my hips grew[[few months ago]] but i have a frend who just got her period and she barely even has boobs !!!! she NEVER works outs, so should i stop working out, y are pepole getting it so early, and y have i had ALMOST all of the symtems of your period INCLUDING MIGRANES HEADACHES AND CRAMPS!!! for soooo LONG! educated answers please.

thanx in addvance, o and i really would like to know soooooon!

Girls who are shorter weigh less because they possess less mass. You would expect someone 6'5 to be heavier than someone 5'5. The same applies to girls, except girls who weight less aren't shorter, it's girls who are shorter weigh less.

You're also underweight. You're also physically pushing yourself because you're on track. Having a period means you are ready to have a baby. If you weigh 97 lbs, you are not ready to have a baby. But not having your period isn't necessarily a bad thing. But if you really want it, gain a little more weight

[view]


i have a friend thats really skinny shes 5'3" and 70 lbs is she anorexic? im worried about her

yes, she is anorexic. Call for help right away, she could literally die any day now. I know you might feel like you betrayed your friend if you rat her out, but if you value her life, do it. Tell a responsible adult. If you suspect her family starves her, call social services

That is ridiculously underweight, chances are her skin is pale, she has hairy arms, and she's stopped her period already. If she continues being that skinny, her body will eventually eat away her brain for food and she'll die.

[view]


15/f 110lbs
i know im skinny and i dont want to loose weight. i want to gain muscle without loosing fat. im worried if i work out that im going to loose the little body fat i have but i dont know any other way to gain muscle other than to work out. i mainly just want to build muscle in my arms because they're a little scrawney looking.

how much muscle do you want to gain? Gaining muscle usually means gaining weight by the way.

If you want to mainly build muscles in your arms, i'd recommend doing some type of tricep extention lift such as skull crushers and some bicep lifts such as hammer curls. If you want to build up just a little a muscle i can give you a really fast workout

1. Run 1/2-1 mile
2. Go do 4x8 of skull crushers with a weight you that you feel is heavy, but not impossible to lift. 4x8 means do it 8 times, rest a little, do it 8 more times, rest a little, etc... until you do a total of 32 times, or 4 sets.
3. 4x8 of hammer curls.
Drink a protein shake afterwards

This should take you no more tahn 30 minutes

Do that workout every other day.

The running 1/2 to 1 mile isn't necessary if you'r just focused on your arms, but it will make you a lot more fit and your butt and legs will look better. Make sure you drink plenty of water and eat 6 small meals every day. Also make sur you drink the protein shake.(that might also help you gain some more fat) If you feel like you've gained too much muscle or too much fat, just cut down on working out.

[view]


14/f

i have done everything sexually except for intercourse and well anal but thats just gross.
Now i dont wanna hear all the stuff about oh your too young. because what you say will not effect me.
i have had the same boyfriend for a good amount of time. i havent done anything sexual with anyone but him. now i would like to know if a doctor can tell that ive gotten oral, fingered, givin head, and all that stuff? because if they can im screwed. lol
answers please

Chances are the probably would not be able to tell.

Also, it might be different where you live, but I thought doctors HAVE to keep your imformation private, even from your parents.

From what I know, it is illegal for a doctor to tell the childs parent that the child smokes, has sex, drinks, etc... unless if the child's life is threatened by doing those or if the child lets the doctor tell them.

[view]


13/f and im mmy school has a record of a girl being able to do 963 sit ups . so far i can do 457 and i have 6 weeks to try and beat her record. i donth ave to but its a goal that iwantto accomplish . i'll put ofrht as much practice as i need. can someone please tell me if you think its p[ossible for meto be ablle to reach 963 sit ups . and if so how should o practice adn train. tahnk you sooo much !

It's not going to be easy. And if you want to beat it in 6 weeks, you might not like the results, you'll pretty mcuh be required to turn into a man woman.

