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My boyfriend seems depressed...
I'm a 13 year old girl, and I've been dating my boyfriend for about a month and a half. I've known him since kindergarten, and he's usually a pretty upbeat, positive person.
Lately he's been acting rather down. I know he's been having some hard times with his family, but I didn't realize how bad it was affecting him.
He often discusses things like how no one would miss him if he died; theroies on how he thinks he's going to die.
I just need to know what I should do. Do I inform anyone of this? Does this make him suicidal? What can I do to help him?
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He wants attention and positive reinforcement.
The problem is that you have three things going on:
1. The native insecurity that comes with being a teenager.
2. The foundation of his life, that is, his home life, seems like it is rattling loose.
3. He could be getting negative messages at home or he is being ignored as his parents battle out the issues that concern them.
First, you have to make him realize that he has no right to be depressed when billions of people on this planet have it much worse than he does. You can say something like, "yeah, sometimes I wake up and think my life is the pits then I thin about Mexican farmworkers waking up to another day of excruciatingly hard work in a foreign country for crap wages and, compared to that, I can't really complain."
Secondly, tell him that you are glad you guys hooked up and it has made your life more enjoyable and having him there for you is important to you right now.
Thirdly, tell him that sometimes people around you get pretty crazy and you just have to wait the craziness out. It sucks, but all you can do is try to emotionally step back from it and look at it almost like you're watching something on tv and try to learn from it.
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you just need to be there for him. talk to him about it and when he needs it take his mind off it. he needs to know that people do care. if he gets worse inform someone that can stop him like a parent or school councler so they can keep an eye on him. dont fly off the handle now. be there for him resort to telling someone when you feel your not helping him
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This means somethings going on with his family.
Are his parents getting divorced?
Did somebody die and no one cared?
But do you really think he's suicidal? No.
Point blank. Go talk to him.
Ask him what's wrong. Tell him you're always there for him no matter what happens.
Is he moving away? Does he get a say in things? Make sure he's alright before you inform anybody of anything. Hope this helped?:/
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Let me start my saying this i can relate to what your boyfriend is going thru. not sure of his circumstances but my mother was killed when i was in a young age and i greatly affected my teenage life. i used to be down all the time hated my life wished i was dead all that. now that im older i wish i wouldve had somebody to talk to. i pushed aside everibody that tried to help me. i depression got to another level where i thought it would be a good idea to self harm. the thing is this is the time where your boyfriend needs you more than ever and just try to get him to talk to you.although he may or may not express it he will appreciate having someone there to help him thru his hard times. point is he needs you now more than ever so talk to him and tell him that you care. hope this helped.:)
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A lot of people mistake depression for teenage hormones; it isn't right to make that assumption and it keeps a lot of teens from getting the help they need. If your boyfriend has had symptoms of depression for more than two weeks straight, he probably has clinical depression. I highly doubt he's constantly faking being down just to get attention from you. It isn't a phase and it's very serious, even if you are 'only thirteen' as many people will say. Depression can be serious at any age. Here is some info the symptoms:
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I would suggest that you read up a little on depression, how to support friends going through depression, warning signs of suicide...that kind of thing. Knowledge is power and it's easy to find on the Internet. You can't diagnose him with depression and neither can I, because neither of us are doctors. Still, knowing these things will help you know what may be happening to him and how to help.
Making comments like, "No one would notice if I died/disappeared" or bringing up his own death unusually often are signs of suicide. That doesn't mean he's in imminent danger of hurting himself, but it is a HUGE red flag. He is definitely thinking about it. Always take signs of suicide seriously. So many people have committed suicide after family and friends brushed them off as attention-seekers, and that shouldn't have to happen.
You need to talk to him about this. Try not to be confrontational or accusing. Don't treat him like he's done something wrong or ask things like, "How could you do this to me? Why would anyone act like this?" Don't give him a speech about going to Hell (we've all heard that before), and don't yell or threaten to break up with him if he doesn't get better. If he is truly depressed, then he doesn't have much control over his emotions. DO be sincere, compassionate, and non-judgmental. He needs to talk to a friend about this, not a second mother.
If it's easier, talk to him online. When I was younger I found it much easier to talk about sensitive subjects through messages than face-to-face. But if things get worse and he wont open up online, you may have to sit him down and talk to him. It's important that he knows you care, that you would be torn apart if he died. And it's important that you help him get help.
Your best bet would be to talk to a school counselor. Tell them that you're worried about your boyfriend, that you've known him for years and he's been acting pretty depressed for the past few weeks, different from how he usually acts. I wouldn't mention the hints of suicide he's given you yet, because that will definitely be reported to his parents and stir up a major pot of trouble. The depression might be reported to them anyway, but that alone will be enough to take on without the extra suicide concern (for now). It'd be best to ease him into getting help, rather than just surprising him and forcing it on him. Talk to him about it first. Talk to him about what he's feeling, and tell him you want to help him. Be sure to tell him before you go to a school counselor, and try to get him to agree with it. If he gets into the counselor's office and just fakes it and acts totally fine, they wont be able to help him at all.
If he gives you a signal that he's about to attempt suicide (like a weird text that just says, "Goodbye" or "I'm sorry") you need to do whatever is necessary to stop him. Call 911 if you know where he is, call his parents, talk to a teacher: whatever is necessary. He may hate you for calling 911 or telling his parents at first, but he will be thankful in the long run. And even if he's angry, he will still be alive.
I suffered from depression a lot through my teenage years (starting around age 13), and as someone who was on the depressed side of the friendship/relationship, I will tell you this: your understanding and support is vital, but 'fixing' him should not be your burden alone to carry. Depression needs real medical treatment through medication and/or therapy that you can't provide, and there may not be much you can do if his family doesn't understand. These are things you can't give him or fix for him.
Also, and this is most important: anyone who is ill plays a role in their recovery. Whether it's as small as taking a pill in the morning or going back to your doctor when you're supposed to, there are responsibilities that only the sick person can take on. Depending on how bad things get for him, your boyfriend may not be able to do much for himself or see any hope at all, but he can't sit still and expect his friends and family heal him. He needs to be aware that no one person or thing can fix him, and all the help in the world wont work if he doesn't cooperate. He has to open up to counselors and he has to tell someone when he needs help.
You should not try to be his sole source of support. It wouldn't be fair to either of you, and it would make you feel guilt you don't deserve to feel if he didn't get better. I think Kittenlover2000 was being horribly cold to tell you to drop him because he's going through a period of depression, but you also can't let his problems take over your life. Support him, encourage him, love him, but don't let him put your own life on hold. I say this because I feel like my depression swallowed up some of my best friend's life, and I want people like her to understand the line they walk. Support is good; giving up everything to be there 24/7 is not so good.
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Firstly you need to establish if he's really feeling like this or whether he thinks he needs attention. Maybe its because he knows that you'll react like this (showing your love for him) that he's doing it?
If it goes on talk to like an older sibling/teacher in secret as parents can be daunting to speak to sometimes.
Also I'm guessing he's about your age-teenage right? Teenagers go through all sorts of hormonal changes, most of them feel insecure and low at some point in adolenscence. Its just a part of growing up-but I'd talk to someone else about this before talking to you're bf.
Finally, never stay with someone who makes you feel low and worried all the time, cause you deserve better. Good luck :)
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I would suggest you discuss this with a trusted teacher or the principal if you are both still in the same school. They may be aware of his change in mood but not how deep it is actually effecting him. Should you tell them what you feel and what he has told you there are things they can do to see to it he gets the proper help.
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