A quick note: If I answered a question and you have further questions for me, please include a URL link to your original question(s) so that I can be sure of what we're talking about. Questions that reference something we talked about a week ago that I can't quite remember are kinda hard to answer.
Welcome to my column.
I don't apologize for my answers. I speak to the audience, and in doing so I sometimes tell the audience things they don't want to hear or cant handle.
I believe in stands on principle. I believe that doing right for the sake of doing right is a good way to live. I believe in self awareness and encourage it in others. I offer the most unbiased viewpoint I have. And yes, I am only human.
Im going to tell you what I think you need to hear. You are not supposed to take what I say and follow it. You are supposed to take what I say and _think_about_it_
Oh, and feel free to ask me questions, but netspeak, ebonics, terrible grammar, and your teen angst about a crush will be ignored.
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Member Since: July 16, 2007
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Last Update: April 13, 2014
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my bf and i last night talked about what we daydream and stuff not exactly text sex/sex put like him taking off my shirt and where i would touch his back and chest and stuff like that. we both really liked it and got turned on and thought it was sexy but the thing is we are really good Christians and we are wondering if it was wrong that we did that. can anyone tell me what they consider this? its not sex but is it 'unholy' i think it might have been kinda bad but i still really liked it. what should i do?? thanks so much :] (link)
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Hmm.
See, this one is very open to interpretation. It depends not upon God and his desires, but on whom you ask and their personal opinion.
If you are who I think you are (a question asked previously) my answer for that somewhat applies here.
You could get different answers from two priests, from your parents, from strangers on the street Christian or not.
How best to present this too you...
I'll use my entire family as an example. I come from Roman Catholicism. Devout Roman Catholicism. Grandparents kneel beside bed and pray every night kind.
Everyone in my family would disapprove of phone sex. But if you look deeper than that, everyone in my family would disapprove of it even between married couples. The objection to it is more base than "outside marriage". They consider it completely indecent for anyone.
This would be a common Christian reaction. These people are too uptight to think that its EVER ok.
My viewpoint, as you might have guessed, is that theres nothing at all wrong with what you did.
First off, from your descriptions, I know that it wasnt overly detailed, not even truly what I would consider phone sex. Even had it been, words are not actions. There is nothing wrong with nonphysical intimacy, its far cry from sex outside of marriage.
Morally speaking, I dont think you can say theres anything wrong with what transpired. I mean, you were talking about what amounts to erotic massage.
If you were to actually have DONE the things you were talking about, I would say that there was nothing wrong with that either. Simply put, if all you were doing was touching each other, I dont think that theres anything wrong with that.
The human body is not meant to be feared. The only reason I would say you shouldnt be naked and touching is because that way lies alot of temptation. Thats why things like this are considered wrong.
To give you a current example, some countries have laws that a woman must be covered at all times. The reason for this is that a woman must "take steps so that no man might see her naked flesh and lose control of himself and sin"
While I dont agree with laws like that, it shows an underscored fear, because the enticement of sex is great, and sometimes resistance and self control falters.
What should you do? My answer is the same as before. What you are comfortable with. Talk to your boy. Ask him what he thinks about it.
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How do you ask a girl to have sex with you? (link)
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Wow.
The sad truth is, as has been echoed here, that you can't just ask a girl to have sex with you. Hell, I'm in a relationship, we're sexually active, and I can't just look at her and say "you wanna have sex?".
It takes a little finesse.
Step 1. Broach the subject.
This is done silently. Basically, you have to show her that you're interested in sex. You do this, as previously mentioned. Kiss her. Progress things. Wait for her to stop you. More than likely, she will.
Step 2. Talk about it.
After she tells you no, shes not having sex with you (if she doesnt, you've had sex or will soon, so this advice is void or not needed) you can ask her what she thinks about sex.
Thats basically it. From there you discuss it. What does she think about sex? What does she know about it?
While sex is usually a touchy subject, if you approach it from an honest conversational standpoint shes probably going going to be interested in talking about it.
Just let her know that you arent trying to talk her into it, you just want to know what she thinks about it, and she'll talk your ear off. Girls love a free license to tell you what they think.
