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Am I in the wrong for being upset?
Hi! So one of my friends is going out to dinner for a special occasion, and I heard her say (right in front of me) that if some guy couldn't go, I would be invited. I definitely want to say no if that happens. I think that that was so rude of her. Do you agree? Am I overreacting?
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Your not wrong to be a little upset. If it's just a certain number of people that can go, I would understand her wanting to have people in mind, but to say right in front of you that you are second choice is pretty rude. Kind of like how it's not rude to think someone has a bad haircut, but it is rude to point it out. So no, you are not wrong for being upset over her saying that
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You're not wrong for being a little upset.
You shouldn't be flat out or openly treated like a Plan B or alternative option.
It's one thing not to know that you are the alternative option, but when you do know and they unintentionally put that out there you just need to answer with pride and do not accept the invitation.
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your not wrong for being upset. The way that it came off when you over heard it, COULD have come off badly and you were left feeling like their "plan B" friend. which i can totally understand.
I actually have a friend thats done that kinda shit to me in the past and i confronted her on it every time after a while and made her explain herself.
I think if this person is your friend then you HAVE the right to say you over heard it and tell her your "not trying to over react but you heard her say that and couldnt help but feel a little hurt because it sounded like i was your "filler" or "plan b" friend"
Then let HER do the talking. Let her explain the situation and then if her answer satisfies you, then say "im sorry i dont want you to think im acting all overly sensitive i just over heard it and couldnt help how i felt so i thought i would come to you as one friend to another so we could talk it out, but everything is totally ok now dont worry" then act friendly and change the subject.
this will make her feel like this whole thing was still on a really innocent level and you came to her for an explanation BECAUSE you care about the friendship and didnt want something she may have not even met to sound mean to get between you both. ; )
if she gets upset with you, you might try explaining what i just said to you above.
if shes STILL persistent on acting stupid over it then shes not really your friend anyway and doesnt care about how you feel.
good luck
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Yea it really sucks not being the first choice. It sucks worse not being asked at all if for some reason there is suddenly room to invite you. What really hurts was having to hear them talk about this event in front of you and to learn you were not among the first invitees.
Not knowing what this special occasion is I cannot say why you were not among the first invitees. An example of why might be to say that maybe it is Chuck's birthday and Chuck is good friends with several people. It may be that the restaurant can only easily accommodate a certain number of people. In this case you invite Chucks closest friends first. Is it possible that on this occasion you would not fall into the category of the closest of friends for the special occasion?
Yes it was rude to have this party talked about in front of you. It was even hurtful to find out you were not among the first invitees in the manner you did. Before you take offence at this stop and try to figure out why you were not among the first invitees. There may be a good reason.
If a party were being given for you I would think you would want your closest friends invited first, especially if space was a limiting factor. This is absolutely one of those occasions where you need to think before you decide if you have been insulted.
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Yeah it sucks to not be picked first. Would it be better to not be picked at all? Yes I agree, its very rude. This has happened to me also and I decided to just go. Sometimes pride can get in the way and you might miss out on what could have been a great time. Maybe after having a great time with you, they'll decide to pick you first next time. If you say no because you're upset, they might not even consider asking you next time.
The "meaning" of what happened means whatever you decide it means. If you wanna be upset cause you weren't their first choice, you can be. If you do decide to go, you really have to let go of the fact that you weren't their first pick and just be there as you would be if you didn't know you weren't their first choice. But if you can't let it go, then don't go. If they didn't want u there at all, they wouldn't consider inviting you even if the other guy said no. If you decide to go and once you're there, you see you can't let it go, you can just leave.
Its the knowledge that you weren't the first draft pick that hurts. Not the fact itself. If you didn't know, it wouldn't matter if you were the last draft pick. You'd just be glad they thought of you and invited you.
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Hello! Did she tell you directly that you would be invited otherwise, or did you hear her say that to someone else? If she does ask you to go you can just say no. Don't go somewhere if you don't want to or if you don't feel appreciated. You may also want to talk to her and tell her how you feel. Hope this helps!
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