A quick note: If I answered a question and you have further questions for me, please include a URL link to your original question(s) so that I can be sure of what we're talking about. Questions that reference something we talked about a week ago that I can't quite remember are kinda hard to answer.
Welcome to my column.
I don't apologize for my answers. I speak to the audience, and in doing so I sometimes tell the audience things they don't want to hear or cant handle.
I believe in stands on principle. I believe that doing right for the sake of doing right is a good way to live. I believe in self awareness and encourage it in others. I offer the most unbiased viewpoint I have. And yes, I am only human.
Im going to tell you what I think you need to hear. You are not supposed to take what I say and follow it. You are supposed to take what I say and _think_about_it_
Oh, and feel free to ask me questions, but netspeak, ebonics, terrible grammar, and your teen angst about a crush will be ignored.
Location: No where you've heard of.
Member Since: July 16, 2007
Answers: 2588
Last Update: April 13, 2014
Visitors: 97045
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15/F virgin
ok ive heard from lots a friends that oral sex hurts a lot. is that true? or does it feel good for a girl? bc i havee been thinkin about giving it to my bf but i am scared please help!!!
thanx in advance! (link)
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Yessss
Listen to Thelaura. She speaks truth.
Teeth are bad.
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I've planned to totally have it together for 2008. As in: I meant to treat my family properly, yet I've been worse than ever.
ie. my brother is twenty and has always been a late developer, however I find it hard to show him consideration.
HE WAS PLAYING THE SONG "BANANA PHONE" WHILE MOUTHING THE WORDS LIKE HE WAS SO ADORABLE AND I WAS DISGUSTED AND TOLD HIM HE'S TOO OLD TO THINK ANYONE WOULD FIND THAT TO BE CUTE.
I know I'm being a total bitch, so how can I keep calm and handle the situation in a positive way? (link)
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Honestly.
The only reason you didnt find that cute is because you personally do not want to have sex with him.
Not that I'm saying this is a bad thing. Incest is still illegal most places.
I'm 23 and I just got kissed for singing banana phone at my girlfriend, so that is the only possible explanation for your severe hatred of his attempts to be adorable.
On a more serious note, you might want to think about the fact that you seem to need to put yourself above your brother in terms of maturity yet are apparently showing signs that you are anything but. Take a deep breath, and relax. Its ok to be goofy.
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I'm 16 and a girl and i just want to know why it seems like guys only like the skinnier kind of girls? I'm not that skinny and not that fat either but its hard for me to get a bf. i feel like that no guy wants me because im not skinny! Can somebody please help me and give me some advice on this topic? Thanks! (link)
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Ahh.
Because a large number of the guys you know are scrambling to find a way to date the small number of girls you know who have some level of history of putting out.
Most guys arent embarassed about how fat their girlfriend is. Most guys simply wont date a girl whos fat enough for them to be embarassed.
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My 15-year-old sister is horrible. I'm only two years younger than she is but she treats me like I'm some kind of slave to her or something. And it's all the time. I'm usually a really passive person about things like this, but I'm just downright sick of being forced to live with this kind of treatment from her.
I had my two friends, Rachel and Beth, over a couple nights ago and we went straight downstairs, keeping to ourselves, minding our own the whole time. Then my sister barrels down the stairs and yells at me in front of my friends because I didn't let the dogs in after they'd been let out. My sister called my dad and told him, "Dad, she hasn't been helping me all day and I've done all the work and her friends are so rude to me." Even though, for one, I'd done her AND my chores because she had threatened a phone call to dad.
And I believe that the only remark my friends had was "You could have just opened the door because you were already upstairs." and that's not rude at all. So then my dad came home and yelled at me in front of my friends, and guess what? They had to go home and I was grounded for a week. All because of my sister's lying.
And then I found out that my sister did some stuff with this college guy who never liked her anyway. So I promised her I wouldn't tell anyone and I never did. But she continues to treat me like she does.
She lies to my parents about so much stuff. I get in trouble for things I don't deserve to be in trouble for. And I can't tell them that she's lying because she denies it and they believe her because shes the 'mature' one and the older one.
Help? (link)
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Hold on.
Ive got it somewhere.
http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/blackmail
Figuring out the rest is your own adventure into your own resourcefulness.
