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Son to attend College
I have talked with my 35 yr old son many times to attend college, and he has not done so as of yet. Is there any thing more I can do to get him to see he needs to attend college to make a better life for himself? He says he going but has not. He is very smart and intelligent and made good grades in school.
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I've generally found Peeps advice to be right on target. As a parent of a young man who was never interested in school I know how you feel. It took a tour in the Army to set him on a course to see where he wanted to go and then he did what was required to get here. As the saying goes though you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink.
When I look back over the many decades of my life I have seen numerous examples of parents forcing their children to College only to see them come out under a load of dept and be miserable. In the beginning of my own career I saw friends of mine go into the building trades a make more money than I did in my 9 to 5 College Management Training Program. They wore comfortable clothes I had to wear a suit ad tie. I was miserable they were happy.
I also had friends that had jobs that didn't pay a lot of money but they were happy as the job allowed them a lifestyle they where happy with. Some drove trucks. One worked in a fast food restaurant. He made a fool of all us as he now own several of the chains restaurants and I believe he is worth several million dollars. Even so you can still find him behind the grill on occasions because that is what makes him happy.
Your son is 35 years old; the chances of you changing what he is, is minimal at best.If he likes who he is and is happy with what he is doing. Is able to financially care for himself, then stop trying to make him something he does not what to be. All you will be doing is driving a wedge between you and him.
There may come a time when he will see a need for more education. When he does he will go after the education he needs or wants; it will be something he wants, not something you try to force him into. Until then let it go, you have done you job. You have raised him to be a law abiding self-reliant individual. That is all anyone is asked to do as a parent.
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College is not a requirement for a good, happy life. Right now, it can even cause further problems, leading to loan debt.
There are lots of men and women who didn't attend college and lead very happy, productive lives. In addition, there are a lot of people who did attention college, earned multiple degrees, and decided that those degrees shouldn't be put to use for what they truly wanted to do.
A lot of people don't realize this but there are jobs that don't require a degree but need to be done. It doesn't mean the people doing these jobs are not intelligent or are worthless. It's like saying garbage collectors are worthless beings because they didn't go to college, and that they must lead very unhappy lives. Garbage might not sound ideal, but many collectors absolutely love their jobs and lead extremely happy lives. See what I'm saying?
In my personal experience, I earned three college degrees for absolutely no reason. I almost buried myself in loan debts because I thought I needed a degree to be a happy person and lead a happy life. I didn't really want that though. I ended up getting a job as a cashier for awhile, and, you know what? I really enjoyed it. I've moved on now, without using my degree, to something that has an exceptionally good payrate, great benefits, work incentives and raises, and full-time hours. No special college degree required. And if I'm happy and not struggling to pay my bills then so what, right?
I don't know how many maintenance workers I've met who were so exceptionally happy with their jobs. Many people view the job as low and unfulfilling but I've met many that love what they do and "get by" just fine and dandy in life.
If he WANTS to go to college then that's great. Encourage him, help him, and reassure him that everything is okay.
If it's that YOU want him to go to college then pressuring him is only putting a new burden on his shoulders. He could be very happy the way he's doing right now, or what he really wants to do doesn't even require a degree, but, rather, personal experience.
What you perceive to be a lower, unfulfilled life might not be what he sees. He may be thrilled with his current occupation. He may be truly happy doing a basic job. You can make him do what YOU think he needs to do. He needs to do what he feels makes his life complete.
It might be time to stop pressuring the boy to do what you think is best for him and let him take the reigns of his own life.
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some times a little help goes a long way. i know your job as a let me do this for you parent is long over but every so often us kids need a push :) with out my mom and my best friend i would have let the first semester slip right past as well. we have to be sat down to do something or given some papers to sign up and .. money is always scary.Just a thought.
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At 35 years old the best thing you can do is back off. Either he'll go or he wont go.
If you'd made any material offers (finacial help, or a free place to live if he returns to school) you might want to remind him that those offers expire at some point. That's how my parents got some of thier twenty year olds to finish school or begin second degrees - They told us they would pay our tutition only until they retired, then we were on our own. It was helpful to have that deadline, and know that they loved and supported us going to school, but were only able to do so much.
Maybe that's the not the best approach for you, but it is what helped in our cases. Of course, some of the kids still choose not to go to school, and that was thier choice. It might be your son's choice too. So give him a deadline for your support (if you are willing to support him at all) and then let him make the choice.
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