First, run a couple of miles each day. I'd say about 4-5. After running those milse, i'd recommend 4x200 situps. 4x200 means first you do 200 sit ups. Then take a 2 minute rest, then do another 200 sit ups. Then take another 2 minute rest, etc... Do this until you have done this 4 times or 800 sit ups. At the end of this, do about 4x10 sets of leg lifts. Since you can already do about 450 sit ups, 4x10 is probably way to easy for you, do a 4 x something that feels right for you. Make sure the somethign is very hard, but not impossible for you. Lastly, get on a decline bench and do sit ups with a weight on your chest. Do 4x25 of those. i'd recommend a 10 lb weight at first, but if it's too easy, go up, if 10 is too hard, go down. At the end of every 2 weeks, you should go up 5 lbs with the weight. Make sure you also do crunches every night. HOwever many you do is up to you but i'd say 4x100. Make sure to stretch your abs after every workout and as often as you can(seal stretch is one example of an abs stretch). Also, if you have the time, take yoga classes.

When you are done with this, drink a high calorie protein shake. Also, every morning before you go to school, drink a whey protein shake. Also eat 6 small meals a day and drink a lot of water.

Whey protein shake
run
4x200 sit ups
4x ___ leg lifts
4x25 decline sit ups with weight
4x100 crunchesweek period borders the impossible, even if what
high calorie protein shake
Stretch after each workout and as often as possible

Do not do these everyday, do them 4 times a week. Also, take a 2 day rest before attempting to break the school record. Eat a lot of carbohydrates before to.

But honestly, going from 457 to 963 within a 6 week period borders the impossible. Even what I have just mentioend above does work(which is probably would, just might not over a 6 week period), your abs will look like a body builders; and since you are a 13 year old girl i doubt you would wnt your abs to look like a body builders .

[view]


what are some intellectually stimulating books

THE DICTIONARY!

Anything written by nieztche(probably have a spelling error, but he's a german philosopher that was very, very pessimistic)

Anything Freud wrote.

The allegory of the cave-Plato

Animal farm and/or 1984 -orwell

But seriously, the dictionary...

[view]


Your pretty good at this advice thing. And you told me what I've been afraid of hearing all along.. ( I just wrote you about "Steve") I was curious as if you think I should stop hanging out with him..or should I mention to him how much he hurt me in the past. I really am at a loss of what to do. I'm usually so put together, but he just rips me apart.

If you can, ask around and see if girls steve has dated in the past consider him to be an asshole. If he does have a reputation for being one, chances are he just used you and you should probably just stop hanging out with him and get over him.

If he actually is a good person, I would recommend trying to get together with him again, but if it doesn't work, dont let it tear you apart and get over him. Also, until you are completely over him, don't hang out with him.

[view]


i wasnt sure where to put this but here it is.. i hate my stomach because like.. since i'm armenian (heritage) i have very dark hair and i feel like the hair on my stomach is noticable.. i just hate it.. what should i do..?

are a you a guy or girl?

If you're a girl, shaving it or waxing it should pretty much fix it and you won't have anything to worry about.

If you're a guy, consider yourself lucky, girls like hair.

[view]


Hi,
So first let me give you some background information on my situation. In late November I started hanging out with this boy lets call him Steve. So Steve and I hit it off great, I mean he acted like he liked me so much. Everyday he would text me while I was at school ( I'm 16, he's 19) & then he'd call me right after he got off work and then he'd come pick me up and we'd hangout. Well this went on for awhile and then one day he asked me if i wanted to have sex..i said "no!" i wasnt offended i just wasnt ready for this..well about 3 weeks into our relationship i knew i wanted to have sex & so we did. we did twice and then over christmas i went on vacation. we barely talked the whole time i was gone and when i got back we hung out twice, haviing sex for the 3rd time. Well then one weekend I called him and he didn't answer..never called me back or anything. I didn't hear from him for 3 months.. During the time we'd hung out I liked him but I wasn't as crazy about him as I'd become until after he'd blown me off.. Well after 3 months I ran into him again.. and we started hanging out 3 weeks ago. He doesn't act as in to me, but we still hangout alot because we now have mutal friends. I'm so scared he's going to hurt me again.. I'm crazy about him. How do I get him to fall for me..?
p.s. his brother commited suicide a few years ago, so he has some hang ups about getting attached.. but i need him HELP!
-sorry this was so long...
--me.

If your question is "How do I get him to fall for me..?", I can't help you much. But from what I think, your problem isn't getting him to fall for you, it's you not being able to get over him.

First of all, are you sure you really like him or possibly love him? Or is it just teenage lust?

Second, I'm a guy. I know how most guys think. From what I can see, it looked like he used you. He had sex with you three times and then stopped talking to you. He's acted like a douchebag. Are you sure he didn't use you?

