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divorce?
I have a nine month old daughter and i'm 19. I am married to the father of my baby. When we got married 11 months ago i told him that i wouldn't marry him unless he stopped smoking weed. since then, he has stopped and has done many good things, such as get his GED and be a great dad and show a desire to go to school. recently however he told me that he didn't see a problem with it, and that it wouldn't hurt anything if he smoked weed 4 times a month. I told him that it would hurt me, and he said well if you don't love me enough to let me do it then i guess we can't be together. I need to know if I am being too strict and i just need to deal with it, or if I do need to leave him. Please help me.
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I'm sorry that you got into that situation because it is really hard to deal with it. It seems to me that this guy is way to immature to be married with a kid (I'm really sorry if that offends you, but it's my opinion). It's great that he is going to school, but it seems to me that if he were really serious about getting his life in order, he wouldn't be smoking week when he was a baby at home. I'm sure a lot of people will disagree with me on how big of an issue weed is, but coming from someone who has worked with very young kids for awhile, it's never good to expose kids to that sort of thing. What really bothers me about it, though, is that he doesn't seem to be bothered by the fact that it bothers you. Marriage is a huge commitment, and if he can't even try to work this out with you and show some value in what you're saying, then he had no business getting married in the first place. Anyway, I really hope that it works out for you and that regardless of what you decide to do, you'll be happy. Lots of luck! :)
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Smoking Weed is not appropriate. If it's upsetting you then that's your validation. You cannot bring up child/children in this environment. If you love him you'll let him do it LOL. How selfish is he. I called the cops on my son that fixed him. My home, my rules. I do the cleaning and rearing of 3 sons I have a voice. Being stoned is irresponsible, self indugence & a finacial burden not to mention ILLEGAL. 4 times a month that's the start of an addition that could turn daily. You put him straight you don't have to put up with his destructive selfish choices.
your not being too strict your taking responsibilty for yourselves. he has to take the same responsibility. He's not a delinquent. Good luck.
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I saw the phrase "if you don't love me enough to let me do it then I guess we can't be together."
He's a fuckin douchebag. He's putting this drug in a higher priority than his relationship with you or his daughter. Regardless of yours or his feelings about the effects of the drug, it doesn't change the fact that it doesn't need to be around your daughter.
My guess is, he's finding a way to smoke behind your back anyway, and just wants to be able to do it with your permission as well. If he's not able to overcome a drug that's not even addictive, there's probably not much hope for you guys.
Give him an ultimatum. If his response is hostile and he threatens to leave, call him on his bluff. If he leaves, you're better off.
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Uh, people don't get violent from smoking weed. That just doesn't happen. I mean, unless they've got some pre-existing mental issue or mixed another drug with it, weed doesn't even make you CLOSE to violent. It makes you chill.
People CAN be addicted physcologically and become irritable if they DON'T have it though. If he has a bad craving for it and if he's denied it, he will either go behind your back or get very angry. It sounds like the latter happened considering he said that you wouldn't be able to stay together.
Personally, I don't think it's a very good environment for a child to be raised in. I hardly consider weed to be a drug, but it's classified as one, and I wouldn't want to raise a daughter in an environment around drugs.
Then again, I don't believe it's harmful if he does it far from your child where she couldn't possibly be around the smoke or see what he's doing. I mean, she's 9 months old, so she wouldn't even understand it, but still.
Make a compromise. Allow at least once a month, but under YOUR conditions.
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DEAR MRZ.DIVORCE,
You might want to leave because it could get too bad or violent. Because he could get very violent from smoking weed and you and your daughter could be in danger. Belive me I've seen my brother being addicted to weed and smoking it all the time he became very violent under the enfluence of weed.It is a very dangerous drug then they think it is funny when they hurt you.so my advice would be to leave and I am a real relationship advice coloumnist my website will be done so if you have any more questions contact me on here brian147
Sigend,
Ask Brian
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No I dnt think your being to strict . I mean he is going 2 end up doing what he wants to do . You can't change people . They have to change for themselves . And if he loved u and his child he would stop because that is a bad influence to the child . And you should say what about our child . Lets see what he says .
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You need to help him and if that doesn't work then you need to leave. You have a 9 month old baby. What if he/she is exposed to that? When you expose that behavior to your child you are telling he/she that they can do it 4 times a month. He is being inconsiderite of your baby and you. If he loved you and his child he would stop. He should rather leave the weed then you two. If not get a man that will.
Lillian
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