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14/f that is a virgin
if your a vigin and a female does masterbating pop your cherry or take your virginity (link)
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Virginity is the state of innocence where you dont know what sex is from a "Ive had it" standpoint. It refers to purity of mind and spirit of carnal things.
So, masturbating not being sex with someone else, no it doesnt lose your virginity.
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If I wanted to erase my internet history completely, how would I do that? Not just from going under history then delete, but totally erasing it from the memory of computer. (link)
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Oh lord.
Stop telling the 13 year old who wants to stop his parents from seeing the porn he looks at in the history of the computer to buy a product.
Download and install firefox. One of the menu items says "erase private data" and lets you get rid of all of this stuff.
Or, google "erasing internet history from internet explorer" for other instructions.
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My daughter is constantly applying nail varnish than the next thing she is chewing it off(my daughter is 14 years old) I have taken nail varnish away as she shares room with younger sister. Earlier this evening she came into the living room with white on her top lip. She freaked and went straight out when i asked what it was. When i went into her room there was tippex. She told me that she was chewing the top of the bottle??? So can she be addicted to eating it?? or do you think she could be sniffing it?? She was adament she hasnt inhaled it, i have searched the web but havent found much advice on eating it?? please could you help many thanks x (link)
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Tippex is toxic, if she were eating it she would be sick. If it was on her upper lip it was probably pressed there while she sniffed.
Your daughter is using inhalants. You need to have a very serious talk with her. Of all the possible ways she could have found to intoxicate her shes found the one thats the most damaging.
Shes lying.
What shes probably doing is putting on nail varnish and sniffing the fumes while it dries, then chewing it off to supply her need for a nervous habit and so she can reapply it and sniff again.
The tippex thing is a clear sign. If she were eating that stuff she would be very, very sick right now. She lied about that which means she was lying about snorting it.
You need to be very careful how you approach this. Your daughter already seeks intoxicated states and has the instinct to hide it from you as much as she possibly can. If you freak out and lock her down completely shes just going to go more underground.
Talk to your husband, and consider talking to a family counselor about how best to begin to deal with this as a family.
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17/f
is there any way to reduce the pain when a guy "pops your cherry" My boyfriend and I have been dating for 3 years and think it's time but im afraid of how much it might hurt.
are there any tips or tricks i should know about?
should i be on top or bottom?
yeaa im clueless lol (link)
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In all realistic truth, its not going to be that bad.
Worst case, it hurts for a few minutes. If you really want to reduce it, then pop yourself manually with a dildo or tampon so the moment is easier.
General tips about sex.
1) Explore. The human body is full of all kinds of fun nerve endings that make people smile, moan, or squirm when stimulated. You wont learn where they are without touching them and making him react, so explore.
2) You are going to suck at it. Get over that. Sex is a skill that learns from experience like many other things in life. That being said, take heart! The first sex you have will be the worst you have with him, its all uphill from there.
3) Pay attention and ask questions. When you're doing something, guys usually dont mind the "hows this feel" question. Give him the opening to ask questions or make suggestions. When doing something to him, watch his expression. Watch him enjoy it, and learn to read his reactions. Eventually you learn what he likes and can get him to react however you want.
4) Communicate! Hes not going to know you want him to rub that part of you more unless you tell him to!
And pillow talk is sexy. Go find a few penthouse letters books at your local bookstore and read through them. They will do a good job on increasing your sexual vocabulary.
5) Sex is about your partner. This goes for both partners.
6) Some guys think screaming is sexy. All guys think quiet moans are sexy. Quiet sexy moans are a good way to let a guy know hes doing something right.
7) Interact! Don't just lie there! If you are on top encourage him to touch you, and if you have the presence of mind touch him. If you're on bottom, give him responses. Touch him, run your hands up his arms, over his neck or chest, through his hair.
8) Relax. This is your boyfriend. The guy you can be yourself around, the guy you can be safe around.
About 4 days ago my girlfriend kneed me in the face. Clicked my jaw shut. Hurt like hell. Gave me a headache.
