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Q: I am a 18 year old college student, a freshman of course. This semester I decide to stay on campus. I got a job and one day i meet this guy that is cool to be around as I thought. We started having sex with each other. Then I got pregnant in November, but I didn't find out to late December. I told him in January and he wanted to have an abortion but I am against and then he left this campus. Then he stop talking to me for a month. He is strong but this abortion. When I had seen him saturday night he say so horrible words about me. Then he said this wasnt his child. I do not know what to do about his approach to this situation. Last night he wanted to talk to me but I did not want to talk to me because all he do was yell and make bogus accusation about me. I want my child to have a dad but I dont want him to think that he rules because we have a child together. Am I approaching this the right way? Should I just tell him to stay out of my child's life? I dont even want his money. I just dont want my child without a father in his or her life. What should I do?

It's a million times better for a kid to have no dad than a bad one who doesn't want or can't handle the responsibility, trust me. You need to have documents drawn up for him to sign to release all parental rights so he doesn't change his mind and annoy you later, then never speak to him again. Personally, I think the right thing to do would be to give the baby up for adoption, because you have an opportunity here to really change the life of a couple who can't have kids, but if you have a family you can depend on for support then that's the next best thing. Good luck!

Q: I'm a 15 year old girl, who's confident and a sweet person. I feel really satisfied with my life.. I have decent grades, the best friends a girl could ask for, and a great home life. I have an empty feeling inside me though, because I don't have a boyfriend or even a crush. I haven't met anyone that's met up to my standards (which is basically funny, romantic, & polite) All the guys in my grade are either obnoxious and shallow jerks, or else gay. Any suggestions on where to meet guys?

A great many guys your age are either (as you said) shallow jerks or just don't care about girls yet, that's why I'm upset that there's so much pressure on girls your age to date. It's just not practical.

Now's a good time to just try to be friends with guys at your school and try to rise above the petty boyfriend-needing fads. So many girls just want a boyfriend so they can say they have one, not because they actually like the guy, that they're willing to settle for an unhealthy relationship. When you're 18 and go to college, the world will be dramatically different and guys will just fall into your lap. Until then, be cool with not having a boyfriend. You'll be a much stronger woman because of it.

Q: I use Spermicidal condoms. Everytime after I have sex it seems liek I'll end up with a yeast infection. I heard your suppose to "pee" before and right after sex. I do that and still I end up with a yeast infection more times than not. Do you think its the spermicide on the condoms or maybe an allegy to latex? If any1 else has had this problem what type of condom do you perfer? Thank You so much for your time!

Actually, you shouldn't be using spermacidal condoms. Although they seem like a good idea and are wildly popular in the US, spermacide is widely known to cause vaginal irritation that actually increases your risk of contracting STDs. For more info, check out http://globalrph.healthology.com/globalrph/15550.htm

Q: hello everyone.... jsut wodnering but what are how are you actually suppost to clean your vagina, and what with? and no not the feminine wipes i am tryign to avoid that humiliation

You should wash yourself with soap and water; there's nothing special you need for your vagina and you definitely shouldn't wash the inside of it. What's in your vagina is a delicate balance of chemicals and micro-organisms that are perfectly healthy. Douches, sprays and wipes throw that balance off. Don't listen to advertisements that tell you your vagina is supposed to smell like flowers or spring rain... it's not! Leave it alone, it's doing its thing.

Q: First I must say, right on sister! Your site rocks. And you're a feminist. That's cool. You take something as serious as this and add a funny twist to it. I like it :)

Anyway, for my question. I'm thirteen years old and I've already noticed that men and women are incredibly unequal. Men get the better jobs, men get paid more, men think they're cooler. I HATE IT! I feel I have to express my feelings about it. But when I try to talk to my family about it; to release the tension, my dad criticizes me. He's such a chauvinist, too! He works with models. THAT DRIVES ME INSANE! What do I do? Ignore it? Or set him on fire?

Well, you could set him on fire, but I think you'll find it more rewarding to just prove him wrong. Remember: both men and women enable the patriarchy. I think one of the biggest reasons women don't get equal pay or better jobs is because society conditions them to just not ask for it... we're supposed to be polite, not ask for a raise. We're supposed to be afraid of technology, not go to school for it. Once you realize you're a feminist (and you have... go you!) you've won half of a very big battle... convincing the men can sometimes be the easy half.

