|
Scared that I'm a second rate parent
My husband is a wonderful father and partner. Our child is coming up fast to 2 years old and we have another one on the way. I have just turned 20 years old.
The problem is, is that from the instant our son was born, he just got it and well...I didn't, and I still don't.
Is just knowing that I will inevitably get things wrong, but as long as I make sure the children know that whatever I do is done with the best of intentions and that I would do anything for them enough? I'm just scared of seeming second-rate.
Any help is more than appreciated.
Thank you for your time.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Domesticity category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Parenting?
Oh Everything will be fine! If your child isn't drawn to you now he will later. Just keep loving him/her and taking care of him/her. There is nothing to worry about. I'm sure your child is just more drawn to your partner because he has been spending more time with the child or that he is just better with his meternal instincs than you are. Your child will come to you. There is nothing to worry about
]
As a father of two myself, I can heartily agree with what's been said so far. It's okay to occasionally make mistakes with your kids, as long as you're honest about them. Admit the mistake, apologize, and move on.
You'll get your kids eventually. Pay attention to them, figure out what they like and don't like, and above all get down and play with them. They love that. Read to them, put random objects on your head, do whatever strikes your fancy. One thing you'll never hear somebody say is "my mom played with me too much when I was little." Definintely trust your husband's instincs on things, and talk to him.
Hope this helps.
]
Seeming what? A second-rate mother?
If you do for your kids out of love and best of intentions, then you are far from second-rate.
Look, nobody is perfect. No PARENT is perfect. I'm certainly not, nor will I ever admit to being as such. We are only human. We make mistakes and do things wrong.
Doing the best you can with what you got is enough. Being there for them and loving them is enough.
To be honest? I didn't get it at first and my husband did. The first week my son was home, I kept bawling and carrying on because I thought I couldn't take care of him and that he hated me.
Boy, was I wrong.
I try my best. I show him how much I love him. That's all I know I can do. I know he seems pretty happy with it.
It's a learn as you go thing. We are mothers for the rest of our lives. We'll surely be learning how to be mothers for the rest of our lives.
That doesn't make us bad people, and it certainly doesn't make us second-rate.
It makes us mothers.
Don't sweat the small stuff. You'll be just fine.
ygs-29/f
]
Some people click to certain things, others do not. When in doubt, ask your husband. If you respect his instincts then you can respect his advice.
The one thing I can say, is always keep an open mind.
I come from a home that was utterly destroyed by my parents insistence that I didn't come with a manual and that whatever they did, no matter how wrong, was the best they could do and I would just have to be happy with it.
You are human. Your children are going to have to be to. When you screw up, admit it to them. Screwing up doesnt make you not be their parents, and it doesnt decrease your authority.
I can tell you, I came from a family where my parents maybe apologized twice in 18 years and admitted that they were wrong at about the same rate. I now have a complex about never admitting when _I'm_ wrong and my parents and I do not speak, because they are convinced that they are always right, even when theyre wrong, just because they are parents.
Don't constantly justify yourself to your kids. Explain why you do things, when you're wrong admit it, and provide them a basis for learning how to be normal human beings, and you will be on your way to being an amazing parent.
Above all, remember that kids always turn out somewhat like their parents, and its because from day 1 you are the role model they learn how to act from. Setting an example is far more important than making sure you make every correct decision. And all that requires is being a good person, being human, and showering them with love.
The rest will take care of itself.
]
Who are you worried about seeming second rate to? If it's your children, if you show them love, they'll love you despite any mistakes you make. And you're both taking care of them, so I think they're pretty well off. That's all that matters.
]
More Questions: |