I couldnt stop laughing at how pitiful she was and how bad she felt and how much she was trying to take care of her poor boyfriend who she kneed in the face.
Awkward times happen. Hes your partner, and thats part of being with someone. You learn to laugh them off.
And, hes going to be nervous too. Its his first with you. And if hes been with you for 3 years, hes going to be worried about performance. If he wasnt a virgin before he still hasnt had sex in a while. If he IS a virgin hes got most of the issues you do plus a few guy specific ones that can devastate a mans confidence for years to come.
Let him know its OK for him to fuck up too. Laugh. Smile. Enjoy the time you spend with him and the intimacy inherent. The trust.
All you have to do is love each other. You'll figure out the details as you go along.
::Edit::
Christ its already long. The safety speech though!
If you arent on birth control, look into it!
Wear a condom! Period!
VCF. Vaginal Contraceptive Film. Its on the same Aisle as condoms in any store. Its like a breath strip. You put one inside the vag, it dissolves over 15 minutes into a spermicidal gel. Its quoted when used properly to reduce the chance of pregnancy by about 85% (roughly the same as condoms)
Use one of those with a condom, and you have a second line of defense if the condom breaks.
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**THIS IS LONG! I APOLOGIZE!**
Eek! I don't know what to do. I met this boy, we'll call Joe, when I was in 10th grade. He was in 11th. Over the next 2 years we became best friends. I could talk to him forever, we always hung out. We were inseparable.
He graduated a year before I did, and then went off to the Navy. I didn't talk to him much the next year , with me being a senior and him busy with basic training and everything. My senior year ended and he called to tell me that he was done with basic and he was coming back home. I was so excited! So that summer, we hung out for the few months that he was home and everything was amazing. I told him that I really liked him and he didn't really say if he liked me, but it was obvious.
A few weeks later he went back to San Diego and I was sad. I really wanted to ask him out, but I was so scared. So I called him a few days later and a girl answered his phone.. IT WAS HIS WIFE. He'd been married for awhile and he never told me. She said that he didn't want to ever talk to me again. I WAS DEVASTATED!
Fast forward to the past 3 months.. he's since divorced and he hangs out with me all the time. He wants to date me, but I'm still hurt over what he did years ago. He says he's sorry. But it's weird. I could see myself dating him.. but at the same time I'm scared that if anything bad happened, we wouldn't be best friends anymore. Gah. I'm just so confused. I don't know what to do. Stay friends? Or date and see what happens? (link)
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Ok.
Reality check.
He wants to date you. That, right there, is the death of best friends. You by definition can't be best friends if you want to date, unless you do the whole "dating and still best friends" thing which is really absolutely pointless because, well then you're dating.
Date him. You like him, he likes you, and the times you can enjoy together as a couple are worth the risk of losing the friendship thats alread on its way out because unresolved feelings will fuck things up between you two.
Let me explain the process from here.
A) You don't date him. Over the next few weeks/months/years he continues to chase you and try. And you continue to shoot him down. (or you cave later and have a nice bout of "why didnt I do this sooner" and go to item "B")
Thusly shot down, he feels like shit and wonders why you date all these other assholes while hes waiting for you to say yes. He begins to resent the fact that you wont date him. He begins to think less of you. Over time, his attachment to you wanes, and he eventually walks out of your life cursing you for your short sightedness and feeling like shit because somehow, he just wasnt enough for you.
Its a story as cliche' as the words "Where we're going, we don't need roads!"
B) You date him. Things might not work out, in which case you end up at the ending from item "A" except on a different timetable and for different reasons.
Or, things might work very well. You might have a few years of good memories, a decade, a lifetime (hey, I'm an optimist, so I don't rule things out)
Your hurt pride and worries about losing a best friend who in all real truth isnt going to stick around forever unless its as more than a best friend are not sufficient reasons to not do something you both want.
Get off your ass and call him. Now.
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Could it be possible to buy a country? I mean not like so if you have it, you're king, but could you buy all the land in some place like Africa? Like think of the most poverty-stricken low-quality of living country in the world. If some person had like trillions of dollars/euros could they go and buy the land in the country and just make it a better place? Could someone explain this to me? (link)
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For all practical purposes, no.