Q: Heeheehee, this is gonna be weird....I'm in eight grade (how old!) and I've proclaimed myself as the bigest nerd in tha school! I'm proud of it tho. But, lets get on the real stuff here.

Even tho i'm 13 (onli for lyk 3 months tho)...i STILL weigh only 70 lbs, and is 4'11. I've tried eating more meat and excerises a hell of alot more than i used to, but I STILL CANT GAIN ANYTHING!!! Not even my doc noe wat is wrong with me. I dunt wanna die from this....maybe it's mainly becasue of my metabolism and my abnormaly thick hair....

This is my first entry in anything, but i'm sure that i'll be bugging you alot more....

I'm not sure there's much you can do. When I was 13, I weighed 120 lbs, which sounds like a lot but I was six feet tall too! I weigh over 150 now and I'm still pretty skinny... 120 was nothing. So anyway, you won't die, it's normal. If you want, try eating foods that are high in fat but good for you in ways too, like peanut butter or avocados.

Q: I like to make avatars, but the only program I have is Microsoft Paint, which is worse than a hammer and
chisel. I want to make the images change and text
flash across the image and all of the technical stuff that really makes an avatar looks good, but I don't know what software to get. Do you? Or, possibly, a site which could help me do so?

I use the GIMP, which you can download for free at http://www.gimp.org. It's an awesome program! There are gif licensing issues with it, but you can make bmp and jpg images. It lets you work in layers and do cool gradient and button effects. It's all I use and it rules!

Q: ok welll i have this friend and she lives like in a totally different state from me. the reason i know her is because she and her family come to visit thier relatives which are our neighbors alot. well see shes got this brother.. (who shall remain nameless) but he is sooo hot! and hes just awesome all together. hes such a good person and he makes me laugh like all the time. but see sense he lives so far away its hard for me cuz like when hes not here i do fine and when he comes back i never want him to leave then when he does i get like all depressed. see cuz when they are here i hang around wit his sister alot and so basically im around him alot. i think he might know i like him but im not sure, well like i lil while ago his sister told me he has a new girlfriend. and when she told me this like everything inside me just like shut down.. i just cant stand the thought of him hangin all over some girl. What am i goin to do?

You're going to have to learn to deal and get over it, sorry to say. Long distance relationships are a real pain in the neck. Try to focus on little annoying crap you don't like about him (does he have dirty fingernails? does he blink too much?) to get over your crush.

Q: i'm 16/f. is it okay to date a guy that's younger than me? i like this guy but hes 2 years younger than me, i'm a junior...hes a freshman. Thanks guys!

As long as you're at the same station in life (ie, both in high school) I think it's fine to date people 20% of your age. So sure, go for it!

Q: Ok im a 14 year old girl that needs help! i cant wear tampons. ever time i try to put one in it doesnt go in all the way or it hurts. I've tried many times and its just not happening. THis is the problem. Spring break is coming up and im going to florida with a bunch of ppl, Just my luck its the same week as my period. I mean i cant wear a pad with a bathing suit! nd plus there are gonna b tons of hot guys. I cant talk to my mom bout this kind of stuff bc i live with my dad and i never see my mom, and i dont have an older sister. pleaseeee help

What kind of tampons are you using? Make sure you're not getting super absorbancy ones, because those will be a lot harder. I'd recommend Playtex Slimfits... they're not the cheapest out there but they're very small.

Your school nurse might be a good person to talk to about this too.

Q: for the last few nights ive been wking up really early for some reason. i havent changed anything at all. ive been going to sleepa t about 11 for over a year now but for the last few days ive been waking up at like 4:30 insteadof aroudn 8 or 9 like i should be (im in college) anyone wana offer an explanation? ill rate high unless you piss me off.

A lot of people go through weird phases where their sleep patterns change, so my guess is that this will go away in a week or so. just in case it doesn't, make sure you're not drinking fluids late at night before you go to bed. You can also try messing with your pattern in ways you can control... go to bed later or earlier and see what that does.

There are usually some really fabulous radio shows on at 4:30 in the morning, so this might not be all bad.

Q: how did u get that layout

I have a paid account, so I can make up my own layouts and I made one that looked like my website.