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ok, this is embarasing but here goes... A while ago i got caught by my neighbor peeking in her window when she had some friends over for a sleepover. i was on her back porch peeking in her window when 1 of her friends came out and said what are you doing??? i was like.. o my god... i was so embarased. so she told the other girls wat i was doing and they all talked and then 1 of them came to me and said they wouldnt tell on me if i did wat they said. she said that to be fair they should get to see me naked and that I should strip naked for them. otherwize they would tell my mom that i was a pervert and a peeping tom. anyway, i did it. i took off all my clothes and let them all see me. they looked and giggled and stuff for a long time and then they let me go home. The thing is that since then a couple of them have made be do it again for girls that werent even at the sleepover. they say i desrve it for peeking at them that night. Do you think I deserve it? Should I keep doing it for them? Please give me your advice!
Thanks,
Paul (link)
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Wow.
Thats hilarious.
I'm sorry, but it is. Too many friends and too many similar situations. Little girls are evil.
You probably shouldnt. You need to learn something about counter arguing. Tell them no. If they threaten you you can return that all you have to do is tell people that they blackmailed you into getting naked more than once because of it. I doubt they'll tell.
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I've been officially dating my boyfriend for about a month but we've been together for about seven. probably half of that time he was having sex with his ex girlfriend of a year and a half. I ended things twice with him, the first time hoping he would shape up and the second time I was just sick of all the drama with his ex. But he did shape up the second time and he officially was completely committed to me about 2 months ago. I'm not concerned one bit about his feelings for me. He's sometimes more romantic than me. He not only tells me he loves me and will never ever leave me, I can see he feels what he says. He's sometimes clingy and hates when I even talk to other guys. But I believe, once a cheater, always a cheater. So I check his myspace every now and then. He doesn't talk to other girls in a flirty way but he does comment their pictures saying "so cute" or "really pretty" and one time a girl asked if he had a girlfriend and he said "who cares" what should I think of this? I'm the type that likes to show I've got a boyfriend so I put some things on my myspace about him. but his profile says single and has nothing about me. although the single part is hidden so no one can see, still it worries me. I told him it bothered me that he didn't want people to know about us on his myspace and he said sorry and that he would put some thing but he hasn't. I feel like I can't trust him. He basically does whatever he wants wherever whenever because he has parents that don't really care about what he does. I don't know whether to breakup with him or just forget about it. please help! (link)
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Myspace is the center point for a whirlpool of human drama to be avoided.
If you agonize over wheather he broadcasts hes dating you on his myspace you have your own issues you need to deal with.
Does it mean anything? Probably not. Should you act on it if he treats you well? No. Should you let your actual experiences with him weigh more than his myspace attention? Yeah.
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in this world we are having war...ik why but WHY? uk what i mean i hate that the only way to solve things is by war...why not by a game of vollyball or twister whats wrong with that. your brought up to not fight be nice love. and everyone says i want peace in the world but no one does a thing about it. im still in school and in history im learning about how some people cant accept others because they have a different look to them or their religion is not thiers i hate it i want to do something have my voice out there for all to hear. but its like im in a club and what ever i do i cant get around the noice to tell my friend "what did you say"!!! im asking you why war why not peace why does everything have to be complicated when it doesnt?!!!! why make it easy ? it hurts to say it but if we dont shape up soon we mite all die either from depression murder suisde...its the worst disease ive ever could feast my eyes on. why can it stop!????? (link)
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At the most basic level, it comes down to a simple truth.
There are people who hold beliefs in this world that they are willing to back with action, sometimes with their lives. There are other people who hold beliefs directly in opposition who are equally willing to place action or their lives on the line.
When those people meet, we have conflict.
There can be many more complex causes to a war, but in its most basic form war is humans who choose not to coexist because of differing beliefs. Thats what you have to understand. War is not a disease. It is conscious choice on the part of people who believe things differently than you.
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Why do I always see pictures of people with their pants down on toilets (mostly girls) when theyre drunk? like on facebook or myspace or whatever. is it like...a ritual thing? or what? i dont get it haha (link)
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People are stupid. Thats about the best direct answer I can give you.
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Although intercourse did initially hurt when my boyfriend and I first became active, it is far less painful now and actually feels good. So I'm alright with the intercourse but when he tries to finger me, it's painful. I'm just perplexed as to why two fingers hurts more than intercourse. His package is wider than two fingers so I don't understand. He thought he needed to clip his fingernails but they are quite trimmed and neat when he does it. Plus, it isn't that kind of pain. Any thoughts? (link)
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More than likely he is a bit rough. Also, two fingers is usually thinner on one side and thicker on another, as two fingers are the same height but double the length. He might be stretching you in a direction a bit further than you're used to.
