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I'm the other girl and I dont know how to handle this.
Okay so...
I have this really good friend that I've known all year and he is truly my best friend. Aaand, he's been going out with this other girl for about nine months now. And for about the last 5 months or so we've kind of...done some stuff. I really don't want to get too specific but we are definitely not 'just friends' anymore. Lets just say...I've finally seen my first penis >_< but we haven't had sex at all. I really, REALLY like this guy and he knows it, but I know he's completely in love with his girlfriend he has now. I don't even fully know how he feels about our thing, but I know that the only reason I let myself start doing this was because I figured it was the only chance I'd ever get to be with him. :( I've actually thought a lot about this, especially right when we were starting. I know its totally idiotic and stupid of me but I don't want to pull myself away from him. I know he has no intentions of leaving his girlfriend for me and I'm oddly okay with it. Like, for some reason I don't feel at all guilty about the whole thing. But that fact does make me feel bad.
I don't know, I haven't told a single person about this, not one. Its been kind of hard for me, and I just want to know...
what would you do if you were me? I know I'm probably the stupidest girl in the world for getting myself involved in this kind of crap, but I cant make myself want to stop. I'm such an idiot. :(
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Time for some facts here. You are going to get hurt.
You already know this guy is just using you. He
may be a true friend but if he is he isn't acting like one.
If you really want this guy you have to stop giving him the benefits of a girlfriend without actually being one. Why you ask? Because he has no incentive to leave her for you. He has the best of both worlds here and you are the one who's going to pay for it in the end.
He doesn't have to think about a thing.
If he isn't doing two girls, he is at least getting his jollies. The girlfriend thinks he is oh so sweet
for not pressuring her...he has it made.
You need to give him an ultimatum her or me.
You need to get tough and find someone who
cares for you and isn't just using you to get
what the girlfriend isn't giving.
You know if she finds out, you are the one who
will be labeled the bad guy right? Even if they
break up in this case, he will steer clear of you
to try and prove shes wrong. Gossip will have
you being the bad guy too. Even though that
isn't true. So many ways for you to be hurt in
this situation.
Hard as it is, you have to cut him loose. :)
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You're not stupid, most of us have been in a position where some guy gets us all tangled up in crap like this and it's hard to pull away.
I'm probably just gona tell you some stuff you already know but maybe it'll hep hearing someone else say it.
I'm betting this guy absolutely cannot believe his luck. He gets a girlfriend and all the things that go along with it AND he's found a girl completely willing to 'do stuff' (i think i can guess at what u mean) with him without expecting him to give up the gf and not showing any signs of getting annoyed or threatening to bust him. The one certain thing is that he's not gona be the one to end this thing. If he's not felt guilty in 5 months and thinks he can keep getting away with it he will.
Secondly he's got a very funny way of being 'completely in love' with someone. Regardless of whether you've slept together or not he has been cheating on his gf for 5 months with you. He knows how she'd feel if she found out and keeps doing it anyway. That's not loving someone. Love involves considering another person's feelings, being faithful to them and doing your best to make them happy. I know it seems all academic when you're falling for someone but let your logical mind have it's say and keep telling yourself what a truly crap boyfriend he'll make for anyone until he learns those basic things.
I'll bet he is being really nice to you- why would he mess up this sweet deal he's got going on by being anything other? The thing is the niceness is very probably not all genuine and certinly doesn't come from the heart. However nice a person he is as a friend, and even if it's subconscious, this guy is playing you for all you're worth knowing that you don't expect anything in return.
It's difficult to stop wanting someone but recognising the fact he's being utterly selfish and self-serving could be a start, even if it's not what you want to believe.
I really hope you work this out. It might take a while but you'll come out the other side and feel better for it. And hopefully his poor gf will too. By all means keep him as a friend but good as it might feel now, taking it any further than that is going to get you burnt. x
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