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humorist-workshop
the ex
hey i liked the advice you've given me before :) soo..
i'm bringing my ex with me on vacation in july. we broke up in april, but we both decided that we were still gonna stay good friends and see where things go from there. i'm still in love with him. he broke it with me because he said his feelings changed, but he said he still wanted me in his life, and i know he means it too. we're going to myrtle beach together and do you think theres a chance of him falling back in love if we're like on the beach at night flirting and hanging out? what do you think of this situation? and what things can i do to make it as romantic as possible. i would do absolutely anything to get back with this guy.
17/f, 17/m
thanks so much for your time.
oh and we were together for about 9 months, if that helps. and we met in the summer and starting dating in the summer.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
If he is involved with someone else: Don't bother trying to get him into a romantic relationship. Go to Myrtle Beach, catch up, flirt a little, leave it on the table for the future. If he is in a relationship you don't need to bother thinking he wants to be serious, and if he does, it will only be screwed up, because you will be the rebound chick, and who knows if he still loves this girl, and you don't need to put yourself on the line to find out. If you really want this guy for the long haul, you have to be patient (it might hurt, a little, and he might be hard to resist sexually) If you think you can have sex with him without emotional attachments you're probably wrong, and everything will only do damage to your future together. If you are planning on getting him back it is going to take more time and a quick spurt in Myrtle Beach is going to come at a high price. Concentrate on being his best friend. Being the girl he can go to with anything.
If he is not with someone else: Have a great time. Let him know you think he's a good man and you want him to be yours. Try not to analyze everything, and think about 12 times before you say anything too emotional. Don't play games. Concentrate on being his best friend and partner. Also, he loved you at one point, but his love changed probably because of a glitch in the system. (his-commitment issues, wanting sex with someone else, or yours-playing games, emotional baggage) Forgive and forget, and be willing to change and get past the glitch and move on to the next "relationship" step.
If you invited him on vacation with you as a friend, don't blindside him into all of this and then get resentful if he doesn't fall for you. If you truly love him you will be happy being his friend. Who knows where it can go in the future. In the mean time-don't wait for him, either. Concentrate on making you the best person you can be.
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Thanks for inboxing!
I think you should relax and take things slow. Do NOT force him into anything, and do NOT try and make the trip super romantic. If you do and (worst case scenario here) he doesn't WANT to get back together, it will just cause a ton of tension in your relationship.
I think that you should just enjoy your trip with him and let things happen naturally. What's meant to be will always find its way.
If anything, you should talk to him AFTER the trip. Tell him you had an amazing time with him (because I'm guessing you will) and then tell him how you feel. But don't focus your trip on trying to get him to fall back in love with you, focus on having a good time with him with no pressure or forced romance.
Have a great time! :)
-Laura (16[for less than a week more!]-f)
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I think the whole situation is just trouble waiting to happen. I have given girls who were in similar situations the same advice. I really don't think they take it either, but maybe you will since you like my advice ;)
Going from dating to just friends never works, because one person's feelings is almost always different. It will be awkward no matter what. In my opinion this guy is doing one of three things;
1) He's using you to get to the beach. This is unlikely. :)
2) You are a booty call. He doesn't want to be tied down, but he still wants to get some. More likely.
3) He's in a confusing stage in his life, and he isn't sure what he wants. Most likely.
Either way this isn't going to work, and none of those scenarios will end with you guys getting back together unless you do something about it.
You have two choices here.
1) You let this play out. You may hook up, and everything may seem great at the beach, although just so you are aware, Myrtle Beach really isn't that romantic. It's always crowded, so your romantic idea probably won't play out. Most likely this will end in heartbreak for you, because once you go back home, things are going to go right back to how they were.
or
2) You let him know that this isn't going to work like he wants it too. He's not going to stay single forever, and eventually he will meet another girl if you two aren't together. What will you do then? He has to know that things cannot continue like they are because eventually something is going to happen one way or the other. Let him know he can have all of you, or none at all. If he chooses not to be with you, you have to realize eventually it would be what's ultimiately best for you.
I know this probably isn't what you want to hear, and I am sorry for that. But I am just trying to give you the best possible advice for your well-being, and this is it.
Good Luck.
