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Best friend/Boyfriend?
**THIS IS LONG! I APOLOGIZE!**
Eek! I don't know what to do. I met this boy, we'll call Joe, when I was in 10th grade. He was in 11th. Over the next 2 years we became best friends. I could talk to him forever, we always hung out. We were inseparable.
He graduated a year before I did, and then went off to the Navy. I didn't talk to him much the next year , with me being a senior and him busy with basic training and everything. My senior year ended and he called to tell me that he was done with basic and he was coming back home. I was so excited! So that summer, we hung out for the few months that he was home and everything was amazing. I told him that I really liked him and he didn't really say if he liked me, but it was obvious.
A few weeks later he went back to San Diego and I was sad. I really wanted to ask him out, but I was so scared. So I called him a few days later and a girl answered his phone.. IT WAS HIS WIFE. He'd been married for awhile and he never told me. She said that he didn't want to ever talk to me again. I WAS DEVASTATED!
Fast forward to the past 3 months.. he's since divorced and he hangs out with me all the time. He wants to date me, but I'm still hurt over what he did years ago. He says he's sorry. But it's weird. I could see myself dating him.. but at the same time I'm scared that if anything bad happened, we wouldn't be best friends anymore. Gah. I'm just so confused. I don't know what to do. Stay friends? Or date and see what happens?
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Ok.
Reality check.
He wants to date you. That, right there, is the death of best friends. You by definition can't be best friends if you want to date, unless you do the whole "dating and still best friends" thing which is really absolutely pointless because, well then you're dating.
Date him. You like him, he likes you, and the times you can enjoy together as a couple are worth the risk of losing the friendship thats alread on its way out because unresolved feelings will fuck things up between you two.
Let me explain the process from here.
A) You don't date him. Over the next few weeks/months/years he continues to chase you and try. And you continue to shoot him down. (or you cave later and have a nice bout of "why didnt I do this sooner" and go to item "B")
Thusly shot down, he feels like shit and wonders why you date all these other assholes while hes waiting for you to say yes. He begins to resent the fact that you wont date him. He begins to think less of you. Over time, his attachment to you wanes, and he eventually walks out of your life cursing you for your short sightedness and feeling like shit because somehow, he just wasnt enough for you.
Its a story as cliche' as the words "Where we're going, we don't need roads!"
B) You date him. Things might not work out, in which case you end up at the ending from item "A" except on a different timetable and for different reasons.
Or, things might work very well. You might have a few years of good memories, a decade, a lifetime (hey, I'm an optimist, so I don't rule things out)
Your hurt pride and worries about losing a best friend who in all real truth isnt going to stick around forever unless its as more than a best friend are not sufficient reasons to not do something you both want.
Get off your ass and call him. Now.
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Hey!
Okay well first off let me say I think you guys should just be friends and take it from there again.Its only been three months and I bet you on anything he is still not over that girl.I know you like him and you want to be with him.But its better if you wait because would you rather it not work up and you guys end up braking up in like a month or even shorter.Or would you rather just wait and restart and take it slow...starting from friends then who knows you might be in a relationship with him for a long time.And if you decide to wait and he doesn't want to wait then you know hes not the one.
Hope I Helped.
--Sarah.
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i say you should date and see what happens. i know that it is a big step but you never know what could happen. if you have been best friends for so long then you know eachother so well. and you neverknow how well your relationship is going to work. But as for not wanting to lose the friendship if it goes wrong. don't worry bout that.i mean, if you are as good of friends as you say you are, then you probally would end up still being friends if the relationship didn't work. Just think about what is happening now and not what might happen later, so i say go for it and live your life to have fun, not to worry about what is going to happen in the future. Good luck and i hope everything goes good between the two of you!!!
~sealgirl~
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