A quick note: If I answered a question and you have further questions for me, please include a URL link to your original question(s) so that I can be sure of what we're talking about. Questions that reference something we talked about a week ago that I can't quite remember are kinda hard to answer.
Welcome to my column.
I don't apologize for my answers. I speak to the audience, and in doing so I sometimes tell the audience things they don't want to hear or cant handle.
I believe in stands on principle. I believe that doing right for the sake of doing right is a good way to live. I believe in self awareness and encourage it in others. I offer the most unbiased viewpoint I have. And yes, I am only human.
Im going to tell you what I think you need to hear. You are not supposed to take what I say and follow it. You are supposed to take what I say and _think_about_it_
Oh, and feel free to ask me questions, but netspeak, ebonics, terrible grammar, and your teen angst about a crush will be ignored.
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Member Since: July 16, 2007
Answers: 2588
Last Update: April 13, 2014
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hi,im 17 an im still a virgin my girlfriend knows but i no she wants to have sex some time but i dont no what size i am i mean i dont wana have sex and put one on when my girlfriend is there couse it might not fit..what do i do? thanks (link)
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Buy condoms and try them on before hand when shes not around.
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alright so i have my period and my boyfriend wants to have sex, and cum inside me what is the chances of pregnancy if we do this? (link)
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TTA is an idiot. You cant place percentages on it.
As you hopefully know, your period is when the lining of your uterus and the egg you have released are being flushed out.
So, basically, there is an egg that can be fertilized and it may still be inside you.
Unprotected sex is not a good idea regardless of the situation.
Chances of pregnancy are high enough that you should not even for a second consider letting him have sex with you without protection. Im a guy. I hate condoms. They cut sensation down to about a fourth of what its like without it.
I still put up with it. Better to have sub par sex than to end up with a pregnant girlfriend when Im in college. And I actually COULD support a child if I had to on my own income.
That goes double for high schoolers.
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my cousin wants to know if having sex ok for a twelve year old, well she isn't doing it with a boy, just an object. Because her Vagina is hurting. She doesn't want anyone to know , so do you think it is bad? (link)
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This is called masturbation, and its relatively normal. Even for 12 year olds. Tell her she has the right idea at her age by doing it herself and not bringing a boy in.
Possible problems.
1) The object is rough. A common item young girls can use is a brush handle. Brush handles can be somewhat to very un-smooth. When used for internal masturbation (going inside her) it can rough her up.
2) She isnt lubricated enough. Even if the item she is using is actually relatively smooth, if she is not producing enough natural lubrication or is using something to lube herself thats not actually a lube, she can mess herself up because the inside of a girl isnt meant to be rubbed alot without being slick and wet.
3) She isnt grown enough. At 12, she is nowhere near done growing. That includes her size and how much space she has in her vagina. It is entirely possible that it hurts her because she isnt physically ready. Basically she could be too tight.
Id reccomend telling her to use her fingers. Fingers are more sensitive, and smaller. Theyre smoother as well, just advise her to keep her fingernails trimmed short and filed smooth.
Also, If she is hurting it could be a good idea to stop for a day or two and let herself heal, and to do less inside.
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What exactly is an internship?
(link)
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An internship is basically a job where you are learning as you work.
They can be paid or unpaid, but the most common form is an unpaid internship.
For example, if you are a student in college studying how to manage businesses, an internship might see you going to a bank or other business and taking a position as an assistant to a manager so that you can see how they work, and how problems involving the career you are learning about are solved in the real world.
A more advanced internship might see you actually being placed in a managerial position to give you actual first hand experience.
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13/f
I'm imature. Let's say that first. Second, I laugh whenever I hear the words, balls or get in there and stuff liek that. I mean I kinda know what sex is, but not exactly. I'm NOT asking for you to tell me. I don't want to know its gross. The problem, my friends know what it means and they think it's cool. It's gross. My friend writes poems about sex. i want to know what to do! I hate it when they talk seriously about this stuff. What can I do?! HELP ASAP!!!!!!! (link)
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1) Expect it. If there's one thing that kids love doing, its imitating adult behavior without any consideration of the consequences or intelligence in general. It will only get worse as you get older and idiots think theyre are ready for things.
2) You are right to think that sex isnt something you should really be worried about at this point in your life. Though, that doesnt mean that knowing about it isnt somewhat important.
If nothing else, purely for the sake of protecting yourself it would be a good idea to learn more.
www.coolnurse.com is an excellent resource website with a wealth of medical sex related facts. STDs, birth control, common slang, general advice, its all there and presented with a much more mature outlook than any of your friends will have.
3) You are not immature in the least. You are normal.
