soendearing's advice column

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Q: Do you think high school students should have to do community service to graduate and why?

I do and don't.

I do because the community is giving them the time, and education to be successful later on in life.

I don't because I wouldn't want to do it.

Thank god I'm not a freshmen this year, because at my school the freshmen have to do community service in order to graduate.

Q: ok so people are alyways talking about first base second base third base and home i know what home is but what are the other three?

for me, I would say..

1st - hugs and kissing.

2nd - hand jobs and fingering.

3rd - oral.

4th - sex.

Q: Hey does anybody know where i can download a free trial of Photoshop 9, I've tried bearshare, morpheus, limewire, imesh, etc. None of those work!!!
Could you please help me, i need it A.S.A.P as i have to do a project for my science homework
thanks
Miranda

You have to signup for the site, but www.jasc.com
and go to paint shop pro.
it's a great program, my boyfriend purchased it for me. :)

Q: How long do you have to wait to wash your hair after you get a perm?

Sleep on it for one night, then you should be good. :)

Q: okay. i'll apologize that this may be long..

i have a wonderful boyfriend. we've been together 10 months. for being freshman, we're doing pretty good. we've only gone as far as fingering/handjob, & hes not a pushy guy at all. the only thing is that he gets really jealous. and i "flirt" a lot. especially with one boy in particular named john. well, john and me are good friends. and john likes me but i've made it clear that i love my boyfriend, and he understands but still says he likes me.

now my boyfriend recently said that it seems like i enjoy talking to john more than i like talking to him & thats not true at all but my boyfriend is convinced that i like john. and i dont ! i just can't get him to believe me

i love my boyfriend. and you may think that im just saying love, but trust me. i mean it more than you guys know. he is amazing. but we always seem to end up fighting over john. it'd just be better if he didn't exist at all. but since that's not going to happen, i need some advice on what to do.
* to get my boyfriend to believe that i dont like john
* to stop "flirting" with guys
* to become a better girlfriend, because right now, i just feel like crap.

please&thanks!

You have a trust issue in your relationship. :(

What I would say to do is to tell him that you are eligable to having friends, and if he can not accept that then you shouldn't be together. Please though, do not get me wrong! I'm not saying to break up at all, but at least tell him that you should be able to have friends with it not causes issues between your relationship.

Maybe what you can do is talk to your friend John about it and ask him to not flirt so much, and you do the same.

Also, try not talking to John in front of your boyfriend. :)

Q: ok so on some peoples myspace i see that they have there commetns in a scroll box. how do they do that? like whats the code and where do i put it?

This site should have what you are looking for. :)

http://www.myspace-help.com/Myspace-Codes/Scrollbox_Comments.php

Q: okay, im getting my boyfriend a ring with our initials and the day we started dating engraved in it. but im also getting him a picture book with all of our pictures and some other things in a valentine's day box with our picture on it and im making him a cd with our song and some other songs that i like that remind me of him. okay my question is, does anyone know any 'loveish' songs that i could put, our song is once in a lifetime by keith urban. and he HATES rap and stuff like that, so country and rock pretty much.

it will be GREATLY appriciated if you could help me outttttttttttttt =)

well, i have 3 country songs.

Because You Loved Me - Celion Dion

From This Moment - Shania Twain

How Do I Live - Leann Rimes

Q: ia sked him today if that was him really online last night and he told me yea and like smiled and then i walked away and looked back a nd he did the signal like come herelike with his hadn and then the teacher made him go in the roomand then me and my friend were going to go back into the roomand we were near the lockersand he walked out and looked and then walked away
theres this 1 boy who always stares at me & sometimes looks away he stares me in the eyes
and also only talks to me online .. today i first talked to him and i asked him if it was really him online last night he said yeah and like smiled /got all happy type..lol and then i looked back and he put his hand up like come here or something and i kept on walking idk who he ment it to i thought it was one of his friends or something but there was no1 infront of me.. then he was in the same class as me & i came from a different class and i was outside near the lockers he came out and looked and then went back in the room he also has a gf .. but she lives like an hour away from here. the other day (friday) he did that nod thing i asked him online what it meant he said it meant hey .. hes been with his gf since june 05 .. also at lunch time he stands up and looks over at my table he said when he nodded to me i turned my head i didnt realize that he nodded to me.he also seems to follow me around school . alot of kids are acting differnt to me so i dont know why.he talks to his bestfriend in the same class as me and talks about other girls to like get me jealous what could he be trying to do ? and he talks about cars and goes online w/ them and looks at cars and girls . my 2 bestfriends think that he likes me .and in gym class he got out .... he was folding his arms like he was mad & staring at me .. then my friend was trying to take pictures of me & i blocked her cellphone with my hand and yelled no he looked at me .. do you think he like sme?He also looks me in the eye.i think hes scared to takl to me because of the girlfriend even though she lives so far away.first of all i asked if his gf was online and he said nope and i said o that sucks and he said that shes a bitch sometimes and gets on my nerves then i said o why are u still iwth her and he said bc i love her and its only sometimes and i said o he said yup

