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should i take my daughter out her karate class?
Shes been doing it for about a year and really seems to enjoy it.
but now it seem to be getting to her head. When I told her to do something yesterday she got mad and said that she knows karate and that I should watch out.
Do you think I should take her out of the class?
Btw she's 13. I'm her dad.
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I don't think you should challenge her to a mock fight at all, it might go wrong and someone could get hurt. You should talk to her sensei and tell him how she has been acting and also talk to your daughter about it. Tell her she will be taken out of the class if she doesn't start helping and being herself.
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Martial Arts has nothing to do with anything. All you need to do is talk with you daughter and tell her how your the parent and how you make the rules and that she will not beat you up or use her skills on you. A mock fight is totally uncalled for. That would just help her in case she does win, being that shes a girl, if she was anything like I was when I was 13 she will win no matter what. For example, I would race my father at a track, and I would pretend fall and cry. He would stop to help me, and I would stand up and sprint to the end to beat him.
It would be a good idea to talk to her master about this as well. It is also his job to teach her when it is appropriate to use her techniques and when it is inappropriate. Good Luck!:)
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First, agreed with below opinions that this is not a martial arts problem. However. She should be made aware that another threat like that and she will lose the privilege of participation in martial arts to be restored when and if you deem her mature enough.
Second, you should absolutely mention it to her master. While it's your job to retain parental authority, it's his job to instill in her a respect for what she's learning and when she should use it. You should also discuss with him/her what his recommended response is. He should be trying to drill responsibility into her. Learn what he says and repeat it at home.
Third, why are you embarrassed? You should be pissed off. Your daughter is being an arrogant little idiot, you need to let her know that "Dad" always cancels out "karate" and always will.
Fourth, god no you should not challenge her to a mock fight. Your parental authority flows from the fact that you are her father and she is a child, not from the fact that you're bigger and you can take her. You assert yourself by punishing her by taking away privileges. Ground her. Let her know that another karate threat will mean she loses karate.
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Hi there,
This isn't a martial arts problem... this is deeper seated than that. Most children have a very definite reason for wishing to cause violent pain and damage to a parent.
As for being embarrassed about talking to the sensei, I understand... but still suggest you do so. He or she has more experience with kinds who turn violent with their training than anyone else is likely to have.
What you describe is a very common problem. It is also the reason that some studios will not enroll children that age at all. Puberty is bad enough without being schooled to hurt people.
I know, I know... self defense. Sadly, when there is emotional turmoil, all they get out of it is that they have the power to hurt someone else. The discipline has to come from when they are very young, or have matured enough to handle it.
There is a reason she wants to hurt you. My suggestion is that you get to a therapist that can help you guys work out what is going on.
As for the mock fighting idea: Worst idea ever.
If you do anything less that hurt her, she will claim that she won. Once she has that feeling, you can forget her listening to you for the rest of her life. If she lands a solid blow, you only have two choices: Hit her back (and go to jail) or let her run the house forever.
I am serious: If you do the mock fight, you will likely lose any ability to help your daughter... forever.
Please get this problem into a counselor who has some experience with this.
If you need any further help please ask.
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I was 12 when I started karate, and 16 when I got my black belt. As a young girl, karate was fantastic for my sense of well-being and my self-esteem. It seems to be doing the same for your daughter. As such, it's not really a good idea to take her out of it. She would resent you taking away that good thing in her life, and that won't change the root cause of the problem: lack of respect for you.
Your daughter should be being taught by her sensei that karate is never to be used to threaten or intimidate. It was a lesson that was drummed into me from day one of class. She should also be taught by you that threats are inappropriate and disrespectful and not to be tolerated.
Next time she pulls that crap, punish her in whatever way you would punish any other disrespect or disobedience. Don't be afraid of her, because for all her martial arts knowledge she is still a little girl. Yes, she knows karate, but unless she's a 6th degree black belt and 200 lbs, she probably can't do any real damage to you. If she takes a swing at you, just catch her fists and you'll be set. Whatever you do, do not challenge her to a fight. That implies that you need to compete with her for dominance, which you don't. Why? Because you're her parent, and you automatically get the high spot on the authority chain. Also, if you don't follow through, she has free rein to think that you are scared of her. Not good.
I would also recommend that you speak with her sensei. You don't have to say that you're afraid of her: just mention that she seems to be having some trouble wrapping her head around the concept that karate is not an offensive weapon, and that you would appreciate him having a word with her about that as someone she respects. No embarrassment required.
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No problem :) This question reminded me of a funny story about my dad when I was your daughter's age.
He kept asking me to punch him in the arm to show him what my lessons were doing for me. I kept refusing, but eventually gave in and whaled him a good one. He ended up with a huge black bruise about 4 inches across... and bragged about it to all of his friends and coworkers!
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You need to know if this attitude is in any way being encouraged by thee class, or if she has come up with this on her own. Ask if you can sit in on a couple of classes.
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Talk to the sensei. Martial arts are supposed to teach discipline, which she seems to lack. She's a rebellious teen, just like every other 13 year old girl ever. If you take her out, it will not help her attitude.
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