I'll give advice to anyone I think I can help in any way. Ask away.
Gender: Female
Location: England
Occupation: Student/ General Know-It-All
Age: 22
Member Since: August 17, 2005
Answers: 297
Last Update: January 22, 2011
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17/f
Alright, I'm kind of grossed out or disturbed right now. My boyfriend just told me that his sister likes him, and that if they weren't related, his sister would want to date him. I asked him if he felt the same, and he said, "no." But why am I feeling a bit hurt and awkward right now? My perspective of him changed, I don't know how.. I don't know what has changed.. Maybe I'm just in shock??
The thing is, I kind of sensed it from her that she finds him attractive in some way, but I thought it was because they have a good close family.
I told him that I was a little bit weirded out, and he took it offensively. He thought it was rude, because she likes someone else but just that she likes his personality. I told him I thought it was still a bit weird, but he gave me the attitude.
I told him that I'm sorry to make him feel a bit uncomfortable but there are things that me & him would have a different point of view on. And he said that it was rude because he's the oldest brother and they rely on him a lot. I apologized, even though I felt like he was being rude too... Since he told me that he got tired of me because he sometimes feel sorry about my family status. (link)
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It's unsurprising that you reacted the way you did; I think anybody would. It's also not surprising that your boyfriend got defensive about it because it's pretty awkward and he'd probably prefer to brush it under the carpet and not see it as anything abnormal.
And to be honest, it's probably not as big a deal as it first sounds. If he's the eldest brother, the family relies on him (financially or otherwise) and he's a nice guy to boot, he is probably one of the main role models in her life (and a pretty good one by the sounds of it). Assuming that your boyfriend it about the same age as you and that his sister is therefore a fairly young teenager, she is going to be looking at boys differently and trying to work out what she wants in a boyfriend and, eventually, a husband. She recognises that her brother has a lot of good qualities that she'll want and, if my memory of 15/16 year old boys serves me well, she probably hasn't found any other guys around her age that measure up yet. This may in fact be all that she meant when she said what she did, rather than actually meaning that she actually fancies her brother.
Do nothing. Keep being nice to her. This is really unlikely to develop in to anything you need to worry about and is probably something she'll want to pretend never happened once the crappy teenage period is over!
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I am planning on getting a T-mobile pre-paid plan and I already have a phone. Do i have to get a new sim card or can I just use the same one? I don't really know what kind of questions to ask so if anyone could just give me any information they know about it that would be awesome. THanks! (link)
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They'll give you a new sim card when you sign up to the pre-paid plan, and yes, you'll have to use that one. It's always worth noting that they often give you a free phone with many contracts (but you don't HAVE to take it. Or you could take it and sell it).
I think they currently run a 'Sim Only' plan as well for which they don't give you a handset, making the plan cheaper (in theory). Definitely worth asking them about.
Hope that's useful!
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Okay so...
I have this really good friend that I've known all year and he is truly my best friend. Aaand, he's been going out with this other girl for about nine months now. And for about the last 5 months or so we've kind of...done some stuff. I really don't want to get too specific but we are definitely not 'just friends' anymore. Lets just say...I've finally seen my first penis >_< but we haven't had sex at all. I really, REALLY like this guy and he knows it, but I know he's completely in love with his girlfriend he has now. I don't even fully know how he feels about our thing, but I know that the only reason I let myself start doing this was because I figured it was the only chance I'd ever get to be with him. :( I've actually thought a lot about this, especially right when we were starting. I know its totally idiotic and stupid of me but I don't want to pull myself away from him. I know he has no intentions of leaving his girlfriend for me and I'm oddly okay with it. Like, for some reason I don't feel at all guilty about the whole thing. But that fact does make me feel bad.
I don't know, I haven't told a single person about this, not one. Its been kind of hard for me, and I just want to know...
what would you do if you were me? I know I'm probably the stupidest girl in the world for getting myself involved in this kind of crap, but I cant make myself want to stop. I'm such an idiot. :( (link)
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You're not stupid, most of us have been in a position where some guy gets us all tangled up in crap like this and it's hard to pull away.
I'm probably just gona tell you some stuff you already know but maybe it'll hep hearing someone else say it.
I'm betting this guy absolutely cannot believe his luck. He gets a girlfriend and all the things that go along with it AND he's found a girl completely willing to 'do stuff' (i think i can guess at what u mean) with him without expecting him to give up the gf and not showing any signs of getting annoyed or threatening to bust him. The one certain thing is that he's not gona be the one to end this thing. If he's not felt guilty in 5 months and thinks he can keep getting away with it he will.