Immaturity, would be more like getting involved with something like sex way before you're ready and know everything you should know about it. Which, if im not mistaken, is what your friends do.
When you hit a point where you want to learn more about sex, do so. Realize that your friends arent going to know a whole lot more than you do. They take the knowledge they have, and pretend like its some awesome cool club to have that information, when in fact you could probably learn more than the sum total of everything they know in about half an hour of reading a decent medical website, and could probably tell them a number of things they are wrong about.
They are going to talk about it. They think that its "cool". They want to try to be grown up by talking about and possibly by doing things that they have no idea what theyre doing. Thats not maturity.
You have the exact right idea in not following them and imitating them.
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Whenever i shave down there, i'm unable to get a close shave without causing a lot of irritation later. Within 20 minutes of doing it, all the places where hair was get these ugly read bumps.
Also, how do i prevent ingrown hairs down there? (link)
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A beard trimmer with a couple of close shaving guards will solve all your problems.
Very short (like quarter of an inch) hairs are long enough to be soft. Using the beard trimmer means no ingrown hairs and no razorburn. And no next day shadow and stubble.
It keeps it down to a manageable level without having to shave. If you prefer it completely shaved, suggestions are brazillian or laser hair removal.
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So does love happen when you are not even thinking about it. I mean I see a lot of people that have love in their life and I wonder how did they get there? Is it all really planned out or do those people look for love? I just want to know if it's ever gonna happen to me? I'm tired of waiting for mr.right. I'm starting to think that he's not real. Maybe for other girls. not for me. I dont feel right going out with all the guys i have went out with. It seems to me that no guy out there is for me. No guys seems right. Everyone is just ugh! I dont know what to do anymore. please help... (link)
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Love is an interesting animal.
Honest answer, the easiest way to find love is not to look for it.
I say this because, simply put, you are compatible with a finite number of people in the world you exist in, and if you are looking for love then you stand a much higher chance of ending up with people who you arent really compatible with.
This happens because you keep ending up with other people who are also looking for love, and both of you are willing to settle for something less in the chance that "this might be the one"
So, Im going to share bits and pieces of my story.
I currently live with my GF. We have been together 2.5 years (actually a few months past that)
We started out as acquaintances. We became friends because (ironically enough) she would come to me for advice. We became close friends because she came to me advice (really ironically enough) about losing her virginity to her BF when she was in high school.
We had some distance for a while, due to a disagreement. Didnt talk for about 8 months.
Then one day, she IMs me out of the blue (having lost my phone number). We start talking. Both of us had had a string of bad relationships at this point. We decide that as we're both single, it might be a decent idea for us to hook up. We both wanted someone we knew and were comfy with... well honestly as a long term friendly sexual partner, because we were both feeling a bit deprived. Thats where it was supposed to stop.
Well, it didnt. We had strong feelings for each other, and though our first meeting was based on sex, subsequent meetings and conversations had us falling for each other.
Now, 2 and a half years later, she is living with me. We intend to get married eventually. We are steadily building the foundation of a good relationship and a future together.
Honestly, one of the first things that set our relationship apart was that we both recognized that this was a relationship worth work. We made agreements about fights and about solving them together. We talked about how things were going with us. We put in time understanding each other, and discussing things because we knew we wanted to do everything we could to make this relationship work.
For me, love is like finding the other half of you you didnt know you were missing. She is a part of my life inseparable from the other parts. I cant imagine my day without her, imagine going to sleep without her next to me, imagine staying up late watching Showtime series on our futon together without her, etc.
She belongs. Its that feeling of right you have been searching for. And its the mutual recognition of that right. We both know this relationship is what we want and we both fight fiercely to keep it.
And things like this have a way of just wandering in out of left field to smack you in the face. Every decent relationship I've ever had came along when I wasnt so lonely that I was out searching for someone to be with.
Its also worth noting that generally when you look for love, you alter your normal life to try to find it.
And by altering your normal life, you are basically changing your life to try to find people who arent really compatible with your normal life, because they arent IN it.
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Okay, so my friend and I decided to masturbate with a Banana too figure out the sensation it would give us. Is it safe too use it as a "masturbating tool"? (link)
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I would not reccomend using food for this purpose.
Honest answer, 20-30 dollars should be enough to get a cheap dildo and a box of condoms. More than likely you know someone old enough who would be willing to discretely purchase these for you. Its the safest possible way. And 30 dollars should not be difficult to come up with if you try, even saving a dollar a day out of lunch money or something.