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I would suggest you ask another columnist about this. Love and all that stuffs are really . . . confusing to me, hehehe. That's why my fields are computer and internet, and health and medicine; not love and relationship =P
And with that, I advise you to be careful with my advice on this. I am looking at all this from a third person's view, without knowing anything about you or your boyfriend.
By the way, this is a continuation of these questions that you've asked before, right?
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location) (answered by me)
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location) (answered by another columnist)
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location) (answered by two other columnists)
Anyhow, from what I see, even if you two get back together after this, history would just repeat itself once again. To put it plainly, he would one day say that his feeling change again and you two would just break up again.
He and you need to do something about this "feeling changed" deal.
Love is rather . . . may I say . . . much like the seasons--spring, summer, autumn, and winter.
-Spring: affection, crush, holding hand, dates, occasion kisses, trust, hope, slight jealousy . . . nice and cute, an other-worldly happiness.
-Summer: a lot of kisses, french kissing in public, seriously into each other, intense jealousy, doubt, fear, fights, deeper sexual activities . . . heated and intense, a mixture of heaven and hell.
-Autumn: understanding, trust, respect, loving, less sexual activities, less kisses, little jealousy, dates, hope, little or no fight, resolve problems together . . . cool and calm, a gentle breeze of the tender wind.
-Winter: understanding, trust, respect, caring, no more romantic feeling to each other but only memories of what once was, care, no more jealousy, occasion dates, little doubt, no more fights . . . quiet and relax, a warming cold.
Well, anyway, he needs to understand taht the sparkling feeling that he had for you at the beginning will not last forever. You two are now should either break up or continue on WILLINGLY.
And so, knowing that, do your best and have a great time together on that vacation. But I suggest you to let him go if he wishes to. If he comes back, he's yours; if he doesn't, then he never will be. A binding chain could rarely bring happiness, just remember that =)
Sorry that I'm not much of a help. I don't know you two enough to make any judgment =(
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Heya=] glad you did.. i remember this situation alright.
okay well i think there is actually a strong chance of his feelings changing again i mean if he was really not that keen on getting back he wouldnt want to go on holidays with you.
well in my opinion, i think maybe he might have lost the spark and this is the perfect way of re kindling the romance..
make it as fun as possible like ask him if he wants to go for a walk on the beach durin the night and be really flirty tackle him even if you get me haha
make sure you look good so he wont be able to resist
another thing you could try but its really risky is to flirt with another guy and see how he reacts..but that could backfire.
however you shouldnt be too pushy if you go away and he sets it straight by saying he really does just wanna be friends your gonna have to do your best to respect that as much as it might hurt and try be his friend.
hope i helped in anyway =]
good luck! really hope it works out for you && him keep me updated
<3
Jess
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Mmmm I'm not sure how much help I'll be. From my point of view, this is pretty fucked up. I would never go on vacation with my ex if I didn't have feelings for her (and I'm assuming if he did have feelings he'd be with you still), and I'd never want to take an ex on vacation if I still had feelings for them but not vice versa.
So basically you're both pretty screwy from my point of view. So, because I'm absolutely no help, I asked my friend Inga about it. SHe's better qualified anyway, on account of her vagina.
inga (4:55:26 PM): poor girl
inga (4:55:41 PM): everyone has relationship problems tody! :|
inga (4:55:44 PM): today*
inga (4:55:45 PM): frick
inga (4:55:47 PM): ok so
inga (4:56:22 PM): theres always a chance that he might want her back so she should at least try when they're there
inga (4:56:38 PM): she shouldnt make it too obvious, especially with flirting
inga (4:56:45 PM): hmmm
inga (4:57:06 PM): and the beach is romantic enough so theres no need for any effort to make it more romantic
inga (4:57:20 PM): and besides theres always a chance that he wants frienship
Turns out she's not that helpful either.
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It depends on how much his feelings have changed. If he still has feelings for you in that way, there's probably a chance that he could end up falling for you again. If he is completely sure that he just wants to be friends, though, it might be a good idea to not do anything too romantic, or it could make him uncomfortable. In my experience, the best thing you can do, especially if you two will be alone together, is to just act like he's just a friend to you. Act like you have no feelings toward him other than in a friendly way. It could make him miss the way things used to be.
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