There is no person with enough influence and money to buy a full country for themselves if that country has a population of more than a few million people. Which is pretty much every single official country in the world.
It would require purchase of land, bribing of government officials, and thousands of other random details I dont feel like going into.
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well im a great Christian girl and my bf is a great Christian boy and we have been best friends for a while know and have liked each other on and off for a long time too. now that we are actually dating we both agree it feels just like we have been dating a loong time and perphaps just started the part of the relationship where we kiss and stuff? anyway since dating we have been kissing and holding hands and i was wondering are there certain things God doesnt approve of when dating? besides having sex (we both agreed strongly not too and i have an abstinence ring anyway :]) and not cheating? i mean i know we should have respect for ourselves and not go really fast and stuff like that but is there anything about what you should and shouldn't do?? thanks so much! (link)
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Differs depending on who you ask.
Your parents would probably say anything beyond a close mouthed kiss is a sin.
Among those who actually have a shred of intelligence who strive to maintain virginity, generally its agreed anything that goes with "sex" or "intercourse" is out. So, oral sex, vaginal sex, anal sex.
A priest would probably tell you to keep your clothes on and his hands on top of them.
Personally I dont believe in abstinence. In that vein I will simply tell you to keep an open mind and when you decide you actually do want to have sex (husband, whatever) remember that sex is a beautiful thing to be enjoyed and explored. Too many girls I know who are religious and afraid of sex, even in their married lives.
Do what you're comfy with and don't do what you're not.
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I feel like I am the only teenager (18) who has not had sex yet, or even go pass first base. I don't believe in sex after marriage, but i think its sad how teenagers (15,16, etc) have sex so young. And people say because it's fun, but I feel that losing your viriginity is much more then just having sex you know? But why do people have sex at such a young age or if they are not even that far in a relationship (like 4 months). I'm just curious, about people's personal experiences. Regrets no regrets etc and why they lost their viriginity at such a young age. (link)
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Is this an actual advice question?
I'm looking for the point at which help is somehow requested or needed.
To answer your question.
In the most basic sense, because it makes them think they are grown up. Children strive to be like their parents. Like adults in general. Everyone wants to grow up.
Children see sexual behavior in adults, and seek to imitate it. Thinking that they are ready simply because they discovered that they are physically able to do so.
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17/f
Many girls are born with a hymen and I have had my period for four years now. I am sick of using pads, but everytime i use a tampon i can't even put it up "there" like a half an inch because it hurts like a b*tch. I think I have the cribriform hymen, but it's really bothering me that I cannot use tampons/be fingered/etc. I have fingered myself a number of times to at least stretch my hymen out and I have tried breaking it, but it's not breaking. I examine my hymen like every two weeks to see if it has stretched out, but it hasnt. I can even do the splits, but its still there. I want to go to a gynecologist and see what she says about it and possibly have surgery there to make my opening bigger. But can any of you give me advice how to break it, or people who have the same type of hymen and how they deal with it. Is there anything wrong with me? should i go to a gyno? (link)
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This sounds like a job for a firm phallic instrument, possibly a dildo.
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My bf and I have been together for about 3 months now, and I am worried that we are losing our spark. We would hang out a LOT when we were first together, and text and IM all the time. Recently we've both been busier with our lives, with school and sports and all. Sometimes I go for 3 days without talking to him, and we basically only see each other on the weekends. He doesn't text or call anymore "just because" and I miss the way it was. Is our relationship wearing out? Is there anyway I can help this? (link)
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Going for 3 days?
Neither one of you is trying very hard.
He doesnt call any more "just because"?
Do you?
If not, maybe you should.
If so, maybe you should talk to him about the relatoinship.