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I am a 16 year old female. I like a guy who is 21. What do I do? I've been told he likes me too. But thats a big age difference. (link)
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While my girlfriend is now several years into college, theres a 5 year age difference. It works fine, but it does take a little extra work.
Ill be honest. Age is not just a number before the mid to late 20s. There will be definite differences in maturity and point of view. It will cause fights. You have to both be prepared to be mature about them if you want anything to blossom.
Beyond that, just remember that at 16 you are definitely not legal so check your state laws before either of you puts him in the situation to be chargeable with statutory rape.
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If you are like 13 or 14, isn't it kind of hard to actually fall in love? It kind of gets me annoyed when my friends say like "i would die without ____" or something like that. Very rarely do people get married to the person they went out with when they were that age. Do you think guys at this age just go out with girls for sex and things like that? Or are there some guys who will wait till your older and feel ready and really love you? (link)
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Its not that guys are actively thinking about these things.
Quite the opposite. Theres more than likely no thought at all.
A hallmark of young teens today is the complete lack of forethought before engaging in adult behaviors. Guys arent thinking about dumping girls or being jerks our marrying someone. Theyre thinking about how to get laid, and thats as far as it goes.
Most guys dont have the forethought to lie about love either. At 14 love is shallow. Love is "this person is attractive, finds me attractive, and is willing to let me touch them and smiles at me"
Things become quite alot more complicated later on.
To be honest, most of the guys who will wait till later and really love you arent even focused on girls and getting laid. Theyre busy with other things, because there are things more important to them than social status and getting laid.
If your friends think they're in love, leave them with their thoughts. Just know for yourself that its pretty much all BS and they probably wont last more than a month into your freshman year in high school.
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16/f, virgin.
I am going to be having sex soon and the guy I'm with is REALLY experienced... and I'm obviously not, I mean, since I'm a virgin. The farthest I've gone was being fingered.
Ok so he doesn't know I'm a virgin. While we're doing it will everything just come naturally for me? Is that how it is for most people? What should i do besides just lie there taking it? Does it typically hurt the first time?
ANY advice to help make this less stressful for me is appreciated.
(link)
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First, Im going to assume that this is a made decision, that you are fine with it, and as mentally prepared as you are going to be, and not unsure.
Im also assuming this is a nice committed relationship that isnt going to end any time soon.
Make him wear a condom.
What was that?
Oh yeah.
Make him wear a condom.
Thats just in case he tries to talk you into it otherwise. Even if you are on birth control, make him wear a condom. If hes sleeping with a 16 year old then hes immature enough to be willing to hide/lie about STDs. I can say that for a fact considering a friend of mine recently had alot of trouble in his life because he was 23 and lying about herpes he had had since HE was 16.
Anyway. Your dilemma.
A few tips.
1) Sex is a skill. This means that you must accept the fact that you wont know what you're doing at first and will learn. Be willing to take suggestions.
2) Ask questions. Ask him what he'd like you to do. If you dont know how to do it ask for suggestions. Try things out. Experiment. Communication leads to better sex, later.
3) Take an active interest. The fact that you havent had sex before should not make you freeze in place. Run your hands over his arms, shoulders, chest, neck, face, wherever you feel like touching. Pull him down for a kiss. Encourage him.
4) Dont be afraid of alkward elbows and clumsy clothes. Sex doesnt have to have a "maintained mood". Its ok to bonk heads and laugh about it. It happens to us all. And goofy sex can be fun too.
5) Information is fun. So is reading. Google can lead you to a wonderland of more specific technical instructions.
6) Key point. Sexiness. Most young women do not feel "sexy" often. And most young men are too inexperienced with the relationship side of sex to know how to reinforce a woman's ego and draw out her playful side.
So you kinda get stuck on your own on this one.
Sex is alot about attitude. The state of mind you enter it with can completely change the experience.
Following that, your attitude can vastly affect how things go. When one of you is obviously turned on, it will turn the other one on. Passions build. Things get more heated. Or one of you can be sweet, and it provokes that in your partner, and theres lots of kissing and rubbing and whispering "I love you" in each other's ears.
Realize that you have the power to control this. If you act like a sex kitten, are seductive, he will be seduced. If you feel sexy, and show him that he turns you on, he will be turned on in turn.
7) Dont be afraid to make noises. Just dont wake the neighbors. Aural feedback, whether words or just sighs and moans, encourage him and let him know when hes doing something right.
8) Dont be afraid to say no instantly if you arent sure of something. Better to say no now and figure it out later than to say yes and regret it. You can always change a no to a yes later.
Edit
9) The female orgasm. It took my girlfriend nearly a year of regular sex before we worked out the kinks enough for her to climax regularly and with ease. It took time for her to be relaxed enough, and for us to work out the specific motions and position required, etc. It turned out she can only come from one position.