I'm guessing that he has a crush on you. He's probably just being flirty because I'm guessing he doesn't see his girlfriend too often, and is liking the attention. I would advise you to not start falling for this kid because he seems like he's using you for the attention. Unless, he breaks up with his girlfriend, then, that is a different story.

But don't try to break them up, because that's rude, and I'm sure you wouldn't want someone doing that to you in your relationship. :)

Q: i'm really sensitive and whenever someone says something that hurts my feelings i get really really upset and sometimes ill even start crying. i really hate it because i feel so stupid and i feel like a freaking baby. does anyone know any ways to get me to stop being this sensitive? thankss~

I'm the same way, you're not alone.
Basicly, you have to just try and ignore it because, there is always going to be people who say things like that. Just keep your head up, they are most likely saying this to make them feel better about themselves because they are insecure. So just try to show you don't care, and they may stop because they see it doesn't bother you anymore.

Q: me and my b have been going out for awhile but now i dont really like him that much, i sorta lke some else ): i was thinksing of saying " i dont think we should go out anymore" but that seems a little cliche. anyone have any suggestions?

First you should be completely honest with him! Tell him how you are feeling towards him (not the other person). You should tell him that you don't want a relationship at the moment because you are confused on your feelings towards him. Or, you can at least call a break, and try to see how the other guy is. Don't rush into a relationship with the other guy because then your current boyfriend will see that you clearly broke up with him for the other guy. So yeah, just take it slow, and just be honest with him, you know, honesty is the best policy. :)

Q: ok. my friend told me she had phone sex, and I know this is a stupid question.. but how do you have phone sex? like is it just like regular sex but over the phone or is it just 2 people saying dirty things while they masturbate to each others voices?

If it's like regular sex just tell me its like regular sex. No need for tips on sex, I already made that mistake. But tips on phone sex is a def. yes. :]

thanks.

Basicly, it's just 2 people saying dirty things to each other on the phone when they masturbate. I don't get the point of it, but if it gets some people off then, that's good for them, haha. :)

Q: hey guys...13/f
Ive heared about this syndrome or something like that where the symtoms are like people who get mad over little things, who cry easily over small things and has BIG mood swings. I have all those symptoms and i was just wondering if anyone knows if that is indeed a sydrome and what is it called?
Thanks

Bipolar, or mood disorder, or something like that.
check them out on google. :)

Q: long but bear with me. so basically it goes.. im a sophomore and hes a junior. through highschool up until now, hes failed 7 classes and is now behind 3 credits. the school doesnt tell him these things like mine does until the last minute, so he didnt have time to catch up. [let me add that he worked 6 hours a day for 5 days a week since he was 14, so it was hard for him to be able to do homework and stuff, but he pretty much didnt have a choice]. his only option was to go to night school AND summer school [at a combined $1200] for him to graduate on time, but they cant afford that. so now theres another option, theres this new school thing were he'll be unenrolled from his current school to go to this other place for about 4 hours a day for 8 weeks to get caught up, free of charge, then continue next year as a senior. its all done by computer and its at your own pace so it can be longer than 8 weeks but yeah. hes so worried about getting in though. like hes worried something will come up and he wont be able to for whatever reason [they check things like attendance and if youre a trouble maker and whatever.. hes not a trouble maker but he did miss 12 days last year]. if he doesnt get in he wont graduate until i do and hes gonna be pissed!! and it doesnt help that his mom calls him stupid a good bit. but hes smart like for real. his mom tells him that ill be graduating before him and stuff. apparently she reminds him every day. ive been around her for the past 7 months and yeah shes not exactly the sweetest thing. so i have two questions:

1- how can i convince him that he is smart? ive told him a million times and that he'll get in over there, but he's convinced otherwise.