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I'm confused... I don't know how to express myself... any ideas? (link)
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There are a myriad of things this question could be asking me that I cant begin to answer.
Express yourself? Around people? Through Art? Can you just not find the right words or can words not fully describe what you want to express?
If you want a decent answer, ask a question thats not incredibly broad.
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I'm a 31yr.old woman dating a 34 yr.old man. I've been dating this wonderful man for almost a year now. About four months ago, I found out that he's still dating his then-girlfriend for the last three years and that he had a 6-year old daughter with another woman before that. The lies and deception, of the other woman and of him being a father, was overwhelming. I was so broken hearted although he quickly dismissed that girlfriend and relentlessly pursue his love for me exclusively. We broke up but slowly my emotions gave way and gave in. I decided that for it to work, I will try my best to forgive,forget and open my arms to his daughter on her weekend visits. Since, he has been very wonderful in every sense, reaffirming every step of the way through his cell phone and whatever else to make me more comfortable. We agreed to start a clean slate and to be as honest as it comes. The "family" life, which included his daughter now, had been so precious to me. So he moved in, proposed to me and now we are planning on having a baby soon.
But I knew I was no longer invincible, so I would still peak my intuition onto anything unusual. Last week, his daughter innocently mentioned that she has "two brothers" already when I asked if she would like to have baby brothers or sisters. We call everybody brothers/sisters/aunty/uncle out here in Hawaii so I blew it off that she was too young to realized everyone's true roles. She gave me their names and age, mentioning that she sees them when her dad takes her to the other island for their birthday parties. And that her brothers's "mom" is another lady she doesn't know too well. Both names resembled the names on each of the tattoo on his arm and I knew I was in for another surprise. I've been asking him how long he's had the tattoo, to which coincidence, matched exactly the age of the boys mentioned. But he would over and over lie about the meaning of these Hawaiian names and what it translate in Hawaiian instead. Even the tattoo with his daughter's named inscribed in Japanese character, he would lie that it translate to some "martial art" crap. Finally, I asked him a simple yes/no question whether his daughter is his only child, and he couldn't tell me the real deal until 2 hours later.
When it all came out, he said he didn't want to tell me this extra info as I would judge him wrongly and leave. And whether knowing about the 2 boys would change anything in our current relationship as they live with their mom on another island. His action plan was to make the previous repairs with me well and stable before throwing more curveballs my way. But both times, the bomb are not dropped before it explodes. I've written this breach of contract off as a "shame on me" and asked that he leaves me alone. He cannot leave me alone, he keeps asking for another chance, hoping that his past will not haunt the something good we started together. I know deep down we got a great connection and that he truly "loves" me. Is my judgment of his character my best predictor of what's to become of this once-beautiful relationship?
Sincerely,
No more lies
(link)
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Wow. That is quite a story.
I'll start off with straight to the point. DO NOT GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE.
The exploded version.
He already has three kids by other women. He has repeatedly lied to you in the past. Heres the thing. Lying to you costs him nothing until he gets caught. And hes apparently quite good at keeping certain secrets.
THAT part isnt going to change. Ever. And with the huge things that he can justify lying to you about, in the future there will be lots and lots of smaller lies when its convenient for him. And most of the time, you wont ever know, because apparently hes pretty smooth. He proposed without disclosing the other children?
Next, we encounter the fact that you dont want to tie yourself to a guy with this kind of baggage. He has 3 kids by at 2 women? And wants more? In your position I would not chance becoming the third woman with the 4th child who he keeps a secret when he goes hunting for another woman again.
The man has no sense of commitment or honor. He lies when its convenient and asks forgiveness when he gets caught and makes up for it by being extra nice. Thats not a guy you want, because its not a guy you will ever truly trust.
I mean, do you want to be in a relationship with a guy who has to put calls on speaker phone to reassure you?
You deserve better than that. Anyone deserves better than that. Dont settle.
Finally, I'll get to the kid thing. HELL NO.
Sorry. But you are completely right. You do not need to add yourself and a child of your own to his mix. You need to find yourself a guy who doesnt have 3 kids who wants to be yours, and whos kids will all be yours. Well, in your position, thats what I would want. You are 31. You are young. There are plenty of guys out there who are good guys (better than your boy. I refuse to acknowledge him as a man) who dont have the extreme baggage and the ease with lying he has.
