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I don't know anymore.
I feel stupid. All the time. Embarrassed, unworthy. You name it. I have such low self esteem. And all my friends are just so perfect. They have perfect hair, perfect bodies, perfect social life, perfect boyfriends. In fact, I don't even know why they are friends with me at all. And I'm not jealous of them. That's so not a part of any of this. This has to do with me. I'm just saying that being surrounded by them just seems to make my life seem even worse.
I can't seem to do anything right. I mess up every friendship I have. My parents told me it's because I always drop everything if there's a friend in need. I support my friends to the extreme. They always take priority. This is because I don't want them to think I'm not a very good friend because I don't want them dumping me again and again and again. But, they never reciprocate the level of support that I give them. I just, can't seem to...do anything. I'm so stupid for even having friends. So so stupid. I shouldn't have any, because I'm selfish for expecting them to show their support for anything that I do. I feel as though I don't deserve their support, but I have to keep giving mine to them because I feel like they deserve it. I don't deserve it. I don't know why I would. They've made it pretty clear that I don't deserve anything from them.
Sorry if this is confusing. It's late, and I'm tired. But this all made sense in my head. It's just harder to get it out on paper...well, computer screen. Whatever.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
I can understand how you're feeling right now. I, myself, had low self esteem this whole past year. My parents were separated and we had financial trouble. It affected my social life unfortunately. I just didn't have the high energy I used to and I felt like I had become this somber, mellow person. Now that summer is here and my parents are back together, it's like a miracle. I'm also struggling with weight now that I have to wear a bikini too so you're not alone. I'm not even fat! But I sure feel like it standing next to some of my friends. But the point is, is that no matter what's causing you pain and suffering in life, it's important to ALWAYS think positive. I know it's so hard when all you want to do is give up because everything is falling apart. But you're not going to look or feel any better if you keep telling yourself that you're stupid. Like others below me said, I don't know you, but you seem a lot like the old me and if I could change, you can too. As far as your friends go they may seem perfect but we all have our issues and our complications in life whether we show it or not. Try to start branching out and gaining other friends. Be friendly and kind and be yourself because you seem like a pretty great person to me. Keep your chin up and you'll do just fine. Hope I helped :]
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I completely understand what you mean to say so you don't have to worry about it making sense. First of all, your "friends" with perfect hair, perfect bodies, and perfect boyfriends are living the life of some plastic dolls where there is no such word as real. One thing you have to realize is that nothing in our world is perfect. Everything has room for improvements. And you should be proud of yourself. You aren't living in some crazy perfect world. You are living the life of you which is definetely imperfect. Would your life be good if it was perfect? Wouldn't it be boring to have a perfect boyfriend? A perfect boyfriend would never fight with you and then apologize. Do you really want to miss out on the chance of making up? Listen, this might not help you right now but later on, you will glad that you aren't perfect. YOur friends probably starve themselves to have "perfect" bodies. YOu should be proud that you have a healthy bood image instead of "perfect." Also dump those so called friends of yours. A friend is someone who is there for you in need. Someone who tells you from right to wrong. Someone who always have your back. If those perfect people can't do that then you don't deserve them. You deserve someone much better. Someone more REAL. Remeber never put yourself down. If you find good things about yourself then the world will too.
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Ok, i realize i don't know you so i don't really have the right to do this but i'm gonna be a yell at you for your own good. Listen to the whole thing. You really think you're THAT stupid?? I don't even know you and i know you're not. JUST because you screw up-probably not that often-
doesn't mean you can't do anything right. Everyone makes mistakes, everybody does things wrong. ALL THE TIME. You really think your friends lives are PERFECT? They're not. They have JUST as much trouble as you. They do as many things wrong as you. The only difference is they don't think the world is ending because they don't get an A, or they fight with their friend. Look, nobody's perfect. But just because you're not perfect doesn't mean you're a reck. Everyone has flaws and everyone makes mistakes. And let me tell you something that is the most important thing i've learned: Everyone gets a second chance. It doesn't matter how badly you screw up. I'm not saying if you DELIBERATLY do something badly you can do it over. But you may not know it, or see it, but everyone is forgiven at least once for things. Twice is kind of pushing it :P And you may not think you're "worthy of it" but to deny yourself a second chance is insulting to everyone else, and it just makes you as dumb THINK you are. You were having a bad day when you wrote this. Go out for lunch with your friends. Tell them how much you love them, and appreciate how they have their lives together. Ask them how they do it. You'll be surprised how much they have to compliment you on!
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One thing I'm certain of is that you need NEW FRIENDS...... Why are you even friends with these leeches? What kind of people do you hang around? They keep you around because you make them feel better about themselves, that's why. It's an evil reason, but girls really are like that. Another thing, they are NOT perfect. Nobody is and never will be. What you see on the surface may look perfect, but everyone has their flaws and secrets on the inside.
No relationship, friendship or love, is worth putting in 99% and receiving 1% back. It looks like you give it your all because you want to feel worthy. That's not the way to go. It only makes you feel like you're not good enough.
Are these really the kind of people you want to be around? People who make you feel bad about yourself? You need to surround yourself with positive, encouraging people. Friends who bring your spirits up instead of down. You are NOT selfish for expecting them to support you. That's what friends are for.. that's the role they're supposed to play in your life. They're supposed to BE THERE for you.
In my opinion, you are the perfect friend; you just haven't found YOUR perfect friends. I hope you make a change and find new friends soon, because what you are doing is only hurting yourself.
Best wishes
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Wow, this is one of the best things ive seen on this site. You have a big heart for dropping everything to be there for them, i truly wish i had a friend like that around here. Theres NO ONE like that, and since its hard to find someone like that, they took advantage of it. Whoever you are, there are SO many other people out there, SO MANY. billions, about 1/2 of those people who would read this will know where your coming from, this is coming from a very honest, nice, sincere, wonderful & amazing person. Damn. This post litterally took my breath away. Your friends are complete bitches. If your friends don't credit you, or support you either, their complete hogs.. pigs! i truly dont believe those friends of yours. if i had a friend like you, i would also, be there for her every second. Maybe i would even be like that to everyone else too! i would learn from you and your honest heart.
good luck <3
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first off, dont feel stupid. You can't help the way you feel inside. I bet youre beautiful. cant really say because i dont have a pic, but you sound like a very beautiful person on the inside. I feel a lot like you. My self esteem is low too. And dont think that because your friendships dont always stay together that its YOUR fault. That is a very good trait for a friend to have. If they wish to take advantage of that, or decide to look for other friends, then thats their deal. its THEIR loss. They're missing out on a special friend. You have every right to feel upset for your 'friends' dumping and using you. You deserve their full support and a 'thank you' for being there for them. It's THEM that dont deserve you. You are a sweet girl, and in time you'll find out outer beauty isnt what makes the world go around, its love, friendship and inner beauty. In the end, I think most men would rather date an ugly woman, and have a kind heart than a beautiful one and them having a cold, and cruel heart. Not saying youre ugly, but im sure you get what im trying to say. I wish you the very best.
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