Q: "My advice is to make sure you're darn good and emotionally ready before having sex. If you've never had oral sex or been touched, you're far from being ready. The emotional trauma of having sex for the first time too early hurts a lot more than actual penetration."
That is not good advice! It's good that you acknowledge the emotional factors that a woman has her first time, but giving the advice that you need to have oral sex first is incredibly bad advice!
If a woman abstians till marriage she can certianly handle the emotion of her first time plus It will be a much better emotional bond between the two virgins.
Maybe that's why virgin brides are more likely to stay married!
Is it dumb to think that someone will wait till marriage? Well, I'm a 26 year old virgin you tell me. I get all kinds of questions all the time and actauly women (most of them non-virgins) are very open to talk with me about this. You'd be surprised how many of them tell me they wish they would have waited.

You don't type like you're 26.

Q: I was hoping to start my own non-profit organization. I have all the details worked out, and as soon as I find a name I like I am going to buy my domain. However, as I started to reasearch deatails a little more I noticed that you have to get all the papers filled out and stuff and get the org. government approved. I was wondering if anyone knew what is the 1st step to starting one, and to whom I need to speak with. Thanks -Free2bMe :)

Anyone can buy a .org domain and say they're non-profit, but it's probably a good idea to register with government offices so you can be official about it and even apply later to be a tax exempt non-profit. Rules are different depending on what state you're on, but it's going to take a while for your tax exemptions to go through (think years) so it's a good idea to make sure you read the rules carefully now. http://www.nonprofits.org/ is a good resource, and they even have some state-dependent information.

Q: I clicked to answer a question, but it keeps telling me I've already answered the question, and showing me someone elses answer to edit. So far it's only happened for one question, but what is going on?

log out and log back in again.

Q: does thermasilk work if you let your hair air-dry then straighten it ?

It works just like any other hair product would. In fact, the whole "therma" idea is a marketing ploy - it doesn't really have magical heat activated properties. If you read the ingredients of it, it's just like any other hair product. I think the whole thing is fairly amusing.

Q: hey i have a 4 month old beagle and he bits on EVERYTHING..especially people! i mean i know he's a puppy and he's teething but we bought him like 1000000 toys and he only chews on them when he wants to play? we give him frozen vegetables but that doesn't work either? Is it gonna go away..cuz I dont want an agressive dog! Also are there any tips to help him not bite as much?

he won't be aggressive, he's just playing. puppies chew. hide ALL your remote controls for the next six months, and get a cat! cats are stupid animals, and I think it's funny when puppies chew on them.

Q: This guy and I have been talkin for awhile now. We like each other. The only thing is that he is a sophmore and im a freshman. He doesnt like to hang around me when im with my freshman friends, and vis versa. Well today, we had a game (we do the same sport) and he didnt even come say hi to me. Then later i found out that he felt up another girl. I still like him, but i'm kinda pissed. Where not dating so maybe i shouldnt be, I just dont know what to do or what to say to him at this point. I'll rate well

just be cool and try to be his friend. it's not that big a deal if he's just a grade higher... it just seems like a big deal because you run in different circles.

and don't believe everything you hear about people. there are less sophomore guys who get to feel up girls than you may think... they talk tougher than they are.

Q: weLL i LiKe ThIs DuDe and i dont know if he likes me but we are talking and he was supposedly in love w/this other girl and he asked me 2 go 2 the movies las nite but i couldnt and today he "chilled' w/the gurl that hes in love with!! GRRRR!! i hate guys that just talk or w/e!! what do you think?

screwy freakball guy who isn't cool! how dare he say he wants to go to the movies with you and then turn you down? he's scum, toss him!

Q: okay - i know HOW to lose weight but i have no willpower and a major sweet tooth lol ne advice on how to stop snacking??

eat more dried fruit, it's good for you!

bio

I've been in the advice column over five years now so I think I've pretty much heard it all... the love, the hate, the random insanity. I don't take it too seriously, so I'm not always giving the best advice, but my column is fun to read!

I am a 23 year old electrical engineer, a feminist, a Christian. I don't know everything but I can sure pretend to.

Disclaimer: Now that I'm on advicenators I'm getting even more questions every day. It's fast and easy for me to answer them, yes, so at least I'm answering something now, but if your question contains the words "there's this guy that I like..." chances are I won't get around to it. I'm only answering interesting questions that I haven't answered before. Register at the site and ask everyone for advice if you must have an answer, because if people read my column and boring love advice was all they found, they'd never come back.