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I'm involved with a married man, could the outcome be anything but bad?
I am a 25 year old woman who for the past year has been involved with a married man. He is 20 years older then me and has 2 kids...both of them in their teenage years. He has been married to his wife for 20 years. Our affair started off drunken sex and now its I love you, I wish I could be with you. I do have very strong feelings for him and I believe he has the same for me. He says his wife is pulling away from him and he feels like she wants someone different, as does he. He says that once his youngest kid goes off to collage he really thinks things between him and his wife will end and that the only reason he believes they are still together is the kids. I don't know what to think.. Can there ever be a future between us? Is he using me for my body? Is he seeing other girls too? Also, I'm still very young, I want children and marriage. He has already done all that, will he be willing to do it again? I'm just very confused..And I know I brought this on myself but please any advise would be great!!
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Lay off of him.. hes taken
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Truthfully, being invovled with a married man is very bad. I'm not just saying that cause I'm christain and its a sin, but also because I know you will end up getting hurt. Hes already cheating on you with his wife, and who says there aren't other women in the picture. I'm sorry if I'm being harsh, I'm just being realistic, whenever someone gets involved with a married person, the outcome is usually bad. You are young, you want to get married and have a family of your own. What if he changes his mind, and he doesn't leave his wife? I personally think you should walk away from the situation, I know thats hard considering you have very strong feelings for him, but look at it this way. What if you became the new wife, okay, then you have maybe 2 children together, and your taking care of the second child because shes a baby, and hes on a business trip, what if he gets bored, and begins to cheat on you, then leaves you, then your left raising those kids by yourself, while hes just walking around without a care in the world. Here comes the saying "Once a cheater always a cheater" I know that doesn't count for every person, but what if he is the 80% that is like that.
Be careful, I think you should just walk away, because from an outsiders point of view, your in a bad situation, where with time things will only get worse, what if the wife comes after you, if they divorce, I hate to say it, but this situation can pull you straight through hell, you have no idea the way some people are, and some people are just nuts. Trust me, I've seen enough in my short time on earth. I know the truth on alot of things.
Good luck, honestly, I hope you make the right decision.
If you need anything else just let me know. :)
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In all honesty, I will say you are playing with fire.
Anyway, There very well could be a future between the two of you. However, Like the last person said he is a married man cheating on his wife of 20 years for another woman and not to mention he didn't (seem) to give any thought to how it would effect his children.Also, Many men who cheat once seem to always cheat again and not to be offensive but he could also be taking advantage of you for you're body.
Give it a second thought, Go with your gut feeling however please take precaution.
Good luck!
BahaiMa22 (23/F)
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Wow, that is very stressful. Well, i would make sure that he really loves you before moving on to the next step. Also, if you are sure he has those feelings for you, then i'm glad but again he might just be saying that. You have to trust him in your relationship. Right now he is cheating on another woman (his wife) to be with you. If he is cheating on his wife, what makes you think he won't do it again?? I am really not trying to be sarcastic here, i don't know if that's the way it seems. Also, if they do get divorced, it will be really hard on his kids. If they find out that their dad is cheating on their mom, they will be devestated because i am a teenager right now and if i found that out i would be really sad. But i'm sure they would understand if their dad wants to be happy with someone else. When he is around, does he talk to you sweetly or does he immediatly want to get in bed? This is a way to see if he is just using your body. Hope this helps!
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He's not going to leave his wife. He's using you. You diserve SO much better, go find a man that will appresheate you and not use you, just for a fling. He won't want kids, think about it. By the time his youngest goes off to college its going to be around 5 years, maybe a little more, maybe a little less, but lets go with 5. Then he'll be 45. You'll want to take at least 2 years to move in together and then you know make sure marrige is what you guys want together. THen he'll be 47. After the year of relaxing he'll be 48. You'll be 33. I don't think that he'll want to go through what he did with his wife agian. If you don't love someone then you leave. You don't just satay for the kids. He's using you. Got get a man that you diserve.
hope i helped
-E
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Hes not going anywhere. A man really in
love would no more wait until his youngest
is off to college than you would. When
the son goes off to college there will
be another excuse.
I honestly think you will be better off
all around if you put an end to this
affair and found someone who can give
you the type of relationship you want.
This one may be a nice guy, but he is
still using you.
I could be wrong, but I doubt that a
man his age will be willing to start
over from scratch and start a new
family. After being married for 20 years
he will probably pay a big chunk of his
income to his ex wife.
I have to advise moving on. You don't
want to wake up one day and realize
you don't have a family of your own
and its to late to start one. You've
already wasted a year on this guy.
Good luck.
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