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rebuilding trust
I am a female minor of 16 who had an online relationship with a man 8 years my senior behind my family's back. I had done this once before but with a different individual and i no longer have contact with the first person. I met him at a hotel room 3 times and although we didn't have sexual intercourse i thought i was pregnant somehow and my period was late with strong feelings of nausea. I told my mom all of this and although she was terribly devastated she proceeded to take me to the doctor and tests were done. I am not pregnant and have no STI's, and now my mother and father and i don't know what to do. Only they and the man i was involved with know. I want things to go back to how they were before they knew, but i understand that it isn't that simple. I would very much appreciate if someone could offer me solid advice on what I should do now. I want to earn back their trust if i can and help them feel better and more relaxed. I am ashamed of my action but i want to do something, anything to help them feel better. I have not contacted the man since telling my father, whom i told a week after my mother. I believe that the man was a good man but I don't want to contact him any time soon, at the very least until i am out of college, so like 6 to 10 years from now. I believe my parents will press charges against him. please and thank you so much.
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First and foremost this man was not a good man at all. If he was a good man he would not have first taken you to a hotel three times, he would not have had you mislead your parents and he would have not taken advantage of you. It sounds like you did a lot more than meet him at the hotel. The first step 17/f is to start by telling the truth and that is to yourself. Come to terms with your mistake as we all make them and you will continue to make them through out your life at any age. Once you come to terms with the truth and the deception of this man then forgive yourself because you are young, you are a minor and your parents have every right to be angry. Keep in mind anger stems from fear. As a parent I would be very angry at this "man" as well. Its the grizzly bear affect of being a parent. Once you realize it was wrong of this adult to lure you into the unsafe position you were in and allow this "man" some responsibility for his actions take time to let your parents heal. Its fear you have instilled in them. They do not want anyone taking advantage of their child. Thank your parents individually for loving and caring for you in the manner that they do enough to care to report this man. What if it was someone younger than you? What if it turned into something much more drastic? What if it wasnt the first time? What if he has molested someone else? Those are major questions that you should ask yourself. He clearly took advantage of someone much younger and more vulnerable...He isnt a good man at all. When you have children you will understand. PLEASE thank your parents for their love, dedication and determination to keep you from that man.
Good luck
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Its true your parents could press charges. I think you already know that since that wasn't your question.
It is very hard to earn trust back once it is lost. You will never have quite the same relationship with your parents that you had before all this happened. That isn't necessarily a bad thing.
In order to get some of the trust back you may have to prove to them you can be trusted on the internet again. Stay away from chat rooms, or any other place where you chat and meet men. Agree to let your parents look at your internet history. Anything like that will assure them you are being true to your word.
You give up some of your freedom to roam the net, but you gain back the trust of your parents.
You can't erase the past. You don't have to live there forever though. Move on and don't repeat the mistakes you have made. You're a kid...you'll make more! Learn from those mistakes. Allow the parents to keep track of your actions until they are satisfied you've learned those lessons. Don't dwell on them anymore. Take the lessons and move on with them. Time will take care of their feelings. Yours too. It will work out. :)
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There is a reason that the statutory rape law exists. At sixteen, you aren't at a level of maturity where you should be in a relationship with someone who's so much older than you. Men who are this much older than you don't necessarily know or care about where you are at emotionally and this guy sounds like he's taking advantage of you. What I would suggest is just thinking hard about what made you want to hook up with someone so much older than you and talk to one of your parents about it. (Was it because you thought it would be exiting to be with someone older/because you thought that he cared about you and you liked that someone was showing you that much attention...etc.) You should really listen to your parents on this one because they really are looking out for you.
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Your parents should press charges... A 24 yr old man intermate with a 16 yr old girl, clearly you were naeivene & trusting. However, He knew better end of story. If he was serious about you why was he deceptive & secretive. instead of being open & honest? Because he knew better. Learn from this the Feds can intercept cyber preditors so if you want to press charges you have all the evidence in the hard drive. Good luck
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Your parents should be pressing charges regardless. What is a 24 year old man doing sleeping with a 16 year old girl? Feelings aside, that is statutory rape, and it is illegal & wrong. He is an adult sleeping with a child. That is incredibly wrong on his part.
However, since what's done is done, there's nothing that can be done about it. I really don't think you should contact him ever again. What he's done is illegal & you should be with boys your own age. He is at a completely different stage in his life.
Stop contacting him. Make sure that your parents do press charges. And stop seeing older men behind their backs. See boys who are your own age because anyone over 18 is going to get you & themselves into serious trouble. Besides, who wants the title of sex offender?
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