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Tired of living....
Im 16 years old in 10th grade and it seems my weekday routine is Step #1:Wake up. Step #2:Do not kill self. Step #3:Sleep. Step #4: Repeat. I have 1 or 2 "friends" at school that aren't really close they are just "friendly" to me. I have some close friends that I hangout with every weekend but during the week its so hard for me to get out of bed and go to school so i am low on attendency. I don't necessarily get bullied but I do see people pointing and staring and talking about me a lot which really makes me REALLY upset. I guess I am very sensitive. I usually come home for lunch and cry then go back to school and ill often cry at night. My parents and friends are aware of this and I go to a counselor but it doesn't seem to help at all its been getting worse and worse. I think im so ugly and I know i have a good life im not poor and i have family that loves me but I'm just so sad and I want to die. I don't want to commit suicide but I've definitely thought about it before. If I don't have something to look forward to at all times I get really depressed I usually look forward to the weekend and hanging out with my friends but now its just to hard to make it through school the whole week because it seems like I just get judged. My grades are getting low even though it seems like I try so hard I can't get them up. I try to do little things to motivate me to get myself out of bed like doing my hair a new way and things like that and it worked for a while but not anymore. I like to sleep a lot because cant feel sadness when I'm sleeping. I've never done any drugs. I'm not good at anything (seriously)I hide my face with my hair and I am emo I cut myself sometimes. I'm just tired of living....I just want to love myself but no matter what I do I just cant.
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Sweetheart you are totally normal but r unaware that everyone feels the same at that age. Some r better at hideing than others. B brave and bold x
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your so young. when i was your age, i didn't want to live either. high-school and being 14-18 are really hard years. its so hard to be a teenager. just continue going to a counselor. express your feelings. Do things and distract yourself, do things that make you happy. write, do art, go on walks and spend more time with your family. your family knows how you feel, trust me they were a teenager once. i know it seems hard that life sucks and all but i can promise you that when your out of high school and if you go to college, it is an entirely different experience and you can meet so many great people. so try and keep those grades up! study harder, get help if you need it. the friends that are "friendly" you should just try and hang out with them. you never know who you can meet. keep your head up and i bet you are not ugly everyone is beautiful in their own way. usually MOST people think they are ugly, so you are not the only one just take care of your body, exercise it will give you lots of energy. it takes time to love yourself and accept yourself, you wont figure it all out in 1 day it takes years. i'm 23 and i'm still figuring out who i am, i still get depressed and have ugly days, but i keep my head up and live cause thats all you can do. i've been through a lot but what has gotten me through are friends and family and doing things i love. life is short, trust me it goes by faster as you get older. cherish it, keep your head up and don't feel so down on life. when you don't think about how much things suck, i swear things happen when you least expect it, good and bad. you are strong and u know you are, your still here... =] friends are important and will help your confidence level. just keep your head up as best as you can and soon you will be out of highschool, cause highschool really is peoples worst times in their lives. good luck =]
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i think you need some one to take care of you how about engage yourself in something as empty mind is devils work shop you need to do something that makes you feel good and don't think about any thing else that bothers you.
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All of the things you've written here are symptoms of depression. People are probably not talking about you -- or there may be 1-2 that do because you're in high school and teenagers can be cruel like that... and I can guarantee that they're talking about others as well.
That you feel ugly, need too much sleep, cutting, etc. all are symptoms of depression - which your counselor probably has already told you. If not, then you need a different counselor. You should show the counselor the question you have posted here. The counselor also needs to talk to you and your parents about the possibility of getting on an anti-depressant like Paxil or something. Although there has been bad media hype about teenagers taking anti-depressants, the actual issue about that were some adverse effects for a few kids. Anti-depressants actually have helped millions of teenagers. I wish I had this help when I was your age.
Also, that you're writing about this here when you have a counselor concerns me that the counselor you have may not be right for you. Finding the right counselor takes some shopping around -- and you need to find one who went to a good college that has a strong psychology program (asks your parents to research this a bit for you). Ask about cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and find a counselor who actually does CBT. A low dose of anti-depressant combined with CBT will probably work wonders for you.
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I don't think these people are really pointing and talking about you. I think you have a low self esstem and it makes you think people are staring at you. I mean there are ways of fixing this with out changing yourself. I mean dress a little different make yourself happy with your apperence chances your self esteem.
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High school sucks. I was like that when I was in 9th and 10th grade. I would spend half my time crying. Cutting yourself is a big problem. You can't face that alone so you need to talk to someone before it gets out of hand. Trust me. You sound like a really good girl. All you need to do is learn to love yourself. So talk to your parents or a counselor at school. No 16 year old girl deserves to feel this way. Things will get better from here.
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you like every other high schooler, doesn't believe it when adults say what people think of you in high school ro what happens there, DOESN'T MATTER. Well i just graduated last year and let me tell you all this people that ever made fun of me and said shit to me are not only far behind me whether i see them or not. THEY DON'T MEAN SHIT NOW AND HALF OF THEM WON'T EVER BE SHIT. Stop worrying bout high school and focus on yourself. and by the way you're just another person feeding into the "emo" stereo type by saying you cut yourself... not all emos cut themselves and its PATHETIC to do.
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