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why is he
15(F)
I'll be 16 in a few weeks.(Feburary 7th)
My boy friend is 17 (a year and a half older)
First off I just want to thank all of you in advance for reading. I really appreatiate you taking the time! But please refrian from bias opinons. Please don't judge my choices or tell me I'm wrong. I'm just looking for honest advice (experiance recomended)
ok well let me start by saying my boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 6 months. I am totally in love with him and this will sound stupid, but I really feel that he will be the man I marry. He's my best friend, but also one of hte only people I trust. (Here's where you won't judge me! =0])
We're not sexually active as of right now. We do alot of foreply but no sex.
The other night, we were in my basement and we just really started going at eachother. We were both totally turned on. So after a little foreplay, I asked him if he wanted to try to have sex. He always keeps a condom on him...just in case anything ever happens. He said "Yea, but only if you're sure you're ready. I am a virgin, so is he.
One of the reasons I'm in love with him is because the way he looks out for me. He always makes sure I'm comfortable with what we're doing, and that he's careful.
I said I wanted to, so he put the condom on. I was really scared/nervous since I'm no on birth control. He said that he wouldn't cum in me, but he would still use the condom. He also wants me to be on birth control.
The second after, my mom yelled down to tell me something and I felt a little releavied. I just was so scared about getting prenant, I forgot how much I wanted to share this moment with him. I kept asking him what he was thinknig but he seemed to maintain composure. Is his age at all a difference as to why he was so calm?
This has happened a few times in the past week where we have ALMOST had sex. About 3. This was the closest.
So the mood was gone and we stoped. I felt bad because I know we're both ready and he really loves me. A few days after I told him that i felt relieved, and he told me I probably wans't ready. He doesn't mind waiting. He said he'd wait forever.
Sorry for the lenght!
but here are my main questions!
Will he change after sex...will our realationship be any different?
Are there any ways I can approach the birth control situation with my mom?
Will I get pregnant if I'm on birth control, he uses a condom, and he pulls out?
PLEASE HELP!
Sorry for the length
Please don't judge!
Thanks in advance.
I will rate you!
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ok. so. your relationship might feel a little different. heres a short story about what happened to me and maybe you can relate in the future. i was best friends with a boy for 8 years and i was a virgin he wasnt. i am fully convinced that i am in love with him but weve never been "a couple." i waited bc i thought it would change out friendship. about 3 months ago we were together and decided to try having sex. since then he acts completely different torwards me and doesnt call or act like he cares anymore. it could possibly change your relationship.
if your mom is a total freak out mother then theres really no way to tell her about birth control unless you just come out with it. i would advise getting a older friend with a car to take you to the health department and tell them you have become sexually active and you want to try birth control. they should provide you with free birth control. tell then also you want to keep your visit confidential that way they wont contact your parents about your visit.
also there is always the possibility of getting pregnant on birth control and using condoms. the only 100% effective way of not becoming pregnant is not having sex. but i wouldnt be terrified. if your on BC and using condoms and hes pulling out then i dout youll get pregnant if your careful.
i hope that helped a little bit. good luck darling. :)
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Getting pregnant is always a chance not likely if your on birth controls and careful...but it's a risk. Being nervous about getting pregnant is normal too, very normal. That just means your growing up and realizing consequences to your actions.
Sex does change relationships becuase it's a new level of acceptance and growth together. Especially if your both honest virgins...it may change for the better which it sounds like it will because from what I read you guys do sound very in love...
Just be honest with your mom...the worst she can say is no...but I'm a mom to a newborn and I was thinking about situations that are going to come up in my life with her...and I would perfer her to be honest with me when shes ready to have sex rather then her just go do it. Your mom probably feels the same way...just be honest with her.
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It makes sense that you are more worried about pregnancy than your boyfriend is - after all, you are the one who would have to be pregnant. Also, any big decisions about what to do with the pregnancy would ultimately be yours to make. It's a lot of pressure.
If you feel you would be calmer if you were on birth control, you've got a few options. If you would like to talk to your mom, perhaps this is because you feel she could offer support. You could always start by casually introducing the subject - 'my friend is having sex..' 'in school we are talking about birth control...' etc. She would probably get the hint.
Alternatively, you may have the right to free, confidential services depending on where you live. Should you choose to not speak with your mum, or if she isn't supportive, it might be worth researching these options.
You'll also want to make sure that you and your boyfriend feel confident with the correct way to put condoms on - and take them off! Using condoms incorrectly isn't a great help.
If you are correctly using both condoms AND birth control, you significantly reduce your chances of getting pregnant or contracting an STD. Even if neither of you has had sex, please be aware that oral sex and foreplay can pass on infections - so if either of you have done these things with other people, a condom is the smart choice. Testing might be needed as well, for peace of mind.