Secondly he's got a very funny way of being 'completely in love' with someone. Regardless of whether you've slept together or not he has been cheating on his gf for 5 months with you. He knows how she'd feel if she found out and keeps doing it anyway. That's not loving someone. Love involves considering another person's feelings, being faithful to them and doing your best to make them happy. I know it seems all academic when you're falling for someone but let your logical mind have it's say and keep telling yourself what a truly crap boyfriend he'll make for anyone until he learns those basic things.
I'll bet he is being really nice to you- why would he mess up this sweet deal he's got going on by being anything other? The thing is the niceness is very probably not all genuine and certinly doesn't come from the heart. However nice a person he is as a friend, and even if it's subconscious, this guy is playing you for all you're worth knowing that you don't expect anything in return.
It's difficult to stop wanting someone but recognising the fact he's being utterly selfish and self-serving could be a start, even if it's not what you want to believe.
I really hope you work this out. It might take a while but you'll come out the other side and feel better for it. And hopefully his poor gf will too. By all means keep him as a friend but good as it might feel now, taking it any further than that is going to get you burnt. x
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is england a country? (link)
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Actually, just to be pendantic, 'Great Britain' doesn't include Ireland. It includes England, Scotland and Wales and several small islands around it but not Ireland, the Channel Islands or Isle of Man.
It's only when we talk about the 'United Kingdom' that Ireland is included (and even then only Northern Ireland- the rest of the land mass is called Eire and is counted alone.)
But yes, England is a country by itself as is Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland.
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im 13/f hes 15/m. my brother sleepwalks ALOT. he is 2 years older 3 feet taller about 100lbs stronger. in the day we get along really well not like most siblings. he tries to hurt me and soon gona kill me in his sleep. every night so im scaared to sleep i only sleep for about 3 hours. just last night he got up on my bed and was kicking me and started punching me. night before he was trying to strangel me. the night before he was trying to pull my head off and hitting my head. something happenes almost every night. i fight back. i dont want him to kill me but i fight back hard i dont wana kill him. i knocked the air out of him when he tried to strangel me. i dont want it to hurt either of us. does it mean something. how do i stop it. he went to the doctor. my mom can not stop him im stronger than she is. what do i do. (link)
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Well for a most immediate solution- is it possible to put a good, sturdy lock (or eve a few locks) on your bedroom door? Keep a window key handy in case of fire etc but just keeping your brother out sound like a decent temporary solution. If he finds he can't get in enough times he may even stop this particular behaviour.
As for the sleepwalking vilolence in general it's a pretty rare condition but it does exist in other people too and no necessary link has been found between this and any kind of psychosis or repression in the person in general. It's just down to a lack of a chemical in the brain which reders most people paralysed in deep sleep.
Going to a doctor and working out treatment with him is the best longterm solution but in the meantime it's important to keep yourself safe. I know some parents aren't keep on the lock idea but in this case it seems only reasonable and I'm suprised she hasn't done something like this for you already.
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What is the song "down on the farm" by guns n roses about? when was it written? what album is it on? (link)
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It's on 'The Spagetti Incident?' released 1993. I guess you could read deep meanings into it but it's basically just about a London boy being stuck in the middle of the countryside and being bored out of his mind!
Lyrics are here if you want them:
http://www.wowlyrics.com/read.php?wow=1651507
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I've been dating this girl for a while now and I think I want to marry her. She's a very adventurous girl who likes to try new things. That's part of what I love about her.
Early in our relationship she told me about a threesome she had with with two guys. She said she didn't like it very much but given an opportunity wouldn't rule out trying it again. But stated had no interest in doing that kind of thing with me because she loved me and wouldn't want to ruin things. On top of this she's had sex with a fair amount of guys, 10-15, she hasn't been sexually active that long.
I have no reason to distrust her in our relationship and she's always been faithful to other boyfriends. I can appreciate that, I've had sex with quite a few women but have always been faithful, along with a three some myself.
I love her to death but it really eats me up inside. I just feel like that's such a slutty thing to do. We've talked about it and I explained how I feel about it but I avoid discussing it further because I don't want to beat a dead horse. She acknowledges it wasn't her best moment and understands how I feel.
I understand:
-Much of this is my own insecurities
-Doesn't mean I can't trust her
-There is a double standard, guys get laid, girls give it up
-Her past is her past
-I should "just get over it"
-The adventurousness is why I love her
I just don't know how to "get over it" it really eats me up but I don't want to have this ruin our relationship because I harbor these feelings of resentment.
