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i need advice on how to get my 21yr old sister to move out
I am a 26yr old Female and my baby sister is 21yrs old and this is her second time living with me and i am fed up, she has no visible goals and i now have a 4month old son and my fiance' is ready to move in.She has been back and forth between my house n a friends house and recently got a job but quit after a week.....what do i do ,because when i try to talk to her she always accuses me of not caring about her or not being there for her. i dont want to hurt her so can u please tell me how to handle this????
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You gotta send her home. She is obviously totally disregarding how you feel and is using you as an object of convenience. And what she is saying to you about your observations of her behavior aren't credible answers, but empty guilt tripping. Don't fall for it. It could be that you sending her packing will be the wake up call she needs to get her life in order.
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well.. do you care about her? have you been nice to her? have you been caring?
tell her that you have a family and you dont need a babysitter(not best option it might work though) tell her shes always welcome here but you need SPACE.. you need SPACE.. and if she disagrees.. tell her she can take her stuff and give her some money to get a place and nothing else.. tell her she needs to be independent and that she cant be living there anymore.. as much as you like her tell her you need some space and that shes a grat babysitter but you need your space and she can be with her friends for a while.. its YOUR place its NOT hers.. so its really your choice what you want to do.. just dont be harsh
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Key point of yours - she QUIT. She wasn't fired.
Sometimes people fall on hard times, and frustrating as it is, you have to be there for them, and house them, because its not their fault. The economy can suck, and finding a stable job can be really difficult.
But she quit. Unacceptable. She didn't have an apartment or a situation where she was able to quit. She didn't like it, so she quit. Too bad, its time to grow up.
If I were you, I wouldn't just kick her out. But I would explain to her, firmly, but nicely, that she is to find a job immediately, and she is not to quit it, and that she will be expected to move into an apartment/room share situation (that can cost as little at 200 a month) as soon as possible, which is like a couple weeks work, or a month. If she fights you on it, say you're sorry but you have made up your mind, and the alternative is moving out immediately.
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just tell her shes npw a grown women and its time for her to start to live on here own instead of living off of other people and if she needs help looking for a home then tell her you will be there to help her out with whatever. plus make her know that staying with people once or twice is ok but she cant keep continuing to do that because when you stay with someone so so that you could get back on your feet and when you do its time to be on your own.. well good luck
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Hey there :)
Let me start by saying as zane has you do care!
If she can't see that then its her fault. I know she's family and it's hard but you know as well as I do she is acting like an overgrown child.It's time for her to grow up and accept responsibility in life.
The only way she is going to see is tough love. Sit her down tell her you love her to bits she is your sister you have been there for her you have offered her somewhere to stay but YOU have your own life to live. She cannot free load anymore. You have a young son. Your about to get married. You cannot have your little sister living on top of you even if she did pull her weight and didn't come and go and HAD a jod it would still be time to ask her to move on.
Surely she can understand you want your space to start your own family. That she is still welcome to stay at weekends and to spend time with you but not to live with her.
offer to help her to find somehwere else to live.
Tell her it's time she kept a job under her belt did something with her life. Tell her you believe in her and that she should set goals for herself. That way she won't feel like your pushing her out and forgetting her because you are too concerned with your "new life"
My sisters boyfriend is the same she is 22 and he is 23. They are having their first child together and my sister is at home for the moment until she finds her feet. But her bf free loads all the time,he is a great guy with a huge heart and will be a great daddy but he is lazy over dependent and sometimes acts like a child himself. He would stay for like two weeks at a time..and would hardly pick up after himself..my mom was at her witts end as was I but it was so hard to find a way to handle it as we didn't want to upset my sister either. They both have a short fuse. But there were other people in the house to think about and in the end we needed family time My mom told him he could stay up to 3 nights a week and that was it. My sister was fine with this too as she found it hard to get through to him about space issues too. At first he used to abuse the 3night rule but my mom had to go tough love on him. And it really worked he has found a job and is respecting our space and boundaries. He was spoiled all his life and never had a family envoirnment. I'm sharing this with you to show you I know how your feeling and I understand your frustration you probably feel trapped and that someone is going to be hurt in whatever you do. If you let her stay you will be stressed agitated as will your fiance fights will start and that's not good.
Deal with it now. Nip it in the bud.
Sure her nose will be out of joint for a while but if she has any sense on her shoulders she will come around. She will appreciate what you have doen for her in the long run.
I hope this helps and I wish you the best of luck. :)
This is an exciting time in your life embrace it. Much <3
Jess 17/f
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You have cared, You have taken her in not once but twice. Your sister is old enough to take care of herself as she is legally an adult.
I would give her two weeks to find a place to live, There is no nice way to bring it up but the NICEST way to bring it up would to be something along the lines:
" I love you and I'll always be your mental support but I am no longer able to let you live in my home as I now have the responsibility to raise a child and my fiance will be moving in so I have decided to give you two weeks to find a place to live" Well, Sure this isn't exactly the nicest way to word it but you also need to realize that sometimes there is only so much you can do for a person. Your sister needs to take care of herself and you now have a family to take care of and that is your priority. If she has other family members she can live with then she should probably pick up the phone and give them a call or yet her friends. Remember, You cannot help someone that is not willing to help themselves. I would give her a 2 week notice ahead of time, Sure she may not take it lightly but she'll get over it.
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