2- honestly, what if he doesnt get in? ill feel sooo bad for him and he said ill never convince him hes smart if he doesnt. hes a totally mellow happy kinda person for the most part but he said if he didnt get in that id see him MAD for sure. so i dont know what im gonna do. i can understand id be pissed too if i had to stay in high school an extra year, so how can i be there for him and stuff? you can only say things like "itll be ok" and whatever so many times...

im so mixed up =[

Well, what i can say is that you'll just have to stay with him through the whole thing. You can't take the blame for his actions. Maybe he should talk to his boss and tell him that school and education comes first (if it doesn't, it should) and that he needs time to do homework. If he doesn't make it, then he'll have to deal with it. It was his fault that he failed 7 classes, so now he has to deal with the consequences of it. You can tell him that he should try to make time for school, pay attention in class, and tell him to make sure he does good on tests and that.

And for his mother, he should just ignore it, my mom does the same thing with me, and i get C's and B's.

Q: so i like this guy and i like talking him on the phone. but see i only seem to talk to him when either my friend is here. or his friend is at his house. and i really wanna call him right now but i'm really scared because we would have like and atcuall conversation where as when a friend is at one of our houses its just kinda stupid ness talking. but i'm soo scared hes not going to answer, or he'll say he can't talk. but i really wanna call i'm but i'm scared to! idk what to do!! do i call? and i don't wanna make it too obvious that i like him either!

please someone help i'll take any advice!

Okay, first, calm down hun, it's alright!

You should first relax, then just give him a call, and ask him general questions, like:
how are you?
what's up?
what are you doing?
how was your day? ext.
Your call doesn't have to last hours.

and if he doesn't answer, call him back in like 45 minutes to an hour, and if he still doesn't answer, then just call him tomorrow. :)

Q: itd be a really big help if someone helped me out with these questions!!

when you have sex,what hole does it go into. when you have your period what hole does a tampon go up, or when you pop your cherry.

please help! and if you have anything to add on itd also be a big help

thanks!!

it can go in both holes.
the backside would be more painful than the vagina.

for the period, the tampon goes in the vagina.

and when you pop your cherry, it doesn't bleed a whole lot, so you'd only need like a pantyliner for that. :)

Q: What should I tell my parents that I have so many cuts in my school? Im in the 10th grade. My parents got a letter showing all the absences. What should I do?

Stop cutting and admit to it, and say you'll stop.

Hopefully you won't lose your credits.

Q: ok,i have NO idea how to style my anymore![it goes down to the middle of my chest and i have side bangs] these are all the things i've done so far- pigtail braids,thin black head band,striaghten it,half up half down. [these are all with my bangsdown] ok,so basically im lost at what to do now. my hair is naturally wavy. i want a variety. i dont like putting little bows or clips in my hair,thats just not me,and i hate how everyone does that.so basically something that is really cute but not too common. any sggestions? thankyou!

try straightening your hair, then teasing it. it gives it great body and it looks super cute, i do it all the time. :)

you can also scrunch your hair, and put it up or leave it down.

or, you can pull your bangs back and have a little "puff" in the front and hold it down with some bobbi pins. :)

Q: I don't know if my boyfriend is controlling. He wants to know where I am and who I'm with at all times. He says he loves me all the time and he wants to get married when I turn 18. I'm just about to turn 17. He wants all my time and he calls me a million times a day and expects me to spend all my free time with him. I don't think hes controlling, but I'm not sure. I love him though. How can I tell?? Is there any certain way?? Please help me figure this out.

I wouldn't say he's controlling, it sounds more like he just cares about you a lot.

I'm almost the same way with my boyfriend, just not that bad.

Controlling would be more of him telling you what you can and can't do.

Just tell him you want a little more space than he's giving you, he should understand that. :)

Q: So i know a lot of people ask this same stupid question, but I'm kind of new on here and I dont know where to find already answered questions, but anyways on to the question::

Where can I get a FREE DOWNLOADABLE photoshopping program that allows me to create pictures where you can change the colors of certain parts of the picture, and make certain parts of the picture shimmery etc.
also a photoshop that allows me to make animations.

You may send me photoshops for only some of those things, but please specify which one that photoshop can do.

thanks :)

and please no "go look somewhere for it" I want answers.

go www.jasc.com and sign up, then use the paint shop :)
it's a 30 day free trial. :)

Q: What's the name of the theme song to MTVs show named Twenty Four Seven? I love it haha

It's called "Down" by The Prom Kings Ft. The Game. :)

bio

The names Ashley. (:
I'm a sophomore this year at Quinnipiac University.
I'm majoring in Interactive Digital Design.
I haven't been on this site in years, maybe I'll pick it up again. (:
I'm a die-hard Philadelphia Flyers/hockey fan.
I play ice hockey, I'm a goaltender.