Someone please help! (link)
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Ok man, this is a toughie because you're already aware of all the things that should 'help'. But I know exactly the kind of thing you're describing where you can rationalise it into hell and back and still not get some part of your brain to be ok with it, so here's my best shot:
Basically, as you obviously realise, this is such a big problem because you're in a relationship with her and in some way the things she does/has done impact on you in a way they wouldn't on, say, her friends. I presume that since you have a strong enough relationship to want to marry her that it's also based on friendship. So would it at all be possible to sit down with her and ask her to tell you about the situation- what led up to it, what made her want to try it out, how she felt about it afterwards- as though you were kind of a best friend she was confiding in?
I know it sounds crazy and I don't necessarily mean get all the details of the actual act. But, if you could put aside your 'boyfriend' head for a little while, get the emotional side of it and put the incident in context of the life of the woman you love, you might be able to stop seeing it as just a horrible or 'slutty' concept that you just associate with her. After all if she's as wonderful a person as you say this wasn't something done by just a 2-dimensional 'slut' but by someone motivated by thought-processes and emotions.
I hope that makes some kind of sense, I know it's kind of a random suggestion but the key is trying to take yourself out of your usual role with her and literally just empathise. Hopefully when you go back to the boyfriend-girlfriend mode that different understanding of what happened will stay with you and ease your feelings somewhat. Not to mention give you the knowledge that if she'll confide in you that deeply you two have something really special.
Hope it works out for you.
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okey here's the deal. 15/f and i have never made out. i really really REALLY want to, but i'm afraid what the boy's reaction will be. example: what if i'm a bad kisser? what will he think? is that going to affect the way he thinks of me? i'm just really afraid of what he will say. I could either be a good kisser or a bad kisser and i just don't know. people are starting to call me prude now and i obviously am but i want to change that. help me? (link)
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First of all, ignore the people calling you names- screw them, they can do what they want but should leave you to do the same, end of.
Second of all the best way you're going to be a good kisser (and I know everyone says this but it's really true) is to be with a person you genuinely like and are comfortable with and to just relax. I have had some pretty amazing and some pretty horrendous kisses and I can honestly say that even the best 'techniques' do absolutely nothing if the person means nothing to you.
The only general tips are fresh breath, not too much tongue or saliva (noone wants to feel they've gone 10 rounds with a seaurchin....trust me) and to just laugh about it if something goes wrong.
Oh and to enjoy it!
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I don't need this for anything special.
I just wanted to hear stories.
Whats the most stalkerish thing you've ever done to the boy or girl you like?
Because I did something and I think its funny , but I want to see if other people do stuff like I've done lol.
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Hmm I guess probably when I was about 12 and my best friend and I once got out a phonebook (we must have been reaallly bored) and looked up the numbers of a few boys we liked. As far as I remember we never actually DID anything with them, just got a little thrill from having them in our posession lol.
And obviously every girl dresses up a bit when they know they're going to be somewhere the guy they like is going to be. And has often done a little probing into where exactly he IS going to be. Anyone who says they haven't is lying or has conveniently 'forgotten' about it (as I would like to...:)).
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Alright. This isn't quite as bad as the title makes it sound. I am 22/f and over Christmas while I was home I ended up running into my high school math teacher. He was only a year or two out of school when I was in high school. We had a pretty good conversation and I was talking a lot about my school, stress and thesis and he was funny and offered great advice. Anyways He sent me a really nice e-mail over the weekend (apparently he got my e-mail from another teacher I still stay in touch with) and asked me how was going, wished me the best and asked me if I’d like to get together for coffee or dinner when I'm finished.
So, he isn’t that much older then me, but it still seems a little awkward to agree to a date with someone who taught me. I think he is, at most, seven years older then me, but I want to know what other people think. Would be acceptable to go to dinner with him? I would really like too... (link)
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Yeah absolutely. If you want to see him, go for it. It's a long time since you were taught by him and you're both adults.
If you think people you know might be weird about it just don't tell them to begin with. It's only dinner, there's no need for the world to be informed. If it doesn't turn into anything more then you've avoided any awkwardness. If it does I'd think that people could accept it seeing as the age difference is really not that great and you're 4 years out of high school.
It might be the cause of some gossip for a while simply because it's relatively unusual and makes for some good bitching but I don't think people will find much inherently indecent about it.
Hope you have fun!