I would cut him off and not look back. He wants another chance. Tough shit. Firm up your reasons and arguments. Take him out to dinner. End it, and tell him never to contact you again. Go to sleep for 10 hours, wake up, continue your life.
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ok i am getting to the end of my stick with this pc, its not exactly slow but it lags like hell in online games, i play World of Warcraft alot and i just started doing these battle grounds were i get 8 frames a second in mass battles which does not help one bit, anyways i wanted to ask any one who knows of a cheapish computer but is excellent for gaming on my freind has an Alienware PC it cost him £2500 and i know its not gonna be cheap for me to get one like that. do you know of cheapish but powerful computers that will play games well what ever they are (it will be a while for me to get a new pc kus i havent got a job yet, i also want to get it so i can tell my dad to stick this one up his arse because he bitches on about this one so much and he thinks he knows everything), thanks (link)
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Heh.
Im typing this to you on an alienware PC. Unless you plan on getting a laptop, dont waste your money. You can build a better desktop MUCH cheaper than you can buy one from alienware.
Find a friend who knows how to build computers and has done it before. If you are a gamer nerd it shouldnt be THAT hard to find. Get to know Fry's website and pricegrabber.com. My friend built a gaming rig equal to the top of the line alienware desktop a few months ago, it cost a little more than a third of what alienware was going to charge (5400 from alienware, 1900 self built, same exact stats)
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i'm seventeen years old. quite frankly, i'm tired!! I adore my mom, but she's out of control. She's been spying on me since i was 13. I'm not kidding. She has been monioring who I've been talking to and spying on everything I've said to them. Now that that's stopped a little bit because I don't go online as much, she's on my myspace every single day. she changes my songs. She told me to put this really funny song and now she's like, it's too strong, so she changed it back. I'm soooo upset. She needs to get a life, and she doesn't. Help!! (link)
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Their house, their rules. As much as it might piss you off these days, its requires of a responsible parent.
Why?
Lets say that you are brilliant. You are streetwise and net smart and know how to keep yourself safe and away from all the random shit you can get yourself entangled in without adult supervision.
She doesnt know that. You're 17. I'm sure you dont talk to her a ton about your life. She isnt in your head and doesnt know how smart you are in regards to keeping yourself safe.
So, she spies. She does this so that if there is something that could happen to you, she has a chance to find out about it.
As much as it infringes on your privacy, its what responsible parents have to do these days. Because for every set of kids that keep themselves safe as I assume you probably are, there is a set of kids (smaller set) who get themselves into trouble.
They meet creepy old men. They talk to people they shouldnt. They learn things they arent ready for.
I read an article a month or two back about a 15 year old girl who committed suicide because the guy she liked on myspace stopped talking to her. It turned out that he didnt exist, it was one of her class mates pretending specifically to hurt her.
Your mother doesnt know if youd react like that in that situation. But she wants to be able to have some level of input. When it comes to internet, she can use spy programs or she can restrict you and only let you online when she can watch over your shoulder.
When you hit the age where you might have kids, if you do decide to, you will understand this. Parents must have input on their childrens lives. And until you turn 18 you have no say. Its her right as a parent to protect you however she sees fit. If it smothers you a little bit, talk to her about it. The ONLY possible way shes going to loosen up is if you talk to her and help her understand that her fears arent going to come true.
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As a rough percentage.. what are the chances of getting pregnant by pre-cum when there was no penetration, no penis/vagina touching.. just fingers touching lips which didnt enter either (link)
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If he did not at any point have an orgasm and actually ejaculate the chance is zero.
If he came at some point and there are semen to be found in the precum, fractions of a percentage point.
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Sophomore/female.
My parents are seriously considering home schooling for me. They think it's much better to be surrounded by an environment that doesn't involve drugs or bad influences..I just don't know where to look for the best homeschooling. I know there are websites..but which ones are the best? Is anyone homeschooled here? If you can, please tell me where to look. :) (link)
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Nah.
You're self aware. The fact that you can consider things like bad influences means they arent really influences for you. As a sophomore, youre intelligent enough to disassociate the rest. Homeschooling is much better during middle school and the first year of high school.
You might consider a smaller high school. But its good for you to interact with people your own age as 15-16.
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Not sure if this is the right category but my questions is, DO i have trust issues?
