I am a father of three, girl, boy, girl, all are now over 18. I have been married for 29 years as of 6-30-07, so yes, if you do the math I was married at 18, just after graduating high school. I am very aware of the pit falls of doing so, but we made it through the really tough times. I came to this site, because of my daughter, she also uses the site.
I am an author and have written three books, only one under this name, but it is not how I make my living. I am in business, working full time and I have a seasonal business in ponds, selling Koi, goldfish, water plants and supplies. I help people to plan and build ponds, as well as, maintenance if they need it.
I am not here for the ratings and could careless what you rate me. I will tell you things I know, I will tell you what you don't want to hear, but most of all, I will tell you things from my perspective. I have experienced a lot in my life, I have not lived with my head in the sand and I'm a realist, you want someone to blow smoke up your as*, don't read my writings, (I don't do fairy tales).
I am not so foolish as to think I am always right, I can only tell you what I know and give you something to think about. It is up to you to find out if I'm right or not.
Life is complicated, because people are complicated and one answer does not necessarily fit all, but that doesn't mean you should not consider what I say as a possibility.
Feel free to write me personally if you wish, there is only so much you can say in such a restrictive environment as this site is, it doesn't allow for proper conversation.
Thank you for coming to my column and giving me the chance to help.
E-mail: gibber@cableone.net
Gender: Male
Location: Minnesota
Age: 53
Member Since: May 14, 2008
Answers: 285
Last Update: March 27, 2013
Visitors: 26930
Main Categories:
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My name is BLANK and I need help. I am about to be convicted of a Federal Crime involving bank fraud from 1999. I lost my girlfriend, two children that I love, my job, and have no money.
I am an idiot and still have not learned from all of lifes mistakes.
I am in such pain and want to commit suicide. Please help me. I am in such pain. Just provide me with a way to commit the detergent suicide and end my life painlessly.
PLEASE HELP! (link)
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I am always amazed by Human Beings that mess their own life up, then blame their god and want to bail on top of it. You did this, not your god, not your girl friend, not your loved ones.
Your girl friend did not abandon you, you abandoned her. She counted on you to be there for her until the day you died and you blew it. I understand her anger, I don't understand why you can not.
The Human Being is made up of two distinct and separate things, The Human animal and the spiritual Being. You have been living your life allowing the animal to control, catering to what it wants. The animal does not know wrong, it is selfish and uncaring. The spirit brings the love into the equation and therefore the understanding. If you allow the spirit to control and listen to the spirit, the desires of the animal don't have the power over you they once had, nor will money have such a power over your life that you are willing do evil to get it.
I'm sorry I don't have a tear to shed for you and what you have got yourself into, but I feel for the spirit in you that has not been able to get you to recognize it. The spirit tries so hard, but the animal has it so easy and often religion does not help.
Most religions, like Christianity, preach that god will forgive your sins no matter what. People who live by the animal, (trust me, most people do), take this as a free ride to do what ever they want. What bothers me about this is, that in thinking this way, they are believing that god is stupid.
That is their god, my god is not stupid, he recognizes when people are honestly trying to lead a righteous life and stands behind those that do, those that don't, he attempts to lead them to that through hardship. When you choose the wrong path, wrong things will start happening, this is god and life trying to tell you you are making the wrong decisions. You can not fool god and life, get on your path and right now that path leads to jail. Take the fate you have brought yourself and change it. Your life will change as you listen to the spirit and start to live a more righteous life.
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Hi! this is kind of an odd question but, I'm a 15yo female and I was wondering do guys mind pubic hair?
Like, is it normal to shave it all off down there? Do guys prefer that? Or does it not matter. I'm kinda worried cause if I'm ever in a situation, i wouldn't want the guy to be grossed out by tons of hair!? Thanks in advance! (link)
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Depends on the guy, some prefer one way, some the other. Don't worry about it until you find a permanent guy and find out what he prefers. Shaving it is kind of a pain, you may prefer not too.
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My boyfriend and I have been together for a long time and I love him to death, but when it comes to the bedroom, I don't know what to do. Basically, he isn't circumsized, and all the other guys I've dated are circumsized.
I don't want to sound mean, but I am completely unattracted to his penis. When we do sexual things together, I don't even like to look at it. I feel horrible when I say that, but it's true!