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I am thin and today when I came home from work I changed into a tee-shirt but wore the same pants I wore to work. She asked me as I sat down to eat if I lost weight, and I said no, but this upset me. I said to her that she always tells me I look beautiful. She said you do look beautiful but your pants look bigger. And she told me that I am skinny enough. However, I feel as if she is telling me to gain weight and I look ugly -- is this in my mind and am I overreacting. HELP (link)
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Heh I know exactly what you mean. Every time I see my parents after a period away I get comments on whether I've lost/gained weight. It's honestly not meant in a negative way, however tactless it may sound, it's just because your parents will always worry about your wellbeing not because you suddenly look ugly to them!
With all you hear about young girls with eating disorders nowadays any caring parent will have a little panic if they think you've lost weight, worrying that you're not eating properly. My dad nearly jumped for joy this time I came home from University having put on the half stone I (completely accidentally) lost the term before!
So long as you show your Mum you're eating well and reassure her you're fine she should let it go. In the meantime just be thankful you have a Mum who pays attention to and cares about what's going on in your life. Fending off the occasional paranoid comment is a pretty small price to pay for that.
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Well I always make up these fantasies that my crush and I will some how run into them somewhere! Like say at the grocery store or something. Or even if my dad was having some party for like football or something, and it just so happens that my crush had come because his had knew mine, and just happened to come up the stairs in my room or something and we start talking...I think about my crush all the time...and when I'm in bed I imagine those things then too. I think I might be bipolar because my friend says that one symptom of being bipolar is that you think anything can happen to you. Whats wrong with me?! (link)
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Lol I don't think you have anything to worry about. It's just daydreaming, everybody does it to some extent, especially when they have a crush on someone. I remember daydreaming about exactly the sort of things you describe when I was a bit younger.
That kind of 'What If' fantasy is just escapism and fun! You are definately. definately not bi-polar just because of that.
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What's the difference between
affect and effect?
The dictionary isn't helping me.
It's making me more confused. (link)
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Just to add an example which might clarify things:
"It affected him badly" (verb)
"It had A bad effect on him" (noun- hence the use of 'a')
Hope that helps!
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ok well when i was 13 i started my period i am 15 now and well i am a 34A in bra size and i really want to grow and i just have a feeling that maybe i am done growing but i don't want my breasts to stop growing until i am like a bcup but ok do you think they can still grow and well when i wake up everymorning my boobs hurt and they itch alot do my breasts still have time too grow? (link)
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They sound like classic growing pains to me. It varies but I certainly wasn't done growing at 15 and from what you describe it doesn't sound like you are either.
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19/F
Ok this seems long and soap-opera-ish but please bear with me. I’ve gotten rid of some of the details to make it shorter but please tell me if it isn’t clear enough. And please don't rant at me about being a cheating b**** or anything. I know I am a bad bad person. I just need you to tell me what to do.
Nate has always been the typical "rich bad boy" type. He gets a pack mentality when he is with his boys so he’s labeled an official ***hole. He's had a pretty bad past and when you get him alone, he’s different. He and I go a few years back when I wasn't into the party scene, and it got around that he "wanted" me. I shot that down and he gave up. I've been intrigued by him (i.e. had a crush on him) and we always used to exchange looks all the time at school and parties and I could feel the sizzles (but wasn’t sure it was mutual). Only last year did we start talking a bit inside and outside school. Then I finished school and didn’t see him.
In May, I met Blake. He’s ridiculously good-looking, the sweetest guy ever, and a cook. I didn’t think he was into me so I backed off then recently, Blake started showing interest in me and I was thrilled. We were perfect for each other, our life goals and views were the same, we had minor arguments sometimes, which ended with practically no resentment on either end, and we always made up quickly. It was the perfect relationship. I was still a virgin but he understood because he had only been with one chick (his year-long girlfriend in grade 11).
End of last year, Nate and I ended up at a party together. I was hammered out of my mind and we had sex in a bedroom. It was harsh to the point that he did it, shoved me away and left. I was broken after. Eventually, I told Blake and he was mostly sad for me and he did whatever he could to make me feel better. Including sex and it was just like the rest of our relationship, comfortable.
Then one day, Nate showed up at my house after I saw him at the mall and went home all shaken up. We had sex. We have had sex about five times now altogether. Usually it’s when I’m vunerable. It’s pretty much casual sex but it is explosive as in really really hot, stuff I thought didn’t exist outside novels. Blake and I haven’t even come close, even though there is some sizzle, it isn’t comparable. Told Blake once and he was mad but he came back and told me he’d still have me and he didn’t understand. Usually Nate just has sex with me and sticks around for a while and leaves but one time, he actually stayed after and kissed my face and stuff.