Now lets just assume he didn't use you, I understand since his brother commited suicide, he probably does have a huge fear of getting attatched because he wants to protect himself from getting hurt even more. That means he has his own emotional problems he needs to solve. If you really want to get him to fall for you, you might want to ask him how he's coping with his brothers suicide and help him overcome his problem with his fear of commitment(that's going to be really hard by the way)

Other than that, even if he is a wonderful guy and you are absolutely in love with him, as long as he is afraid of getting attached, you're going to have a hard time getting him to fall for you.

If you want to get over him, you need to stop letting him decide how you feel. For example, don't let the fact that he doesn't love you as you love him completely tear you apart. I know it sounds selfish, but I'd recommend focusing on yourself more than you focus on him.

However, if I were in your situation, i'd try to work things out with him a bit first, but if it doesn't work, i'd try to get over him before I fall for him even more and make myself hurt even more.

[view]


Some people get to be pretty, do everything right, be popular, and make it seem like easy work while others stress constantly over everything and life...this is serious ive considered suicide A few times and I need help. how do thet do it? be so well perfect

Life isn't fair, but there are ways to deal with it. A lot is based on perspective. Everyone has problems but they manage to find ways to deal with it, you can to. Besides that, I can't really explain anything without first knowing your exact problems.

IF YOU WISH

feel free to IM me. Send me a message and i'll send you my AIM username and i'll be happy to try to help you out.(I don't want to post my username for everyone to see)

[view]


ok ive never really been "skinny" or "fat" either but then suddenly one summer i just couldnt take it anymore! i was OBSESSED with being skinny. thats all i could think of.My parents are divorced so i would go out with my dad and he would be like hey you hungry?and i would say no i ate with mom,and i would do the same thing with my mom.they didnt notice...untill i started loosing ALOT of weight.but they didnt get all that worried.i just said im trying to stay "fit" i never made myself throw up though,i jus wouldnt eat.i stopped as soon as i started school again because i knew people would notice.the good thing was i was actually able to control it at the time.It just made me so happy how many compliments i would get and how much more guys started talking to me and liking me.And it practically felt like they were waiting in line for me.It felt good,but at the same time i felt that they just liked me because i was skinny,and i dont mean to be conceited or anything but im not ugly or anything. Now its happening again. My mom works late so she doesnt know what im eating or not eating. i just lie to her. This is so hard. Its seems like whatever! just start eating and youre fine.believe me ive tried. Oh you guyz dont even know how much ive tried to eat something..at least a banana or something,but i just cant.Would this be considered bulimia?My mom is very understanding and i talk to her about absolutley EVERYTHING.its just this one thing i cant seem to talk to her about.I have a boyfiend who really loves me and cares about me and i think he noticed my problem,so he asked me if anything was wrong and i didnt tell him but he told me that the first time he saw me he couldnt resist me because im alwayz smiling and lafing or making someone smile and he thought i was so amazing an that my body was no reason why he was with me.that helped me so much but im still...i dont like to call it starving myself,but i guess thats wut it is.The funny thing is im still the loud crazy happy gurl ive alwayz been,its jus this one problem.please guyz help me!i dont no wut to do with myself anymore

Whoa..whoa..

First of all, don't listen to everyone else. You may not necessariy be anorexic.

To be anorexic you should probably feel some of the symptoms, if you only experience a very small number of them or none at all, chances are you're not considered anorexic(although based on the information you have given, you are on the way there)

1. Loss of period
2. Dry, pale skin
3. Brittle nails
4. BMI below 17
5. Hair growing thicker over body(arm hair, leg hair, etc..)
6. Headaches

Anyways, there is evidence anorexia is genetic. But there is even more evidence that abnormal eating behaviors are because of psychological problems such as depression. I'd hate to be assuming you have some mental problems, but I'm going to assume it anyway. Problems such as low self esteem, or your parents divorce may be somewhat associated with your eating behavior. I'd recommend seeing a therapist to work everything out.

Eating disorders are a very slippery slope, i've seen countless girls start up starving themselves just a bit so they could look skinnier and within 6 months, they end up in a clinic. Don't become one of them. Send me a message if you still have any questions.

[view]




<<< Previous Advice Column
Next Advice Column >>>

eXTReMe Tracker