I've looked into getting him circumsized and the procedure is simple. Many men who have gone through the procedure left comments saying that they're glad they got it done.
What do you think I should do? Persuade him into getting it circumsized..? I am clueless. :( (link)
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Don't try to persuade him, try asking him rather nonchalantly, "Have you ever thought about getting circumcised?" After he is done wincing from the thought of the pain, maybe he'll say yes and open the dialog with you. There are pluses to it, the penis becomes less sensitive and he will last longer during sex.
Plant that thought in his head, maybe he'll look into it after you do.
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where can i get those professinal microphones that RECORDING artists use ?
well it desnt have to be ""PROFEESSIONAL"
BUT I WANT THE ONES WITH THE LITTLE CIRCLE BEHIND THE MIC TO ERASE THE PUFFINESS OR BREATHING FROM YOUR VOICE
SO WHERE? i want it cheap im only 15 (link)
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They are never cheap, but try a good music store that sells guitars, keyboards etc..
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for the summer i want to have a book i can read like while im tanning or somethings.
im 15 soo nothing like too kidish or like whatever. :)
umm so have any ideas on some good books :) ? (link)
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Try "The Vegetable Stand", by Rick Gilbertson, or "The Swords of Mar", by Gilbert Mar. Sorry, couldn't help it.
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There is this boy that goes to my school and he always flirts with me. I am in the 7th grade, and I've liked him since 4th grade. Well; Friday night I finally told him I liked him. MAJOR MISTAKE--> he has a girlfriend. He DOESN'T care about his girlfriend, the only reason he is going out with her is because the first time he dumped her, she wouldn't quit crying and he felt bad. But we were hanging out the whole time at the dance on Friday, and he was MAJORLY flirting. Well, school is out this Thursday, and I'm REALLY IN LOVE with him, what do I do?! (link)
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You don't love this guy, you lust for him, there is a difference. Put this on the back burner and don't tell him nothing about dropping this girl. Part of being an adult, (and that is what you are trying to learn to be), is knowing how to handle your emotions. This boy needs to learn how to handle this and he is not on here asking for advice, you are.
Drop this and get out, you don't need the drama. Tell him you made a mistake and you no longer want to get involved with him right now.
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Okay,
I have this guy friend from High School whom I never really knew very well but we spoke here and there. It's been four years since I've graduated I haven't seen him. He just recently came to town to visit family and I went to spend time with him with a few "girl" friends of mine. Almost right away he started to flirt with me and get all obsessive over me. He would follow me, and say (I would be that boyfriend that would cuddle with you, protect you etc) and it got extremely annoying and I made it clear that I was in a relationship and seeing someone but I figured we could be friends so I gave him my phone number and he called me 15 times in one hour!...and I've told him to back off and that I no longer want to be his friend because he abused it.
What should I do?? (link)
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This one really came out of his shell, you should always be careful with guys, or girls who use to have a crush on you. Don't give them your phone number and don't give them an opening by saying "let's be friends", but I'm preaching to the choir here aren't I?
Be firm, give him no more openings and tell him, "don't make me change my phone number". Don't give the power to him by telling him he's scaring you, but if he continues tell him you're beginning to think he's not all there and maybe he should see a shrink. If he's not crazy, I doubt you'll hear from him after that. If you do, then you have a problem that requires more professional help, like the law.
I'm not saying this to scare you, everyone should do this, learn to use a gun. If nothing else, it will give you more confidence in being able to protect yourself. Target shooting can be a lot of fun too.
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there's a guy i like. we dated in 8th grade and we were each others first real relationship. Ever since then i've had feelings for him (11th grade now, i know, pathetic) we've talked on the phone every couple of weeks since then. He's had girlfriends and i've had boyfriends. The thing is, now that we are both single i really would like to pursue a relationship with him seeing as he's the person i care most about. However, he doesn't think having a girlfriend at this age is even worth it since he's been dumped everytime he's gone out with someone. (but he's a REALLY good boyfriend) I want him to consider going back out with me and i asked him out in 9th grade again & he said no. I asked him why and he said he doesnt think going out with someone who broke up with you is right because they just hurt you before..and he's pretty set on those two theories. I really really have feelings for him and we're supposed to talk more about this next weekend when i call him. I really want to tell him how i feel but everytime i try I cant explain how i feel... its like the words just WONT come out. So, any ideas on how i can make myself say the words? AND, any advice on how i can convince him that his thoeries aren't the best in this situation? (link)
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Don't, just be friends, being there is most of the battle. Someday he'll be ready again and you'll be there.