So, if it doesnt happen, dont be surprised, and dont freak out. If it does, enjoy it.
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So at camp this past week this guy was like asking all these girls to be his gf and to give him blow jobs and stuff, and he kept on saying that he wanted to be alone w/ me, and whenever we were he'd be like "oo i think ur so hot let's get freaky!" then i'd be like "ok let's do it!" adn he'd be like "haha ur stupid." like he would get my hopes up and then just yank away the opportunity. What kind of a mental problem does this sound like to you? (meaning him)
it made me feel even worse about myself. I'm crying as i write this. I can't seem to get over this, it's like i'm taking it personally like he didn't want me just because of my appearance or w/e even though he already said i was hot.
:(
help.
(link)
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Probably because he was creepy but not actually balsy enough to go through with it. Most guys who flirt that overtly do it to hide their insecurities over the fact that they feel they could never actually get someone to do the things they ask/talk about.
And for the record, you and him not having sex is a _good_ thing.
Why on earth did you say yes and mean it?
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how can you make a guy your friends with benefits with,
see you as more than that,
getting him to like you?
tthanksatonn! (link)
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Show interest. Tell him youd like to be more.
If he dodges, its because hes not really interested in you outside of benefits, and its time to end it.
If he seems interested, see where it goes.
Theres really no better idea than the direct approach.
Though, usually if a guy is actually interested in dating, or specifically dating you, he would be, rather than being friends with benefits. Its far more common for a guy to be a friend-without-benefits and like you and want to be more, than for a friend with benefits to like you want want the same.
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hi
can u get pregant if u are on birth control and using a condomn and he ejacuateing in me and
i am from va and im 18 and a female (link)
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Im doubting the 18 part. If you cant spell pregnant and ejaculating Im going to hazard a guess at 13.
Yes. You can get pregnant.
No, you should not be having sex.
You are too young and not ready. You should at the very least be educated on the subject, so please educate yourself.
www.coolnurse.com will get you started. They have a wealth of information.
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Me and my sister really would like to have a DDR pad system in the house. Unfortunatly, neither of us knows anything about game consoles. whats the cheapest system we could buy to play ddr on? about how much would it cost? (link)
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A decent pad will be anywhere from 40-100 dollars (mine was 40 off Ebay)
The computer version is free and download-able
Search for "stepmania" or "dance with intensity"
The adapter you will have to research. You can get a pad for the playstation 2, and you will need an adapter that will let you connect it. Adapters are generally 20-30 dollars and allow you to connect 1 pad (the ones Ive found that work, anyway)
You want something that connects to your computer via USB.
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This isnt about me but its about my bestfriend and her boyfriend. She is absoutly sure she wants to spend the rest of her life with him. They havent been dating all that long but shes sure she loves him and would do anything for him. When they were together the other day they both started gettin very sexual and almost went all the way. she really wants to but shes scared of the chances on getting preagnet 1. can you get preagnet if your on your period? 2. when are you most likely to get preagnet? 3. if you use protection are you at high risk or any at all?
Thanks =] (link)
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1) There is a chance to get pregnant at any point in time. The body cycles but there are always possibities.
2) Ovulation is usually a few days long. This happens before your period (4-7 days before, if I remember, but dont quote me on that). This is when you are most likely to get pregnant.
3) There is always risk. Condoms are mostly effective. Im not going to throw statistics because some studies say 75% some say 85% some say 99%. Depends on who you ask.
Let me clarify that though.
When a condom does not break, it is mostly effective. If it remains completely uncompromised then its mostly effective.
If it breaks, all bets are off. Thats the risk.
I would advise your friend that she should not have sex. Im guessing you guys are 13-15, that is too young. Period.
At 13-15 you are at the beginning/in the middle of a period of emotional and physical maturation. You are growing. There is a reason why you are still a minor at that age and not out getting a job, getting married, etc.
You are still children.
Sexuality is fun and exciting, and its understandable why youd want to participate. But what people your age do not comprehend is the permanence of consequences. Having lived for 14 years doesnt give you enough perspective to realize the concept of "this could affect the rest of my life". Its abstract. You havent got enough life experience to even begin to relate.
Say no. Its hard. Its not fun. Its not cool sometimes. But its neccesary, because being 17 with a 2 year old, you will most definately regret. Possibly for the rest of your life.
Being 17 and a virgin with no kid and a future ahead of you, you will most definately not regret.
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16/f
I dated this boy on and off for 2 years. It took us that long to realize that we basically should't be in a tied down relationship. We developed what we call being "close friends". Basically, friends with benefits. But sweet stuff too, not just sex, sex, sex.
