about

You see that man in that picture? That is me. I'm metal as all holy heck and I will give you answers so metal, you'll grow a beard. Even if you're a teenage girl.

So throw a question my way? "I like this guy and this guy, what do I do?" PICK THE ONE WHO LIKES METAL! "I've been feeling depressed lately, what should I do?" LISTEN TO SOME METAL! "I need help with my pre-calc homework." THE ANSWER IS METAL!

I can handle it all, I will not shy away from any question. May the metal be with you!

advice

16/f
white

my favorite book is perfect chemisty by simone elkeles. its about this white girl who seems like she has a perfect life, falls in love with this latino bad@** who acts like he can't be hurt. its a cute book.
i love latino guys and i want to know what are other books that are of a latino and white love story

A book that enforces racial stereotypes, how wonderfully racist!

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Im in a group of friends who constantly talk shit on each other, myself included. how can I change or influence a new group dynamic?

You suck it up. If you don't like it, find new friends. That's how me and my friends are and we do just fine.

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15/f

There's a guy I know, he's a couple years younger than me. He kinda acted like he liked me in the past.

Anyway, he has a girl he seems to be really good friends with, and whenever the group we're in goes out to an event and that girl is there, she's all over them. He doesn't seem to mind, really, until she was holding his hand, fingers laced and all, and he let her go and moved away.

The whole night I was kinda alone and a few times he would sprint over and give me a high five or see how I was doing or hold up his hand for a high five but really we'd just touch hands and he kept it there a couple seconds.

He and I are just friends, but he hasn't done anything like that in ages. Was he just playing up our friendship to make that girl jealous, or am I too worried about being used?

All insights, even "You're stupid" are appreciated. :)

How about an, "I have no idea what the hell you're talking about?"

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Ive liked this boy for a long time , we have been talkin for almost 4mnts , we never had sex or anything , he says he likes me & he wants to have sex & i do too! He.always say hit him up wem i have time , but he neva anwsers his txt or calls , i even offered to just suck him off & he even procrasanatef wit that too . But he always say i play too many games ,

Maybe your lack of understanding the English language is turning him off. I'm still trying to figure out what procrasasanatef is.

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How do you get a bigger butt?

The only way to get a bigger butt is to have scientists alter your DNA to make you black.

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If a guy cares he would do anything right like when he used too but we never went out or stuff but didn't last long... Long story he asked me back and we started talking was shitty but then he just didnt talk to me text so I was like sad over it but than week later he texts me at 3 am asking wat am I doing ya probably a booty call but we live an hour apart I saw that text and I was pissed but kinda happy it got me crazy cuz I did not reply.. So I just assumed it was a drunk text. 12 days later he texts me what's up girl I got the chronic if ur interested, smiley face. He don't smoke but knows I like too and still I have not replied been few days. Yes its killing me and shit.

I'm assuming you get a period monthly, so you should be able to use them once and awhile.

Ugh, if he's a jerk who uses you, and you know this, the answer cannot be that hard! There are guys out there who are not jerks. Go after them for once.

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Hey there....Thanks for taking the time to read my question. Anyway i'm 16 years old and i live in Georgia. I want to get my learners permit. Do you know what i have to do and the papers i need to get..just stuff like that. I'm also homeschooled if that makes a difference. Thanks:)

It's usually a written test and a birth certificate is usually needed, since most 16 year olds don't have another form of ID. Other than that you don't even need to know how to drive to get it. Oh, I hope you have parents or guardians because you'll need them too.

Check your local DMV, they usually have things you can read before tests.

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i want to know if he love me to

You need to give a lot more information about this guy. His relationship status, the relationship you and him already have going, his social status, his hair color, his penis size, his social security number, boxers or briefs, and most importantly, does he like men or women. If you can provide most of those details I might have an answer for you.




*Disclaimer* It should be known that giving out someone's social security number is wrong and illegal. If you think that sending a piece of information could lead to the arrest of myself, yourself, or dangernerdsself, don't send it.

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My friend is really out of shape. She's very uncoordinated, so she doesn't play sports. Almost all of her time during the summer was spent sitting in front of the TV. I've tried to get her motivated to do some excersize, but she won't. She gets stressed easily and she gets frustrated easily, so I think thats a part of why she doesn't want to excersize......maybe because she'll get frustrated when she can't do something. Sometimes I get a little worried about her because she is so out of shape....I don't mean to be rude when I say that....but it's true. How can I motivate her to live a healthier lifestyle by excersizing without nagging her and sounding like I'm being bossy?