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i am so mad at my ex because he did so much crap to me and he was my very best friend. when we broke up i lost a part of myself. im leaving soon so i wont see him again at least until i visit in a few months and he wont talk to me. hes avoiding me because he doesnt want to deal with the emotions he has. i just want to talk about a couple things and get closure but he wont. he refuses. i have tried many times. i cannot let go of my anger and sadness and its making me depressed literally. i never feel just happy now and i hate it. i am a different person and the person i was before left with his and i's relationship. once i move i will become another person but right now all i am is depressed. how can i let go of the anger i have and move on? and i have suckish "friends" that i really cant stand so they dont help AT ALL. they make things worse. i only have a couple friends i really love and care about. they try to help but no one understands how hurt and crushed i feel. they have never felt it before. he had a part of ME and now its gone. and i feel like i cant forgive him for that. i feel like he destroyed me. please help (link)
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Right what you want to tell him down, tomorrow read it again and either destroy it, or mail it to him, either way you have said your piece. Do not question if he read it, he read it.
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I'm 18 and my bf is 19 we've dated off and on for 2 years.
Today we got in a huge fight and I said somethings I didnt mean. We had just got back from a weekend vacation and he was looking for his cds that I had put in the trunk. the trunk was packed with stuff and his cds were buried. he started digging around and I wanted him to take out my suitcase so we could find it. I guess I was yelling at him and he got angry and threw my suitcase out on the ground. I lost it. I was so mad. then I asked him "So are you going to act like this from now on" and he said yes so I said "well maybe we shouldnt be in a relationship then"
I regretted it as soon as I said it. I really didnt mean it. I was just mad at him for acting like a jerk. He is really really hurt and said he doesnt even know if i really love him. I do love him and I told him that but he is really hurt and wont talk to me. I apologized but I know it wont make up for what I said. What should I do. I really do love him and I didnt mean I wanted to break up. (link)
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Oh the poor little guy, you hurt his feelings. No really, if he's even half a man, he knows what he did was wrong and it is partly the reason he clammed up. Being proud is good, but in this case his pride is making him shift the blame on to you. You told him you were sorry you said it, so leave him pout, don't capitulate.
The one thing I would talk to you about is, reacting to a situation, rather then acting upon a situation. Reacting is what gets us in trouble and makes us say stupid things like that. Always take one step back find the second you need and act instead of reacting. I know it can be hard to do, but you get used to doing it in time.
Leave it alone, what needs to be said has been said, let him live with it for awhile.
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everytime i have sex with my boyfriend, it feels good for him but not for me, why is that? it doesn't hurt or anything, i just don't get pleasure (link)
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Believe it or not, guys know nothing about what pleasures a women unless he's told. So if you are like most women and expecting your guy to read your mind, you will be like most women and not experience an orgasm with your guy for the first 5 years or more.
Good sex is about teaching your partner what feels good, so get over your shyness about talking about it with him and explore what makes you orgasm. Then you will know pleasure and he will appreciate it too, pretty much all of us want to know how to please our women in bed.
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16/f
is it weird that i like like 20394823 guys? and i dont mean just a little crush. i have like a thing for a bunch of guys. and im not a whore. i dont like hook up with all of them or anything.. even though a lot of them like me back. i dont want to lead any of them on or anything. i just want to know what i should do. i think its because i see them all in different situations/environments. like they go to like 4 of 5 different schools. some are from my youth group. i dont know.. its like i like them when i hang out with them. but then i change my mind. theres like one guy that i ALWAYS like when i hang out with him though. i actually did hook up with this one but i decided that he was a bad choice because he liked me but he like is physically incapable of having a relationship.
what should i do? is it okay that i like so many guys? im only sixteen.. (link)
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I didn't read anywhere here that they are necessarily love interests. Many people prefer the company of the opposite sex, I know I do, but not for sexual reasons. Women are normally much more fun to talk to then men, they have a wider range of topics of conversation then most men, (in general). My impression here is that you prefer to be around guys. Male, female friendships are quite different from same sex friendships and they are often more comfortable and less stressful. The darker side of it is, guys pay more attention to you then girls do and attention is what most younger people want and often older folks as well. So you take your pick, are you an "attention whore", or do you just prefer the company of men? Be honest with yourself, it's the only way we get to know ourselves, you don't have to tell anybody.