Well for the past month or two he's just been so blah. He wants to have sex everytime he sees me. But he never wants to talk before the fact. And I just realized that we never actually have a conversation on the phone. We're always either just silent, or saying boring things, or he just doesn't wanna get on the phone with me. And now I'm just like, wow, our "relationship" kinda sucks.
I talked to him about it but he doesn't understand. He thinks we can just chill together. And not talk.
But I'm like.. listen, if we're gonna have sex, we're gonna have conversations.
How do I make communication better? Or do you think he's just into the sex and doesn't wanna talk? (link)
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Basically, similar answer to the person below me.
He probably doesnt realize hes "using you" but that is in essence what hes doing.
The relationship has stagnated. Unfortunately for you, its stagnated in a direction hes fine with. Hes not interested in being tied down or mature enough to really handle a relationship, but he still thinks youre a relatively cool person and obviously doesnt want to give up sex.
Its probably not going to change. If youre happy with a relationship on his terms, then go with it.
If you arent, end it.
But the person below was doubly right that if you want a decent relationship and you hold out, you're probably just going to get hurt.
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I recently got back together with my boyfriend after a two week break. Out of curiosity, I flipped through his phone. He had mentioned considering hooking up with some one to see if his feelings for me were strong enough to allow him to or not. This, of course, entailed only a kiss according to him. Nothing further than that. As much as the information hurt, I understood that it could be indicator of whether or not his feelings for me were genuine.
On his phone he had engaged in a text conversation with a girl-friend, a day after we had agreed to stop talking for a while. In it, he was asking to hook up with her just "for pleasure," and "no strings attached," and telling her he had "obviously always been attracted to her." The messages included nothing about "wanting to kiss her to see what it felt like" in regards to me. He claimed to have asserted he did not want sex, and that she had initiated the suggestion of hooking up in the first place. He begged me to believe he had never wanted to say the things he did, and that he had been drunk and high that night when he said them, claiming to have not remembered them in the morning. He also claimed to have no feelings for her whatever while sober; even so much as dislike her. He also said he would have never gone through with it while sober, because it would have felt wrong for him. What I want to know is: should I believe the alcohol could make him behave that way? We recently got back together, and had two perfect and romantic days in a row. When we first kissed again, he told me he loved me with tears in his eyes. I know his feelings are strong and genuine. Should I forgive him for that conversation? Or is it something I should pay attention to? (link)
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"Two perfect and romantic days in a row"
You are putting way too much emphasis on a short and minor relationship.
Date him if you want to. But keep in mind that this is not a serious long term committed relationship, and you two dont sound old enough to even really understand what that entails.
Have fun, try not to get hurt, and be ready to dump him. I mean, its not like youre going to end up marrying some guy from the end of middle school/beginning of high school.
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Hi, ummm i need some help, my boyfriend and i really want to have sex, its just that he has had expeience and i don't. I am absolutely ssure that i want to take this step, its just that well, my parents are quite religous and so i am not tooo sure what actually happens in sex, how do i do it? I need some advice and tips. Can you please tell me what sex is... (link)
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www.coolnurse.com
That will get you started. Definitions, etc.
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19/f, 20/m. Basics: we were having sex, and I hurt him. Like, bruised.
He said it was because I squeezed too tight/too much, and there was like, no give on any side. I'd believe that, but how do I loosen up?
Could it also have hurt him because he wasn't hard enough?
We kind of rushed into the sex 'cause we didn't have a whole lot of time, but we've done that before and it hasn't caused problems. Only difference is, before this time he was always really turned on and really hard.
Is it even possible to bruise a guy squeezing too much if he's not hard enough?
If so, obviously the answer is more foreplay/teasing, more time to anticipate, etc.
What are some ways for me to loosen up?
I wanna make it up to him next week, and I DON'T want this to happen again. EVER.
Help me? (link)
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Hmm.
Women are not a straight line inside, if he is too short or the angle is wrong, its possible to... well basically to bend an erect penis. This can be anywhere from mildly to incredibly painful depending on how hard he is and how far it bends.
This happens most of the time when the man is prone on his back and the girl is on top, but it can also happen if, say, he pulls out too far and pushes back in but doesnt actually make it inside the vagina. Also can be very painful.
As far as squeezing, I dont believe its possible for vaginal muscles to squeeze so hard as to bruise a penis, and no if he was soft it would actually make it better rather than worse (a soft penis is very manipulatable)
Either you bent him (which just requires you to go more slowly) or theres something wrong with him that has nothing to do with you.
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