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Want to have sex....
Okay, so my name is Allison &' I'm f/14. So, my guy friend James is 15 and we both really like each other. Except that I know that he really wants to have sex.... I want to know if its wrong that he fingers me &' we get a little more intimate. I honestly think that I love him &' I think he loves me too.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Well, let's look at the facts here:
The brain keeps developing until age 25. Consequently, you're still at a rather early stage of your development, which means that you're feelings, thoughts and sensibility are going to change as the years pass. So what you want now may not be what you want five years from now.
Also, your sense of the potential consequences of a given act, especially sex, aren't really established yet. I don't object to the fingering thing if that is what floats your boat, but sex is definitely out. Wait until you've grown up a little more or you might end up doing something you may ultimately regret after you are a fully realized adult.
Don't get me wrong, I'm no prude. I was a very bad boy growing up. But you want to always be in the position to where all the positive options are still open to you. Risking pregnancy through having sex at your age isn't the way to do that.
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Hi my name is irina and I am 25 ideally think you should not go any further with what you already done. When I was your age I did mistakes just like you and than a few years later when I got married I regretted because I became close to God and I see things crystal clear now.
I just wish someone would have given the same advice as I am about give now.
It's okay what ever you did so far but from now don't do anything sexual until you are sure this is the guy you are going to marry.
God is very protective over his children and he loves you very much he don't want just some guy touching you he only want your your husband to touch you like that cause that's how he created us.I hope you will take my advise And God opens your heart to see clearly.
Take care sweetheart.
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Hi Allison,
You have received several good answers from advisers all close to your age. I'm a lot older, old enough to be your grandfather so my answers will be more of the grandfatherly advice type.
Is allowing him to finger you wrong? The answer to this question is both yes and no. What he is doing is masturbating you by fingering you. If you are doing the same to him by masturbating him, giving him a hand job as it is called. What you are doing is called mutual masturbation.
There is nothing wrong with self-masturbation. The only thing wrong with mutual masturbation is that is generally a part of sexual foreplay and in young people such as yourselves leads eventually to sexual intercourse. This is were the answer becomes wrong.
You are putting yourselves in a position where you may not be able to stop yourselves and end up going further than you intended. This is how you become pregnant as you are not prepared to have intercourse. Sure you may think you can stop but statistics say otherwise.
You may try to stop and he may force himself on you. Of course this is rape as once you say stop any further sexual activity is rape. You may not think so as you may feel partially at fault or too embarrassed to report it. But it is what it is.
It is not wrong to masturbate or to participate in mutual masturbation. The later of which should be reserved until you are much older. Again the answer is yes and no. Masturbation is a very safe way to relieve sexual tension. So no masturbation is not wrong.
As for being in love. I'm sure the feeling you have for him is love but it is a first love. What we parents use to and may still call puppy love. You will have many more boyfriends before you find your true love. In fact the kids you are friends with today are friends you will grow away from in a few years when you go off to college. Most if not all of these friends are people you will hardly ever see or speak to again once you finish college and move into the world of being an adult.
Your teenage years are a time to find out just who you are and what you want from life. Why ruin it by having sex at 14 and possibly becoming pregnant.
For most males this is a time when love and lust are greatly confused. They believe that sex is love. It is not. Sex is a very intimate act between two very loving individuals who are mature enough to understand the responsibilities that come with being in love. Not a lustful young man who has a love em and leave them attitude that most teenage males have.
My advice is to go no father. In fact back off some and have him either keep his hands to himself or at the very least above the waist line. Sex can wait until you and your body are at the same maturity level.
I've told it to you straight the rest is up to you.
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Hi there Allison. By 'know he really wants to have sex' I assume you mean he's becoming aroused and having an erection? Well, if we're with a girl we're really keen on there's nothing us guys can do to STOP that happening mate! As long as he's not pestering, bullying or in any way pressuring you into having sex before you're ready you're doing ok. Fingering, and you returning the pleasure for him at your age couldn't be described as wrong by any means, especially when you've got a sound connection. You'll learn about each other's reponses, likes and dislikes and of course it'll deal with those strong sexual urges you're having for each other, and in a safe way. It should of course be very enjoyable too, for both of you. I really would advise that you don't rush into full sex yet. Apart from the physical implications (mainly, the possibility of unwanted pregnancy), it will have some strong emotional side-effects which at your age you probably won't be ready for, as much as you love him. Relax, enjoy yourself, enjoy each other. But don't try and live your whole life in one day. The majority of girls don't 'go all the way' for quite a while yet.
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I don't know if the response i'm about to give would be nice to read but i just want to let you know that you are still 14 . I can't tell whether it's real love or not but you need to have more respect for yourself , like what xmark27 has told you . Think about it for a moment . Does having intercourse with your guy or being intimate at this age bring any good outcome ? Look , you still have your family and friends so why don't you live your life to the fullest first ? Remember , the choice and decision is up to you alone , and you will take the responsibilty of what you're gonna commit 100% . Life is not , in fact never , about enjoyment and excitement when it comes to love . Are you willing enough to see your parents become disappointed about their young , loved child having intercourse ? I kind of doubt so because if i were you , i i won't be that willing . Even if you guys do it secretly , truth will speak for itself one day . Tell him to wait , and you need to wait you or why don't you keep your virginity until you get married to your husband ? To me , that's better . You also need to think that you still have your dignity and that dignity , mann no one should take it away from you unless he deserves it . Keep in mind that 14 is not just a young age , but also an age to be more knowledgeable and stronger . Love ain't #1 . In fact , it is too fast think about real love now . No offence . This is all for your own good and the future as well :))
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Remember you are 14 and I know love has no age limit ,but you are a girl and you should have a little bit more respect for yourself. What if he has sex with you and after that he leaves you ? What would you think if your daughter was 14 and was getting fingered? you would be angry and remember guys only want one thing. Just first think about it and look into your heart if he really does love you and if you really love him. Just because you want to have sex doesn't mean its love , its not just about that. If you don't respect your self then nobody will. If he really loves you then he will wait to have sex with you.
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Knowing that you aren't ready for intercourse is a good thing and you have to make sure he knows it and respects it. As far as fingering goes it's a form of masturbation but done by a partner and nothing bad can come of it.
If you feel comfortable with it great if not tell him. Either way it's normal and not considered unusual or wrong. You're the one in control of what happens regarding intimacy. You have to tell your partner where you draw the line and make him respect that. It's up to you what to do intimately and not considered wrong but you have to be ready for it and well-prepared. Don't be afraid to tell you partner what you don't feel right about.
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hi Allison you say that fingering is wrong just talk to him about it and see if there are more fun alternatives that you both can enjoy when you are having sex like (e.g getting a dildo for a sex shop so that you can use that instead of him fingering you
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