You can make suggestions, you can go around and be the super caring helpful friend, you can buy her a gym membership, you can make her a meal plan, you can personally move her fucking legs so that a couple calories are burned, but if she doesn't want to do anything, she's not going to. I understand it's part of our nature to care about those close to us, but if she's stubborn, all you can do is wait. Maybe she'll come through and she'll know you're the one to go to.

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What is the most painless way to commit suicide

Answering this would become the most painful way to get a lawsuit slapped on my ass. Fact of the matter is, there is no such thing as a painless suicide. Sure you might find a way to make it painless for you, however, think about all the people you are affecting. Your friends, your family, everyone you know will have to deal with your death because you were too selfish to get past a couple minor problems in your life. I guess if you really need an answer, the only painless way to commit suicide is to have no one who cares.

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So, i think quite randomly, and this is only for guys around 14-15, but what are the little things girls do that you think are cute? long eyelashes? The way they walk, talk, what? i've heard so many odd answers like- pedicures, and that a girls shoes always fit, so what is what you like (not sexual)

When girls slay bears with their bare hands.

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I wanted to know (what does it mean when you poop with blood when you go to the bathroom>?

It means get off the computer and see a doctor, unless of course you think this is normal.

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One of my friends has a facebook banner (on facebook, obviously) of the scene aesthetic. I went to fbanners.com 'cause I wanted it, but I couldn't find it! they told me they got it from that site.. but I can't find it!

The obvious answer is that there is a global conspiracy against you having your way with your Facebook. I suggest wearing tin-foil hats from here on out.

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Me and my boyfriend had anal sex and it slipped into my vagina. Can u get an infection from it?

I'm pretty sure that you can, nasty stuff lives in your butt. The more important matter here is that I'm jealous of your boyfriend.

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So I'm in college and a female. Occasionally I see this guy at parties or at the gym, and he's really really cute. Well my roommate and I were in foot locker and we run into him there because he apparently works there. We talk to him andi asked him if he went to our school cause I've seen him around and he says yeah then asks if we were going to the party tonight. Long story short we see him at the party but I chickened out from asking him to dance. He remembered us, but I find myself interested in him, any pointers in what I can do to get to know him without being a creeper? Thank you!

Stalk him from afar until you know so many details about him that you feel like you've known him for years.

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okay i jus got a cute puppy but idk what to name her , i dont have a picture but ima try and descibe her the best way i know how .. she is light brown with white paws i and i pink lil nose im not sure what kind of dog she is but she doesnt get big at all she gets bout the same size as a shitzu.

Name it SillyRob!

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Okay so last semester I was hooking up with this one guy. It kind of fizzled off right before winter break. I want to start this up again, but I have no idea how. I don't want to be obvious about it, but I feel like asking him to come out to a party over the weekend is. Help please!

Give him a map that leads right to your vagina.

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why do apps on ipod touches cost so much like the texting app

Why does stuff in a store cost money? It's a product that someone made and wants to make money off of. Also, Apple charges $100 a year to put apps on the market. Making it free would lose money!

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Ok.13/f
I have a bf and i loved him so much.I still love him but i dont know if he still likes me.
I get signs sometimes that he doesnt like me.

Most Times:
He always hold my hand.
Want to go out with me.
Wants to kiss mi.
Wants to share food with me.
Invites mi to come by his house with him and his parents.
Always watching me(Sometimes i might be on my black berry and he just stares at me and when I look up he looks away).

Sometimes:
He teases me (Like if i wear something he doesnt like ,Its ugly)
Talks about hot girls around me(Well i talk about hot guys around him)
...
Idk ,Does he?

You get the sign that he doesn't like you because he does the same thing you do?

Maybe you don't like him!

Sigh, I think if you'd look over your "most times" column, the answer would be clear to you.

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Me and my current boyfriend have been dating for 7 months and things are good. But recently I've been talking to my ex a lot and we even ended up kissing. I think I'm starting to fall for him again. What should I do?

I'd say kiss your boyfriend again, then figure out which one is a better kisser and choose him.

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