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cheating confession
ok im not going to sugar coat this or anything im just gonna straight up tell you how it is. i need to get something off my chest and i want to hear what you have to say about it. im putting myself out there so, try not to be too harsh :/ i really appreciate you taking the time to read this and help me out.
16/f
been going out with my bf for 1 year and 6 months. let me just tell you for sure we definitely are in love, no questions asked. we go to different schools but only live 15 minutes away from each other and we make it work. even though i truly do love him, i have mildly [nothing horrible] cheated on him on several occasions.
okay, back last year when we were going out for about 4 or 5 months, i started to talk to this guy, G. he was blatantly flirty with me all the time and i guess sweet talked me into a situation i did not want to be in. one day in school he texted me saying to 'go to the bathroom' and meet him outside in the hall. so i did, and we were just walking around the school talking. we sorta got slower at the staircase and he turned around and kissed me. i kissed him back but it was just 2 short pecks held out for 2 seconds each id say. it felt like the WEIRDEST THING ever, i didnt like it. but it was almost like he had me brainwashed because i kept talking to the guy. over a break like the easter break or something when no one was home he snuck over to my house and i let him in... i kept him in my room because my brother was home and if he saw some guy in our house he would get me in trouble. so he almost forcefully laid me down and started kissing me. no tongue or anything, just kissing, like long pecks i suppose? so i felt sort of violated because i was very hesitant and it made me feel uncomfortable. right after i got up and didnt let him push me down anymore and told him he had to leave and i made him leave my house. i only told my boyfriend about the kiss in the hallway and i twisted the story and said that the guy kissed me but i did not kiss him back. eventually i realized talking to this kid got me nowhere but into trouble so i ended all contacts with him. so that was over. my boyfriend was upset of course but forgave me because he still doesnt even know the whole story.
next incident came in the summer, we were going out for 8 months. i went on vacation with my family to the bahamas at a resort. i made out with/kissed 3 boys within the vacation. nothing was passionate it was just regular kisses. out of curiosity i suppose? spur of the moment? the feeling of carelessness that the summer gives you? i was on vacation and i would never have to see these people again? im not sure why i did it but these reasons seem logical. right after every time i told the boys that i had a boyfriend and that i felt horrible that i did that. the first guy, B, it was his last night. we were walking on the beach at night after a teen activity that the resort had, and it was my first night there so i was naive. he said that he had never slow danced on the beach before and he asked me to. i thought it was the sweetest thing ever so i did as we listened to a song on his ipod. he kissed me 2 or 3 times that night, nothing passionate, just kisses. and he was really shy and inexperienced and would ask me if i was bad and stuff. i told him i had a bf and we both felt really bad and he understood because he had been cheated on before. the next guy was a total jerk, i was going back to the hotel room to get ready for dinner and before that i was with a group of my friends. he said he would walk me back and i thought that he was just being a gentleman, the naive person i am. little did i know he had other intentions. when we got to my door he leaned in fast and kissed me and grabbed my ass. i was insulted by this so i pulled away after a second once i realized what was happening. then i left him and went into my room. he later told my friends from the resort that he made out with me 3 times and that i let him grab my ass a lot, which was obviously a lie. the next time was with a boy, N. my group of friends was in the poolside hot tub one night. he put his hand on my leg and eventually i sat on his lap playfully because we were all friendly like that i didnt see harm in it at the time, but now i realize that is completely leading on. my friends ditched us thinking we wanted to hookup. once they left we started making out, i did think he was attractive but his personality was a jerk and he just wanted to get with girls, but anyway, after 7 seconds or so he started to go into my pants [ i was wearing full tank top and jeans bc i got pushed into the pool with my clothes on before] and i stopped him right there. i realized then that it was wrong and definetly did not want to go any farther. we met back up with my friends. later on a friend told me that he had said that 'he wanted to f*** me before i left" and that insulted me. it made me realize he wasnt a good guy. so then i went home. i told my boyfriend i didnt do anything and that one guy B tried to kiss me but didnt and lied about it and the last guy tried to get in my pants but i didnt let him. thats all i told him, basically a half lie. still bad i know.