Everytime i am in a relationship i always think the guy is trying to get in my pants. I always think he is just saying he loves me because all he wants from me is to get in my pants. i always think he says he loves me becasue of things we do (not sex). Everytimg he says how much he want to be with me and hug me and stuff, i always think he is trying to get in my pants and just saying that stuff to suck up to me and butter me up. I always think he is lying to me.
So what do i do, i try not to belive it but he has had like 30 GF's and has had sex soooo many times. I am so confused. How do i get over this?
what do i do? how do i trust, if i have issues? (link)
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Haha... he IS trying to get into your pants sweetheart. There are two reasons people date. Sex and companionship.
That being said, it doesnt mean thats his only goal, his primary goal, or anything of that nature.
Fight it. When you feel yourself asking these questions, tell yourself you're being silly, that he cares about you, and wouldnt be wasting all this time just for sex. I dont know what else to tell you. You have to talk yourself out of it.
And mention the concerns to him. Explain to him that you dont think that hes actually just after sex, but that you just have these worries because you know he wants it and you want reassurance that he loves you outside of the quest for sex, and that he cares about you. Approach it from a "Im sorry, I just have this mental issue and I need to hear you to tell me I'm being ridiculous" standpoint.
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16 f
So I just found out my best friend is bisexual . Ok bigg deal right? So why doesn't everyone else at my school see it the way I do? Today in school I sat with her during studies and heard people wispering all sorts of stuff and I overheared one person in perticular say "omg maybe that's her girlfriend" it just pisses me off how people are so sterolistic these days and judge one another for the stupidest stuff I hate drama I hate stress I try to avoid it everyday and now because of that once stupid person everyone is beginning to get the idea that I too am a bisexual and I certainly am not (not that there's anything wrong with being bisexual I'm just saying I wouldn't fitt under that category) and the last thing I want to do is avoid her or stop talking to her because I'm not that kind of person . How do I stop everyone from thinking this way without going to that last suggestion? Or how do I avoid all of this?
(link)
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Paying attention to rumors and acting differently because of them only makes people who are participating in the rumors think that theyre right.
Hang out with your friend. If anyone asks you directly, no, you arent her girlfriend and arent bi. Beyond that, pretend like no one is saying a thing and eventually theyll find something new to talk about.
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Okay so I have this problem Im in to the vampire sex i love it when my bf bites me and well i like practically everything he does to me and i mean everything he knows how to turn me on really fast does that mean im easy of does this mean hes really good (link)
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Hah.
Theres nothing wrong with being easily turned on.
"Easy" means that it takes almost no convincing for someone you dont know to sleep with you. Thats bad.
Easily turned on, on the other hand, is a good thing. It means you are more relaxed in sexual situations and it will stand you in good stead for the future.
Though, be careful if you start doing anything more than love nips. Get tested before you or your boy draws blood, if you're into that.
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okay me and my bf have more in common than different
but one of the big differences is he actually likes to talk about problems and i don't i hate talking things out. when ever we have a fight i get scared not that hes going to dump me but the fact thats hes going to want to talk about it so should change myself for that because i dont want to lose him (link)
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Yes.
Communication is vital to a good and healthy relationship.
He wants to talk because he needs to talk about things. You need to (not just for him, but for ANY relationship you are in, ever) learn to talk about things and learn to discuss difficult subjects.
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how long, on adverage, does it take for a girl to come? is it possible that some girls cant come? i've had sex and such with guys, and never came. Of course, it could be that they weren't adequate in the sex department, but I just want to know if there's possibly something wrong with me. (link)
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Huge variety of factors.
The guy, first of all. Its entirely possible hes terrible in bed and couldnt get you off even if you were a push button orgasm.
There could be technical difficulties on both sides.
You, second of all. And no, its not that something is wrong with you.
Part 1:
Women's orgasm is very, very largely determined by her mental state. Having one at all, and intensity.But theres alot that goes into that. You have to be comfy with your guy and with the situation. Some women have an easier time with this than others. The easiest way to help this that Ive found is massage and body rubbing. If hes willing to put in the time to relax you and get you nice and warmed up it can help alot.
Part 2:
The physical and technical aspects. Its possible that physically speaking you dont cum very easy regardless. It might take a certain kind of stimulation delivered just the right way for a certain period to work it.
Example, Ive known women who could only cum from clitoral stimulation, Ive known women who could only get the G-Spot orgasm.
This is why a long term relationship is a good idea. You have to sleep with someone long enough that they learn your ins and outs (no pun intended) and figure out how you react to different things.
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