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love bites. [sort of long] but please help!
okay. i'll apologize that this may be long..
i have a wonderful boyfriend. we've been together 10 months. for being freshman, we're doing pretty good. we've only gone as far as fingering/handjob, & hes not a pushy guy at all. the only thing is that he gets really jealous. and i "flirt" a lot. especially with one boy in particular named john. well, john and me are good friends. and john likes me but i've made it clear that i love my boyfriend, and he understands but still says he likes me.
now my boyfriend recently said that it seems like i enjoy talking to john more than i like talking to him & thats not true at all but my boyfriend is convinced that i like john. and i dont ! i just can't get him to believe me
i love my boyfriend. and you may think that im just saying love, but trust me. i mean it more than you guys know. he is amazing. but we always seem to end up fighting over john. it'd just be better if he didn't exist at all. but since that's not going to happen, i need some advice on what to do.
* to get my boyfriend to believe that i dont like john
* to stop "flirting" with guys
* to become a better girlfriend, because right now, i just feel like crap.
please&thanks!
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i understand all about the love thing,trust me i hate when people say your too young to know what love is.but ya i think that maybe if your boyfriend dosnt listen to you write him a letter and say look im not going out with him i love you more then anything n the world,and he knows that. dont take you away fro your friends so you shouldnt take me away from mine.
then see what he says all and all try not to flirt so much,you know that you would get jelouse to if he were flirting with some girl.its ust a natural instinct lo.well let me know how it all works out
lots of love,lizzie
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sounds like you have a great relationship. I do know a couple in the same situation... the girl kinda leads "john" on and he keeps liking her. I'm not saying block him out completely but talk to him sometimes but not a tonnn and don'tbring up how great he is to you bf. I talk to my ex sometimes and my bf gets a little iffy but i reassure him that it was only for a little while and all the feelings are gone. i just don't bring up what was said unless he asks. you just gotta know how to balance. just don't give other guys tons of attention... give them some to be polite but not a lot. you sound like a good gf and i see that by your willingness to better yourself as a gf.. and it's a reasonable change. just tell him how you feel and let the anger go... it's not worth fighting over. <3
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One of the most important things in a relationship is trust. It's actually common to be jealous but your boyfriend needs to believe you and trust you that you would never leave him for John, and that you love him very much.
Of course you can't just magically make John disappear (wouldn't that make things better!) But obviously you can't.
Show him how much you love him. Get him a gift, and be there more for him. Still hang out with John. As long as you are a very faithful person and you have a good record in relationships then your boyfriend shouldn't worry. Keep reminding him you love him.
You two sound like a great couple! But if you are very faithful and reliable, and your boyfriend still had problems between your friendship then John, then that isn't a true boyfriend. If he really loved you, he would believe you, and he would trust you. Tell him that, because it'll make him realize you and John are just friends and you and your boyfriends are SOO much more than that.
Keep talking it over. Tell him you are always there for him!
And for the flirting. Remind yourself you have a devoted relationship with someone and you shouldn't go around flirting. It is hard, but if you really want this relationship to work you are going to have to sacrifice the flirting. Your boyfriend is the only person you should flirt with. It's common to flirt even when taken (a lot of teenagers do that even when in relationships). I wouldn't say it's normal but it's common, but if you want the relationship to work, devote all of your love to your boyfriend and not other guy friends.
And no matter what you do, you can't make yourself a perfect girlfriend. Your boyfriend needs to take the flaws you have while you should take the flaws he has. Fights and arguments are inevitable, but always be there for him. And that goes back to his jealousy problem. Prove to him he is the one you want; not John. Take him out on dates more often and kiss him more. That can convince him that you still love him, and you will be there for him.
You sound like a wonderful person just from asking how to work this relationship out because that shows to me that you care about him and your relationship. So you are already proving that you are a good girlfriend for caring. =]
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You have a trust issue in your relationship. :(
What I would say to do is to tell him that you are eligable to having friends, and if he can not accept that then you shouldn't be together. Please though, do not get me wrong! I'm not saying to break up at all, but at least tell him that you should be able to have friends with it not causes issues between your relationship.
Maybe what you can do is talk to your friend John about it and ask him to not flirt so much, and you do the same.
Also, try not talking to John in front of your boyfriend. :)
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