the last incident occured around christmas time, we were going out for 1 year and 2 months. this time i didnt do anything physically, but emotionally. my bf and i were fighting a lot, had a rough patch if you will. i just felt unhappy a lot of the time so i turned to another boy. we had just met and just started talking through insignificant means, like facebook, IM, and texting. he started to tell me that he liked me and would also sweet talk me as the first guy did. it sort of persuaded me into liking him. i did find him attractive and i did like his personality. but i learned from the past mistakes and knew i would not kiss him. we wanted to hangout one time to get to know each other, as friends of course, even though we had little crushes on each other, but he respected that i had a bf and didnt want to mess it up'. i felt my bf couldnt know about it because he would feel jealous or start worrying, couldnt blame him though. so it was originally set up that we would hangout at the mall with other people. he would bring some friends and i would bring some. i was supposed to bring my friend jenny but at the last minute she couldnt go so it was just me. he had 2 of his friends with him, and we saw other friends while we were there too so it wasnt any sort of a date. my bf thought i was just at the mall with jenny though, bc that was the original plan. but thats all he knew. anyway, this guy and i never kissed or did anything innappropriate. i did later admit to my boyfriend that this kid and i were talking and that i had developed a crush on him. my bf and i had a long talk and i eventually ended contacts with this kid and stopped liking him, and things between me and my bf got better. i am completely over that guy. but i can tell my bf is still hurt that i could like another guy so easily and he probably feels insecure, which is understandable, i would too.
so there it is. he really only knows half or even 1/3 of all of that. i have a terrible conscience inside that reminds me of this stuff constantly. i was in denial with my self for a while and would refuse to think that i did any of that stuff, i just couldnt deal with it, i was so upset with myself and still am. i know i should tell him one day... sooner is probably better. but i am SO scared. he told me a few times that if i ever cheat on me he would be so devastated and heartbroken and it would show that 'i never loved him'. but that is not true at all. i KNOW i love him with all my heart, i dont know what i would do if he broke up with me, i would be so incredibly upset. i dont want to lose him but i know that what i did was very wrong and i am truly sorry for it. it was a mistake and i meant nothing by it, i never loved anyone at any point in my life but my bf. i used to be so naive and curious and just stupid and i see that now, ...i know i will never do those things again. i am just so afraid that if i tell him everything that he will just start thinking... and it will end up with us breaking up or something to that horrible effect. i really need advice on this. thanks so much for your time.
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I think you have problems with guys. Perhaps you feel the unconscious need to have attention from guys. I dont know, im not a psycologist.
I dont want to judge you, because i have done similar things that you have described (only worse). I discovered that as much as i thought i loved my (then) boyfriend, i really didnt. The cheating ended up eating away at my insides and i left him with disastrous results.
You need to tell your boyfriend. Because it will eat away at you. If he leaves you then its probably best. You seem to attract guys attention ealsily. You may love him, as you say, but if you really honestly loved him... You wouldnt have even LOOKED at another guy!!
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i think honesty is the best thing in a relationship, however, you should have told him right after that first incident happened. i don't know you so i can't decide whats the best thing for you to do, but if you see yourself cheating on him again you need to tell him everything you did and break up with him because that's not fair to him. if you really love him you will tell him what happened and never cheat on him again, AT ALL. and if it was meant to be he'll give you another chance to change.