This is what confuses me. Blake and I are perfect for each other and it’s not a completely devoid of sexual drive either but when I’m with Nate, it feels right like it’s exactly where I belong.
I’m just so afraid of hurting Blake. I want to stay with him but at the same time, I feel like puking when I think about what a disgusting unfaithful slut I’m being. And I’m pretty sure Nate doesn’t want a relationship. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t want to look back twenty years from now and regret it. I know that bad boy’s can’t be tamed but I know his history and I kind of still ache for Nate but Blake is just perfect.
Help? (link)
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Sounds to me like this is one of those huge, horrible learning curves in finding out what kind of relationship you really need and value. Some people seem to get lucky and know (and find) exactly what they want from the outset but I think most would agree some kind of messy hit-and-miss will be involved before they can properly know.
Nate is a bit of a dick. And god knows I've been attracted to enough spot one. He knows perfectly well he can get what he wants from you without any ties or repercussions, partly no doubt, because presumably he knows you have a boyfriend. So how can you ever come back to him with any accusations? It doesn't sound to me like he wants a relationship or even knows how to have one, but rather is just happy he finally got the conquest he was originally denied. Even if he did how good a boyfriend do you really think he'd make? Believe me I know i's hard to disentangle yourself from someone who makes you feel like this but staying around him will just bring you down.
As for Blake, he could be the most wonderful, sweet, perfect guy in the world but if you're not into him enough to want to stay faithful to him, even this early on, he's not for you an will never keep you satisfied. Nonetheless I'm sure you know he doesn't deserve to be treated like this and the best thing you could do would be to let him go, hard as it is and as much as it might seem like a mistake to let someone so 'perfect' get away.
More importantly I think it would help to also tone down the 'ideal guy' notion. Blake might tick all the boxes of 'perfect guy' but isn't making you properly happy, Nate is pulling at your instincts but probably fits none of basic requirements of a guy who would make a good partner. It's your classic heart vs head scenario but you need a mix of both.
I'd advise you to stop seeing both of these guys and definately stop having sex with them. Try to keep them as friends if you can but for god's sake take some time for yourself and to figure out what you need and definately to forgive yourself for everything that's gone on before you even think about getting involved with someone again.
I really hope you sort this out in your head and find what you're looking for. x
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Is one kiss considered "cheating"? (link)
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I think most people would say yes. Unless a couple have a definate understanding to a different effect I would say it is.
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There is this book called Cut by Patricia McCormick. Can anyone who has read it tell me how they liked it or if anyone can find me reviews online
Is this book worth reading (link)
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Oh wow I read that years and years ago. From what I remember it was easy to read and pretty enjoyable but not exactly something that made a lasting impression or changed my life.
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what do ladies think semen taste like and if you are experenced in the field do you spit or swallow? (link)
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Definately depends on the guy. I've heard things like eating strawberries makes it taste better but that could be rubbish for all I know. In the best cases it basically tastes like nothing at all.
Can give pretty bad stomach aches if swallowed though. You have been warned!
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ok so this is kinda complicated but when i'm at pasta parties with my coach she will be really nice to me and stuff and we'll get along great. but then at practice she is always like never putting me in the game and my headcoach says i'm on of the best players on the team. but she NEVER PUTS ME IN! i just dont know what to do. advice?? please dont say talk to her because it would be awkward. (link)
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I know what you mean about it being awkward to talk to her but I think I have a way that might be ok, so hear me out?
Could you possibly wait around after practise and say, in a pleasant and uncomplaining way that you really want to get better and be able to play in the game so would she mind giving you some pointers and/or constructive criticism about how you could improve? Said in that way it shows both that you're enthusiastic and that you're willing to work hard and take advice and surely that can only be a good thing.
That way she'll either realise that she's been passing you over unjustifiably, will give you some tips about what she wants you to do differently or it will open up discussion about any othr reasons she's keeping you off the field. Whichever, I figure it can only yield good results.
Hope it works out.
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well theres a boy in my class name anthony i have this big giant crush on him and my friends thinks he likes me because he stares at me and waves at me and bothers me in a fun way but he has a girlfriend i think he wants to break up with her but maybe he thinks i dont like him HELP ME PLEASE (link)
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Never touch a taken man. If he's not happy with his girlfriend then you need to wait for him to end that first. Don't become a reason for him ending it-that will only end in a lot of heartache for everyone and if he's a decent guy he'll do it by himself anyway.
Once he's not with her, feel free to make your feelings known but bear in mind he could have just been enjoying the flirting and nothing more.
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