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I feel kinda weird, but
i stuck the end of a hair brush up my ......
and it kinda felt okay.
but isn't it kind of weird for me to be doing that?
and isnt it weird for it to feel good? (link)
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You must be aware of what you use for self stimulation. Some things could cause infections, or a reaction, allergic or other wise. Make sure what you use is clean and as long as you aren't rough with it and it doesn't hurt you, you should be fine. Stay away from anything porous such as wood, or anything you can't be sure of being able to clean and always clean before and after. I would say that most brush handles would not be a great idea to use. Think smooth. I would give you some suggestions, but I feel out of place doing so.
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I really appreciated the way you answered my question about my dizziness. I have been dealing with hypochondria for a while now.. and for someone to bluntly suggest not to think the worst all the time can really mean a lot.
Thank you for explaining that to me.
Take care. =) (link)
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We must always be aware of what our bodies tell us, but you have to remember that 99% of the time the simplest answer is the right one. Gloom and doom is not waiting around the corner and life is too much fun to sweat the small stuff.
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i started my birth control pill a week ago. i had sex after i'd been on it for a week. it was the first time, so it was slow and short. he wore a condom and he didn't even cum at all.
is there anything i should be worried about? we were protected, i'm just worried incase i was still ovulating due to the fact the birth control hadn't totally kicked in yet.
help!
is this going to affect the birth control at all? and i'm supposed to have my period(according to the pills) in about two weeks-and sometimes i won't even have it at all(says the doctor) so i dont want to stress myself thinking "omg i didnt have a big period"
help help help! (link)
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You did the right thing by using a condom, the pill will often take months before it is really working. You should research how the pill works, it tricks your body into thinking it is pregnant. The body then produces a chemical that acts as a spermicide that kills the little swimmers. Trouble is, your body doesn't work that fast and it needs time to start producing it.
One of the effects of birth control pills, other then preventing pregnancy, is it will help regulate your period, if this is a problem for you. There are some times that a doctor will prescribe them to a young girl for that reason. Don't expect the pill to solve your period problems right away and ask your boy friend to cool his jets for a month or so, until you see the effect the pill is going to have on you. When you are sure the pill has kicked in, then you are what, 99% safe from pregnancy, but not sexually transmitted disease, (STD's).
Most people think you need only one form of birth control and drop the use of anything else after the girl gets on the pill, but there is safety in numbers, you should both use birth control. Using them together will not effect either one.
There are other side effects of the pill and some you have to dig to find them, but go and find them. Know what your taking, because all the forms of the pill react differently to the girl that takes them, and they all have side effects, just some are easier for your system to tolerate, but all of them will change you in someway, please research it, you may decide it's not worth it.
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yeah, so all my life i grew up thinking you could get a cold by being cold. but then a few years ago my bio teacher said no, you get colds only from contact with other humans, which is why you seem to get sick more easily in the winter since that's when you're at school and all that. but then my mom firmly believes that it's possible to catch a cold just by getting chilled. soooo wat do u guys think? this is irking me. (link)
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You must come into contact with the cold virus to get a cold. This can happen anywhere, but is quite often from door knobs, washroom sink handles and other peoples hands. It enters the body mostly through the eyes, nose and to less of a degree then you would think, through the mouth.
Your mom is partly right in a way, cold, among other things, does have a tendency, to diminish your immune system, making you more susceptible to the virus, but the virus still needs to be present.
Several things to help you avoid getting a cold. Get away from the habit of touching your face with your hands, that is where you get infected the vast majority of the time. Never in a public bathroom, turn the water off with your bare hands, after you have washed them, or touch the door knob with your bare hands as you exit.
If your school classrooms require you to open the classroom doors, avoid using your hands to do it. Avoid shaking hands during cold season and do things that boost your immune system, vitamins, orange juice and other juices are a great help.
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Lately, I've been feeling really dizzy and tired. It's been going on for the last 2 days or so, and I was just wondering--- has anyone ever felt these things with allergies? Because my cheeks and eyes have been hurting, and I've been congested and had frequent headaches.
I'd really appreciate some help-- because I'm a hypochondriac, and even though is just dizziness, I'm still freaking out thinking I'm dying.