It's perfectly okay to wait until things are exactly as you would like them to be - and it's fantastic that your boyfriend is being so supportive. It's impossible to predict what sex can do to a relationship. If it's not the right time, worries about pregnancy, having sex, etc can put a lot of pressure on things.
If it IS the right time, with the right person, sex can be a wonderful experience. Only you can make the choices about when is right for you, and it sounds like you are really being thoughtful about things.
I wish you the best.
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First off, sweetheart, DON'T BE SO PARANOID! :) Everything will be okay; you're NOT going to get pregnant if you are on BC, you use a condom, AND he pulls out lol...it's just nottttttt gonna happen.
Now about him changing after sex? I don't know because many guys are different. If you've been dating for 6 months or whatever and he's never disrespected you or pressured you ("Come on baby, I know we're ready. I love you") then he probably won't. As long as you feel comfortable with it, then go for it, but if you get really really nervous before you start, then I say you're not ready. YOu nmay be physically ready for it, but not mentally or emotionally. Trust you gut feeling. If you feel uneasy, then don't do it yet.
Now, about your mom and birth control... Tell her that you think it might be a good idea to be on it. Say something like, "Mom, I think I'm getting curious about some stuff and I just want to be as safe as possible so I think I should go on birth control." Or think of something yourself, I don't know how your mom is. If I said that to mine, she'd respect it and say, "Okay, Let's go." Maybe your mom would be offended by your desire to take BC, I don't know...so you say/do what you think is right. I'm just here for some pointers :)
I was 14 and my boyfriend was 17 when I was in this posistion...so I kinda do have experience :] Hope I helped! :]
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Hi Hun,
I won't judge you at all, firstly boys tend to act like they are calm it's male instinct to protect you, it's not because he is 17. Honey as you are a virgin and I am pleased, before you lose your virginity at a young age listen, to me it doesn't seem like your ready.
Your boyfriend seems very understanding and genuinely loves you, I really think you should wait, don't rush into things be in a stable relationship I know you are but take time instead of running into sex.
After sex i don't think your relationship will change if it's real and it looks like it is.
Birth Control with your mum, well the best way to approach her is sit down with her and calmly talk about her but listen to her as well and get your point across.
Take time honey and you should never rush.
Mandy
xxx
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He might change after sex, lots of guys do. He sounds like the kind of guy who won't, because he's waited six months and he looks out for you. But still, you might want to hold off for a little longer. Guys who are in it for the sex typically won't stick around for more than nine months if they're not getting any. Consider waiting longer. You seem pretty worried, anyway. I don't know, but maybe you're not completely ready. You can be ready to have sex but still not ready to deal with the possibility of pregnancy.
When you approach your mom, you should start out by saying, "Mom, I'm not having sex, but..." Then you can go on to say that you're in love with your boyfriend who you've been with for a while. Tell her that you want to get on the pill "in case something happens" or "because, eventually I'll be ready." Let her know that you aren't having sex yet, but you are 16 and eventually you will want to.
If you're on birth control and he uses a condom, the chances of you getting pregnant are tiny. It's not going to happen. Pulling out actually could make it a little more likely, because the condom could come off once he's outside of you, and he still won't have come. Birth control plus a condom is really all you need.
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Since you asked this question, you obviously aren't ready for sex. You can be completely in love with someone, but not be ready to lose your virginity with them. Sex is something important. Once you lose your virginity, it's lost to that person. You don't get it back. Would marriage be the appropriate timing? Yes, but is that likely? Probably not. You need to discuss all the details with him. If you both love each other like you say, your relationship should not change after sex. Could you become closer? Yes. Could you become farther apart? Yes. Just because you have sex though, doesn't mean your relationship will automatically be better. It could get better, it could get worse, it could stay the same. It's up to both of you whether or not your relationship becomes different. You have to consider and realize all of the consequences. Pregnancy and STDS are both possible outcomes. If you have sex, you always have a chance of becoming pregnant, whether or not you use birth control or a condom. 99% effective is not 100% effective. There has been people that used a condom and birth control and still became pregnant because either they weren't used properly or didn't know what they were doing. They aren't 100% effective. The pull-out method however is not 99% effective. That's basically a myth and should not be used as a technique to avoid pregnancy or stds. Consider all the possible consequences before you make any decisions. You should be able to talk to your mom about this openly. She's a woman and was your age once so she'll understand and will be able to relate to you. If she doesn't want you going on it, respect her decision. Your her daughter, she most likely knows what's best for you. Once you are 18 though, you can pretty much decide for yourself. Talk to your boyfriend about it though.
-hope that helped!♥
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