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okay im a 16/f and there's this really mean girl at my school who won't leave me alone. i had problems with her over the summer and before that. like over the summer she started saying shit to me on myspace and i said shit back to her. and over Christmas break i added her on facebook and on myspace. because well i forgot about what happened between us and i don't hold grudges against people. well on myspace she messaged me and was like don't send me a friend's request because i don't want to be your friend or whatever. and i cussed her out and got mad and then i told her i didn't care if she wanted to be my friend and she needed to leave me alone. and then i blocked her and then after that i sent her another message telling not to ever start shit with me over the internet and if she had something to say to say it to my face. well she said she will at school the nest day and i assumed that she didn't go to my school anymore because she stopped going. well the next day she was at school! and to make things worse she's in my health class 5th period!! and she saw me and when she did she turned to a bunch of other girls and was like omg nikita is in this class ugh i hate her and she and the other girls said a bunch of shit about me.. and now all she does in that class is talk about me and stare at me and give me mean looks. and then she started calling me a bitch in the hallway but i took i as a comliment and then after tht like today after school i walked passed and she was like you better watch youself bitch and i didn't say anything. well i was wondering i man i ignore but she still says mean things to me. and im not sure if i should tell the school what happened since i message her last time.. so what should i do? sorry its really long but please help me!! (link)
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Posts like this make me want to cry a little.
A clue. If you start ignoring her and not responding every time she says something, and stop pre-empting her when you THINK shes going to say something, and stop basically doing just as much in her direction as she does in yours...
If you're upset because you think shes being _more_ of a brat than you are, theres nothing I or anyone else can do to help you. May god have mercy on your soul.
If you're upset because you think that you havent done anything, and its all her, and you want to know how to get this completely unreasonable bitch to leave you alone (and if you cant read the sarcasm inherent in the previous sentance) then may God have mercy on your soul, twice.
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On myspace...I had 119 friends. Now I have 118. Is there any way to tell who deleted me or un-added me? (link)
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If you have 118 friends, and you look through your current friends list, and you cant tell who just un-added you, why do you care?
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after you give a guy head are you not supposed makeout witht him again after? idk if they wouldnt want to because they would basically be tasting their nastyyyy or does it depend on the guy? thankyou in advancedd (link)
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Its courtesy to ask him, but hes an ass if he makes you brush your teeth afterwards or something. The only reason guys really have for that is homophobia.
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i was on the pill and missed one.. i took it as soon as i realised that day but it was more than 12 hours later. the box said to take the pill for the next 7 days (7 day rule) so I did. tho my pack ended on the 7th day of the rule but i had taken all 7 pills .. so is contraception still effective?
(the pills name is Dianette) (link)
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Yes it should still be effective. Birth control isnt something that either works 100% or doesnt. Alot of it is partial effectiveness. Missing a pill by 12 hours means that if you definitely would have gotten pregnant without the pill, then you have a slightly higher chance of getting pregnant with the pill (remember pill is never 100% effective, that is theres never a 0 % chance of pregnancy)
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i want to know if my my husband raped my sister or someone else (link)
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Reported for bait question.
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"God made Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve."
Would people take that as really offensive? I read it on the internet and we're making a poster on social justice and I was wondering if I should put that sentence in it somewhere. (link)
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You should not use that sentance.
Its based in irrational religious hatred of homosexuality. If you are making a poster for social justice then that sentance could be described as the exact opposite sentiment of "social justice" and you should disregard it.
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okay i'm on the pill and i normally take my pill within the same hour everyday since i'm supposed to take it around the same time everyday. my friend told me that i have to take it at the same time within like 2 minutes everday. if i take it within the same hour is that bad? (link)
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Most pills are quite the opposite. Within about the same 3-4 hour period is fine, most pills you are even fine if you miss a pill every few weeks. Your friend is wrong.
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My ex recently came back into my life, and she was my first and only true love. We have been spending a lot of time together as well. She has a boyfriend of 4 years and he is the complete opposite of me. He doesn't treat her like she should be treated all the time. Yesterday she decided that he was the better choice. He doesn't go to school, he doesn't have a job, and he has no plan to do any of these things. Am I wrong in saying that I am the better choice?? (link)
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We cant give you the validation you are seeking.
Shes been with him for 4 years. Obviously you are not the better choice.
Did you expect us, who dont know you, her, or him, to disagree?
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