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i am not cheating on my boyfriend
So the other night I got home from a concert and my boyfriend said he "knows for a fact" that I am cheating on him. I work late hours (til between 12am and 3:30am) and go out with friends maybe once a week, and sometimes grab a beer if I get off work early. I have no desire to cheat on him...but no matter what I say he does not believe me, I told him I love him and have no interest, check my timecard for work, etc. Still he thinks I am lying. I really just like to go out and have a good time with friends once in a while. Its gotten to the point where he makes sure I wear plain cotton underwear to work. How can I convince him to allow me to keep hanging out with my friends at night and that i am not cheating? he doesnt drink or like going out so I cannot invite him with, plus he works during the day so when i go out he is just sleeping anyway. I feel like I have said everything to him I possibly could.
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Instead of wondering what else you could say to him, you should be wondering whats really going on with him?? In my experience guy's who start accusing their woman of cheating is actually the one doing the cheating!! If he keeps you busy convincing him you are true to him then you wont be looking at what he may be doing. I advise you to start taking a closer look at what he is doing and with who. If you know him well and can read him pretty good, try turning the tables on him. Next time he accuses you tell him that you think the only reason he's accusing you is because he is cheating on you. Watch his face when you accuse him because you might just see the truth there before he has a chance to mask it. Take care and Good Luck.
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You shouldn't have to prove anything to your boyfriend. If he doesn't trust your word than tell him he must not respect you.
I mean if he has absolutely NO proof that you're cheating on him then he has no reason to keep making false accusations, when you're doing exactly what you say you're doing.
You shouldn't be forced to wear certain underwear just because hes afraid you'll go off with another guy... and you shouldn't have to get his permission to hang out. Tell him just that... I mean if you can't get it through his head than maybe he's not even ready for a relationship. His insecurities have the best of him.
I mean it's one thing if you say "I'm not cheating on you" and he believes you but he's still afraid you will, I mean because thats a fear a lot of people in relationships have. But it's another thing if he tells you he's POSITIVE you are, because that's just extremely harsh on you, seeing how you're not doing anything...
I mean I don't know you so obviously I don't know if you have a reputation for cheating or lying or anything like that (I'm not saying you do), but maybe that's where he's getting the idea from... or if he's had a girlfriend in the past whose cheated on him.
But I think you should definitely sit down with him one night instead of going out with your friends... and basically tell him along the lines - "look, I stayed home just to talk to you about what's been on your mind. I wanna be with you tonight, because I care about you and I want to sort this situation out... what makes you think I'm cheating on you? When did you start feeling this way?"
I mean maybe he just feels left out so he's actually looking for you to start inviting him places... but make it clear to him you're not gonna be in a relationship with someone who doesn't respect you back. Talk with him in person and get to the bottom of it... if the situation is avoided it will only get worse.
good luck.
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This could be a really big problem later in your relationship, so you need to get rid of it now. Sit him down and talk to him. Let him know that you are not going to cheat on him, but that you really do not appreciate him acting like this towards you. It is rather disrespectful of him and you shouldn't have to keep claiming your innocence. You have to realize that if he isn't going to trust you and be there and understand then maybe he isn't the one for you.
All this jealousy can lead to some major problems in your relationship later in life. It could lead to major major fights and no happiness whatsoever. It could also turn into an abusive relationship, often men that are controlling and jealous one day turn into abusing boyfriends. If he doesn't stop being this controlling and jealous I suggest getting out.
Hope I Helped.
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If you have tried to talking to him about how he knows these things and tried to reason with him then it is probably time for some tough talks.
First off: Remind him that he is always invited to come with you when you go out. Inform him that you have nothing to hide, and that you would always enjoy him coming. His reasons for not coming are HIS PROBLEM. You should still leave that offer on the table.
Next, explain to him the specific examples of his controlling behavior (such as checking which underwear you are wearing). Explain to him that it is bullying behavior, and it is not acceptable. Then ABSOLUTELY stop accepting it. Each time he does it, label the behavoir, and tell him you don't respond to bullying.
Be willing to negotiate a bit less time with your friends for the next few weeks if it will help him feel better, but make sure he understands that you are doing it because the relationship is a priority to you. Not because he whined and bullied you into it.
Lastly, inform him that if he truly and 100% believes you are cheating on him, that he needs to dump you. It is disrespectful and mean of him to continue to saying this, but what is worse is that he would choose to still be with someone who is cheating on him. There are two very simply choices here: Either he thinks you are cheating on him and he needs to dump you because of it OR he knows you aren't really cheating on him and he is simply saying all this as a way to control you.
Either way, it needs to stop.
Talk to him about the REASONABLE things you can do to put his mind at ease, such as calling home to check in, inviting him along and giving him opportunities to met and join in with your friends, but stay strict that the controlling behavior and accusations either need to stop, or the relationship needs to end. No matter how sad it is, that is the truth.
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You shouldn't HAVE to convince him of
anything. If he can't or chooses not
to go out with you then he needs to trust
you.
Honestly, I doubt he ever will. He sounds
like he is trying to control your every move.
Down to telling you what kind of underwear
you can wear.
I think the smart thing is to get out
while you can. I'm not saying that to
be mean. I really think this guy has
some problems you can't fix. Men like
this usually wind up either controlling
you or being abusive. Please consider
this advice.
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it seems he knows what hes talking about, even if he's wrong. ask him how he "knows for a fact". let him tell you, give your opinions and answers to those "facts" and that should straighten up some things. if not, i would just say "ok, look. if you dont believe me, then you dont believe our relationship is true."
that last part is harsh, yes. but so is not trusting your partner. you trust that he wouldnt cheat on you, he needs to trust that you wont cheat on him. thats all there is to it.
i hope everything works out for you and take care. :)
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