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Okay here's what your going to have to do. If you want the feeling of guilt to go away, your going to have to tell him. Honestly it doesn't really seem like you love him because people that are "in love" don't do that type of thing. You may think that you do because of the fact you've been with him for so long but it sounds like you don't. Especially since it was more then once. I don't know why somebody would take somebody back after they cheated on them. It just doesn't make sense to me. Even if he does want to stay with you, I hope you have the decency to break it off completely because you'll probably end up doing it again.
xoxo,
dottie4
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I agree with this other girl above me;
The best thing to do is tell him. Really, just do it. And yes, i understand how hard it is to just tell him. But ive been going out with my boyfriend for about 5 months almost & we are SO in love with each other and always talk about getting married and everything. And we've even talked to each other about cheating on each other. and We both know thats NEVER gonna happen; that we will NEVER do that to each other. No matter what. But what you just need to do is talk to him, and bring up that stuff again, but tell him that you were hiding a few things from him cause you made mistakes and you never even wanted to do what you did. But you were just simply curious & stupid for doing all the things that you did. But thats all you gotta do, just tell him as easily as you can. But make sure you dont leave ANYTHING out cause once you tell him everything, then believe me, you will feel SO much better. And believe me, cause i tell my boyfriend ABSOLUTELY everything, but just random stuff thats on my mind. Cause ive never done anything bad to him. And we are both the 'jealous' type & we dont even have any boys/girls on our myspaces :] So we are in a pretty serious/commited relationship. So again, just tell him, its best for you and him cause again, it will show him that your truly sorry and that you didnt really ever wanna hurt him, but that you want his forgiveness. Just please go with my advice..and this girl above me. Just tell him :] And i wish you two good luck! <3
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Ok well I have done things similar to that to my bf too.And I did tell him and I broke up with him because I felt so bad and never wanted to hurt him again. I Know I did love the guy at one point or felt strongly for him because we dated for about a year and 5 months. If you tell him..He will get upset and heartbroken and all of that.But it will clear your conscious and make YOU feel so much better. Really though what you did is normal.It is obvious that you love him but things do happen even if those guys didnt mean anything to you It happened. So you can keep it a secret (but please dont torture yourself hun =( ) or you can tell him and risk your relationship but truthfully I think that if you told him he should respect you more knowing that you had the courage and really did love him enough to tell him the truth.Also its good you wont do those things again be sure to stress that too him and show him that you love him if thats the course of action you choose to take. I wish you the best hun.
- Cass
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You are experiencing the normal sexual urges of a young girl. You are not married and from what you said you have only kissed and experimented. Don't torment yourself over this.....and DON"T tell your boy friend. Take it to the grave (as the old saying goes). You feel guilty for your experimentation which actually is very normal. This makes you feel bad. Telling him will make him feel bad. That's 2 people feeling bad. That's selfish. To make him feel bad for something he can't change is wrong. Keep it to yourself and you will get over it. All people make mistakes. Remember, he may not be perfect either but as long as you love each other it will be OK. TheMaster
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I'm not going to be too harsh but I am going to be honest.
The fact that you tried to down play all of these events and basically make it seem like you're the victim is not cool. Seriously. You did lead all these guys on in one way or another.
Now put yourself in your boyfriends shoes. What if it were him on the beach slow dancing with some girl, or making out with some girl, or even letting some girl sit on his lap. Would you believe that he loved you even though he did all these things and more?
Sure, you didn't go past kissing (which I can respect, you do have your limits) but you were still wrong. I don't know how old you are, but you seem young. Apparently you're a teen. It seems like your boyfriend is kind of like your first real love so of course you don't want to lose him. But right now your relationship is tip toeing around lies <---your lies. And that's why you feel so guilty. I would tell my boyfriend the whole truth.
I may seem kind of harsh but that's because cheating is a horrible thing. I even cheated on my ex boyfriend before. Once, it was just a kiss (kind of like your situation). I felt so horrible that by the day's end I told my boyfriend about it. He was angry with me but he didn't break up with me. Why? Because he loved me (*memories* it was puppy love)
I say you fess up. Tell him how much he means to you, that you love him, and that you made some mistakes that you realize were wrong and you want to come clean so you guys can move on with your relationship.
Sorry if I seem bitchy but it's because I take this advice thing seriously.
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I don't have the right thing to say but you do not truely love him if you can cheat on him. I would brake it off or tell him the truth and see from there. Good Luck!
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