Thank you! (link)
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Many very simple things cause dizziness, including allergies. If this dizziness is present outside, inside and doesn't go away any where you are, unless you are in a controlled environment, then your guess is probably right. Try a analgesic, if you improve, you have your answer. If the dizziness abates when you are somewhere else other then your home, or where ever, you could be looking at indoor pollution as the cause, chemicals, gases, etc.. Please do not consider the worst first, the most obvious answer is usually the correct one.
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hi, i need advice. im 16 and the guy i love is a bit older than me. my parents want let me be with him so i have to sneak. i do feel horrible about it. i really want a relationship with him. i dont know what to do. please help! (link)
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What your parents worry about is this bit older. Him being older then you puts him at a different stage in life, (at your age, one year can be a different stage). We change so fast during our teen years and it can be very disturbing to you if he wants to take you to a level you are not ready for. The one thing that most young people don't realize is life is a lot like the class room, each year you are taught something new and if something is skipped there is a big hole left by it. You can't take Accounting III, before you take Accounting I and II.
If you want to see this guy, which even I will admit that I think you should not, I trust your parents judgment. Try talking to your parents, tell them that you understand they're concerned about him trying to take you to a level you don't want to go too and assure them that you will not allow this to happen. You will stay to public meetings with him and allow for time for you and your parents to get to know who he really is. If your parents still insist that you don't see him, even after you talk about taking response ability for protecting yourself, as you should always do, and they can not see this as being a learning experience for you. Then you should not see this guy, you have 2 years, then you can see who you want, look him up in two years, see if he is still interested. It's not a life time, it just seems that way to you.
If they say okay and this guy wants to break the only public dating rule, you say no. He will either choose to respect that rule, or stop seeing you. In the later case you will know that you were pray to him, not a girl.
Oh, and a P.S. My oldest daughter experienced this same thing, we gave her the room to find out for herself that this guy was a predictor on younger girls, sex was all he wanted. When he couldn't get it, he moved on to someone else.
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i dont smoke that much, only about 1-3 cigs a day. my bf smokes too, and he's who i get my cigs from. we always split a pack until the next time i get to see him, with is usually within a week. so yeah.
well i went to the store the other day and got a really good smelling candle and a thing of febreze so i could spray it everytime im done smoking to get rid of the smell of burnt tobacco. and its been working! but my friend told me today that if i keep smoking in my room that im going to get YELLOW STAINS ON MY FRICKEN WALL.
is this true?? cuz no one besides her and my bf and my bf's friend know that i smoke. and if my rents found out they'd KILL ME. so if that IS the case, how would i get rid of the stains...and also even though my little febreze and candle thing is working, does anyone know a really good way to get rid of the smell of cigs??
so i guess my questions are:
A)do i really get yellow stains on my wall?
B)if so, how do i get rid of them?
C)what is a really good product that gets rid of the smell?
thanks for any advice!! :))
P.S. im unemployed and im on a budget, so any ideas that are NICE TO MY WALLET, that'd be dandy, as well. :) (link)
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It will happen and show sooner on your windows, so clean your windows often. Also, remember to take a look at the rag when you do, that is what your lungs are coated in. I don't expect that you will stop smoking because of it, but you should know what you're doing to them. I smoked for a lot of years myself, it didn't change my mind, I just decided I didn't want to die gasping for breath, which may still happen, I smoked for a good chunk of my life.
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im sitting here studying for Å final that i have monday
& i cant concentrate
i mean i can read the words so easily but my brain wont process them at all. like now, when i try to remember what i studied my brain is screaming out "no, dont make me think! i cant think right now! shut down shut down!"
&then i g completely blank
which is totallly un-heard of for me
i mean i am ALWAYS thinking..
Always!
so whats the problem?
how do i fix it? thanx so so so much!!!!!!!
&hearts (link)
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Just to give you another possibility, though I agree with what has been said, watch what you eat before and during studying. There are foods that dull the mind, so to speak, I do not know them all, not sure that they do either. I can tell you that as a general rule, stay away from white, that is to say things made of flour, white flour in particular, sugar as well. Pastries, white bread, donuts and cookies and milk, even a lot of what your mother cooks for supper is not conducive for study, such as pizza, and a lot of the pastas etc... Hope that helps.
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